Feeling very frustrated and discouraged :(

[No game 14,436]

You know one of my favorite things about being a grown up is?? My ability to make my own decisions and my ability to get int the car and drive away (or get off the phone) from the craziness that happens with my family sometimes you are doing what's right for YOU.

They will have their opinions and worries but you shouldn't let it rule your life. Find the support you need through friends ( and here ) and know that they (your parents) will understand in time, perhaps when they are no longer worried and you are getting happier and healthier!

[giggles232000 56]

I DON'T CARE if WLS is cheating.prognosis

I use to think it was cheating also but it really isnt, its a tool, and its not an easy tool at that, yes you may lose fast but how you have to change and change for the rest of your life is alot harder then being on a diet and then just giving up.

be proud of what you have done you have done awesome

[Takingcontrol 467]

I had a coworker whose spouse is a nurse. When I mentioned to her that I was thinking about getting this surgery, she gave me the riot act and talked about all the negative things her husband had to say about it. I think that RN's only see the negative in this surgery as that is what they have to deal with. They don't see all the possitive outcomes of this surgery because those of us that are lucky to not have serious complications don't every go back to the hospital. Do what feels right for you. Trust the doctors that specialize in this surgery and the stories you hear from others that have gone through it. Those are the experts. Yes, it hurts to not have support, but you have to do what is best for you. Good luck!

Hang on there Chaparra, see....there are lots of nurses who don't feel this way...so don't lump us all into the anti-surgery pile! Lol...& also you have to agree, there ARE some complications that CAN occur with this & any other surgery...we have seen that with some of our family here on this site! But Most of the complications these particular nurses are talking trying to scare you about is from the RNY....not the sleeve. The sleeve is safer with fewer complications..but there are complications that can happen....and you do have to consider those when making your decision. But as you can see, many of us here are in the medical field, fully understand the possible risks...and have chosen the surgery. Good luck to you!

[Not Applicable 52]

I am so sorry you are going through this; my heart is with you.

IMO it showed a lot of courage on your part to share with them your plans, even after you experienced the disapproval of your step-mom. So I think you are very strong! And, certain in your decision. Please don't let them sway you from that. It's not like you said, "hey I really need your opinions / advice on this"... I think if you were feeling indecisive or asked them for their advice it would be different. But you didn't, and for them to bombard you with negativity is simply unfair and uncalled for.

Maybe you could forward them the link to this thread (or others expressing how it feels to be overweight) since they seem not to understand where you are coming from. Or, you can suggest they carry around (insert whatever weight you want to lose) weights for a day to help them gain a little perspective on what it feels like to move through out the day carrying excess weight. It's definitely not easy! Just some thoughts....

Again, I am sorry you are struggling with this.

[indian 22]

The initial weight loss in first month along with your ecstatic state of mind will make all the naysayers irrelevant, believe me !

[nursepez 152]

I'm a nurse and just over 5 weeks post-op. During my hospital stay, 2 of my nurses and one of my techs had had WLS. They were so encouraging to me and my family. It was a great experience.

Go with your heart...you will be fine.

[Chaparra 85]

Hang on there Chaparra, see....there are lots of nurses who don't feel this way...so don't lump us all into the anti-surgery pile! Lol...& also you have to agree, there ARE some complications that CAN occur with this & any other surgery...we have seen that with some of our family here on this site! But Most of the complications these particular nurses are talking trying to scare you about is from the RNY....not the sleeve. The sleeve is safer with fewer complications..but there are complications that can happen....and you do have to consider those when making your decision. But as you can see, many of us here are in the medical field, fully understand the possible risks...and have chosen the surgery. Good luck to you!

Sorry, I wasn't trying to lump all RN's in the same category, just explaining my experience with the spouse of one. I am also in the medical field and do understand all the risks involved. Sorry if I offended anyone, that wasn't my intention.

[sarsar 824]

I am sorry you are going through this. It seems to me like you have already made your decision to have this surgery. Stick to your guns! You are an adult and you can do this! Believe in yourself!!

They may not agree with you but you said that they both said they would support you in whatever you decide. I am sure they are scared and this is how they are dealing with this. You deserve to be happy and you deserve to be healthy.

You are absolutely right that nobody can understand what it's like to be fat unless you have been there. I do not wish this on anyone.

This reminds me of when I was pregnant. I wanted to have a natural birth without any pain medication. I had my reasons for wanting this, but whenever I talked about it people would laugh and tell me to just wait, that I would never be able to do it, (even though I had already had one child and knew what to expect). You know what? Instead of letting those negative thoughts in my mind I decided I would show them and I would go through with it because it is what I wanted to do for me. Guess what? I did it, actually, I gave birth twice without any pain meds. This doesn't make me any better than anyone else who decides to have an epidural or pain meds while in labor. I am just pointing out that it is something I wanted and I made it happen and I did it for me!

You can do this!

[sunnymyway 17]

A little back story before I get into my real issue....Ive been over weight almost my entire life. My father and stepmother have always been on me about my weight and I think this has contributed to why I am over weight to begin with. They have always made me feel horrible' date=' especially when they are both VERY image concious people, who also have 3 other children together....who are all skinny and pretty. I was the fat ugly duckling step child.

A few months before I decided to go through this whole process I brought up weight loss surgery to my step mom who is a nurse, just to get her reaction. I was expecting her to be a little suprised, and resistant, but she was really really resistant. She is a nurse, and has therefore "seen many people who now need to be fed with feeding tubes for the rest of their life because of bariatric surgery" ...in her own words. I decided then that I was not going to bring up the surgery again until after I had it. Well I finally have a surgery date, and I really wanted to tell my dad that I was going to have surgery, because I feel like he has a right to know...especially if anything were to happen to me.

So I had a talk with my dad last week. I spoke with him on the phone explaining that I will be getting surgery and why I decided to go this route. He seemed to be pretty supportive and positive, which I was worried about since he can be pretty judgemental...and also came as a big suprise. I asked him to tell my stepmother since the last time I tried to bring up the topic she pretty much almost bit my head off. He said he would have a talk with her...well I get a text the day before yesterday from my stepmother asking me to come over so she can talk with me. As soon as I got in the door, she one congradulated me on losing 20 lbs....and then proceeded to yell at me for chosing to have surgery. She just kept telling me how dangerous it was and how I wouldnt be able to have a baby because I wouldnt be able to get enough calories in blah blah...and that the risks are so high yada yada...my dad was more reserved. He told me that he would support whatever decision I made, but that he thinks I should stick to the diet that my NUT has me doing for at least 6 more months to try and lose the weight on my own.

I then explained to them that the issue Ive always faced was not feeling full (hardly ever) unless I eat a big meal, and feeling hungry all the time when I am on a diet. Its been a little easier with this new way of eating, but I still am more hungry than I feel the average person is. I also have intense cravings....I explained to them that by getting the surgery it will help with all these issues...but they still insisted that I could do it on my own with exercise and dieting.My dad is the "where theres a will theres a way" type of guy so I already knew he would say this to me... I expressed that I might be able to lose some weight, but that I dont trust my self to keep the weight off in the long run. I explained that I will always be able to eat as much as I do right now, and that is not good for me.

My step mother then said "its sad that you dont have faith in yourself." I felt like total SH*T. I felt like a loser who cant ever stick to anything to lose weight. I felt totally defeated at this point. I didnt cry, even though I wanted to and I tried to keep my face as calm looking as I could because I didnt want them to see the hurt I was feeling.

I dont even know how to feel anymore...I still want the surgery and I am keeping my date, but I feel so horrible now!!! I wish my dad had never told my step mom. They both agreed that they did not agree with my decision, but that they would support me. I still feel like a total failure and I dont know how to make myself feel better about this. Ive been really down since the whole conversation.....I told my dad and step mom that I wish they could see all the people who have had great success with the surgery. I also told her that she is biased by being a nurse because she will most likely see more people with complications, as that is her job. But nothing I could say would you change their minds in the least....

Sorry for the lengthy post but I really needed to get that off my chest!

Any advice would be much appriciated.[/quote']

I love how people say I will support you whatever you decide but give you a backhanded you don't hAve faith in yourself. She seems toxic to me. Two quotes help motivate me. She believed she could so she did. And you have to make a voice to take a chance to make a change. The way you describes your hunger sounds just like me before surgery. It was the best tool I ever gave myself!! Continue to educate yourself and keeping going! 1 day to the next.

[SoCalDixieGal 172]

Why is it everyone seems to be an expert at losing weight and think they can dictate what we should/shouldn't do? If it were so easy to lose and maintain we wouldn't be where we were!

My doc explained the science behind weight loss/gain to me which I found VERY eye opening. I'm not going to get the names right so I'll just call things hormones instead.

So, turns out when you go on a diet to lose weight your body increases the hormone production that causes you to be hungry - your body is very anti-diet. If you successfully lose to reach your goal, these hormones never balance back out again. You're still overproducing the things that make you hungry and hungrier.

However, when you have WLS these hormones don't increase. You are able to lose and it's easier to maintain that loss because your body hasn't gone out of whack.

I found that to be very interesting. Without WLS the chances of losing and maintaining is very limited.

Just remember that this is for you. It seems that a lot of people immediately have a negative reaction, but may come around. And, if they don't remember that you need to make the decision for you - and you only.

[Takingcontrol 467]

Sorry, I wasn't trying to lump all RN's in the same category, just explaining my experience with the spouse of one. I am also in the medical field and do understand all the risks involved. Sorry if I offended anyone, that wasn't my intention.

You didn't offend me! I just wanted to make sure people understood not all of us are against WLS, many of us have had it! Heck, I work with 4 nurses (that I know of cause we all don't share our surgery) who have had surgery! It's all good!

[petra1124 33]

Thank you so much for all the support guys I really needed it today!! I will be taking the time to respond more, but I just wanted to say THANK YOU <3

[petra1124 33]

my favorite from this thred - "I DON'T CARE if WLS is cheating. I just care that I have a new, improved life and my health prognosis is once again normal."

I think that we are all programmed to hear the word "cheat" or even that notion...makes you automatically think that its bad. NO you arent alowed to cheat...cheating is bad, bad people cheat. I want an improved life...and health...and you know what, I want it sooner than later!!! Im 30 years old, and became over weight at the age of 8 or 10. I have waited long enough!!!

I also really like what SoCalDixieGal has to say. I really needed to hear that....its like we are set up to fail. I dont want to obsess over food anymore, whether its ..what am I going to eat next...or I have to limit what I am eating. I just want to be able to eat a small portion, feel full and satisfied and not have to really think about it! I know this will take time, but I think that with the sleeve it will be a reality some time.

I have done my research...a lot of it! Ive even watched the surgery performed on you tube to see what I was getting into. I know that my dad and stepmoms approval isnt necessary and I am going to get this surgery no matter what....but I guess I was just hoping that they might have been supportive.

I will just find support some place else. My mom and husband are immensly supportive. Thank you all for your kind words. I really feel so much better

[Mom2Stella 3]

Good luck on your journey. It sounds like you will get tons of support here!

[petra1124 33]

Thank you!