I thought it might be a good idea to have a thread where we could discuss the different challenges/issues we face as being single and banded.

I'll start with introducing myself. My name is Chris, I am 32 and live in a suburb of Boston. About a year ago I got out of a 5 year relationship and have just casually dated (online dating) since then. I have decided to take a break from dating for a bit, so I can focus on myself and adjust to living life as a bandster. (I was just banded on 10/2). One of my biggest concerns when I start dating again is if/when to tell that I am banded. It's not that I don't want to tell people, it's just that my idea of great dinner conversation does not include discussing my weight. Overall I would say that I have a great life. I have a good job, a very supportive family, and lots of friends. I am happy to be taking control over my weight and issues with food, and am excited at the prospect of my future as a not-so-fat woman.

I look forward to meeting more single bandsters and hope this thread takes off!

Chris :cocktail:

April congrats on getting banded! I'm so happy you were able to make it happen! Hope you're feeling better soon!

Manatee - congrats on the date!! It sounds like it went well. For me, I don't want a kiss on the first date. Send her an email or give her a call after a couple of days and that will let her know you're interested. Next date I would say maybe a peck on the cheek or, if you think she's game for it, a kiss. Don't be afraid to be vocal and tell her that you'd like to give her a kiss goodnight, would she be ok with it. From a woman's perspective being respectful and a gentleman goes a long way. I don't think there's a right or a wrong way to do things, just do what feels right for you and be honest. You can't go wrong if you do that. Oh, and I think the standard for wine is 150 calories per glass, but I think that's a 4 oz glass.

Pigs I think that is a great discussion topic for your group. The hardest thing for me was knowing if/when and how to tell someone. There never seems to be an easy lead in for the weight loss discussion. lol. It has never been an issue with anyone I've told, but it's still hard to bring it up. And I agree with Denise about maybe discussing dining out strategies and even alcohol since people usually will have a drink on a date and I don't know about you, but I get tipsy much easier these days.

Thanks guys! I am nervous about this whole thing because I took it into my hands to put together a Single Bandies group. I don't want to let people down and I would like for it to grow! So, the first meeting is soooo important!

I would suggest maybe just picking one or two points of discussion per meeting, that way you don't go through all your material in one night. lol. Perhaps the first night should be a "meet and greet" type thing, where everyone can introduce themselves and talk about any concerns they have about being single and banded. Then you have an idea of who your audience is. It's a great idea for a support group though, and you can plan socials and stuff too once it all takes off. Great idea!

I was just recently banded (Oct. 22nd 2007.) I have always been single. I have had a lot of issues of self image (as I'm assuming many many people have) and have never let myself believe I was worth anything to have a boyfriend. I've always been the "friend."

I'm used to being looked at as the "fat friend" in the group (guys look past you at bars and talk to only your girlfriends who you are standing with.)

My brother recently commented to me that I'll have to be careful when I go out (after I've lost a significant amount of weight) because guys will be wanting to buy me drinks...etc.

That is something I can't imagine. I have noticed my self confidence has risen even just now only losing a little bit, which is good, but I still can't see that happening.

I think to myself- am I going to like the attention? Or am I going to think to myself, "Well, you wouldn't talk to me if I was still bigger!"

You know...

I guess we shall see.

I was just recently banded (Oct. 22nd 2007.) I have always been single. I have had a lot of issues of self image (as I'm assuming many many people have) and have never let myself believe I was worth anything to have a boyfriend. I've always been the "friend."

I'm used to being looked at as the "fat friend" in the group (guys look past you at bars and talk to only your girlfriends who you are standing with.)

My brother recently commented to me that I'll have to be careful when I go out (after I've lost a significant amount of weight) because guys will be wanting to buy me drinks...etc.

That is something I can't imagine. I have noticed my self confidence has risen even just now only losing a little bit, which is good, but I still can't see that happening.

I think to myself- am I going to like the attention? Or am I going to think to myself, "Well, you wouldn't talk to me if I was still bigger!"

You know...

I guess we shall see.

I was also in that position my entire life, always the "fat friend" and never anything more. I haven't even lost a really significant amount of weight yet, and honestly, it's not too too noticeable, but with the confidence I have just from that I've noticed a lot more guys giving me attention. I used to think the same thing as you, that these guys wouldn't have given me the time of day before because I was fat, but I see now that it has so so so much more to do with your attitude and how you carry yourself than with the way you look. With every single pound you lose you're gonna develop so much more confidence and guys will flock to you because of that new confidence!

Anyhoo...

I went on a date last night (yeah i know, i said i wasn't going to date for awhile...but he was cute and how could i turn him down? ), met him on eharmony, and I was so terrified of what he was going to think of my appearance, that I wrote to him and told him that he should be expecting a "bigger girl"...I show up at the restaurant and one of the first things he says to me is "you are not big, why on earth did you tell me you were big?" It really really really made me feel good about myself (especially since I am over 200 pounds, I know I'm a big girl lol, I mean, he just kept complimenting me the whole night telling me I was cute and stuff like that...I found all of that hard to believe...I have such a huge issue with accepting compliments because I can't see what he apparently saw in me. All in all, the date was nice, and I think we might go out again sometime early next week.

Sorry guys...I didn't mean to write a novel!

Well I've had a few dates with some guys but nothing that made me get excited about them. All have been really nice guys. Just that either the communication was bad or just something about them bothered me. I have also learned that when they put "occasional" for smoking means they are indeed a smoker..lol. Anyways I have another date tomorrow for lunch. First date..hehe. I have high hopes of course..hehe. We seemed to communicate really well on the phone at least have talked for hours. Wish me well..

Well, seems that I didn't make that much of an impression on BlindDateGirl. So be it.

Small world time -- I went down to a local tattoo parlor for some art, and during the course of conversation in the chair it turned out the artist was someone I was already talking to through an online dating site. Kinda freaked us both out, especially since she doesn't live anywhere near this area. Took a bit of talking to convince her I wasn't some weird stalker.

Neat lady, but her schedule and mine are so different that that's going to be hard to coordinate. Besides, there's always someone else to date, but a good artist is hard to find!

Oh -- and on these online things, I'm beginning to think there's some folk out there who are online performance artists or something. Some of these emails.....sheesh!

I am happy for you Manatee, Dibaby, Arria. Dating takes practice. Even if you don't click with the person, it's good practice!

I have been emailing with a couple of people from EHarmony. I hope I end up meeting them.

Well, seems that I didn't make that much of an impression on BlindDateGirl. So be it.

Small world time -- I went down to a local tattoo parlor for some art, and during the course of conversation in the chair it turned out the artist was someone I was already talking to through an online dating site. Kinda freaked us both out, especially since she doesn't live anywhere near this area. Took a bit of talking to convince her I wasn't some weird stalker.

Neat lady, but her schedule and mine are so different that that's going to be hard to coordinate. Besides, there's always someone else to date, but a good artist is hard to find!

Oh -- and on these online things, I'm beginning to think there's some folk out there who are online performance artists or something. Some of these emails.....sheesh!

Well if nothing else Manatee its good entertainment! LOLLL

Yeah I'm learning alot about dating. I'm also learning to say "no" to dates. That's a hard one for me. I really hate dissapointing people.

Okay I'm leaving in 5 minutes for the date..gotta love the anticipation..:car:

So Di, good or bad?

For me, it's yet another Friday night, and I'm very heavily self-medicated on rum and orange juice. Drinking alone is a bad thing, no?

I hate holidays. Days off == time to think, and I don't need that.

Heyy guys

Well he's a super guy. Although he dropped a couple of bombs on me. One of which is a health issue which I'm not sure if I wanna deal with or not. The other..is more of a personal issue..ummm..LOL. Has to do with sex..LOL. Anyways..I didn't know what to say to him on either things. I just don't really know what to do with this one. Dammit I just want normal..lol..I even took down my profile and everything..ugh

blah

Hi, I am almost 4 months out and down almost 45lbs. How long did you guys take to start dating after surgery. I was thinking of waitign 6 months but now i am starting to get lonely! I know that I need the time to myself to adjust to my new lifestyle. What do you guys think?

Hi, I am almost 4 months out and down almost 45lbs. How long did you guys take to start dating after surgery. I was thinking of waitign 6 months but now i am starting to get lonely! I know that I need the time to myself to adjust to my new lifestyle. What do you guys think?

Well, for me the date with BlindDateGirl was almost exactly 6 months post surgery. However, that timing was more coincidence than planning.

Of course, it's easier for women, so keep that in mind.

Heyy guys

Dammit I just want normal..lol..

Well, just because he turned out to be a post-op transsexual with paranoid schizophrenia doesn't make him abnormal Hell, if you met online, that makes him dead normal :heh:

LOLL..it wasn't that bad! Thanks for making me laugh though

Well, just because he turned out to be a post-op transsexual with paranoid schizophrenia doesn't make him abnormal Hell, if you met online, that makes him dead normal :heh: