To tell, or not to tell?

[Harpo 30]

I am scheduled for surgery on February 26. I am trying to decide if I should tell people, or keep this a dark secret? Both before the surgery, and after surgery?

So far, I've only told about three people that are very close to me. I don't know why I am hesitating just telling everyone I meet, but not sure if I want to. I can't tell you why I wouldn't want to. Maybe I am a little embarrassed. A lot of the people that I know now met me about five years ago after I had just lost about 100 pounds.

I'd like to hear opinions from those that have done the surgery… Both that have told people, and that have kept it a secret.

Thanks.

[kbraun87 23]

Hello Jason!

I wondered the same thing. I am having my surgery the 25th of February. I have told some people but have been cautious about who I tell. I was scared that people would be judgmental about it but I have found from the people I do tell that they are very supportive and congratulative.

[notime 340]

I have told only those who need to know. In part it is because I believe health issues are my business, not anyone else's. The other part is that I don't believe most people would be interested in knowing and, while I'm sure no one would be rude, some would be embarassed and wouldn't have any idea about how to respond. There have been times someone I don't know very well starts in about their personal business--health, financial, relationship, etc.--and I am very uncomfortable. Of course, each of us must decide what is best for them.

[srk 8]

My surgery isn't until April 9 and I have only told 2 people other than my husband, and kids. I told one of my sisters but not the other.

[angelamarie79 41]

I only told the people I was close to (in my family and at work). I feel it's no one else's business. There were only a handful of people at my job that actually asked why I was going to be out for 3 weeks and I told them I was having surgery but never told them what for. Only 1 person asked me what I was having surgery for but I basically told her it was none of her business LOL!! She's one of those nosey gossipers anyway. Do what you feel comfortable doing. There is no wrong or right way of doing this. Good Luck!!

[happydaisy 48]

I only told my husband and 2 kids. I did tell my 3 coworkers bc it would be so obvious. Its only us 4 anyway at work. I'd rather no one know bc I dont want to be judged especially bc I was a 34bmi. If people find out, well ok, but id rather just keep it my business. I didnt even tell my mom. Im 8wks po. People have been asking me how am I loosing and I just simply say I cut back a whole lot. (He he) I think that answers their question or they get the hint that I dont want to share the details.

[karenb4729 309]

I have kept the surgery to myself too. My husband knows as do 2 of much children (my other lives out of state). I am so glad to have kept this secret in part because I have had to work hard to get the weight off. Many people misunderstand weight loss surgery and think the only reason for your success is the surgery. But, I am the one maintaining the diet of 600 - 800 calories per day, I am the one at the gym 6 days a week working out for an hour, I am the one making this surgery work and I don't want to have that hard worked dismissed because I had surgery so my stomach is smaller.

[joatsaint 2,814]

I know the feeling of whether to tell anyone about it or not. I think my problem is that I feel like a failure at losing weight on my own.

If I had surgery to correct a heart valve or had treatment for smoking/drugs/alcohol, then there would be an outpouring of sympathy. So I really don't understand some peoples hostility when they hear about WLS.

I only told those that needed to know because once you've told someone, you can't untell them.

[schavez2010 32]

I haven't told anyone except three people. My closest cousin, my boyfriend and my mom. I plan to keep it between them ONLY. Maybe after the surgery I will tell more people but for now I'm keeping it private. I would keep it with only the people you have told, you don't want anyone's negative comments or thoughts to bring you down. Stay focused and keep it personal for now:) good luck!

[lwilliams65 102]

My husband, mom, dad and 3 sisters are the only ones I've told. I don't talk to anyone else enough for them to know. I think my in laws will ask a lot of questions but I'll just cross that bridge when I get there. Do what you feel is right for you. Some people like to tell the whole world and some people like to be discreat.

[gmanbat 5,889]

Everyone close to me knows. My surgery is a test for them, not me. Do they have enough brains to grasp what I did? Do they have enough character to be tolerant of what they don't understand and do research to educate themselves? Do they love me enough to wish me well without jealousy? If not, they are free to situate themselves where I ain't.

I have absolutely no guilt about doing this, I am proud of it and myself for doing it, it took guts. It is not an act of weakness. I took charge, had faith, and I'm aggressively pursuing health. What's to be ashamed of?

[Geminidrive 389]

I didn't keep my surgery a secret. I must say that I am surrounded by amazing people both professionally and personally and have received nothing but support. The choice is totally up to you. Good Luck!

[boatdays 18]

I am surrounded by amazing people in personal and professional lives- I kept 100% private. Only my mom and surgeon know. I really think it's a personal preference.

[fonally 107]

I respect everyone's right to tell or not tell. It is my opinion that anything I keep secret holds power over me and the risk of exposure is so much worse than just telling the truth. I don't put it on Facebook but I tell anyone who asks how I lost the weight . I also share it with people who wait on me or need to know. I told all my family and friends. I figure I might help someone else who needs to ask questions. As far as in laws go I had terrible in laws for 18 years. They put me down all the time but I never backed down. I'd say my peace and hold my ground. I will not tolerate anyone treating me badly and if they do I ask them why and confront them usually they don't realise it or are uncomfortable and stop it . If it continues don't see them and don't let your kids. Demand respect. Demand your husband to support you. Life is too short to feel bad. Life is too short to not be respected and loved. No one is better than anyone else it is the choices we make that determine the quality of life we lead. For gods sake it is a medical procedure to help aid us to lose weight not a fix and we still have to work on it everyday. to me this is part of my plan to be healthier that's all. F those people who can't see your worth they are insecure themselves and petty and are to be pitied. Eventually you can laugh to yourself about how immature people are knowing their opinion doesn't effect you you are excellent at any weight in every way.

[MsFab1988 275]

My opinion is, once u tell one person, the whole world already knows...because everyone always has the ONE person they tell "secrets" to...no one is to be trusted, not even your spouse....Me, I tell everyone...I have nothing to be embarrassed of, cause at the end of the day, I'm goin to reach my goal weight and whoever is against weightloss surgery can watch me shrink! :-) Then they can think twice about their opinions..plus I like to share my story and give others hope, wouldn't make sense to lie cause it wouldn't help the next person

Either way it's our bodies and we all have our personal opinions as to whether we want people to know or not...do what makes u feel comfortable n Goodluck on ur journey!