Bracing myself for the impact my sleeve will have on my relationship

[sheetmetalgirl 25]

I can feel it already. I am currently engaged (been together for 2 1/2 years) and I just know that our relationship won't make it through this. We haven't had any big issues throughout our relationship. At first when I told him I was thinking about WLS he told me I "wasn't that big" ( he didn't know my weight but I was 295 and am 5' 5") He eats VERY unhealthy and he was told his 5 year old daughter needs to lose weight at her last dr appt. I try to talk to him about eating better but he wants no part of it although he says he is "supportive" he doesn't realize that to me that means we all need to make changes. I just know that after my sleeve I will be forced to choose either taking care of myself or staying with him. I have never broken up with anyone (always been the dumpee) I can't stand the thought of it but I know where it's headed.... This sucks

[Takingcontrol 467]

Maybe not...maybe he will be inspired by your weight loss & jump on board. Stay positive!

[keystone28 18]

Sheetmetalgirl,

TakingControl is right. Maybe seeing you change will give him reason to follow suit.

[Tawnie 99]

Sheetmetal.... Do not worry. You have to find a way to put yourself first. It took me to 43 . Don't wait that long. My hubby was not happy about my decision and thought I could do it (again) on my own. Key word.... Again.

I am 4 weeks post op and he is enjoying the change. One we save money. Two we eat better. Three we eat less. Four. We eat out less.

When we eat out, he gets the smaller portions and eats slow with me. He has lost a few pounds ( he only has 10 to loose!!).

I love my husband but can say... I worried about life after. It is early, but it will turn out just the way it is supposed to.

Good luck! I hope you decide based on your needs

[mokee 588]

I was normal size when I married an overweight man. But to be fair I was an obese child and in the 8th grade I started to loose weight by a lot of dieting and exercise. His mother was an amazing fattening food cook. I never knew food could taste this good. I also tried very hard by cooking all this fattening food my new husband liked.

I got pregnant 3 months in and I gained 60 lbs. never to see under 200 again. I weighed on average 250 lbs for the next 40 years. When I was put on insulin I gained another 25. 10 weeks ago I had sleeve surgery and so far have lost 49 lbs.

My dear husband still has not slowed down on eating even though he is 100 lb overweight. My surgeon said a lot of spouses start losing when they see their partner start to slim down. His response when I was scheduling this surgery was well what about my food, what about me.

[sheetmetalgirl 25]

Lol I promise you all that he will not change I know that for sure. He is very stuck and a VERY picky eater. The only "vegetables" (he says these count) he will eat are ranch styled Beans (branded kind ONLY) and instant mashed potatoes. No fruits at all. I know that food will be a constant battle in our house. The only reason it hasn't been is because I generally just give in because I am not a picky eater but I do refuse to cook two separate meals at dinner.< /p>

[DebDUtah 67]

I know where you are coming from SheetMetal. The key to your success, to everyone's success, is to take control. It is about us now, not the men in our life. Remember that.

[sheetmetalgirl 25]

There are other things that I'm not so happy with as well, I just think that this is going to be what eventually tips it all over.

[Tawnie 99]

Do what makes you happy. Let the rest go. We all have let that happen to us. Good luck. Reach out if u need us. We will be here !!!

[sheetmetalgirl 25]

Glad to have a place to vent for now... I've got a sucky support system. I just feel that me finally doing something for myself, something I am not doing for anyone but me, is not going to be the best thing for this relationship. And if that's the way it is, so be it. I am just bracing for impact.

[taylokat 180]

I understand where you are coming from, sheetmetalgirl. I've been married almost 27 years and my husband has no intention of changing his eating habits-he is currently about 100 lbs overweight. Although he hasn't said "what about my food? ", I know he is thinking it! I'm hoping that he will be inspired by my weight loss, but I'm not counting on it. I'm just saying a prayer that it all works out!

[keystone28 18]

Sheet,

Dont let this guy ruin something wonderful for you.If he can't see that you doing this (getting healthy) isn't just for you, but for him as well? Well ma'am, I'd have to say he is a blind fool and maybe you need to worry more about yourself and not him. we should all be so lucky to have a woman in our lives who cares that much about us! I know I am, because my wife had gastric bypass two years ago, and her success has brought me to the same decision she made then.

You need to sit down and tell him, look, Im doing this not only because I want to be healthy,but because I want to have a long future with you, and you should accept this for what it is,an act of love. Write down your reasons, let him know! ask him, do you want me to have a heart attack, or get diabetes? No? Then you should accept this as my best effort to avoid those very things. Do you have a support group? Maybe he could go with you, see what everyone else is saying.

[sheetmetalgirl 25]

I live in a small town and there's no support group around here... Lol that's one of the other "issues" I want to move(and was promised two years ago that it would be happening soon) He and I are forced to carpool because we work an hour away from the house and the babysitter is about that far away as well. My surgeon is about an hour away and the support group meetings are just too late in the evening to make it feasible to go on a regular basis right now. I do have to make one before I can schedule surgery but it will mean only getting about 4 hours of sleep max that night before work.

[sheetmetalgirl 25]

And I did sit down and explain my reasonings and also talked to him about his mom and dad both having heart surgery in their 50s and early 60s and he doesn't care. He doesn't see the correlation of health and what u put in your mouth

[keystone28 18]

I do have to make one before I can schedule surgery but it will mean only getting about 4 hours of sleep max that night before work.

If I were you, when you go to the one manditory meeting, express your problems to the group. You will be in a room full of people just as excited at the prospect of starting a healthier life as you are, and I feel certain you'll find at least one person to lean on.My experience with my local support group has been really good,and I think you will find someone willing to help if you just ask.

And I did sit down and explain my reasonings and also talked to him about his mom and dad both having heart surgery in their 50s and early 60s and he doesn't care. He doesn't see the correlation of health and what u put in your mouth

Gee whiz, really?!? That's just nuts. I dont mean to be rude or harsh,but if he's not willing to change, I dont see how this relationship is going to be healthy, emotionally or physically.

I dont know you, or anything about your relationship, but it honestly sounds to me like this guy is either selfish, ignorant, or both. The very fact that you have cared enough to express concern over his health should mean the world to him, but from the little that you've told us, I'm not getting that feeling from him at all. This surgery is a life changer, and that means a change for everyone in your life when it coimes to interacting with you.

Ultimately, you have to do what is right for you SheetMetalGirl.You are not beholden to him for anything.

I hope I have notoverstepped my boundaries here, and if I have, I apologize profusely, but again, you are making a huge change in your life, and it only stands to reason that he should want the best for you and your relationship, doesnt it?