Hello VSG world! I had my surgery September 3, 2012. I have since lost 100 lbs and I am super super happy and excited! I can wear cute clothes, I feel good about myself and I can finally say I am beautiful! But...I am shy! I have been single for a while and feel ready to be loved and hugged. But I can't look at a guy without blushing. And maybe that's why they are not coming close The women at work are very supportive and always say how pretty I look but I want the men to notice and me not be shy enough to flirt! Lol Well I got that off my chest, any tips on flirting?

Hello VSG world! I had my surgery September 3, 2012. I have since lost 100 lbs and I am super super happy and excited! I can wear cute clothes, I feel good about myself and I can finally say I am beautiful! But...I am shy! I have been single for a while and feel ready to be loved and hugged. But I can't look at a guy without blushing. And maybe that's why they are not coming close The women at work are very supportive and always say how pretty I look but I want the men to notice and me not be shy enough to flirt! Lol Well I got that off my chest, any tips on flirting?

There's probably more guys than you think going "wow, she's a doll but she'd never talk to me."

First of all, you're beautiful - and you deserve to be loved at any size. Try to strike up conversations with guys that look interesting. Join a gym - you can always compare protein drinks. Keep in mind though, that dating for some reason tends to revolve around food. Take a chance, and just talk to someone that you've had your eye on. The worst thing that can happen is that he's not smart enough to hold up his end of the conversation - in that case, you don't want him anyway.

I've been trying to talk one of my friends into joining that group called Events & Adventures. Check & see if you have one in your town. They plan all these events during the month so when you go you're not just mingling trying to strike up random chitchat...you have some kind of activity you're engaged in, which seems like it would make the whole mingle thing have a focus & just be easier.

This is how I got my fiance's attention, mind you I met him a few years ago long before my surgery:

We saw each other across the room of a restaurant. He looked at me, I looked back at him and saw how handsome and intriguing he looked, and I smiled. He took that as an invitation to come over and talk to me. The rest is history.

Just be inviting but also be yourself. The good guys will pick up on the great personality that radiates from you! And as others have said, if there's no connection that's okay, move on until you find a keeper .

after being married 20 years and divorced, I was scared to date or never was good at flirting. I got practice meeting guys on plenty of fish, free dating site. Met some nice guys there. Got confidence in dating numerous times and had fun. Now I am engaged and together for almost 3 yrs. Met him on that site. This is just a route to explore possibly.

Flirting is all about confidence. Putting your hand on a guys arm, little gestures like that go a long way. You are beautiful, just hold your head high and exude what you feel inside. Lots of guys don't want a meek girl and may be shy themselves so you feeling good in your own skin and just friendly and carefree about it will go a long way. I LOVE the art of flirting but when my weight crept up, I don't feel good in my own skin and purposely don't flirt. I always viewed flirting like a fun game and loved how easy it was to get free drinks or just watch a guys reaction. Now I joke that I am semi- retired (but watch out when my weight is off!)

Take a pole dancing class, I'm serious. It'll bring out the sexy in ya. You'll learn how to position your body to be inviting, you'll learn how to flirt with your eyes, etc plus it's a heck of a work out. You look sexy but once you feel sexy...that shy crap will be history!!!

Thank you guys! I know it's all about self esteem and I feel pretty confident! But the insecurities of being overweight so many years and hiding behind my fat. I am a social worker so I work with predominately women, long hours, long days! Pole dancing...I was blushing as I was reading it!

Thank you guys! I know it's all about self esteem and I feel pretty confident! But the insecurities of being overweight so many years and hiding behind my fat. I am a social worker so I work with predominately women' date=' long hours, long days! Pole dancing...I was blushing as I was reading it![/quote']

I found grocery and book stores are good places to practice flirting.

If you don't "actively" flirt go looking hot. Get glammed up, not like you're going to a club but hair and makeup done. I just find a cute guy and ask about a product or store hours. Sometimes if I see a cute guy a simple compliment works. It may lead nowhere but it gets you accustomed to speaking. I do it so often it's second nature. It gives the outlook that you are out going.

Lastly, and this drives my friends crazy. I sing to the music in the stores if I know the song. Then get near a cute guy and say "everybody sing"!

It's all fun. Some looks I get are funny enough to strike up good conversation.

Like you I am shy and have just refused to be the funny fat girl. I want to be the hot fat flirty girl, and once my surgery is done and the weight loss begins. I'll let the full diva version loose LOL.

I found grocery and book stores are good places to practice flirting.

If you don't "actively" flirt go looking hot. Get glammed up' date=' not like you're going to a club but hair and makeup done. I just find a cute guy and ask about a product or store hours. Sometimes if I see a cute guy a simple compliment works. It may lead nowhere but it gets you accustomed to speaking. I do it so often it's second nature. It gives the outlook that you are out going.

Lastly, and this drives my friends crazy. I sing to the music in the stores if I know the song. Then get near a cute guy and say "everybody sing"!

It's all fun. Some looks I get are funny enough to strike up good conversation.

Like you I am shy and have just refused to be the funny fat girl. I want to be the hot fat flirty girl, and once my surgery is done and the weight loss begins. I'll let the full diva version loose LOL.

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Thank you so much for the advice! I can't even get close to the cute guys and look them in the face, even at Wal Mart! Where are you from? I need one on one coaching! Lol

The biggest piece of advise I can give you is too smile!!

I'm my skinny days men would always take a cheeky smile as an invitation to come and say hi (at a bar, social event ect) all the time!

Some of my friends are excellent flirts...I am not, so I have asked them some questions, and they all say similar variations on smile, look around and make eye contact...being shy actually works in your favor in the eye contact department...if you lock eyes even briefly and smile and look away, and then glance back, it's perfect!! Most guys that are available will take that as a "all clear" to approach someone.

Also, until you get comfortable with it, you can ask yourself "what would someone who is outgoing do in this situation?"...and then try that. It will feel awkward at first, but practicing on strangers means if it goes "poorly" you don't have to see that person again, and really, who cares what complete strangers think of us?

Practice, practice, practice. You need to find your inner goddess. Steps to finding your inner goddess:

Step 1: look in front of the mirror after you've dolled yourself up, and say things--out loud--to yourself like, "I'm hot." "I'm beautiful." "I'm sexy." I'm SERIOUS!!! It works to build more confidence, and confidence is key. Do it EVERYDAY! I promise this works (I work with young girls with self esteem issues, however I don't use the hot or sexy lines with them)

Step 2: pretend your an actress with impromptu lines. Go up to a random guy at an outing (grocery store, restaurant, sports bar, etc.) and say, "Hi, I'm ____. What's your name?" Make sure to force yourself to make eye contact. (Women who make eye contact and hold it or maintain it throughout a conversation make a showmanship of their confidence. ) Continue to make small talk, "I'm new to the area and I'm trying to branch out and make new acquaintances. Are you from here? What social clubs/restaurants do you suggest?" You have to practice. Write down questions and or possible conversation starters. Stick to topics you can converse about well. And despite being or feeling uncomfortable, make continual eye contact. Practice.

Step 3: make small gestures. Gestures can be made with your eyes, hands, and body. A touch of the arm or shoulder when something is funny or shocking. When he says something flirty use a side glance that is slightly hooded with small smile to acknowledge the gesture. Lean in towards him with your body. Practice.

Step 4: walk in, no matter where you go, like you're the sh*t. Back straight, chin up, confident stride. Even if you don't feel like you are, you have to psyche yourself out. Again, pretend your an actress playing a role. When you practice this over and over, you begin to believe it and feel it, and before you know it, you are confident women ready to conquer anything.

Sorry for the long post, but I'm all about women empowering themselves with confidence. Good luck!

Thank you so much for the advice! I can't even get close to the cute guys and look them in the face' date=' even at Wal Mart! Where are you from? I need one on one coaching! Lol[/quote']

I'm from Philadelphia, PA.

Practice' date=' practice, practice. You need to find your inner goddess. Steps to finding your inner goddess:

Step 1: look in front of the mirror after you've dolled yourself up, and say things--out loud--to yourself like, "I'm hot." "I'm beautiful." "I'm sexy." I'm SERIOUS!!! It works to build more confidence, and confidence is key. Do it EVERYDAY! I promise this works (I work with young girls with self esteem issues, however I don't use the hot or sexy lines with them)

Step 2: pretend your an actress with impromptu lines. Go up to a random guy at an outing (grocery store, restaurant, sports bar, etc.) and say, "Hi, I'm ____. What's your name?" Make sure to force yourself to make eye contact. (Women who make eye contact and hold it or maintain it throughout a conversation make a showmanship of their confidence. ) Continue to make small talk, "I'm new to the area and I'm trying to branch out and make new acquaintances. Are you from here? What social clubs/restaurants do you suggest?" You have to practice. Write down questions and or possible conversation starters. Stick to topics you can converse about well. And despite being or feeling uncomfortable, make continual eye contact. Practice.

Step 3: make small gestures. Gestures can be made with your eyes, hands, and body. A touch of the arm or shoulder when something is funny or shocking. When he says something flirty use a side glance that is slightly hooded with small smile to acknowledge the gesture. Lean in towards him with your body. Practice.

Step 4: walk in, no matter where you go, like you're the sh*t. Back straight, chin up, confident stride. Even if you don't feel like you are, you have to psyche yourself out. Again, pretend your an actress playing a role. When you practice this over and over, you begin to believe it and feel it, and before you know it, you are confident women ready to conquer anything.

Sorry for the long post, but I'm all about women empowering themselves with confidence. Good luck!

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Oh WOW thanks! I will try it! I always wanted to be an actress so this will be my shot! I might say I was blushing as I was reading it, but you have me step by step and I will follow! Thanks! I just attempted to flirt with a guy on the site, lol I am worried what he will think, but like someone said they don't know me so what do I have to lose?