So...I've been working toward my surgery since early last year. My Mom has always been against it. Over the last few months, as I hurried to get my last few appointments finished for insurance authorization, she's had a change of heart. Also, I've been showing her several people's before and after pictures. Well two months ago, she lied to me. She said she went to my surgeon's monthly seminar to learn more about my procedure. I found out a couple weeks ago, she is now almost finished with her appointments for her insurance authorization. I was proud of her. My Mom has been heavy all of her life, has high blood pressure and just recently found out she has severe sleep apnea. Today, I told my boyfriend about my Mom's plans for surgery next month and he flipped. He told me that he along with all of our family (including my Mom's and mine) and friends have always thought my Mom to be jealous of me. I told him she didn't want anyone to know about her surgery and he yelled 'because she is stealing your shine.' I just had surgery on the 12th, and now after talking to him, I can't shake the fact that my Mom can't handle the fact that she will now be the only larger person in our family. Am I wrong for feeling this way? I feel like I should be happy for her. Please help....

Well one down anyhoo thats a brave move and I'm glad you are making it. Poison in a relationship just isn't worth it and when they aren't family...they aren't necessary! Find a man who brings you joy instead

I hope that your mom's attitude changes after surgery. Perhaps her weight has made her unhappy? You can always hope anyhoo. It sounds like despite her issues you still have feelings so for your sake, I hope things change for the better in that relationship. You sound like a pretty darned good daughter to me

I remember the pre-op psych assessment (mine was mostly a joke and waste of money) had one good nugget of info - watch out for others who will take your weak moment and need for support and use it against you. Sort of sounds like what happened to you. I agree with all the others (especially the punchers - hehehe). We cannot control how others react or act, but we can control what we do and say. Sounds like you are going to learn from this and be the bigger (emotionally) person - we all need someone to be the bigger person and it sounds like now is your time. Best of luck to you and your mom on this adventure!

@Banana Pants Love your name!!!! I'm super late, but Thanks for your comment! My psych exam was a joke as well and I left crying.

@Banana Pants Love your name!!!! I'm super late' date=' but Thanks for your comment! My psych exam was a joke as well and I left crying.[/quote']

My name came from my 3 yr old niece. Say it out loud and you can't help but smile!,,,

Sleeved 12/17/12 and enjoying the adventure!

Congrats Banana Pants and keep the name...LOL!!!!

Be proud of yourself for showing your mom what she could do with you.. almost anyone would want to do this once they are showen what they could do with this tool... best of luck to the both of you... this

should help you both having each others help.... embrace it... use it.... love it together.......

I kept my surgery a secret from my mother and inly told her after I'd had it done bc she always makes everything about HER and how she feels. I needed all of my emotional energy and had no extra to spend on her!

She *seems* supportive but gives back-handed "compliments" and still points out that she's a couple of sizes smaller than me. Over Xmas she brought a BUNCH of junk food to my house knowing I'd struggle with not eating it. Know what? I DIDN'T EAT IT!!!

I just try to remember that it's HER problem, not mine. Although sometimes I really want to strangle her!!

You should look at positively. Be thankful that your mom is doing something about it before it is too late. My mother was in need of the surgery and didn't do it, she is no longer with us now. If she had it would have saved her life. Try not to let it get to you, or look at it as stealing your shine. You can hold anger about it or you can just be happy that she is taking the step to change and extend her life. While your mom may have been against, it, she still lost weight on her own and if now she is doing it - whatever the reason may be just be happy and supportive. You only have one mom and enjoy all the time you can have with her

@Elektric_rose: Congrats to you for being such an inspiration! It's not often that we get to influence the decisions of our parents. I am in the opposite boat from you though. My mom is very overweight and I have asked her to consider having the surgery a few times. She has been very supportive but she still can't accept the thought of losing weight herself. She just simply says that she can't stop eating, even if she has a sleeve.

You have obviously been a blessing in her life, I wish you both the best!