Husbands (spouses/partners) responses to surgery?

[Oliver's Mom 258]

When my PCP asked if I had ever thought of having WLS to help with my diabetes and HBP, I said I would have to think about and research it for myself. I did that for 3 months. During that time I didn't say anything to my husband of 20 years because I wanted the decision to be my own. I told my husband before I went to the informational session and invited him along. He was thrilled that I was going. He is an RN is the operating room (of a different hospital than I went to) and scrubs on WLS all the time. He knew the difference it could make but was sensitive about mentioning for fear of hurting my feelings.

He has been so amazingly supportive throughout it all. He, who never misses work, took off an entire week so he could be home with me. I felt great and didn't feel I needed someone there 24/7 but it made him feel better.

He has never had a weight issue but is so understanding about it all. We hosted Christmas dinner here, my grown children, their spouses, my former husband (father of my kids) and his wife and friends. My husband was a great help. I was on soft foods at that time and made things I could eat as well as the roast, etc for the others. Those who did not know I had had surgery didn't even comment on what I ate or didn't eat. My husband helped with all of the kitchen stuff, as I was still restricted to lifting and such.

He's adjusted his eating a bit to more mirror mine, as far as lower carbs, lower fat, changed the amount of coffee he drinks a day to just one cup and he drinks it on his way to work!! Cute. My surgeon recommendation is no coffee for a year.

There was one day recently that he said in a joking tone that he thought I would trade him in when I'm skinny. I took his hands and told him very sincerely that I would not leave him. I was doing this for my health and for us to be together for a long long time. I continued on saying all the things I wanted to do with him that I couldn't comfortably do when I was at my biggest. My future plans are for my health and for our future together. I think that eased any concerns he may have had.

I am 7 weeks out tomorrow; the journey is young yet, we're having fun and being conscious of healthy eating and activity. Walking every weekend day together gives us time to talk and laugh and plan. Looking forward to spring when it is not so cold or snowy or dark and we can walk every evening after work.

Keep communication open and honest and be reassuring. Good luck.

[delta_girl 931]

My SO, who is very athletic, didn't know until he was at the hospital with me. My former husband was very controlling and I was determined to follow through with the vsg because it was right for me and I did not want any barriers.

At first he was shocked when he found out the nature of the surgery. However, he immediately became very supportive when he understood that it was about better health and a new lifestyle that would extend my lifespan and make me healthier and happier. He made homemade broth for me in the early stages, encouraged me to get outside and become more active, played tennis with me and has continued to be an ongoing advocate. I did spend some time sharing with him specifics about the surgery, statistics, my own resolutions of previous health issues and new goals. Now he is pushing me to achieve more and to stay on track. It has become one of the best and healthiest relationships I have been in so far.

Last night, for the first time, we discussed plastic surgery. I thought that it would be a difficult conversation, but it was not. I told him potential options for future surgery to remove excess skin. I'm only half way to goal and I already have some loose skin, but I don't know what it will look like at another -25 or -50 lbs. He was also supportive of that! Which surprised me and makes me very happy. I don't know if I will ever actually pursue plastic surgery, but it is a possibility and I love knowing that there is support there if I opt for that at a later date.

[banditchic 83]

My husband has been somewhat supportive of it. He knows that I am going to do what I want regardless of what he thinks though. But I have told him that his support means a lot to me, and I really need it. He is a very muscular normal weight guy who goes to the gym everyday. I was normal weight when we got together, but over the years I have ballooned. He has never put me down, but I know that he thinks I just need to "work harder" at taking the weight off. He has told me that I am way to obsessed about the surgery. I honestly think that he is jealous of the attention that I'm giving the surgery...if that makes sense? So, secretly I am excited beyond belief about it!!!!!!!!!!!! But, I don't talk about it much with him

[Changing39 33]

I just got the you are crazy for doing this and you need to seriously think about this lecture from my bf.

Awesome! I'm still doing it.

He's been thin all his life. He has Crohn's so he will always be thin. I've never been thin. In high school I was a healthy weight and played basketball.

[Kimo. 24]

My soon to be X-wife is not supportive at all. Matter a fact her exact words were, "Your being selfish and only thinking of yourself".

[punzel426 19]

My soon to be X-wife is not supportive at all. Matter a fact her exact words were' date=' "Your being selfish and only thinking of yourself".[/quote']

And what's wrong with that??? U need to love yourself to love others, that's elementary! Well, don't let that get you down or discouraged and instead let it feed you with strength through your journey to a happier you. Good luck!!

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[Kimo. 24]

And what's wrong with that??? U need to love yourself to love others, that's elementary! Well, don't let that get you down or discouraged and instead let it feed you with strength through your journey to a happier you. Good luck!!

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Completely agree!! Thank you!!

[AStephenson 159]

I guess I can't call my husband "supportive"...but more grudgingly accepting?? I'm still hearing the "when you get all skinny and sexy you'll leave me" comments and it's been 5 months since I first told him (getting sleeved in a month). He's gone from forbidding me to have it done, to forbidding me to going to Mexico to have it done (self pay) to now just grumbling about how I should be spending the money on a car instead of surgery to lose weight because I "am fine the way I am". (SIGH) He can really rain on my parade some days. I wish he was more into it....but it is what it is, and I'm going ahead with it on my own. I'd still love for him to be holding my hand along the way..even if his words are not so comforting.

[JennyBeth 127]

At first when I brought up the subject to my mom and husband at the same time (probably 5 months ago) my husband thought I lost my mind! He said it was the craziest thing he EVER heard! He kept telling me that it would be like him (when he was trying to quit smoking) to go to the doctor and have them cut off his hands so he could never smoke again. He felt that if I tried hard enough I could lose the weight. Both my mom and husband have never struggled a day in their life with their weight so I expected those reactions and having to "convince" them. My mom was surprisingly more supportive than I expected.

I told my husband I was serious about it and was going to find a way to make it happen and I wasn't asking for his permission and I wouldn't discuss it with him anymore since he couldn't be supportive. My husband knows me well enough to know when I make my mind up about something there's not much to do to change it. He has grown to be supportive, but what really helped was bringing him with to the informational seminar. I had already completed a few on-line ones, but I wanted him to hear the facts from the doctors and he was able to ask the surgeon questions afterwards which helped a lot! He now understands my struggle more and why I need to do this. Both my mom and husband are still concerned/nervous, but I would probably think there's something wrong if the weren't!

[Beautyandbeyond 227]

Ok...im glad someone brought this up. Originally DH was just supportive, now he is excited which has bothered me a bit. He says he's really looking forward to my surgery. I mean what does that mean...got me feeling a bit insecure and what happens if Im not approved.

[Kimo. 24]

I guess I can't call my husband "supportive"...but more grudgingly accepting?? I'm still hearing the "when you get all skinny and sexy you'll leave me" comments and it's been 5 months since I first told him (getting sleeved in a month). He's gone from forbidding me to have it done' date=' to forbidding me to going to Mexico to have it done (self pay) to now just grumbling about how I should be spending the money on a car instead of surgery to lose weight because I "am fine the way I am". (SIGH) He can really rain on my parade some days. I wish he was more into it....but it is what it is, and I'm going ahead with it on my own. I'd still love for him to be holding my hand along the way..even if his words are not so comforting. [/quote']

Ummmm, first off, be careful about who does the surgery. God be with you!

People don't get what its like for us in our enlarged state. They also become insecure themselves because we take the steps to change. No matter what others think, this is for us. It'll make not only us feel better, but those around us too.

Good luck and have a great day!!!

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