I thought it might be a good idea to have a thread where we could discuss the different challenges/issues we face as being single and banded.

I'll start with introducing myself. My name is Chris, I am 32 and live in a suburb of Boston. About a year ago I got out of a 5 year relationship and have just casually dated (online dating) since then. I have decided to take a break from dating for a bit, so I can focus on myself and adjust to living life as a bandster. (I was just banded on 10/2). One of my biggest concerns when I start dating again is if/when to tell that I am banded. It's not that I don't want to tell people, it's just that my idea of great dinner conversation does not include discussing my weight. Overall I would say that I have a great life. I have a good job, a very supportive family, and lots of friends. I am happy to be taking control over my weight and issues with food, and am excited at the prospect of my future as a not-so-fat woman.

I look forward to meeting more single bandsters and hope this thread takes off!

Chris :cocktail:

I am glad to find this thread.

My name is Ginny, I am 43, in the New Orleans area. I am an attorney, divorced for several years, Mom to 3 great kids.

I am getting banded next month and I am wondering if anyone else had twinges of nerves doing this surgery as a singleton. I mean, I am a grown-up and can make my own decisions, etc, but it sure would be nice to have a spoouse to bounce off the idea and concerns.

I am nervous that, should something go wrong, I don't have help at home.

Any advice?

Thanks so much!

If you are talking about recovery then I wouldn't be too concerned especially if you are a "fast healer". I had surgery on a Thursday and by Monday I was so stir crazy I mowed the yard. This was the first time I had ever been in the hospital so I don't really have anything to use as a yardstick to know if my recovery time was normal or not. For me the main part of the recovery period was letting my body get used to the reduced calories/energy and not so much getting over the surgery itself. If you still have kids at home be proactive and plan for their needs ahead of time so you don't have to do anything for the first 4 days or so. Other than that don't worry about it and just be excited for yourself.

Hi Ginny

I am a 57 (for three more days) year old professional woman who is divorced. This decision was 100% my own, although my children and my niece, who is like my third child, sure have been happy that I decided to have it. My ex hubby had the gastric bypass two years ago and even though he had about every complication possible, he is much healthier and happier now. I know they want that for me too. I have about 100 pounds to lose, and have lost 15 from the pre-op already.

I haven't really told anyone at work yet. They just know I had to have some 'minor surgery'.

I know what you mean though - having been married for a long time, I sure miss that nice perspective from a male who cares about me. I do have some good male friends and some former 'lovers' who like me the way I am, so no pressure from them one way or another.

That left the decision to me, but every time I get a glimpse of myself in a mirror or a photo.. I got more depressed. So, I've been banded for a whole two days now! No expert on anything for sure, but I'd say especially if you can get your kids support and encouragement, go for it! I'm not saying I'd have decided differently without my kids support but I know they are only wanting what's best for me and I sure don't want them having to take care of me as I get older and with all this weight even less healthy. I'm also a grandma - and I can't wait till I don't have to tell my grandson that I can't get down on the floor with him. (Its usually a real problem getting back up).

I'd love to keep in touch with you as you progress through your decision making.

Judy

*Sigh* I just sent the guy I've been talking to a message about my surgery...now I just have to wait until he reads and and worry obsessively about what he's going to write back...

On a happier note, I had my first fill today!! I was terrified it would hurt (I am HORRIBLE with needles) but I barely even felt it. He only put in 1cc, and told me that there was already some saline in it from my surgery, so he is guessing that there's a total of about 3 cc's in my band. No restriction just yet...but I'll give it a couple of days!

Chrispy, I was just checking to see if it may be possible that guys aren't the only oblivious people out there. LOL

I debated about posting this in this thread, but in truth I feel more connected to you characters in this thread than the people in my monthly group. So here it is, if anyone objects I'll delete the post.<br /> <br /> Before and during.<br /> <br /> I so rarely get in photos, but twice a year I organize a car rally, and someone always gets me during the driver orientation. The shot of me in in orange shirt and khaki was shot April 29th. Those shorts are a 46 waist, and look at that overhang! The other shot is today, I'm in white with denim shorts -- 38 waist.<br /> <br /> Still a ways to go, but feeling good today

Manatee you look AWESOME!!! What a difference :clap2:

Keep up the great work and you will be at your goal in no time at all, you really deserve to feel good about yourself!!!

<p>M-Tee What kind of car rally?</p> I noticed one of the buildings said Dallas Desk, are you in Dallas?

Heck of a difference, way to go.

WOW Manatee! What a big difference! You should feel good because you look good, and you've put in a lot of hard work to get there. Congrats!

So I had another date last night and it was great. This was a guy I dated a few times back in May, but the timing was off for both of us. We've kept in touch as friends via email, and have been regularly emailing for the past couple of months (we were both in relationships, both of which recently ended). So out of the blue he asked me out this past Thursday and we went out last night. He took me to a VERY nice restaurant and then we went bowling - all dressed up. It was an absolute blast! We then had a little night cap at my place and watched David Chapelle reruns. We were laughing our butts off. And the best part - he didn't even make any moves. Just a hug and a peck goodnight. Don't get me wrong, I would have loved to have kissed him but it's so refreshing to find someone who's not looking to run the bases as fast as he can. So this morning I texted him a thank you message and he called me about 20 mintues later to let me know he had an excellent time and that he doesn't want to wait too long to see me again. I have to admit, I'm a little giddy today. I'm going to take it slow and just enjoy the dating for a while. I'll keep you posted on how it goes.

Speaking of which, JC how are things with your lady friend?

Arria, how did you make out?

Manatee, You look great. I have to tell you that when you first started posting, I thought you were female. I think that was before you put something under your name. Congratulations on all your hard work.

Chrispy, I am happy for you! I hope this one makes time for you. You seemed to really like Mike, but then said he was a work a holic.

I am presently writing to 3 different guys from 3 differeent online sights. One from POF messaged me today where I actually have a picture posted. That really surprised me. He lives about 3 hours from here though. I don't much luck with the online thing, but we'll see how it goes.

WOW Manatee! What a big difference! You should feel good because you look good, and you've put in a lot of hard work to get there. Congrats!

So I had another date last night and it was great. This was a guy I dated a few times back in May, but the timing was off for both of us. We've kept in touch as friends via email, and have been regularly emailing for the past couple of months (we were both in relationships, both of which recently ended). So out of the blue he asked me out this past Thursday and we went out last night. He took me to a VERY nice restaurant and then we went bowling - all dressed up. It was an absolute blast! We then had a little night cap at my place and watched David Chapelle reruns. We were laughing our butts off. And the best part - he didn't even make any moves. Just a hug and a peck goodnight. Don't get me wrong, I would have loved to have kissed him but it's so refreshing to find someone who's not looking to run the bases as fast as he can. So this morning I texted him a thank you message and he called me about 20 mintues later to let me know he had an excellent time and that he doesn't want to wait too long to see me again. I have to admit, I'm a little giddy today. I'm going to take it slow and just enjoy the dating for a while. I'll keep you posted on how it goes.

Speaking of which, JC how are things with your lady friend?

Arria, how did you make out?

Well, the guy never sent me a response. I'm totally ok with it though, I mean, if he doesn't even have the decency to respond, why would I even think about dating him??

Your date sounds like it was fabulous, by the way! He sounds like a keeper!

I really don't get that. He saw your pictures, so I don't get why surgery would make a difference. That's probably why I don't tell many people that I had surgery. I don't even have the nerve to post a full body shot on any of my online hook-up sites. I have been trying to have one taken, but I still think I look way fat if my whole body is showing in the picture.

I just hate it that guys want Barbie dolls.

I am single, and 40 years old. Pretty much by choice. I ended a 12 year relationship 6 years ago, and have been dating on and off. Generally, didn't like the guys who were asking me out because I was big, and thought I was desperate.

I am getting banded on January 21. I am not doing it now to get a man, 6 years ago, probably, now doing it for myself. I guess that once the weight is off, my dating pool could open up, but not even sure I want to test it.

My best friend is a guy, who has had many failed relationships with the barbie girls, he is a big guy himself, and is not supportive of my choice for the surgery. I don't get it. Except maybe that part of our non romantic relationship was because I was big so we were close because he wasn't attracted to me. Now I can't figure out what our friendship is going to be when I get banded. It just hurts me a lot that he is not supporting this choice.

That's the right attitude Arria. Good for you girl! A lot of guys online are just looking for "fun" and they try and sweet talk you to get it. Sometimes you have to set up filters to see if the guy is sincere or not and it looks like this guy was not. But it's his loss!

Denise hon, you need to start being proud of yourself and who you are. I've seen pictures and you're beautiful! Be more confident in who you are. That shines through and is sexy!

So I have date #2 (or 5 depending on how you look at it) set up for this Wednesday. I'm going to make us lasagna and we're going to watch the Red Sox game. I'll let you know how it goes.

You can eat lasagna? Heck, I'm more jealous of that than your dating success