gain goal regain How was your 5:2 day today?

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

some of the most attractive people I have met were not "good looking" . Attraction is often (for me) intellect, humor, adventuresome, and kindness. If that is there, the other things just fall to the background. I am 5'9", and tall is attractive to me in an animal way, but I need other things first. I would at least like someone who is as tall as me in flats. The heals are just a bonus. I don't like feeling "bigger" even if Im not that big now.

My ex husband is about 5'7 or so; my EX sig other is about 5'9" and I never cared about it much but they are both sort of fine boned petite type men. I more recently discovered I LIKE being with someone who isn't just tall, but has a substantial enough of a build that I feel more feminine next to him. I agree it is NOT the primary selection criteria but I like not feeling like the big boned / frame woman that i am. I LIKE feeling sexy and being with a certain type man makes me feel more like that. He makes me feel beautiful and desirable - something I never really felt with my EXes - and I guess now that I have had a taste of it, I want to find that feeling again. Steven is skinny (underweight by my standards) but he wears clothes like a model because he has broad shoulders and a narrow waist and knows how to dress his 6'2" frame. He somehow still has mostly dark, full head of hair with some blended gray, still moves like an athlete and just doesn't seem old to me. He has that sunworn look to his face which shows his age, but is otherwise better looking at 65 that pretty much all the 50 year olds I have met. Okay, he did some modeling as a young man, played college football etc - I would say "totally out of my league" back when we were both much younger. I realize that. He is a blend of being kind of cocky and flirty with being a little old school polite and sweet (and daresay a little sexist even). His combination is charming - damn I have had a spell cast upon me!!!...haha

I don't know, but it is hard for me to sit across the table from someone who is 5'7", paunchy, balding gray hair with ruddy cheeks and odd facial hair and find him attractive. Yes, that pretty much sums up my last coffee date. Oh, and he still lives with his "ex" wife (they are separated) and 3 kids, a practical arrangement (I am hardly one to talk) but this is the kind of thing I am running into. I keep getting told how good looking I am but I am not attracting men I find good looking so I really wonder.

It is a little fun to meet someone for coffee and see the look of surprise as they say something like "wow, you are really beautiful, your pictures don't do you justice". I actually think these guys I can't get into ... probably many real gems there I just am not attracted is all.

M - no, you got it sister. It is like that, online dating makes you feel like you might be able to order one up, that is just right, but so far that has not been my experience. For awhile I blamed it on my age (all the good ones go for the 30 year old women) but I just don't know anymore. I do see the humour in the situation.... I mean, I keep thinking that I have been told I am pretty, sexy, low drama, intelligent, self supporting and good in bed, - what else would a man want...haha... and yet I am not really finding the appealing ones.

I just need to keep trying and THEN it is finding out how freaking crazy they are, ensuring they are not married and making sure they treat me right. So, this is why Steven told me it will take me 3-6 months to find someone... I hate it when he is right. I get discouraged fast as I just think it should be like one-click ordering on amazon... arrives in 2 business days.

I am not really in a hurry, I am just having a time about it right now...

Edited December 10, 2013 by CowgirlJane

[Oregondaisy 2,020]

I know exactly what you mean. At 61, all I see are fat old bald men. I am still bummed about Rick, even though there were many things I noticed that I didn't like. It's just that he could have just been honest. When I said I was going to my son's

house for a couple days, he didn't have to tell me to come back over . It would have been easy enough to say, I'm busy on Sunday so we'll just to stay in touch. After spending time together, I realize we are not a good match. But to tell me to call him and then just not answer his phone is so 8th grade.

I am happy to report I am astill at 135! Went away for 4 days and ate out every meal, and didn't gain any wieght. I love

5:2

[Oregondaisy 2,020]

Jane you'll have to find something that's going on in Portland that I can come up for. I am not sure if speed dating is the answer, but there must be other things that would be worth the drive for.!

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

Humm dating so scares me. I'm glad I'm married but worry that when something happens to him I will be alone too and looking for a BF. I do work with clients that are looking for dates and I tend to suggest joining a meet up group in his/her area that is something that is their passion. Not to go in looking for a date but get to know people because they are a line to others that are looking for people too....

Yesturday and today have been bad days. I went to friends to help her with her chores and to get away from here because my dd and her bf were planning to go to the court house to get married. They didn't tell us and didn't invite us. and now she blames us for not going to the court when she or he never told us about it... So I've been doing a lot of emotional eating. My girl friend had a box of donuts there and I ate 2. Today at home I planned on doing a Protein day and can't even stick to the protein routine because I really want to eat.... This is a learning lesson. She and I will sit down an talk about it soon but she's impossible to talk too. she sees everybody else's fault but not her own. I know I'm venting and it will pass. She's moving to Oregon in January and she will have to grow up then. This is life....

[Ms skinniness 3,003]

figuring out how to get myself to Germany, easier said than done but it is (as they say in the Army) my one meter target. I have some lines out, to find housing, a job, etc. The school in Seattle is Antioch and I found a great place to live BUT it is 30 min away from downtown. I am old enough that I really don't want a roommate, plus I would like to get a companion animal/therapy dog.

The quote I have lived by since I was 21 is, "First, say to yourself what you would be, then, do what you have to do" -Epictetus.

The other school I want is just outside Portland OR, in Forest Grove.

I was incredibly down yesterday, seeing the therapist depresses me, and I didn't just fall off the cliff of food, I took a running leap - a bag of popcorn, the chocolate shell to an ice cream bar, a chocolate chip cookie, and half a corn dog. Total damage for the day - over 1300cals v_v. No wonder I am fatigued to the bone today.

My forgetfulness is the most terrifying thing... I left my shower kit in the showers yesterday and didn't think twice about it, until today after insanity when I couldnt find it. Luckily it was in the showers, but somebody had stolen my very precious face wash. This sort of thing is not normal for me, and this is just one example, it is happening a lot and it is terrifying.

I am focused on my health, what I eat, I guess I will have to look myself in the eye and have a little talk, and then square my shoulders and apply for SSDI, go to Germany, tell my Mother, set a course for taking the prereq classes, and find a job.

I love all of you.

GT you are a survivor. There is nothing wrong with applying for SSI. We need to live one day at a time and make the best of each day. This so much easier to say then to do it...

Keep focusing on your health and eat as healthy as you can. We are all here for you!

xoxoxo!

[Georgia 2,908]

Okay, winding up first fast day. At 460 right now. FINALLY, had a thaw today and warmed above freezing so lots of the ice melted and now tonight will re freeze and be black ice in the morning drive! .

Man, I was glad to get back to routine today! Still inside my bounce and hopefully, drop a couple today because it has been "snow days" eating plan too long! Lol.

Really enjoyed our little "shut in" with the two Grands, though, since we didn't get to see them for last two or three weeks.

[No game 14,436]

Ok I have fallen of the edge of the earth the last three days...

I'm going to spend as long as it takes to read what I've missed here!

[feedyoureye 3,087]

Skinny! Family can really make you crazy. I feel for you. My dad is doing a bit of a crazy making job on me right now too. I just try to pace my crazy making activities and dont let them bunch up all at once if I have any control over them... which I usually dont!

[No game 14,436]

Ok I just caught up!!

I hope I can remember everything because boy it was a lot!! Sarsar it's nice to see you back.

Same with you swizzly. I'm sorry things are not going the best right now.. I worry about wanting to drink sometimes. This weekend was pretty bad and I wanted to drink my troubles away.. So I didn't.

Oregondaisy and Jane! Oh dating! Wow is all I can say.. But it is interesting the thing you said having your pick, that's got to be such a weird feeling scrolling down a page picking out one.

I'd probably be picky too! Eh this one has a butt chin... NEXT!

Fudge?? Did someone mention fudge??? Something I must avoid! No baking this year!

GT. You have been through the ringer.

I hope you can just come back to the states and take care of yourself and go to school, skinniness..., daughters, my bad weekend had to do with my daughter.. It started with a knock on my door from another parent and it ended one hole in the wall (by my daughter) and emotional wrung out and shell shocked me...

Ok it's settled we all need to treat ourselves with love and kindness through this holiday season.

We will work on maintaining our successes.

Because face it we are successful!

I fasted today and it went well...

I'm at 456 so I might have some "diet" hot cocoa tonight

[Oregondaisy 2,020]

Laura. You still have not answered me. why does it say host under your name?

 

Have you been made a moderator?

 

I am really trying to sort out all this dating. If I want to date, it's a long distance thing cause there are no men in this town!

[Globetrotter 1,340]

CGJ - after my last deployment I moved to a charming little college town (Lawrence KS) and proceeded to date in earnest. I used Plenty of Fish at first and then abandoned it for OKCupid. The more I dated, the more yoga and crossfit I did, the more confident I became. I love beauty, not macho or masculine or whatever, but beauty, like classical sculptures - as the daughter of a sculptor this is not too surprising. I went on one date with -no joke!- a model. He was GORGEOUS. And also like a rocket scientist or something mathy. After 6 months of constant OKC dating (sometimes 2 or 3 different dates in a single day!) I met the guy who became my boyfriend and even though we are now broken up - one of my best friends. The reason we are broken up? He was perfect on paper, SO freaking intelligent, wryly funny, and exquisitely beautiful. Seriously, his mouth is the stuff of Gucci campaigns, I would trace it with my fingertips, he looks like a Renaissance angel. But I learned the truism that you need more than a pretty face. The way a person looks has little to nothing to do with how they will treat you, how good in bed they will be, etc.

Straight up Jane? You are wanting to have your cake and eat it too. You don't like these men who live with their former mates, yet you are doing it. And you are not really trying to find a relationship, so long as you keep Mr Silver Fox as an option. Did it feel good walking down the street with my model and have women literally whip their heads around, mouths agape? F*CK yeah it did! But that alone isn't enough if you aren't already garnering pride confidence and love from yourself.

Until you make the changes, heal the hurts, love yourself more, this pattern will continue.

Oh and, they don't all want the 30 year old, TRUST ME. My profile pic here is also a pic I have in my OKC album and you all know me pretty well, I'm a well rounded person, culturally, emotionally. Yet I get the same ones CGJ and OD describe. All of the guys I find in my search, that are attractive (to me) in all the ways, never respond! I can see that they have looked at my profile, and they don't respond. Why? Who knows, one reason may be that the 32 yr old catches who are still single and are finally deciding to have a family are looking at the 23 yr old girls. What can you do besides take up boxing, invest in a state of the art sex toy, and play the stock market.

The morning after my binge, BTW, I was down a pound, to my pre-insanity weight. Then, this morning, after eating salad and flax and hemp yesterday, I was UP 1.6. GDMNMTHRFKRSOBPOS!!!!!!!!!!!!

If anyone knows of any jobs in Seattle or Portland, I'm listening. I'm already on the Oregon.gov site and all the typical sites - LinkdIn, USAjobs.gov, etc.

Brown - PM me with your address okay?

[CowgirlJane 14,259]

Yeah well Steven, the guy I see, and I talked awhile ago about me moving on and when we had the 90 minute phone call awhile back he told me he wants me to do that soon. He wants me to because he doesn't want me to waste a bunch of time (like years) on him. The idea is I date for awhile,take my time and find someone to date exclusively....at which point I no longer see Steven. We have an exclusive agreement as it relates to sex.

The frustration has been even to find any candidates to date and then I realized that my search criteria has been part of the problem. I feel more compatible with a college educated professional type for a long term....but they tend to lack the fitness. I don't want to find someone to live with or marry right now. So Yesterday I met someone my age,tall,dark,handsome and very fit and active and he is a union pipefitter. He seemed to like me..we shall see. I am going to keep looking and hopefully date a few men for awhile before leaping in to anything physical or exclusive of any type but meeting this man gives me hope.

That level of involvement won't happen until after Riley moves out in January.

I finally saw Steven too, we just met for a drink. He hasnt seen me since about 3 weeks post op when I still walked like a granny. Anyway it was nice that he could see the change from the surgery. I hid my extra skin pretty well before so it mostly seems like I lost weight loss. I have heard this from others to but it is nice to get that feedback that it was worth it.

So globe it would be nice to know how to tell if someone is good in bed before you take the free sample..ha! I loved your story of the beautiful man. Made me think of advice from one of my sisters..."never date anyone prettier than you".

[*susan* 1,709]

Hey everyone, I am joining the group. I downloaded the book, read everything and am doing my first fast day today. I think I am going to do 4:3 at first, till I get back fitting into my clothes more comfortably. Hopefully I will see the same success you guys are!

[Georgia 2,908]

Hey everyone, I am joining the group. I downloaded the book, read everything and am doing my first fast day today. I think I am going to do 4:3 at first, till I get back fitting into my clothes more comfortably. Hopefully I will see the same success you guys are!

Welcome! Just as a side note, 4:3 hasn't shown any more results I believe than 5:2. And you might have greater success at sticking to 5:2 to get acclimated. Just a thought!! It's well worth it for me. I got to thinking yesterday. I've dropped 35 pounds since June using this lifestyle AND easily maintain! Go for it!!!!

[feedyoureye 3,087]

Hi Susan, welcome, and I hope the occasional swear word will not offend! This private site lets it all hang out. I agree with just hitting the old 5:2... slow, steady and not soooo difficult or "diety"

Glove, great wise post. "What can you do besides take up boxing, invest in a state of the art sex toy, and play the stock market." Love it!

Jane, "how to tell if someone is good in bed before you take the free sample..ha! " Made me laugh... that free sample can be the experience that drowns out the behavior that will bug you in the long term... no easy solution! How about an arranged marriage? I had many conversations with people about this while I lived in India... most of them said that a good arranged marriage is better than a love marriage.... because you have someone on the outside that cares about you make the match.

I am at the bottom of my bounce (thank you 5:2) with several more food parties coming up... I may end up with two 6:1 weeks in a row.... or semi 5:2s.....party tomorrow night on a regular fast day... probably fast until the PM then TRY to take it easy. Last year the food was not that tempting, so with luck and the same event planner, I might survive it.

Daisy, the "host" thing ... a call went out for some folks to become "hosts" and help around the site, say hi, do some maintenance, keep the peace. Be a go too person. I am thinking about it, but not sure if I have the time...

Cheers all! Kim