So I posted on FB today that i'm down 50lbs and have gotten a lot of congrats and such. But then I got this text from my cousin.

"hey i'm trying to clear up a rumor ur dad started.. and i dont believe it... did u have surgery to loose the weight?"

How would you respond. I didn't tell very many people, at all. (Mostly just my immediate family). I don't want to take away from all the hard work I put in by people thinking I took "the easy way out". Help.

Honestly I would say its not a rumour it's the truth and I feel great' date=' thanks for asking. You can't spread false hope like "oh I lost 50# with diet and exercise" it just makes the rest of us feel like sh*t coz we can't do that! There's either something wrong with wls or there isn't. And you have to rock the pride, not falsify it![/quote']

I'm with cookeeeeeez ! Just say yes I had surgery and call it a day!

I'm with cookeeeeeez ! Just say yes I had surgery and call it a day!

Everybody's not ready to come out of the closet, Cookeeeeeeez. It's fine for some, like me, but some just aren't ready, and that's okay too. It's a journey, so they may decide to come out at the end.

Who are we kidding though?

People will notice we have lost weight and yeah maybe you can skirt around the issue (not everyone has to be the "spokesperson for wls" as ive been called) but especially if you broadcast your weight loss the conversation is going to come up. Why lie? Really?

I mean don't you feel bad that you are just reinforcing the stereotype that if we can't do it on our own then wls is the "easy way out" and something to be gossiped about and told in whispers?

Honestly, I think people are over reacting to treat wls as something to keep in the "closet"- it's nothing that people get lynched over, nobody is going to fire you or stop you from getting married or put you in jail for it!

You did it, it saved your life, and it might just save someone else's if your honest about it...

My answer to you is: I was happy and excited about my accomplishment and wanted to share that. I've been happily telling people that i'm eating right and exercising, that wasn't my problem; my problem was my Dad telling my cousin and not knowing how to respond to her.

Thanks everyone else for your great responses. They were very helpful.

sleevedude and I made a great point. I know you were excited about your weight loss and it sounds as though your dad was, too. Okay, he shouldn't have told about it if you asked him not to but you also stepped over that line by bragging about the weight loss on facebook of all things and then not expecting someone to mention weight loss surgery..

If a person wants discretion, they have to practice it.

"My dad says he doesn't know what you're talking about."

I agree with Cojeeeeez. Be loud and be proud. You stood up, decided to make a difference in your future! Don't ever be ashamed that you are improving your health and life. And I would not counter the question with a lie or half truth. It all comes around to bite you in the a$$. Good Luck.

I don't want to make false accusations against your cousin, but are you sure (s)he isn't just fishing for info? While I have been pretty open with people that I had surgery, I have not posted ANYTHING about it, or my weight loss on FB. However, I had a distant relative say something to my aunt about how I mentioned my WLS on fb. Of course, I hadn't. She was just being nosy. My aunt plainly told her that I indeed had WLS, it wasn't a secret, but she was positive I hadn't said anything about it on fb. She even pulled up my page on her phone to show my distant relative that I hadn't. Lol.

I'm sorry about your awkward situation, and I understand that you probably feel hurt by people you trust, but in my experience telling people has been remarkably positive. No one has told me they think I took the easy way out, nor have I heard that people are saying that behind my back. I've had a couple of friends tell me they could never do it, or it's not for them. I totally understand and respect that. I too was once in their position. They are also still overweight/obese and Im borderline underweight right now. What I have had is encouragements and compliments out the wazoo. No one pressures me to eat more or offers me more food when I attend social gatherings that involve food. I can politely refuse foods that are offered to me without having to lie. It's really very freeing not to hide it. I have also had 2 people ask me what I did, and they are now in the process of being approved for the sleeve also. Just some food for thought.

So I posted on FB today that i'm down 50lbs and have gotten a lot of congrats and such. But then I got this text from my cousin.

"hey i'm trying to clear up a rumor ur dad started.. and i dont believe it... did u have surgery to loose the weight?"

How would you respond. I didn't tell very many people' date=' at all. (Mostly just my immediate family). I don't want to take away from all the hard work I put in by people thinking I took "the easy way out". Help.[/quote']

To people tht hv not had the surgery, of course they thk its the easy way but its actually a Life Change. We hv to choose to eat differently & make it a life change. Of course at 1st there are things we cant eat but eventually we can eat anything & hv to choose wht we eat.

This is a healthy choice! To feel good & to be healthy & some people will not get it. Some of my friends never say a word to me about it others are always excited at how Im doing. Those tht dont want to knw or tht i feel hv an issue with I just dont discus it with them. Its my life & i had to make a healthy choice for me, just like you did. Good luck on your journey.

You gotta do what is right for you in your situation. I would guess if she asked, everyone else knows and she is the only butthole that lacked the sense or sensitivity to shout it from the rooftops. Might be a good teaching moment for proper use of inbox/private chat . As far as dads go that was kinda crappy ,sorry! My 3 brothers and sister would all qualify for wls and I have heard plenty of "hate" my standard response has become " YES 85% of my stomach has been removed they did however leave enough of my guts to get me to the gym 6 days a week and I am running about 30 miles a week my gym opens at 5:30,wanna meet me? Didn't think so !! now STFU.

I always like to answer those questions with a question or some vague 'answer'.

"What a weird question."

"What difference does that make?"

"Our family is nuttier than a fruitcake!"

"It's hard work losing 50lbs!"

"What do you think of the pics I posted?"

"I must look GOOD if I'm the subject of gossip. Whoo hoo!"

At the end of the day' date=' it none of anyone's business and you don't have to tell ANYONE. [/quote']

I absolutely love these answers and will be using these when folks I don't want to know ask me the question!

Honestly I would say its not a rumour it's the truth and I feel great' date=' thanks for asking. You can't spread false hope like "oh I lost 50# with diet and exercise" it just makes the rest of us feel like sh*t coz we can't do that! There's either something wrong with wls or there isn't. And you have to rock the pride, not falsify it![/quote']

Yes! I would tell her "yes I did, and I'm proud of my decision to take control of my health and my life! If you sould like more info I will be glad to give it, otherwise please keep any negative opinion to yourself. I didn't do this for others, I did it for ME!"

first I would be on the phone to my dad to make sure nothing was said... then I would respond with something I felt the most comfortable with. My mom told my aunt and I was so PISSED I told her that when she has weight loss she could share that information buy mine wasn't hers to share.

I'm sorry this happened to you. Posting the information about your weight on facebook is asking for inquiries. It doesn't go along with your desire to have only a select few know about the surgery.

Your father is definitely wrong' date=' but there is nothing to be done about it now.[/quote']

Your Dad my have thought it ok because it was on facebook. Maybe a simple misunderstanding. I agree with SunnyCox you eat less and have been exercising.

I have had many people ask me, directly, about how I've lost so much weight so quickly. (Do you think they wouldn't wonder how I've dropped 100+ pounds in a couple months???)

I have been very honest in responding...partly because I want to help dispel the stigmas associated with having WLS. I am very clear about HOW I've lost the weight though....I've worked hard at the gym, each and every day, and I've been eating between 550 and 650 calories/day since my surgery. The surgery itself didn't make me lose weight. My behaviors (both before and after surgery) have caused me to lose weight. People seem to understand that the surgery wasn't a "quick fix" when I go into the detail behind my behavior changes. And, at the end of the day, people are amazed that I've lost so much...and thrilled for me to be getting healthier. That's all that really matters.

Best of luck!

Laura

Thanks so much to everyone. Seriously, they are all great answers. Well, I went ahead and told get the partial truth last night, and something just don't feel right. It's been bothering me all night and today. =/ I never wanted to be this "spokesperson" or peoples deciding factor for thier weight loss problems (or solutions), I do feel good about when people ask me for advice I can steer then in the direction of high protein, low to no carb, but to call my Dad a liar when in fact he was happy for me and told the truth; I feel wrong for. Soooo with all that being said, I'm just going to write my story/journey and post it. If it helps someone, great; if someone thinks differently of me, welp, not my problem. =) At least i'm free, by sharing the truth.

Love you all.