I Think Admitting Defeat Was The Hardest...

[rswa3319 69]

So I am a 27 year old Mother of two young children, my daughter just turned 4 years old and my son is 9 and a half months old. When I was 13 years old I gained 100lbs in one year and no one can pinpoint why. No abuse happened at that time, no sob story or traumatic event... I just ballooned the second I hit puberty. I had always been teased about being fat anyway so I can't say that I really noticed other than needing to shop in "the adult fat people's section" instead of being a tween shopping in the regular adult's section. I have easily been 100lbs+ overweight from that point on no matter what I have done the smallest I have ever been for the last 14 years was 199lbs that lasted half of one day before I started gaining it back again. It probably didnt help that to get down to that weight I was just not eating and then binging and purging when I did eat. I always wished that I could have some sort of WLS but I always had this notion that it was only for people who were 400+ lbs...

Fast forward to a couple months ago... I had not had my period in a long while so I made an appt to see my GP thinking that the inevitable had happened and that I was expecting my third child. Unfortunately 4 days before my appt I started bleeding very VERY heavily and passing clots so needless to say when I went in I found out that I had in fact been experiencing a miscarriage. Cognitively I knew it was for the best but emotionally I was a wreck and packed on at least 15 more lbs. While I was there with my GP I just kinda threw it out there knowing that I would probably have to convince her... I just blurted out "what would you say if I said I wanted WLS?!" She has been my GP for almost 5 years so she knows my struggles... she simply asked me if I had tried losing weight before to which we both laughed and then she simply said, "do it." I nodded my head, we ended our appt and I went to my car and cried. It still makes me cry... to admit that for the first time I am not capable of doing something entirely for myself and that I am having to ask for help. It also means that I had to admit that I was not "fat and happy" but extremely disgusted with myself and the life that I had been forced to live because of my weight struggles.

Anyway, it took me a while to find my surgeon because my insurance requires a COE for the location of the surgery but once I did find my surgeon, Dr. Jossart, everything has been smooth sailing. Met with him and the NUT on the same day, had my psych eval the next day and all of my pre-op tests done. Roughly two weeks after I had my psych eval I got a call from Patty at Dr. Jossart's office telling me that they had all of my approval and that they would be getting me in on Dec. 13th... the next day she called me back and asked if we could bump it to the 12th!! I've spent a lot of time soul searching and crying but it's been very cleansing. It's an important journey for me... I don't want to be pushing 300lbs for the rest of my life. My husband, kids and mostly I deserve more than that life has to offer.

[NJSleeveboy 212]

Listen.. Admitting defeat would be sitting in your chair in your living room and continuing to put on weight and not live your life! MOST people won't take this step! You have accepted that you have an issue and are going to make it happen! This isn't defeat!!! You will see, people will be proud that you took action to fix your health and life and you should be also! :-)

[Ima Loser 197]

I am getting my surgery on Dec 12th as well. I am glad to hear you are doing this for yourself! I have been through having a miscarriage 4 times now and each and everytime I wonder if I wasn't heavy would I have still had a miscarriage. Being overweight makes pregnancy hard enough for me let alone that I have PCOS, so I am hoping to lose weight and have baby #2 and be healthy and happy and enjoy the rest of my life with my kids

[Rootman 1,101]

Your story echoes many of ours, just different names and places. Puberty is not an uncommon trigger for weight gain, many of us where rail thin till the big P and then BAM! It hits us, middle age widens us even more and before you know it we are morbidly obese.

Most all of us here have a success story that we can share, there are a very few who have failures. You have to weigh the risk VS reward.

We all wish you the very best as you start your new adventure in weight loss.

[rswa3319 69]

WOW!! Thank you for the kind words... It's not really what I was expecting. I have been on other forums and not gotten anything but today while surfing myfitnesspal a couple vsg'ers highly recommended visiting here. Boy am I glad I listened! Again thank you all for your support it's a scary ride but certainly exciting too!

[krowe62 0]

Good for you! My story is somewhat similar in that I just reached an "aha" moment and decided to take my life back. I have so many health problems and I am too young. Some of my health issues will be with me for life...Lupus and Hoshimoto's Thyroiditis.... but some of the others I may be able to control now and that is very empowering.

[Jen35 283]

I'm pre-op too (hoping for January if all is approved) and I can understand how you feel. I have spent so much time beating myself up for not being able to do this on my own. But I've tried so many times and the weight is really affecting my life, happiness and health.

My brother told me this: If I had to go in for heart surgery to improve my health, would I be down on myself for not being able to fix it on my own? No, of course not. So that is how I'm choosing to think about WLS. For whatever reason, our bodies hold onto the weight, gain easier, etc. We have medical reasons we need the surgery and it is not a failure on our part.

Hope this helps:) Try not to be so down on yourself (although I have the same problem with that)!

[Vicki0618 123]

I'm so glad to hear things have gone smoothly with Dr. Jossart. I have an appt to see him for my consultation on 1/10 with the NUT and psych on the same day. I'm coming down from the Sacramento area and Patty has been a wonderful with helping me coordinate everything. I'm so excited for you that things are zipping along!! I'll be watching your progress and hope to be right behind you!!

[Vicki0618 123]

Besides 12/12/12 HAS to be a good day!!!! Right???

[rswa3319 69]

Vicki, they are all amazing in that office!! I would also reccomend going to one of the monthly meetings, who knows I might see you there Congrats and I will keep my fingers crossed for a quick process for you!

[Vicki0618 123]

I was planning on going to the one on 12/15...LOL Somehow I don't think I'll see you there!!

[rswa3319 69]

LOL no, probably not unless something drastic happens which I am really counting on NOT happening.

[Vicki0618 123]

Well keep me posted! When do you start the liquid diet? ?

[rswa3319 69]

I am scheduled to meet with the NUT on Thursday so I will know then... I don't remember Jossart talking about a pre-op liquid diet though so maybe I missed something. I am in college full time right now so it's tooootally possible that I forgot about it lol Anyway, I am on a super low cal diet right now anyway because of the pre-op weight loss that he wanted to see. It was only 10lbs but it's been a BEAR to get off this time! Ugh.. .

[Texarkolina 201]

I felt like I was admitting defeat, too....until after the surgery. Now I feel like I have taken control over my body--and food has so little power over me now. I faced the enemy and I am winning!