I thought it might be a good idea to have a thread where we could discuss the different challenges/issues we face as being single and banded.

I'll start with introducing myself. My name is Chris, I am 32 and live in a suburb of Boston. About a year ago I got out of a 5 year relationship and have just casually dated (online dating) since then. I have decided to take a break from dating for a bit, so I can focus on myself and adjust to living life as a bandster. (I was just banded on 10/2). One of my biggest concerns when I start dating again is if/when to tell that I am banded. It's not that I don't want to tell people, it's just that my idea of great dinner conversation does not include discussing my weight. Overall I would say that I have a great life. I have a good job, a very supportive family, and lots of friends. I am happy to be taking control over my weight and issues with food, and am excited at the prospect of my future as a not-so-fat woman.

I look forward to meeting more single bandsters and hope this thread takes off!

Chris :cocktail:

Sorry, but I am just completely fed up. The E Harmony is supposed to match people up so their personalities match. Apparently, the only thing that matters really is looks.

Personality IS important, but so are looks. It's unrealistic to expect someone to want to be in a relationship with somebody to whom they're just not attracted. That doesn't make the man (or woman!) shallow, it's just life.

I know that I'm not the best catch out there, and I certainly wasn't before when I weighed almost 100 lbs more. That was MY fault, for letting myself get into that shape. It's MY responsibility to drag myself back into at least reasonably normal shape to appeal to more people. To expect millions of years of human evolutionary wiring to change because I am fat is pretty unrealistic.

I can be witty and charming and all that, but frankly, I'm working on buff :girl_hug:

Hi there! I'm new to this thread

Welcome to (y)our little corner of cyberspace! I wish I had an answer on the adult dating thing, but I really don't. Seems most things are couple-oriented. Maybe church Singles Classes, if you're into that?

Ok, so i know im losing weight and becoming happy with the wy i look and the way i feel but i still have the whole shy issue?!?!?!

Hi there, and welcome. The shy thing and the 'happy with me' thing are intertwined. When you get to the point you think you're the cat's meow, you'll be confident. In the meantime, you might want to look for a ToastMasters chapter. They teach public speaking, and if you can speak to a mass of folks you can speak to one.

I'm glad to see this thread, as singles we probably will have a different outlook on our surgery and the ultimate (good!) results. Laura

Welcome to Laura! I look forward to your input. I'll admit straight up that I got banded for vanity/cosmetic reasons. The health benefits are nice too, but really not that important to me.

I've been wondering lately what's going to happen when I go out with a new guy and food possibly gets stuck. Any suggestions?

Welcome! When I'm out with friends or on the occasional date, I just make very sure to order things that I am comfortable with. I also avoid social activities for about a week after a fill adjustment, just in case.

Glad to see new participants on the thread, please keep posting. More perspectives == a good thing.

We will all find someone. We have confidence in ourselves and we are all worthy. We will be together with someone.

Just keep believing in you.

Bob:clap2:

Manatee,

I know people have to find someone they are attracted to. Do you think you can tell completely if you're attracted to someone by a picture? I have met people ( not in the dating world necessarily) that I wasn't attracted to, but after I got to know them, something about them made them move attractive to me.

BTW, there is absolutely nothing wrong with the way you look now.

Manatee,

I know people have to find someone they are attracted to. Do you think you can tell completely if you're attracted to someone by a picture?

While I can't tell precisely how I will react to someone, I can certainly tell if someone is completely outside my range of attraction. Everyone has certain types that they fall head over heels for, certain types that are "ok" for them (and this area is where the attraction can grow depending on interaction) and those that they just find unattractive for some reason.

If someone is simply unappealing to me, then there's no point in continuing to pursue a romantic relationship. Sure, one can keep up the pen pal thing, but remember that the ultimate goal is to find a long term romantic partner that rocks your world. Why should anyone settle?

I know that there's people out there who just aren't into my look. That's why I have a detailed profile with multiple photos and a full body shot. That way, those who don't like me don't waste either one of our time. That's also why I don't bother to contact those with no photos, or with the carefully cropped face-only pic. If they're hiding something already, they're not for me.

Note: physical attraction doesn't excuse crazy. If a woman is precisely my physical type and is an angry nutjob, I don't need her in my life.

Manatee - you look like a very colorful bird to me. Do you have other photos? By the way ... nice tail!! :confused:

Just ran across this thread. I'm 28 and scheduled to be banded on January 7th! Yippeee! I was involved with a guy last year and although now we are just friends, I still haven't told him about my decision to get the band. I have no idea why I have such issues telling him. He's never said anything negative about my weight...but I guess in my mind, I realize that he prefers a girl with a little less meat on her bones. But like I said, we are just friends now...but I guess in some way I think my weight is to blame for us not being together (even though I'm happier with our current situation). Any ideas on how to tell him? We go out to lunch all the time, and I know I'm going to HAVE to tell him. Like I said, don't know what my hang up is. Maybe I'm just afraid of failing again.

Also...I just met a guy last weekend and we really hit it off. Part of me just wants to blow him off until after the surgery so I can avoid having the conversation with him as well! How do you bring that up with people who you just start to date?

My dating life is pretty much non-existant...I meet tons of people out and about but it's never turned into anything serious. I personally think I'm a great catch! :confused: Except for my weight...I'm not happy with that, how can I expect others to be ok with it?! I'm afraid I'm going to be one jaded girl if the dating increases once I lose weight. Anyone experience that?

I have a question. Have there been any connections made on here. If so would you be willing to talk about them

I have a question. Have there been any connections made on here. If so would you be willing to talk about them

I'm very attracted to a guy on lbt but the distance is the sucky part. We've both have had many discussions to meet but not sure when it will happen with him going to school.

Manatee--

Heres a ?

What if you dated someone that was a little chunky at first. You decide she isn't for you due to the chunkness, then, see her months later and she is totally hot. Would you try again?

Honestly, how much would the weight factor in on this one?

Fair question.

Honestly, if I were to date someone in the first place, that means that they fall into the aforementioned "acceptable" range. I wouldn't expect anyone, male or female, to date someone they didn't find mildly to very attractive. This means that if we should break up, it wouldn't be because of physical attractiveness or lack thereof. More likely, it's because we just aren't into each other, emotional disconnect, completely incompatible beliefs, nasty habits, something I did, etc. None of that would change with "hotness", and so those problems would remain.

Now -- we all know that weight loss affects personality. Look around this board about all the comments re: improved self esteem, confidence, etc. If someone before was a dull little blob that wouldn't look anyone in the eye, kept to h(im/her)self and basically wasn't interacting, and now they're confident, strutting, fashionable and bubbly, then yeah, they're going to be treated differently by the world. THAT is the part I'm working on now, trying to be more That Guy, and the world really is starting to change for me.

Does this mean life's unfair for blobby introverts? Yep. The options are basically (1) live with it (2) whine about it (3) fix yourself. I choose door #3. It's damned hard. The band is a start, working out is a start, and now I have to kill off 39 years of shyness. Still, what I've been doing before now didn't work, so why not join 'em?

Good answer M! I think a guy would totally take a step back and relook at the person they have already dumped!

I'm in the same boat as manatee.

I'll add another little caveat, though. Ron White said it best when he said: You can't fix stupid.

I won't date a girl I'm not attracted to. I also won't date a girl that I'm not compatible with.

Personality weighs heavy with me when it comes to attraction, but if I'm not attracted, I'm not attracted.

Dead thread?

I'm planning on some sort of tropical trip over New Years (agent's still working on details). Any tips/tricks for the single traveler? Looks like Key West or Cabo right now.