Husbands (spouses/partners) responses to surgery?

[DreamsOfSkinny 53]

My husband I think is finally acknowledging that this is really happening now that I'm approved (just this past Thursday) and have surgery date of 1/29. It is rather quick now but I'm happy about it. He's asked some questions but I think overall is scared something is going to go wrong. I keep trying to reassure him I've researched the doctor so long and he is one of the leaders of the sleeve and top hospitals. He's scared I will loose too much weight and will look sickly or will regret it because I'll have lots of loose skin bc of the rapid loss. I told him my goal and the eating and exercise plan and how long it will take me to lose it. The next moment he says he knows this means a lot to me bc he sees my dedication to it. I just hope nothing goes wrong and all my research, positive energy, preparation, prayers, and patience pays off for the good! He says I don't need surgery, but he supports me if this is what I truly want.

How have you reassured your spouses of your decision for surgery?

[aliandrews 98]

My husband was 100% behind me the whole way. He wanted me with him for the rest of our lives. He didn't want to lose me. So there are no regrets here.

[Vidalia 122]

I think the thing that helped my husband the most is that he went to the educational seminar with me and got to meet the surgeon and hear his credentials and the success of his many surgeries. I think that helped him feel more comfortable about the whole thing. Maybe you could take your husband to your next surgeon visit and at least let him meet him.

[Carol Watts 67]

My husband was and is still behind me all the way. My husband in 1997 seen me have a very rough time with a surgery. He was still supportive with my choice to have this surgery. Now he shows me off to everyone. Yes he does worry about me. He thinks I am losing to much weight to fast, but he still supports me. I am 3 1/2 months post op.

[JennCH 19]

My husband has been supportive, but toward the end before surgery when I'd lost 30# he didn't understand why I wanted the surgery, but just keep doing what I was doing. I knew if I didn't get the surgery I was going to yo-yo. He really noticed the 10# during the pre-op diet and didn't understand why I just couldn't keep it up.

He is quite obese (300+ pounds) and thinks he can just walk it off. His diet is awful and we eat separate meals all the time. I am really worried about him and hope my weight loss will be motivation.

Has anyone else had this issue?

[crickee 85]

My hubby has always been nervous about any surgery I have had, be it necessary or elected, just from the safety standpoint. He has been with me for 33 years total (22 married) and through all the diets. He has supported me the whole way and he has been thrilled with the results so far. Our sex life has always been good, but the weight loss has really made it better and I didn't think that was possible! My boys 9 and 13 have also been very positive, they say that mom is looking good!

My new motto is I eat to live, not live to eat!

[JessicaAnn 564]

My hubs is 100% supportive. He is an optimist, so he's always saying "everything will be fine". He's not overweight ad never had been, so he doesn't realize how being obese is really affecting my personality. He's already says he loves me at 280lbs, and if I want the surgery he'll love me just the same. He's a keeper

[amitch17 17]

My fiancé is supportive. He doesn't care what I look like but he said if it makes me happy he's ok. I just worry he will feel bad because he is somewhat self conscious. I think he is very handsome and I love him just the way he is but he knows he's gained weight. I've asked him if he'd like the sleeve too and he says he doesn't think it's for him.

My biggest concern is his feelings. He's such a sweet person.

[Rycherchick 147]

Jessica Ann, My husband is the same way, he is very supportive. He worries about something happening but I am relativly healthy with no co-morbidities. I am sure I will be fine with no complications.

[LifetimeLoser 208]

My husband I think is finally acknowledging that this is really happening now that I'm approved (just this past Thursday) and have surgery date of 1/29. It is rather quick now but I'm happy about it. He's asked some questions but I think overall is scared something is going to go wrong. I keep trying to reassure him I've researched the doctor so long and he is one of the leaders of the sleeve and top hospitals. He's scared I will loose too much weight and will look sickly or will regret it because I'll have lots of loose skin bc of the rapid loss. I told him my goal and the eating and exercise plan and how long it will take me to lose it. The next moment he says he knows this means a lot to me bc he sees my dedication to it. I just hope nothing goes wrong and all my research, positive energy, preparation, prayers, and patience pays off for the good! He says I don't need surgery, but he supports me if this is what I truly want.

How have you reassured your spouses of your decision for surgery?

I think education plays a huge deal. Unfortunately, my husband refuses to share what he is thinking. I think he is trying to protect me because he is probably scared to death that something can go wrong. Everyone is different and responds to different information. I have just tried to get him involved. What really helps him is knowing how simple the procedure is. I also wanted him to tell his family so he had someone to talk to if he needed it. All in all, surgery is scary for many people. I think it is a healthy fear. It is okay to be afraid, but hope for the best and know the odds. There is always a possibility of something going wrong, but the odds of that are minor. I mean more people die doing other things like driving cars, getting on airplanes. The odds of dying in a car crash is 5x the number of gastric sleeve.

As far as losing too much weight and looking sickly. Well, I'm sure he will love you no matter what. And the doctor will tell you if you are going overboard.

[JessicaAnn 564]

Jessica Ann' date=' My husband is the same way, he is very supportive. He worries about something happening but I am relativly healthy with no co-morbidities. I am sure I will be fine with no complications.[/quote']

I have no comorbidities either. Plus, he's been there during my two emergency c-sections and recovery lol!

[punzel426 19]

My husband I think is finally acknowledging that this is really happening now that I'm approved (just this past Thursday) and have surgery date of 1/29. It is rather quick now but I'm happy about it. He's asked some questions but I think overall is scared something is going to go wrong. I keep trying to reassure him I've researched the doctor so long and he is one of the leaders of the sleeve and top hospitals. He's scared I will loose too much weight and will look sickly or will regret it because I'll have lots of loose skin bc of the rapid loss. I told him my goal and the eating and exercise plan and how long it will take me to lose it. The next moment he says he knows this means a lot to me bc he sees my dedication to it. I just hope nothing goes wrong and all my research' date=' positive energy, preparation, prayers, and patience pays off for the good! He says I don't need surgery, but he supports me if this is what I truly want.

How have you reassured your spouses of your decision for surgery?[/quote']

I'm so glad you brought this up. This is one of my worries is my husband. He seems very supportive and even went to meet the surgeon with me but I kinda feel like he has apprehensions he's not sharing. The other night at dinner he asked me "when you have this surgery your not going to leave me are you". I was so taken back by this question. What's he thinking, what has he heard??? This began to make me question how this surgery would affect our marriage. He has never been insecure or questioned me in anyway or even shown jealousy but now im beginning to wonder if its bcuz he feels safe with me being heavy that no one would want me. Has anyone experienced this, how does a marriage evolve with this surgery???

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[clk 3,519]

My husband supported me but never believed I needed the surgery. He felt I was beautiful and he didn't want to see me struggle if it turned out like the dozens and dozens of failed diets I'd put us both through over the years. He was also worried about complications during surgery, because he didn't want me to risk my life because I felt I had to lose weight.

He stood behind me on this because he knew it was important to me. And truthfully, he would rather I had stopped losing weight about thirty pounds before I actually stopped. He genuinely likes larger women. He calls me skinny all the time. That said, he's still very attracted to me and loves how much more comfortable I am in my skin and how much happier I am. Loose skin was never an issue. And honestly, I'd love to tell you otherwise but it's a rare case when a woman gets skinnier than she'd like to get post op! Usually it's a struggle to drop those last fifteen to twenty pounds and hit goal.

Now that I'm no longer diabetic and can keep up with him physically (he's more athletic than I am) and he sees that I have more energy for our kids and my own interests, he's glad I lost the weight. But he never stops reminding me that he has loved me and been attracted to me every day he's been with me, because I think deep down, he wants to reassure me that he loves ME not the body I'm wearing.

Anyway, you have to approach it with education and honesty. You have to understand they do not understand what it feels like to be so unhappy about our appearance. If he's overweight himself and food is a big part of your time together, expect an adjustment period where he also mourns the loss of that ritual and socialization. But most of all, reassure him that you're doing this for you, and for him as well, because you want to live a long and healthy life as his wife.

Too many men have heard of or know someone whose wife lost a lot of weight and the marriage fell apart. Every case is different, but usually if there are problems and trust issues prior to surgery, they might be exacerbated as you go through physical and emotional changes post op. If the marriage is on solid ground beforehand, it's usually stronger afterward.

Good luck with your surgery,

~Cheri

[fonally 107]

My boyfriend of 8 years after surgery told me what he likes best about this surgery is the ten or more years he will be with me longer. Tell your husband/fiancé that. We can live longer happier and healthier lives.

[amwr6582 26]

My husband was very supportive on my decision. I don't know what I would have done without his support. He was very worried the day of and after surgery, but my surgeon reassured him everything went well.