I thought it might be a good idea to have a thread where we could discuss the different challenges/issues we face as being single and banded.

I'll start with introducing myself. My name is Chris, I am 32 and live in a suburb of Boston. About a year ago I got out of a 5 year relationship and have just casually dated (online dating) since then. I have decided to take a break from dating for a bit, so I can focus on myself and adjust to living life as a bandster. (I was just banded on 10/2). One of my biggest concerns when I start dating again is if/when to tell that I am banded. It's not that I don't want to tell people, it's just that my idea of great dinner conversation does not include discussing my weight. Overall I would say that I have a great life. I have a good job, a very supportive family, and lots of friends. I am happy to be taking control over my weight and issues with food, and am excited at the prospect of my future as a not-so-fat woman.

I look forward to meeting more single bandsters and hope this thread takes off!

Chris :cocktail:

I agree. Go on the date and see how it goes. If he knows you have had surgery, he should know you are in the process of losing more weight. Has he seen your picture? That's the main thing. I am a firm believer that I won't see anyone until I have seen their picture.

I want them to see mine too. I don't like surprises.

Denise-He has seen my dated profile on match........It has pix of me twenty pounds thinner maybe I should make him wait for twenty more pounds.........more on dilemma later, let me think! LOL

Just send him a current pic if you're that worried about it.

To be honest, most 'normals' don't really notice the difference 10-20 lbs makes. It's only us that's so obsessed with it You should hear my friends react when I tell them I'm still 30 lbs heavy and a fatboy :rose:

Thanks Manatee! That sounds like a good honest guy's point of view. I saw your before and afters on the other thread and you look really good! One little compliment for ya, your shirt is too big!! and.....I don't see the thirty pounds, Honest to God, I don't!

Have a good one!

Good Luck pigRF. I wish you had a different name, lol. I don't like calling you pigs are flying. Let us know how it goes.

Manatee, I love your new weight ticker! I agree. you're lookin great!

Hi to all you singles I just thought I'd poke my head in here and introduce myself. I'm currently that wonderful trio of fair, fat and over forty but I'm working on the middle one! :ohmy:

I've been essentially single for 14 years now and, while I'm generally fine with it, I guess I'm getting a little lonely lately. For those of you waiting to lose weight before you get into the dating game, DON'T WAIT!! I started my single life at only 160lb (up from 125lb at marriage) and spent the first 4 years "putting on my fat suit" in response to the crappy marriage. After 4 years of absolute celibacy and stuffing my face, I opened the door to dating and discovered that, even though I was well over 200lb by then, fat chicks get dates too! It's all in the confidence - which I know is our biggest weakness, because who feels confident when they feel fat?

Since then, I have dated on and off, growing larger every year, but my "success rate" has always been tied to my current head space. My size has never been the issue. When I am open to dating and receptive and responsive to people, the dates come. When I am in my "nup, wanna be left alone!" moods, they disappear like magic.

So anyway... not trying to lecture or pretend I know the answers (coz I DON'T!!) ...just trying to give those who are "waiting for the day" a little push to get out there right now! Make eye contact and smile at everyone, regardless of who they are, and someone will notice and say hi to you!

hi everyone

Welcome to the singles thread, Fanny! Stick around. We are all pretty good at supporting each other. You can be sure that if I found someone to date, I would be more than happy to go, no matter what weight I am.

I happen to live in the middle of nowhere and if you have any ideas on how to meet single men, I am all ears!

Guys, thank you so much for your help. I am going to go and see what happens.

Welcome Fanny!

Denise-- I am going to tell you about my name, PigsRFlying. 1) The catch phrase "when pigs fly" well, that is something I always said about my being skinny. So, I turned that around into a positive statement that "Pigs R Flying!" 2) The piggie in me is flying away!! Maybe this will help with you calling me pigs......I don't associate anything negative with it!!

It's OK but if you still feel weird just call my fly! lol

Piggie I agree with what Manatee says. If you're really nervous, then send him a pic of you now, but really - I don't think he'll notice the 20lbs. He's going to either like you for you, or he's not. 20 lbs won't make a difference. So go ahead and do it! And make sure to let us know how it goes!

And because you asked, all is great here. Beyond great. I can hardly believe it. I have never dated a guy that treats me so well. He is kind, caring, supportive, and appreciative of the things I do for him. He gets along with my friends, and doesn't mind going to obligatory things like christenings because he says as long as he's with me, he's happy. He's the whole package - including the romance part too. I've always said I was single because I refused to settle and even though it took me almost 33 years, I've finally found a guy who's absolutely great and knows how to treat me like a princess. I'm not letting go of this one!

Piggie I agree with what Manatee says. If you're really nervous, then send him a pic of you now, but really - I don't think he'll notice the 20lbs. He's going to either like you for you, or he's not. 20 lbs won't make a difference. So go ahead and do it! And make sure to let us know how it goes!

And because you asked, all is great here. Beyond great. I can hardly believe it. I have never dated a guy that treats me so well. He is kind, caring, supportive, and appreciative of the things I do for him. He gets along with my friends, and doesn't mind going to obligatory things like christenings because he says as long as he's with me, he's happy. He's the whole package - including the romance part too. I've always said I was single because I refused to settle and even though it took me almost 33 years, I've finally found a guy who's absolutely great and knows how to treat me like a princess. I'm not letting go of this one!

Does he have a brother who'd be willing to commute to Missouri??

:biggrin:

Chrispy, I am so happy for you!! I know you have met quite a few guys in the last year, and I am so excited for you that you finally found one that makes you so happy! YAY!

PigRF, Yeah, I remember you explained that to us one time. I still don't think the name does you justice! I can't wait to hear how your date goes. Right now, I have to be happy for everyone who is having positive experiences, since i have no clue how to meet anyone around

here.

Hey what do you guys think about this: I signed up for E Harmony for awhile. I liked the idea of being matched up with someone a computer found as a match for me after answering about an hour's worth of questions. I emailed with a guy, and I thought he had seen my picture on the site. It turned out they didn't have it up where he could see it.

As soon as he saw my picture, he stopped writing. I have a new picture, and it's so much better. I have his email address. I have been trying to think of a way to say "Hey take another look" without sounding desperate. This new picture is 100% better. My good friend's husband actually told me it's the difference between being homely and hot comparing my old and new picture. How would I word that in an

email and not sound like a lunatic?

Denise,

how about something like:

====

Hi there, I was just wondering how you're doing these days? Did that situation with <whatever y'all talked about> work out?

<short comment about something somewhat interesting but not deeply personal happening in your life>

Oh, I know you get a lot of email and may be scratching your head right now, so here's my picture again to remind you. Take care, and I look forward to hearing from you.

===

Hey Guys! I created a room called Single Bandsters, so when you are on here, Come Chat!! dunno if I did it right! lol

Hi to all you singles :girl_hug: I just thought I'd poke my head in here and introduce myself. I'm currently that wonderful trio of fair, fat and over forty but I'm working on the middle one!

I've been essentially single for 14 years now and, while I'm generally fine with it, I guess I'm getting a little lonely lately. For those of you waiting to lose weight before you get into the dating game, DON'T WAIT!! I started my single life at only 160lb (up from 125lb at marriage) and spent the first 4 years "putting on my fat suit" in response to the crappy marriage. After 4 years of absolute celibacy and stuffing my face, I opened the door to dating and discovered that, even though I was well over 200lb by then, fat chicks get dates too! It's all in the confidence - which I know is our biggest weakness, because who feels confident when they feel fat?

Since then, I have dated on and off, growing larger every year, but my "success rate" has always been tied to my current head space. My size has never been the issue. When I am open to dating and receptive and responsive to people, the dates come. When I am in my "nup, wanna be left alone!" moods, they disappear like magic.

So anyway... not trying to lecture or pretend I know the answers (coz I DON'T!!) ...just trying to give those who are "waiting for the day" a little push to get out there right now! Make eye contact and smile at everyone, regardless of who they are, and someone will notice and say hi to you!

Hi Everyone!

I've enjoyed reading some of the messages in this thread. I really liked Fanny's remarks, especially 'success rate vs. head space' and "make eye contact and smile at everyone." Dating has been a source of worry for me. I don't have a lot of experience, and God knows I want to settle down with someone, so I need to get out there and gain that experience. I guess my main problem is the lack of self-confidence because I'm not crazy about the naked me. I've had different women tell me that men don't care too much about how the boobs look as long as I've got them. Do you think this is true?

~Anne