To tell, or not to tell?

[taylokat 180]

I'm not scheduled until April but I have only told my husband and teen/young adult children. Months ago when I first mentioned it to my co-workers, I had only negative feedback...That's crazy, your'e not heavy enough for that, just go to Weight Watchers....I need support, not criticism! so after my surgery they can think what they want. The only "lie" will be the lie of omission. Everything else would be true...cut portions, exercise more, make better choices. In other words, a total life-style change!

[kbraun87 23]

I get the youre not heavy enough for that all the time. If insurance pays im heavy enough.

[doreen70 268]

I didn't hold back. My manager had the same surgery in 2011. She was very open when I asked questions. She helped guide me through the process. I appreciate her honesty and feel I should be open about my surgery in case some one else has questions that need to be answered.

[ErinTJennings 7]

I decided to tell all my family, friends and even the people I worked with. I'm so glad that I did because they have all been so encouraging and supportive of my desicion. I guess it just depends on the people you surround yourself with . . . .

[buttahfly 9]

Before my wls I also wondered what to tell people. In the end only my husband & parents know. Now that I have lost a noticable difference and people ask me about my weight loss I tell them I changed the way I eat, I exercise, I don't drink soda all of which are true.

Telling people is a personal choice...I don't regret my decision not tell cause at the end of the day its not anyones business.

[courtoomp 107]

For me, I told the people who 1) were closest to me and 2) 'needed' to know for professional reasons/were my allies at work.. Having said that, I'm not too ashamed to tell the guy at GNC or the woman at smoothie king! My advice would be the same as my advice for buffets...start small cause you can ALWAYS go back for more!

[mnm6282 11]

I tell everyone who asks how im losing the weight. I have never heard a negative word, but I wouldn't care if I did. I did what is best for me and that is all I care about.

Sent from my iPad using VST

[Facing50 21]

Ok, I am going to admit an embarrassing lie. I went to a new yoga studio yesterday and before the class started I told the teacher that I had had abdominal surgery five weeks ago so I would probably skip/modify the ab stuff. She was fine with that, but then after that asked me what type of surgery I had.

I was totally unprepared for this, and did not want to go into it. Some people have been v. disapproving b/c I was not hugely overweight and did it mostly because of my diabetes, for which it is not yet really prescribed. So the reactions have ranged from the fact that I was taking the easy way out to lose 35 lbs, or crazy to have 85% of my stomach cut out on the chance that it could help the diabetes.

The only thing I could think of was diverticulitis, for which my sister-in-law had had an operation. So I said that, and then she started asking me how much of my intestine they had taken out! Then a guy standing next to me said that his partner had diverticulitis, and did I have diet or other advice! When I started sputtering - I am a terrible liar - he clearly felt bad and tried to back off, saying he knew how "personal" illnesses like that could be.

Anyway, now I feel terrible for (a) lying and ( making him feel awkward. I am going to take this as an "oh what a tangled web we weave" lesson and figure out a non-commital, non-lying response and tell the truth if that does not suffice.

[lsereno 2,525]

I mention it to people if it comes up and I told everyone before surgery - friends and family.

I didn't want friends and family to worry about my rapid weight loss.

I wanted others who were overweight to know the choice I made.

I want to help remove the stigma associated with WLS.

I am a terrible liar and I don't like keeping secrets.

I chose to tell people before the surgery because it was easier to address their questions and concerns before I was recuperating from surgery.

For people I really cared about (My Mom, for example), I spent as much time as needed to help her be comfortable with my choice, including taking her with me to a pre-op appt and to a support group meeting.

For people I care about I spent a little time addressing their concerns but for those that kept saying they were worried, etc. I then moved on to saying "My Dr. and I have decided this is the best option for my health so I'm moving forward with it."

For those I felt were out of line right off the bat, I went straight to the "My Dr. and I have decided this is the best option for my health so I'm moving forward with it."

Lynda

[rmubvashrink 57]

hey iwould tell who I am onfortable with. I feel like I have been to vocal. but have fought so long with the fat I just hope I am sucesful. I have a thyroid gland disorder. I hope you are succesful

[Kellyj574 30]

I've selected to only tell those I'm confident wont judge me in a negative light. Maybe someday I will feel differently but for now I still feel .... Embarrassed? I wouldn't go quite to the ashamed road but looking back "why did I let myself get so big as to needing surgery to help me loose weight"

But hey I did. That's that. At this point I'm only two weeks past my surgery date and I've lost an incredible amount of weight and feel so happy and giddy.

All this being said I told the people closest to me that I trust. But people do start gossiping and word spreads, I feel slightly more comfortable letting people know since I'm seeing good results.

Just follow your heart and you'll know what to do.

For the people that I really don't want knowing I just tell them "I've been exercising a lot" and honestly that gets the pushy people to shut up (because deep down they don't actually want to exercise) and they'll leave it alone!

[NurseGrace 509]

I don't think of it as a "dark secret" at all, because I am not ashamed in any way whatsoever, however, I have made the choice not to tell many people at all. My mother and father know, my husband knows, close friend, and my husband told one of his friends so I am just going to assume that they all know as well.

As far as the rest of my family, and coworkers go, I have not told and will not be sharing so far as I can see things right now. Should I change my mind then so be it, and I don't tiptoe around trying to make it look like I eat more than I do or anything like that but I am not opening myself up to all kinds of judgement and negativity like I did when I had lap band surgery.

[NewKristen 356]

I have been pretty open about mine. I know that some will judge and assume I am taking the easy way out. However, I know that several people I have told, have gained courage through me to find out more about it for themselves.

[bubles089 35]

I have been very honest with mine, I get asked alot what I am doing to lose the weight and I tell them I am eating heathy and exersizing and I had the sleeve. Now I work in the hospital I had mine done at so hiding it would have been hard. But honestly I did this for me not for other people. It was something I needed to do to be happy and heathy. As for the judgment I hate to admit it but I have always been a little judgy about people that had the surgery. I know it's totally wrong and now I am one of those people. Honestly the surgery was one of the best decisions of my life and until someone has been overweight and unhappy for as long as I have they will never know what it's like to have to make this decision. I think we should all be proud we took our Heath and happyness into our own hands!! Surgery is soo not the easy way out its increabably hard. I have found so much support from my coworkers friends and family. They all say how they are in awe of what I have done and how they could never have done it, and that feels soo good!

[gmanbat 5,889]

Anyway, now I feel terrible for lying and making him feel awkward. I am going to take this as an "oh what a tangled web we weave" lesson and figure out a non-commital, non-lying response and tell the truth if that does not suffice.

I have been taught that lesson many times, hopefully I have learned it, time will tell.

I have noticed that how you tell folks has much to do with how they perceive it. Tell them like it's something you are trying to hide and they will sense your weakness and join you in looking down at you. Tell them like it's a real accomplishment and something you are proud of like getting a new Jaguar and they will resist putting you down knowing that you probably have a good defense.