I thought it might be a good idea to have a thread where we could discuss the different challenges/issues we face as being single and banded.

I'll start with introducing myself. My name is Chris, I am 32 and live in a suburb of Boston. About a year ago I got out of a 5 year relationship and have just casually dated (online dating) since then. I have decided to take a break from dating for a bit, so I can focus on myself and adjust to living life as a bandster. (I was just banded on 10/2). One of my biggest concerns when I start dating again is if/when to tell that I am banded. It's not that I don't want to tell people, it's just that my idea of great dinner conversation does not include discussing my weight. Overall I would say that I have a great life. I have a good job, a very supportive family, and lots of friends. I am happy to be taking control over my weight and issues with food, and am excited at the prospect of my future as a not-so-fat woman.

I look forward to meeting more single bandsters and hope this thread takes off!

Chris :cocktail:

So I've been talking with a guy for awhile. Seems pretty good. Well he has a kid too so he asked for a play date with his son and his sister coming along too. I wasn't comfortable with that idea. I would like to meet him one on one first before I involve my child. I don't wanna be analyzed by his sister either if I'm good enough for him. Ewwww. It's just I haven't had a date in a long time so I'm kind of like...wondering if I did the right thing.

I think you did. It's a bad idea to introduce the kids to each other until you think this is going somewhere. Kids make friends, and they don't understand why they can't see their friend anymore, if the two of you stop seeing each other.

I have been a single mother since my kids were 3 and 6. They are now 23 and 26. I was always extremely careful who I introduced into their lives.

On the other hand, when a guy asks a woman out, he's just the latest in the long line. The woman knows she can pick and choose (look at this thread for exactly that mindset). If a guy's short, or overweight, or maybe a bit shy, a "nice guy" or worst of all a combination of all that, then he's pretty much guaranteed to be shot down.

Manatee I just want to let you know that I am NEVER asked out it person. NEVER. If you take internet dating out of the mix, not since my freshman year in college have I been asked out. I'm a fun, easy-going, decently attractive woman who has her "stuff" together so from my perspective the men are also doing the picking and choosing. And I would say never being asked out is as bad as always being shot down. I think it does the same thing to your psyche.

Oh, and for the record. I saw your pics and I would absolutely say yes to a date with you - if you asked. Don't cut yourself short. You're a handsome guy.

Hey everyone, I'm home! My trip was great and JC while I would have loved to have done some non-Disney fun, we spent anywhere between 8 and 13 hours a day at the parks. My legs and feet were so tired! lol. But it was a great trip!

Denise - Did you get a slight unfill? Sounds to me like you were overfilled.

Dibaby - I think a first date with kids is weird. I wouldn't do it.

Well I've gotta run to a birthday party. Just wanted to stop in and say hi. There was a bit of man-drama this week but I don't think I have the energy to get into it. Let's just say I've been hearing a lot from tattoo boy (gasp!) and that I don't think Mike has realized that I broke up with him. It's shocking just how much he doesn't get it. Alas this is why I am still single.

Yes, I got unfilled and it's taken me a week to slowly get back to eating. I am very excited that I have dropped 8 lbs from being over filled and not being able to eat. I stayed on liquids for a week because I wanted my tummy to rest.

A guy on another dating site just asked for my picture. I am not going to send it. I am tired of sending it out then never hearing back. He lives in this town, and there is no reason we couldn't just meet if he wants to see what I look like. We'll see if he demands a picture first. That must be a really bad picture of me.

I want to get some new updated pictures done before I send any out. I am so tired of feeling so lousy after I have sent this one out so many times.

Denise, I've seen your pic and I don't think it's a bad pic at all. It's probably not a bad idea to get a few other pics taken just so you have a bunch to show. I found when I posted more pics, there was definitely more activity. I know you don't post a pic on your profile, but I have to say that I think you should. There is nothing to be ashamed of. If someone sees your pic online, they're on there looking too. And I think doing that would generate more interest as well. You should give it a shot!

Thanks Chrispy, I want to have some more taken now that I have lost more weight.

I ended up talking to him on the phone, and we are possibly going

to meet tomorrow night.

I'll be sure to let everyone know how it goes.

Quick note, posting from cell phone. Leaving FT. Wayne In. I had a blast going to get a room some where and plan rest of week. Glad to hear you had a good time at Disney Chrispy.

JC

Good day to all:

I've had a crappy week with this band. I've had more blockages than a sewer full of roots and the weight has stayed the same. :heh:

On a happier note, I've read most of your threads with interest and I do agree with oilburner that 90% of success is about having confidence in yourself. Even though I have a lot of weight to lose, men are beginning to look and I'm realizing that it has nothing to do with my weight and a lot to do with the way I now carry myself and the way I look at the world straight in the eye. Since my main focus right now is weight loss I have no interest in dating but I can tell I could get a date or two if I wanted to and that's great news!

I'm off to sunny Florida this week for 12 days of R & R - I cannot wait!

It seems like Florida is a hotspot lately. I am hesitant to head back myself.LOL

Hey everyone! I have decided I am too old for this dating stuff. It's messing with my head!

I met the guy who didn't see my picture and I thought we had a fabulous time. He said he would call today. Now I feel like a stupid teenager wondering if he really will.

This is really hard. I got hurt so badly from my last bf, I am not sure why I ever thought I wanted to try again. Chrispy, I think you are really brave!

I was so freaked out when we talked on the phone and he asked if

I wanted to have dinner. I wasn't sure if I could even eat. I have really

been taking it slow since my problem of being overfilled. I haven't really

even had meat yet. I ended up telling him I had a late lunch and

suggested Chinese. I ordered a bowl of egg drop Soup to play it safe.

The last thing I wanted to do was puke on a first date.

Denise, I know this may sound cheesy, but think of it like this:

If the guy you go out on a date with turns out to be "the one" then the risk will be worth it. If he doesn't turn out to be "the one", then whenever you DO meet "the one" you will look back and be thankful it didn't work out and you really won't care anyway. Relax, be yourself, and see if he's worth your time.

You are not too old to need someone. You are not too old to want to love someone. You are not too old to be loved. You are not too old

Denise dating is hard, there is no hiding that fact. But I think it's well worth the risk. Don't get me wrong, I get tired of being let down by men but what is the reverse option? Sitting home and wallowing. I refuse to do that. So now when I go on dates it's just for fun. If something comes of it great. If not, that's ok too. I'm a catch, I know it. If someone doesn't see it, that does not mean I am unworthy of it. I have met plenty of guys who are attractive and nice, but I don't have that "spark" with them. It doesn't mean they're not great people. So if someone's not interested in me - so be it. Life goes on and they weren't the one for me.

I've also decided that I'm not falling for a guy until I've hit the 3 month mark with them. That's when their true colors come out. lol. Like I have any choice, but I'm going to try. lol.

Denise - Don't give up yet!!! You are a special person. Not every man is going to be the right one for you like oilburner said. You need to look at it as having a good time meeting some great people and not like you are looking for the one! I know I could use my own advice sometimes, so I know how you are feeling I think almost ALL of us have felt the way you do now at some point in all this dating stuff but just hang in there. You are worth it and some man will come along one day and remind you just how worth it you are!!! Take a deep breath and just try, and try again!

April