I thought it might be a good idea to have a thread where we could discuss the different challenges/issues we face as being single and banded.

I'll start with introducing myself. My name is Chris, I am 32 and live in a suburb of Boston. About a year ago I got out of a 5 year relationship and have just casually dated (online dating) since then. I have decided to take a break from dating for a bit, so I can focus on myself and adjust to living life as a bandster. (I was just banded on 10/2). One of my biggest concerns when I start dating again is if/when to tell that I am banded. It's not that I don't want to tell people, it's just that my idea of great dinner conversation does not include discussing my weight. Overall I would say that I have a great life. I have a good job, a very supportive family, and lots of friends. I am happy to be taking control over my weight and issues with food, and am excited at the prospect of my future as a not-so-fat woman.

I look forward to meeting more single bandsters and hope this thread takes off!

Chris :cocktail:

Manatee, which site is this (if you don't mind me asking) I would put right in the profile, that you don't want children. This is something major that women are going to want to know. Most sites ask that question and you fill in the blanks about all the questions.

PoF, and I do have "don't want kids" and "don't have kids" selected. I suppose reading comprehension may be a bit lacking around there.

What surprises me is the number of folk who have "don't want kids" AND "have children" selected. Just a mistake, or Freudian honesty?

And yeah, I know the long odds of finding someone of my age who isn't either a multi-daddy baby machine OR a biological clock watcher, but there's bound to be a few out there.

(no offense intended towards multi-daddy baby machines and biological clock watchers)

You would be describing someone like me. I already have children and I don't want more. I think that's what they are talking about, when they say they have kids but don't want more.

There are so many women who have kids but never really planned to have kids, just because they aren't very bright about how birth control works.

I still think you should say something about it in your profile, that you like kids (even if you don't) but you don't want any. Some people just aren't kid people, or aren't good with kids. Kids take a ton on patience, especially if they aren't your own.

I think half the people don't even read your profile. They look at your picture and just reply.

I'm in a pickle. I have lots of interest and wanting dates but I don't have a babysitter lined up..ugh.

Oh and manatee good luck finding someone hon. We all have our things I guess. Hey I don't want to date guys shorter than me and I'm going to have to put that in my profile cause I got about 7 pages of hits..I would say 4 of those pages are guys shorter than me. Call me shallow but I can't help what makes me feel uncomfortable. I would put something in your profile if its a big deal to you Manatee. I do have to say having a child makes things harder for sure..sigh.

Btw I was kidding about the gamer guy..I'm really not that mean.

Hi there! I'm new to this thread (not to LBT). Just found it and WOW...lots of communication here.:bounce:

I've been single for 8 years now and am just starting to really date. As with so many of us, I wasn't being asked out and a lot of it was my own doing. I was depressed, never looked anybody in the eye and had no confidence what so ever.

I've been on the dating sites (eHarmony, Plenty of Fish, and Match), but I swear I attract the biggest jerks. The last 3 months have been a total rollercoaster ride so for now I've deleted or hid my profiles because I just don't want to deal with it. It's been so long since I've really been social that at my age and after being married for almost 19 years I feel really inept. Adult dating...it's a whole new ballgame.

I've read and know all the basic stuff-places to go and to find something you enjoy doing (my case...motorcycles is way up there).

What do you do or where do you go to meet people?

The dating sites asking about children...yes, the way they word it doesn't make sense and I know everybody reads it differently. Silly...

Okay had a great date saturday night!! It's soo cool now having guys just really dig you right off. Not having to just sell a guy just on my personality anymore..do you guys know what I mean? You can just see it in a guys eyes that they are drooling over you. It's sooo weird!! LOLLL anyways..he seems like a real nice guy. He wants to meet me during the week for a lunch date..cause he can't wait until the weekend..hehe. go me..LOL. I'm a little apprehensive because of the way he answered the kids questions. Not too sure that he'd be good with my daughter. But why would u even date someone who has a kid if your not sure about kids?..LOL.

The only bad part is all this dating is getting me fat..LOL..geezes..

I still think you should say something about it in your profile, that you like kids (even if you don't) but you don't want any.

So I stuck this in my profile after getting several emails from the Single Mom Brigade (not that there's anything wrong with that...)

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IMPORTANT: I'm not looking for any situation that involves children. I make a great uncle, but that's about my limit -- wind them up for a few hours, and then give them back :-)

====

Feedback? I can't really think of a way to phrase it that's nicer but still gets the point across.

Congrats Di on the date!

So I stuck this in my profile after getting several emails from the Single Mom Brigade (not that there's anything wrong with that...)

====

IMPORTANT: I'm not looking for any situation that involves children. I make a great uncle, but that's about my limit -- wind them up for a few hours, and then give them back :-)

====

Feedback? I can't really think of a way to phrase it that's nicer but still gets the point across.

Congrats Di on the date!

Looks good to me manatee. I know I would get the point. Hoping that works out for ya hon. Thanks for the congrats..hehe

Manatee there is nothing wrong with being upfront and honest. Although some people will still choose to look right past it. You have a right to what you want from your relationship and I think it's great that you're up front about it from the start.

My latest update - it's offical. This Saturday after another great date, my man asked me to make it exclusive and to be his girlfriend. My response was, are you sure you're ready for this? lol. Spoken like a truly jaded woman. haha. At that point I hadn't even told him about the band so I said to him, well before we agree there is probably something I should tell you first. When I told him he didn't even flinch and just said, is that it? I thought you were going to tell me you were a man before or something. lol. So anyway, that started a little session where we decided to put all our baggage on the table up front and then decide if we still wanted to be exclusive. It was quite comical. I have to tell you all that I am so happy I am beside myself. I have finally found someone who has the whole package and real potential. Wish me luck.

Chripy, I am really happy for you. This one sounds like it's going to work out for you! Yay!

Dibaby, I am happy for you too! I never have anyone contact me, and it makes me feel like a real loser. On POF, all they talk about is how they want a skinny woman. Have you ever read the forums? No matter how much I lose, it won't be enough.

Manatee, I think that was a great way to put your "kid issue" It's cute, upbeat, and doesn't make you sound like a child hater.

Darcey, Welcome to our little corner of Lap Band Talk. We have a good time here.

Denise, yeah I have read a few of the forums on POF. But it's pretty much like real life. Men want what they want and it's not gonna change any time soon I'm betting. The only thing I can do is be completely honest in my profile and post pictures portraying how I really look. So far so good.

Chrispy!! gratz!!! awww..and just in time for the holidays.:confused:

Thanks girls! I've waited a long time to meet a guy like this and believe me, after dating the jerks I have, I certainly appreciate him!

Denise I believe with Dibaby. People are attracted to what they are attracted to, and we will never change that. But just be proud of yourself and who you are, and that will shine through.

Yeah, I can't wait until I get some more weight off. then maybe I can get a decent full body picture posted.

I wish there were ways to meet men in my age group IRL. I think guys think the online thing is like a kid in a candy store for the guys.

So many profiles, they just click next. I wish I had a more snappy

upbeat profile. I am not very good about writing about myself.

I have a lunch date today with the same guy from Saturday night! weee

I'm still debating if he does it for me though..geezee..I'm bad. Like my standards of cuteness have increased or something..lol. But you can't help how you feel..either he does it for me or he doesn't. Anyways..we'll see how it goes. I got another guy I gotta call this afternoon anyways..LOL..go me

How tall are you Dibaby? I just noticed your goal is 199. That's not very far from where I started out. I am only 5'2" though.

Sounds like you are really having fun!