I thought it might be a good idea to have a thread where we could discuss the different challenges/issues we face as being single and banded.

I'll start with introducing myself. My name is Chris, I am 32 and live in a suburb of Boston. About a year ago I got out of a 5 year relationship and have just casually dated (online dating) since then. I have decided to take a break from dating for a bit, so I can focus on myself and adjust to living life as a bandster. (I was just banded on 10/2). One of my biggest concerns when I start dating again is if/when to tell that I am banded. It's not that I don't want to tell people, it's just that my idea of great dinner conversation does not include discussing my weight. Overall I would say that I have a great life. I have a good job, a very supportive family, and lots of friends. I am happy to be taking control over my weight and issues with food, and am excited at the prospect of my future as a not-so-fat woman.

I look forward to meeting more single bandsters and hope this thread takes off!

Chris :cocktail:

Dibaby, hold out for what you want - you will find it. For years all I kept saying was that all I wanted was a nice, normal guy who knew how to treat me right. I didn't think I'd ever find it and I kept making "exceptions" with the guys I dated. I stopped that, and decided I was better off alone than compromising (which is different than being understanding - we all have some baggage and you know what you can and cannot live with). I dated a lot of men, but have FINALLY found the most amazing guy who treats me like a queen. It was well worth the wait. So while I agree with Manatee that there are a lot of crazies online, there are also some normal ones. Hold out for one if that's what you want.

Di-Normal seems to get harder and harder with every person I meet.

have FINALLY found the most amazing guy who treats me like a queen.

Just curious how & when you handled the 'I've been banded' conversation?

I still haven't gotten to meet anyone that I have been writing to on the different online sites.

I was emailing back and forth on E Harmony. They make you answer

questions back and forth that they come up with. Eventually, you get to open communication. Once again, went I sent my picture,

communication stopped. This time I called him on it. I said that

I thought the E Harmony process matched people according to their personalities and that you can't really tell completely from a picture if you are going to "click' with someone. I asked him to have enough integrity to answer rather than just not answer this email. We shall see what happens.

Dibaby, hold out for what you want - you will find it. For years all I kept saying was that all I wanted was a nice, normal guy who knew how to treat me right. I didn't think I'd ever find it and I kept making "exceptions" with the guys I dated. I stopped that, and decided I was better off alone than compromising (which is different than being understanding - we all have some baggage and you know what you can and cannot live with). I dated a lot of men, but have FINALLY found the most amazing guy who treats me like a queen. It was well worth the wait. So while I agree with Manatee that there are a lot of crazies online, there are also some normal ones. Hold out for one if that's what you want.

Thanks so much for this advice. I definitely feel this way too. I just had such hope..ugh. I think I'll stop dating for awhile till the new year and regather. I'm on a new nutritional plan anyways that I wanted to focus on. Besides alone for xmas isn't so bad..lol less stress in many ways.

So I was online and out of nowhere this guy that I had met 4 years ago from AOL messages me and asks how I'm doing. I'm in complete shock. We kind of stopped talking back then just because we were both not ready for anything serious and we've both agreed that we've grown up a lot since then. We talked on the phone for over an hour and he asks me to meet him for lunch. I'm in complete shock but decide to go for it. It wasn't as if I had never met him. We went to lunch this past Sunday and hit it off in an instant all over again. He treats me with such respect and honesty and I've been in need of a companion as of late because it has gotten so lonely for me. We ended up hanging out again last night with another couple and had a few drinks and I couldn't be happier that he has shown up in my life again. I guess the saying is true, "Don't look for someone because it will come when you least expect it"

Yea, people keep telling me that someone will come along when I least expect it. I have given up on believing that though.

I feel like I am going to be alone the rest of my life sometimes.

Right now I am really hating men.

Well I'm back to the officially being single thing. The Nate thing didn't work out..."He Just Wasn't That Into Me!" I'm glad I can finally admit that....and not feel so shitty about it! After reading that book, I've learned that if a guy isn't going to dig me....then it's his loss!

I tried the Eharmony thing...and started talking to this amazing guy. We now are talking on the phone daily, with emails as well. He lives 2 hours away...so who knows where this will go! :eek:

Hi everyone..just found this thread..totally nice!

My names Tiffaney- Im 22 and go to school...about to graduate. I consider myself to be smart and not bad looking- I prefer the saying"not bad for what Im working with"- I am single-duh!- and have never really dated a guy before. I have a hard time letting peple get close to me. Its a trust issue. I flirt alot, but have a hard time taking that next step, and when he takes it for me, I have the tendancy to freeze.

Ive had a crush on this guy for about a year now, but I only get to see him for 4-5 monthsout of the year, because he works out of the country. We recently started-not to get too personal here- messing around but when I went to drop him off at the airport, and I wont see him till Feb or March- I gave him a casual kiss on the cheek and a tight hug...I felt like doing a scene from a movie..tear, lips locked for an unmentionable amount of time..tearful promises of love letters..but instead look what I did! When I turned back he had this funny look on his face, like he wasnt expecting that...crap..yet once more I push away someone! Hes very athletic andI havent mentioned my band, although my family has mentioned my surgery around him, hes never asked...not sure if I want to tell him when I see him next..assuming he wants to see me, who knows after the way I acted..hmm maybe being a spinster wont be too bad.. I could get a couple more cats..and be the skinny lady with all the animals! haha

Just curious how & when you handled the 'I've been banded' conversation?

This was always a tough one for me Manatee. I never wanted to just artifically bring it up and say, "hey guess what?". In this instance he asked me to be exclusive and I said before we agreed to that there was something I should probably tell him. So I told him, and he literally said, that's it? We hadn't messed around before this point so he had never seen my scars. It has not been an issue for him in the least and, I think, it won't be with the right person, although none of the guys I've dated since being banded have had an issue with it either.

Well I'm back to the officially being single thing. The Nate thing didn't work out..."He Just Wasn't That Into Me!" I'm glad I can finally admit that....and not feel so shitty about it! After reading that book, I've learned that if a guy isn't going to dig me....then it's his loss!

I tried the Eharmony thing...and started talking to this amazing guy. We now are talking on the phone daily, with emails as well. He lives 2 hours away...so who knows where this will go!

That book is so amazing and I totally live by it to this day. It all makes sense

Yea, people keep telling me that someone will come along when I least expect it. I have given up on believing that though.

I feel like I am going to be alone the rest of my life sometimes.

Right now I am really hating men.

I was in a slump too. Just thinking that there was nobody else out there after my ex boyfriend. I hope everything works out for you. If you think about it...life is so much more simple when you're single.

Yea, people keep telling me that someone will come along when I least expect it. I have given up on believing that though.

I feel like I am going to be alone the rest of my life sometimes.

Right now I am really hating men.

I feel like that too. Like maybe Im supposed to be alone..I mean whay kind of crazy person would actually like me. Men to me are all pretty much bastards..you get your hopes up, and get crushed...Seriously, it would be nice to have someone to kiss under the mistletoe this year..for ONCE! but its not gonna happen...maybe next year

I feel like that too. Like maybe Im supposed to be alone..I mean whay kind of crazy person would actually like me. Men to me are all pretty much bastards..you get your hopes up, and get crushed...Seriously, it would be nice to have someone to kiss under the mistletoe this year..for ONCE! but its not gonna happen...maybe next year

I am a true believer that everyone has a soul mate out there. I think it just takes a lot of patience and having confidence. I've never had a boyfriend for Christmas. It would be nice to have one this year.

all right ladies quit beating the men up. there are some of us who read this lol