I thought it might be a good idea to have a thread where we could discuss the different challenges/issues we face as being single and banded.

I'll start with introducing myself. My name is Chris, I am 32 and live in a suburb of Boston. About a year ago I got out of a 5 year relationship and have just casually dated (online dating) since then. I have decided to take a break from dating for a bit, so I can focus on myself and adjust to living life as a bandster. (I was just banded on 10/2). One of my biggest concerns when I start dating again is if/when to tell that I am banded. It's not that I don't want to tell people, it's just that my idea of great dinner conversation does not include discussing my weight. Overall I would say that I have a great life. I have a good job, a very supportive family, and lots of friends. I am happy to be taking control over my weight and issues with food, and am excited at the prospect of my future as a not-so-fat woman.

I look forward to meeting more single bandsters and hope this thread takes off!

Chris :cocktail:

Geeze guys..why oh why did I answer the phone when gamer boy called? What is wrong with me..blah. I know how hard it is to resist this man. Anyways we went around and around again about how things are. Why is it so hard for him to understand he needs to give in a relationship? LOL It is really amazing how fricken sweet they can be when they wanna be. UGHHH!! Anyways..I know in my heart that once I get to goal there will be better men flocking to me. I really just can't wait for that day! *focuses on goals*..hehe

Hey, I'm Jen, I LOVE THIS THREAD - I'm trying to catch up...

I'm in Colorado and SINGLE...have been for quite a while. I am scheduled to be banded in January and I was just wondering for those who have already lost 60/70/80 lbs - how are you treated now??? Do you notice that you are treated differently, either just out on the town or in dating?

That's partially why I just gave up on dating, boys' figure the more you weigh the worse they can treat you....and you'll put up with it.....well I don't put up with it, so it has been easier to just be single than to be constantly disappointed and hurt!

I ended up running into him on the way home from work last night.

He is building a house very close to mine. We met at a stop sign,

and he got out o his truck and we chatted a few minutes. I didn't

want to say "are you still going to call me later" He ended up

not calling, even though he had said he would when he left Sunday

night.I wondered if running into him on the way home from work in his mind was in lieu of a phone call? This all seems so high school to me.

It's not that I feel too old to be in love, but I feel to old to sit

around and wonder if someone really is going to call. Sometimes,

I think guys are just trying to see if they are only out for one

thing. I have no idea if he is that type of not.

I could easily see him every day where he is working on the

house. I have to drive past it on my way home from work.

I am certainly not going to stop there to talk to him, even though

I would like to.

One I want to know is.... How much can any of you eat? I am still

pbing sometimes if I eat too fast or don't take small enough

bites. What do you order on the menu and can eat easily. Since

my 4th fill, it's gotten tricky for me. I can't always be saying

I had a late lunch. (in case he does invited me to dinner again) If

we end up seeing each other a lot, I will tell him about the band,

but it's way too early to know much of anything.

Thank you my single friends. I am in need of advice here. I haven't been

in the dating world for too many years.

I ended up running into him on the way home from

work last night. He is building a house very close

to mine. We met at a stop sign, and he got out of

his truck and we chatted a few minutes. I didn't want

to say "are you still going to call me later?"

He ended up not calling.

It's not that I feel too old to be in love, but I feel to old

to sit around and wonder if someone really is going to call.

Sometimes, I think guys are just trying to see if they are

going to "get lucky"

Heck yeah they are! You gotta weed out the dogs. I mean if he was really interested he would call right?

Denise - Don't give up yet!!! You are a special person. You need to look at it as having a good time meeting some great people and not like you are looking for the one! ,

April

Thanks April. I am wondering how sex plays into all of this.

I can just look at him as someone to have a good time with,

but sex will become an issue. I told him I am not into sex

for recreational reasons.

I need help here. My body would have liked to do more, but

my head and heart put the brakes on it.

I promise you that you will ruin the feelings you have if you rush into it. Wait till your head and heart are ready.

Coming from a 22 year old guy, take it as you will, but I've rushed into things entirely too many times. Take my advice, wait till you're ready.

Hey, I'm Jen, I LOVE THIS THREAD - I'm trying to catch up...

I'm in Colorado and SINGLE...have been for quite a while. I am scheduled to be banded in January and I was just wondering for those who have already lost 60/70/80 lbs - how are you treated now??? Do you notice that you are treated differently, either just out on the town or in dating?

That's partially why I just gave up on dating, boys' figure the more you weigh the worse they can treat you....and you'll put up with it.....well I don't put up with it, so it has been easier to just be single than to be constantly disappointed and hurt!

Granted, I've never met the guys you know, but I'll tell you that I would generally disagree with that statement as a whole. I would say that may partly be true, but we are the ones who LET OURSELVES get treated like shit.

I get treated differently because of my newfound confidence in what I say and how I walk around.

I really, really want you to know that QUALITY guys are NOT going to look at you just because you've lost a significant amount of weight. You have to develop the confidence that comes with it.

Take what I've said with a grain of salt, but that's my .02.

Good luck on your journey!:biggrin1:

I promise you that you will ruin the feelings you have if you rush into it. Wait till your head and heart are ready.

Coming from a 22 year old guy, take it as you will, but I've rushed into things entirely too many times. Take my advice, wait till you're ready.

Thanks. That's my plan. I just don't even know if it will get to that

point.

For all I know, he is online all evening long, looking at more

profiles. I just feel like it's too early to be asking him questions

like that. I would like to try a relationship with this person, but

right now it just feels like waiting around and see if he wants t

hat too.

Thanks neveragain,

I am well aware that I take part in a viscous cycle where I give absolute losers my time and attention, because I don't feel I deserve any better, then am disappointed when it doesn't work out, hence why I have been single for around 4 years minus a couple brief relationships.

I know how I deserve to be treated, I just have to demand/convince others of that too! Regardless of how much I control I have over my feelings and confidence, fat people are treated differently (worse) than "normal" people. I see it everyday because most of my friends are 1) skinny and 2) beautiful.

Being called a fat cow by college age boys whom you didn't even notice or interact with at a bar really does affect your psyche, regardless of how strong you think you are!

Thanks

Jennifer

Geeze guys..why oh why did I answer the phone when gamer boy called? What is wrong with me..blah. I know how hard it is to resist this man. Anyways we went around and around again about how things are. Why is it so hard for him to understand he needs to give in a relationship? LOL It is really amazing how fricken sweet they can be when they wanna be. UGHHH!! Anyways..I know in my heart that once I get to goal there will be better men flocking to me. I really just can't wait for that day! *focuses on goals*..hehe

Judging from you pics you look pretty sexy already. Regarding the other thing, as long as you keep taking them back they will keep showing up

Thanks neveragain,

I am well aware that I take part in a viscous cycle where I give absolute losers my time and attention, because I don't feel I deserve any better, then am disappointed when it doesn't work out, hence why I have been single for around 4 years minus a couple brief relationships.

I know how I deserve to be treated, I just have to demand/convince others of that too! Regardless of how much I control I have over my feelings and confidence, fat people are treated differently (worse) than "normal" people. I see it everyday because most of my friends are 1) skinny and 2) beautiful.

Being called a fat cow by college age boys whom you didn't even notice or interact with at a bar really does affect your psyche, regardless of how strong you think you are!

Thanks

Jennifer

Make no mistake. I, personally, have been egged while running down a path. I know what you mean. lol.

Denise, I really think that if you saw him he probably felt that substituted for the phone call. He is going to worry about coming on too strong. The beginning of all relationships SUCK because it's the back and forth - does he/doesn't he like me, etc?

I think it's smart to wait on the sex thing, unless you're ok with it just being sex. Since you're not - wait. Like neveragain says, you'll know when it's right.

Online dating is also tough because you don't know what the other person is doing and a certain level of trust is needed. When I first starting dating again I had a lot of trust issues I didn't know I had come to the surface. It effected some of my early relationships. The things I learned are 1) to try and take things slow in the beginning, rushing things will only work to the detriment of the reltionship 2) don't worry about if this person thinks you're right for them, instead try and figure out if they're right for YOU, 3) trust your instincts and 4) never make any decisions based on fear, it only breeds more fear.

So the best advice I can give you is to relax and have some fun. If your friend pushes the physical stuff tell him you're not ready for that and you're enjoying getting to know him. If he's only looking for sex he'll give up and move on if you don't give it to him. Surefire way to figure out his true intentions there.

As far as what I order in restuarants, I usually order fish, or chicken with mashed potatoes, sometimes pasta or salad since they come out in huge dishes and no one can really tell I didn't eat that much. lol

Ok, online dating gurus.<br /> <br /> Here's a recent pic of me at a car show. Should I use this as a profile picture? I'm a bit concerned about the baggage/implication of the location/clothing, but maybe I'm overthinking it? It's really the only recent picture I have<br /> <br /> <br /> edit: oh yeah -- I'm now officially "overweight." That still sounds bad, but not as bad as "obese" or "morbidly obese"

Judging from you pics you look pretty sexy already. Regarding the other thing, as long as you keep taking them back they will keep showing up :rose:

Thanks hon! I just wish he'd quit wasting my time. I don't get it really. Why even bother if your just gonna ignore the person again the next day? It's not like I even demand a phone call..just a text.."hey hope your having a great day...i'm busy today sorry call ya tomorrow". Wow is that so fricken hard?..LOL. Apparently so. Let's all bet on when he's gonna text me again. Today..Tomorrow? With the same..I'm an idiot..I'm sorry..blah blah..and somehow make me feel like im too demading or something and it's all my fault why he didn't contact me..LOL. MEN!

Ok, online dating gurus.

Here's a recent pic of me at a car show. Should I use this as a profile picture? I'm a bit concerned about the baggage/implication of the location/clothing, but maybe I'm overthinking it? It's really the only recent picture I have

edit: oh yeah -- I'm now officially "overweight." That still sounds bad, but not as bad as "obese" or "morbidly obese"

I like the picture! Your a cutie :rose:

Nice car too HOT HOT