I thought it might be a good idea to have a thread where we could discuss the different challenges/issues we face as being single and banded.

I'll start with introducing myself. My name is Chris, I am 32 and live in a suburb of Boston. About a year ago I got out of a 5 year relationship and have just casually dated (online dating) since then. I have decided to take a break from dating for a bit, so I can focus on myself and adjust to living life as a bandster. (I was just banded on 10/2). One of my biggest concerns when I start dating again is if/when to tell that I am banded. It's not that I don't want to tell people, it's just that my idea of great dinner conversation does not include discussing my weight. Overall I would say that I have a great life. I have a good job, a very supportive family, and lots of friends. I am happy to be taking control over my weight and issues with food, and am excited at the prospect of my future as a not-so-fat woman.

I look forward to meeting more single bandsters and hope this thread takes off!

Chris :cocktail:

Hi everyone. I'm from Illinois and will be getting my band on 10/22. A little nervous, but anxious to move ahead. I've learned a lot from lapbandtalk.com and I'm glad I found this thread. After 23 wonderful years of being married, I'm single now - it's been 4 long tough years, and I am ready to move on. I've only told a few people (my son, two very good friends - one of whom will be my anesthetist for my surgery, and of course, now all of you) that I'm being banded. From what I've seen here, I know I'm going to have a lot of support. Looking forward to being part of this group!

Hi guys!

I'm a recently single bandster, and was hoping there'd be some sort of thread about being single with the band! I kind of just started my band journey, I've been banded for about a month now...but I'm already feeling great about the new me, so great that I joined eHarmony last week (probably a bit pre-maturely lol) I've already started talking to a guy and we have totally hit it off, but my problem is, I don't know if he knows that I am overweight. I mean, I put up a variety of pictures that I don't believe misrepresent my size at all...but from some of the things he's said, it just doesn't seem like he *knows*.

He's already told me that he wants to meet me and go on a date, but I'm scared of his reaction (20 something guys, from my experience at least, don't seem to be the most forgiving and can sometimes be downright cruel) So I guess my question is...should I trust that he has seen my pictures and can tell that I am overweight, should I somehow bring it up to him before we decide to meet, or should I just go on the date without saying anything and show him just how attractive and fun I really am regardless of my size? (if only it were that easy!) Thanks in advance!

I've been there before girl. I've talked to guys online and they've clearly seen that I'm overweight but still make comments like you have a great body and I bet you look hot in a bikini. I don't get it. Why would you want to see an obese girl in a bikini? Go for it, have fun, be careful and meet in a public place.

Wow, good idea for a thread but being banded hasn't interfered, helped, hindered...anything me being single. I do have more self confidence now...that's for sure. But I still haven't been on a date in 8 year and don't plan on it. I have an awful personality and am very ...plain looking. (only reason I can come up with for me not being asked out)

Hi guys!

I'm a recently single bandster, and was hoping there'd be some sort of thread about being single with the band! I kind of just started my band journey, I've been banded for about a month now...but I'm already feeling great about the new me, so great that I joined eHarmony last week (probably a bit pre-maturely lol) I've already started talking to a guy and we have totally hit it off, but my problem is, I don't know if he knows that I am overweight. I mean, I put up a variety of pictures that I don't believe misrepresent my size at all...but from some of the things he's said, it just doesn't seem like he *knows*.

He's already told me that he wants to meet me and go on a date, but I'm scared of his reaction (20 something guys, from my experience at least, don't seem to be the most forgiving and can sometimes be downright cruel) So I guess my question is...should I trust that he has seen my pictures and can tell that I am overweight, should I somehow bring it up to him before we decide to meet, or should I just go on the date without saying anything and show him just how attractive and fun I really am regardless of my size? (if only it were that easy!) Thanks in advance!

If its worrying you then I would bring it up with him. Better than wasting ur time and his. Men can be real oblivious to things..lol

Hi again!

Thanks for all your input...I think I've decided to just go ahead and send him a message explaining that I had surgery. I can't help but feel that since he messaged me, I don't really owe him an explanation...but I guess it's more for my protection than for his!

Missy- What happened with those guys? Did you ever actually meet them? I've sooo had that happen to me as well...

Dibaby- I completely agree that men can be incredibly oblivious...that's why I'm in this predicament in the first place, I do believe!

So should I just send him a message saying that I had lap band done and let him realize i'm overweight from that? I can't see myself just sending him a message that says "hey, by the way, before we meet I need to tell you that I'm fat." lol i definitely don't think that's the right way to go.

Thanks again!

This is a great topic. I was banded on July 16th and someone saw my (37 lb lighter!) body for the first time last night. It was uncomfortable- I could tell he was staring at my scars and there was a weird silence. I didn't say anything and got out of there pretty quickly. All in all, not good.

Generally, if people ask about my scars, I talk about the hiatal hernia (repaired at the same time as I was banded). I'm just not comfortable being 100% open yet. There are too many judgemental people and this is just too private.

Rachel

Hi again!

Thanks for all your input...I think I've decided to just go ahead and send him a message explaining that I had surgery. I can't help but feel that since he messaged me, I don't really owe him an explanation...but I guess it's more for my protection than for his!

Missy- What happened with those guys? Did you ever actually meet them? I've sooo had that happen to me as well...

Dibaby- I completely agree that men can be incredibly oblivious...that's why I'm in this predicament in the first place, I do believe!

So should I just send him a message saying that I had lap band done and let him realize i'm overweight from that? I can't see myself just sending him a message that says "hey, by the way, before we meet I need to tell you that I'm fat." lol i definitely don't think that's the right way to go.

Thanks again!

Ya some of them I met and they were so into me on the date and then never called me again most of the time. Guys are retarded

Uh, what subject are all of you talking about? Just want to clarify because I'm not sure. LOL

JobliviousC

Uh, what subject are all of you talking about? Just want to clarify because I'm not sure. LOL

JobliviousC

Arria started talking to this guy from E-Harmony and he wants to meet but she's not sure if he fully understands that she is overweight (even though he's seen plenty of pictures of her) and she is getting opinions on whether she should make him well aware of the fact or just go on the date and see what happens.

I disagree with everybody. You should be approaching this from the viewpoint of "is this guy good enough for me?". You are setting yourself up to like him if he "likes" you which is not healthy. Choose who you like and feel is worthy of your attention and then if they like you great! If not, move on to the next one.

I haven't had any luck what so ever with E Harmony. It makes me feel like I must not be the least bit attractive.

If you have full body shots on your profile, it would seem he knows what you look like. I just have a head shot, and I can't even get anyone to reply to me.

I had a little bit of my fill taken out. It such a fine line between having the right fill so you aren't hungry and can lose weight, and being too tight and throwing up all the time. My dr. pretty much insisted today that I have a little bit taken out. I just hope he didn't take out very much because I want to keep losing!

JC you crack me up! lol

Arria, I think if you've put pictures of yourself up there you have no reason to explain yourself. Just have fun with dating and worry more about if YOU like him than if he likes you. Good luck!

Thanks everyone for your advice!! I think I'm gonna just go meet him, and to heck with what he thinks of my body! I'm a good catch, and if he can't see that...well sucks for him!! I'll let you guys know how it goes

I am glad to find this thread.

My name is Ginny, I am 43, in the New Orleans area. I am an attorney, divorced for several years, Mom to 3 great kids.

I am getting banded next month and I am wondering if anyone else had twinges of nerves doing this surgery as a singleton. I mean, I am a grown-up and can make my own decisions, etc, but it sure would be nice to have a spoouse to bounce off the idea and concerns.

I am nervous that, should something go wrong, I don't have help at home.

Any advice?

Thanks so much!

I think being single really helps with the band. I don't have to cook dinner for anyone and I can keep what I want in the house and not be tempted.

I think everyone worries that they are making the right decision. I am thrilled to have lost weight, after all my attempts without the band. Just let us know if you have questions!