what to tell, who to tell, when to tell...

[makemyownluck 785]

I am going to my 2nd surgeon consult on Friday. I'm supposed to schedule my surgery on that visit, and I haven't yet told more than a handful of people that I'm doing this.

I told my BFF and my parents, and I discussed it with my manager at work. Tomorrow, I have a meeting with my supervisor (my manager is no longer in charge of me since I told her about my plans back in July, so my new supervisor doesn't know what's going on with me), and I plan to tell her that I'm going to have surgery. Then I need to talk to HR about using FMLA/taking time off, and I'm just concerned with how much my privacy will be respected. I plan to preface every convo with "This is private info that I don't want disclosed to anyone else without my consent". Is that being overdramatic? I work in a really gossipy office...

Frankly, I don't want to tell all my coworkers. But I work on a very small team, and a 2 week absence will be noticed. By everyone. So what do I say? Do I make up some stupid lie? Or do I bite the bullet and tell the truth (considering people will probably start asking questions when the weight comes off anyway)?

Also, I've had this news on the tip of my tongue to tell my other friends for the longest time... but it doesn't come up. Now, I already know it's not gonna come up in conversation UNLESS I BRING IT UP, but I just don't want to deal with the judgment that could come with telling this news. Do I really care what anyone says? I mean, not to the point that it's going to change my mind, but I just don't want to see any of the people I care about differently because of how they may react to the news. And I don't know what it means that IN MY HEAD, I'm imaging that the people who love me would be anything but supportive...

So, moreso than sharing my plans with friends/family, I wonder how everyone else has dealt with telling the news to others, like coworkers/bosses. Did you come clean beforehand? Or after the fact? Or not at all? What were your reasons for making your choice?

Did you tell your whole family? or keep it to yourself?

I appreciate anyone who replies, please be honest... no judgment!

[GrammyViv 4]

Hey! I have to say I did this on my own for months. Finally I shared with my hubby and 1 daughter. I finially confessed to my other daughter day before surgery. I told my work I was having hernia surgery. I did have 2 rather large hernias at the belly button. I told my boss I would be oout two weeks due to the fact that I had lots of scar tissue they would have to work around. Well... It worked! Good luck in yr decision. It will be the right one for you!

[newat52 1,612]

I chose to keep my surgery private. That is not out of line with how I live my life. I am a private person by nature and have never talked about my medical issues or personal issues with most people. That's who I am.

Some people are an open book and have no problem sharing every detail about themselves. That's who they are and I respect that.

I would say if you are on the fence, make sure you really want to tell people and be prepared for any and all reactions. Just remember, you can't unring a bell and once you make it public there is no going back.

There is no right or wrong answers. Everyone needs to do what is right for them.

Some here will judge though, I have been told I am lying, and" living a fake life, but hey if that's what you want" from people in the forum. I guess for them, if everyone doesn't do as they do, it's wrong. Sheesh! Takes all kinds!

Good luck to you, you will know what is right for YOU!

[Futureskinnyperson 29]

I told exactly one person in my family before i did it.....just in case something happened to me so they would know.

I have told nobody at work as I feel it is my business and my decision who I share this with.

I have since told my entire family and 2 very close friends. That is it.

I am very provate about this and do not wish to be judged or to have people thinking "I took some easy way out".

It is a journey and a choice that is not entirely easy....but they would never understand that nor do I wish to explain it over and over to everyone.

I tell people I am losing weight because of "portion control"....which is not a lie and very true.....they do not need to know how that Portion Control is happening!

I told my coworkers that I went away to a fat camp resort type of place and they gave me the tools I needed to get motivated and lose weight

Everyone believes me and I do not have any hassle.

[joatsaint 2,814]

Here comes the BOOM!

[DUBrookie03 142]

The fact that we even have to discuss this, prepare a story, ect ect is ridiculous.

Sorry.

I just hate that society in general has this FREAKISH urge to "out" people!!! Mind your own.

But on a side note, I used my hiatal hernia repair as my cover story, and added the fact that I have been working with a dietician and weight loss doctor since last May. No one thinks otherwise!

If some one asks you how you are losing the weight just tell them a lot of hard work. And then ask...jealous?

LOL

[makemyownluck 785]

thank you everyone for your responses... I don't know what to do yet, but it definitely helps to hear how other people deal with it.

I'm also a private person. I've already started spilling some Beans because my coworkers have noticed that I'm taking more half days (so I can make my MD appointments), and they're curious. I am not a good liar, and I don't enjoy lying, so my creative responses are vague and so far it's kept people out of my business. I think I'm going to just say "I'm having surgery" and leave it at that. If they ask more questions, I'll just tell them I'm not comfortable discussing my medical issues and leave it at that. It's the truth, and it doesn't force me to talk about things I don't want to discuss.

IF ONLY it was as simple as telling people MYOB!!

[delta_girl 931]

nothing, nobody, never

[Ms.AntiBand 2,984]

Nothing, no one, and never

[Kaj 88]

I have told my husband and two friends, neither of which have any contact in any way with my job or co-workers. I am choosing to not tell my sons (grown) until and if I choose to do so. What I do with my body and my health is nobody's business except my husband. I plan to tell my colleagues and supervisor that I'm having hernia surgery. I work for the federal gov't and they are a bit rigid in their process for requesting time off so I have to cover a lot of bases AND I carry a caseload of 25-ish clients that have to be covered while I'm gone. That being said - my weight, the loss of, the gain of, the total of - is no more open to office discussion than is what I do or don't do between my bed sheet. In my world the only person from whom I want input is my husband because what he or I do impacts the other. But that is just me. I'm this way about every part of my life.

[Ms.AntiBand 2,984]

nothing, nobody, never

Too funny ... Delta Girl! LOL almost the exact same time, too

[No game 14,436]

I told everyone I even had a shirt made! Out and proud!!!

Oh... Wait... Isn't this the gay/lesbian thread?

No? Oops carry on.

[Kaj 88]

I told everyone I even had a shirt made! Out and proud!!!

Oh... Wait... Isn't this the gay/lesbian thread?

No? Oops carry on.

ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!! Love it!

[newat52 1,612]

IF ONLY it was as simple as telling people MYOB!!

I can be. I think it gets easier the older we get. When I was younger, I thought that if someone asked as question that I had to answer. As 've gown older and more mature it is easy now. Some one asks me "how much weight have you lost? My reply, "a good amount" or "not quite as much as I would have liked". I then change the subject. Or they ask how have you lost so much weight? My reply is "A lot of hard work" That is the absolute truth. If they persist for details, I just look at them and say it's really just not up for discussion. Thanks for understanding. That usually does it.

[Ms.AntiBand 2,984]

Here comes the BOOM!

No, unless others call others names it's all good. So far, we all respect what each individual wants. That.. Is a good forum discussion