So I posted on FB today that i'm down 50lbs and have gotten a lot of congrats and such. But then I got this text from my cousin.

"hey i'm trying to clear up a rumor ur dad started.. and i dont believe it... did u have surgery to loose the weight?"

How would you respond. I didn't tell very many people, at all. (Mostly just my immediate family). I don't want to take away from all the hard work I put in by people thinking I took "the easy way out". Help.

Point blank: if you don't tell anybody, nobody will know.

I'd approach it from a manners perspective, "that is an inappropriate question." I'd leave it at that. It is bad manners to ask someone an intrusive question.

I think it was wrong for your cousin to ask that question in a public forum such as Facebook. She could have at least had the decency to ask you in private. Now everyone on your page is going to see that you possibly had WLS.

Again, I don't think there is anything wrong with being an advocate for surgery nor do I think there is anything wrong with keeping the information to your self. It is definitely your decision whether you want to tell your cousin or not. Don't respond to that inquiry on fb. In fact I would delete that post of I were you. If you want to tell her then tell her one on one and tell to keep her trap shut. But honestly it sounds like your dad or someone who is aware of your wls has already told people. So now the "rumor" has hit the family. You mi as well just embrace it and come clean now. Definitely talk to your dad about this though!

I think this topic is difficult. You do not have to share any personal information with anyone and to suggest otherwise is ludicrous. You can't say just because a person chooses to exclude WLS in their response of how they lost weight that there not advocating for WLS or their holding up the stereotypes of WLS is the "easy way out". I don't agree with that at all. Your answer is your answer. It doesn't matter if it's a slight fabrication. If you were a homosexual and chose not to tell people would you be ridiculed then!?? Absolutely Not. It's your life. You come out of the closet when you choose too and don't let anyone deter you from keeping your personal decisions personal!!!!

BAM~!

U may find telling your cousin is easier then covering it up. My dad the exact thing to me. He called me the following morning to let me know he told my aunt who lives across the street to check on me during the day and told her why. Grrr when he called to tell me she would be checking on me and that he told her why i told him dad you know i told you i didnt want anyone knowing. He apologized but nine the less she was very supportive and the rest of her family too. Then this past sunday was my lil sisters bday party and i felt all eyes were on me. Everytime u shook someones hand hello they did not look at my face they looked straight at my stomach. I was so annoyed and wanted to snap at them and ask them all what they were looking at. I kept tryibg to think of what i would say if they asked me about a rumor going around about me having surgery. All i could think of was to just be upfront who cares. Im down 25lbs and nothing anyone says to me now about surgery matters. Later that eveing sure enough two of my cousins asked me and i said yes and im very happy. Next thing you know one is asking for all the info cause she wants to do it too. The other said if she had the $ she too would do it. Lol so you never know what to expect.

Btw one of my aunts asked me if i had lost weight i said yes i have thank you for noticing gave her a smile and kindly slipped away. I could tell she knew. Lol im sure my whole family knows they all are nothing but gossip.

You do whatever feels good to YOU. You have no obligation to be a spokesperson for WLS or anything else that makes you uncomfortable! I'm such a blabber mouth usually, but I've only told my closest girlfriends, one co-worker, my boss (so many appts!) and my husband of course.

I fully expect that I'll be telling everyone within earshot once I've lost considerable weight, even perfect strangers! I was very open after struggling with infertility, and I'll likely be the same with WLS.

At the end of the day, it's an intensely personal choice and you'll do what's right for you. Those who matter don't mind and those who mind, don't matter!

Thanks so much to everyone. Seriously' date=' they are all great answers. Well, I went ahead and told get the partial truth last night, and something just don't feel right. It's been bothering me all night and today. =/ I never wanted to be this "spokesperson" or peoples deciding factor for thier weight loss problems (or solutions), I do feel good about when people ask me for advice I can steer then in the direction of high protein, low to no carb, but to call my Dad a liar when in fact he was happy for me and told the truth; I feel wrong for. Soooo with all that being said, I'm just going to write my story/journey and post it. If it helps someone, great; if someone thinks differently of me, welp, not my problem. =) At least i'm free, by sharing the truth.

Love you all. <img src='http://www.bariatricpal.com/public/style_emoticons/<#EMO_DIR#>/smile.png' class='bbc_emoticon' alt='' />[/quote']

Sounds like a tough situation to be in. I have been reading this thread and I feel shocked/bummed at how other (some) people have responded. I try not to acknowledge these people, but I can only imagine reading some of the posts to be troublesome.

Despite the challenges you are succeeding and figuring everything out!! Way to go!!! You should be proud of all you have done!!! Congrats on your 50lbs lost!!! This is surely something to celebrate!! Keep up the good work!!!

Best,

Sannah

Sent from my iPhone using VST

Sounds like a tough situation to be in. I have been reading this thread and I feel shocked/bummed at how other (some) people have responded. I try not to acknowledge these people' date=' but I can only imagine reading some of the posts to be troublesome.

Despite the challenges you are succeeding and figuring everything out!! Way to go!!! You should be proud of all you have done!!! Congrats on your 50lbs lost!!! This is surely something to celebrate!! Keep up the good work!!!

Best,

Sannah

Sent from my iPhone using VST[/quote']

Thank you sooo much. Yes, I have to agree with you that I was truly disappointed with some peoples attitudes and responses. But either way, I'll be okay. I have a lot to be happy about and nothing anyone says is gonna get in the way of that. =) Thanks again, for the positive response and support.

I'm cracking up! When I first started the process I shared my diet and everything with my mom. Later I thought, "Great, the whole family is going to know, I should have told her not to tell anyone." the next day I told her that it's very personal to please not tell anyone- I could tell by her expression that it was too late! For the love of God! anyway, she's all everyone loves you snd is worried about you, etc. I was annoyed but what can you do. Anyway, when I tried to post my "story " the 1st time here on the VSG forum, I posted it on Facebook by mistake!! LOL Now family, friends and co-workers all know!! If anyone says this is the "easy" way out... I'll tell them I've suffered enough in my life Losing then regaining weight- this is, finally, a permanent solution to a life-long problem and sorry if you're jealous!

I'm cracking up! When I first started the process I shared my diet and everything with my mom. Later I thought, "Great, the whole family is going to know, I should have told her not to tell anyone." the next day I told her that it's very personal to please not tell anyone- I could tell by her expression that it was too late! For the love of God! anyway, she's all everyone loves you snd is worried about you, etc. I was annoyed but what can you do. Anyway, when I tried to post my "story " the 1st time here on the VSG forum, I posted it on Facebook by mistake!! LOL Now family, friends and co-workers all know!! If anyone says this is the "easy" way out... I'll tell them I've suffered enough in my life Losing then regaining weight- this is, finally, a permanent solution to a life-long problem and sorry if you're jealous!

That is really funny. Your sense of humor shows in your response to the situation.

My fb life will have nothing to do with the weight loss. I don't like that much being out there. I feel protected on this web site.

I would just say yes and no I didn’t have lipo or anything but yeah I had a op to help me now I am on a high Protein low cab and low fat diet!

But I am also one of the people who pretty much told everyone or anyone who asks hell I tell people who don’t even ask and fill them in on all the details puking and all lol

I think it was wrong for your cousin to ask that question in a public forum such as Facebook. She could have at least had the decency to ask you in private. Now everyone on your page is going to see that you possibly had WLS.

Again' date=' I don't think there is anything wrong with being an advocate for surgery nor do I think there is anything wrong with keeping the information to your self. It is definitely your decision whether you want to tell your cousin or not. Don't respond to that inquiry on fb. In fact I would delete that post of I were you. If you want to tell her then tell her one on one and tell to keep her trap shut. But honestly it sounds like your dad or someone who is aware of your wls has already told people. So now the "rumor" has hit the family. You mi as well just embrace it and come clean now. Definitely talk to your dad about this though!

I think this topic is difficult. You do not have to share any personal information with anyone and to suggest otherwise is ludicrous. You can't say just because a person chooses to exclude WLS in their response of how they lost weight that there not advocating for WLS or their holding up the stereotypes of WLS is the "easy way out". I don't agree with that at all. Your answer is your answer. It doesn't matter if it's a slight fabrication. If you were a homosexual and chose not to tell people would you be ridiculed then!?? Absolutely Not. It's your life. You come out of the closet when you choose too and don't let anyone deter you from keeping your personal decisions personal!!!!

BAM~![/quote']

What she said. BAM!

Honestly, I think people are over reacting to treat wls as something to keep in the "closet"- it's nothing that people get lynched over, nobody is going to fire you or stop you from getting married or put you in jail for it!

As i said before, I would be very very careful about comparing weight loss surgery to issues regarding homosexuality.

My original posts were not meant as a personal attack on OP, only a passionate argument for those of us who undergo wls not to further stigmatise it.

As a sociologist I understand the importance of your lived experience, however I also know the power of public opinion and with obesity becoming a global epidemic I don't think it helps to turn a useful tool into something gossips play with for fun.

The only reason people will whisper about it is if we don't speak about it loudly ourselves.

But the OP is not obligated to reveal her very personal choice to "further the cause". If a person is comfortable doing so, then by all means press on, but she shouldn't be made to feel wrong or bad or ashamed if her personal choice.

I was very secretive and then VERY open about my struggles with infertility. It was emotional and excruciatingly personal and physically challenging and while I speak feely of it NOW, I chose to keep it to myself while in the middle of treatment. I'm taking a similar approach to WLS.

There is no "wrong" decision here and our feelings, whatever they may be, are not to be judged.

It was rude of the OP's cousin to ask, just like its rude for people to ask if my twins are "natural". (Yes, a stranger actually asked me that once. I replied, "Yes, I grew them myself.")

I think this is why we have HIPPA laws. We have the option to keep our medical lives private.

It may be for some that "private" feels like "secret" and secret feels wrong or dishonest or whatever. We need a strong, lean, muscular definition of private. Private can also simply be quiet, intimate, and protective.

For me, the decision whether or not to tell resides in two places: 1) how I define myself. You can secretly be a diabetic, a drunk, or a survivor of, say, a brain aneurysm (I should know; I survived that last one), but you cannot secretly be obese. When you make your obesity or weight loss a shared topic you can't control how others will respond--and you know weight and appearance are touchy subjects. You can only control how you'll respond. Figure out what's going to make you feel best about defining yourself and live there. 2) timing. Pictures used to be made in a darkroom. Paper, chemicals and darkness. If you opened the door too quickly the picture was messed up--blurry, over-exposed, useless. I think that's a lot similar to this do-I-tell, don't-I-tell issue. When we open the door too quickly on ourselves our emotions get over-exposed, our self-image gets blurry, and for a while at least, we just feel useless. Did you make a misstep in timing here? Maybe so, but you can't un-ring the bell. None of us are working from our first mistake. We've all made lots and lots of them, and if we live long enough, we'll make lots and lots more.

My advice: remember that it takes a strong, beautiful, courageous person to male the VSG decision. Work from there--not from your dad or Cousin Clueless or Auntie Aggressive or Sister Sass or anybody else. The woman who lost those 50 pounds is a warrior. Big time. Sit quietly and listen to her.

I struggled with whether I wanted to tell anyone or just a few or no one,,I thought long and hard. So I had the surgery and only a few knew,,close family. So after I lost my first 60 pounds I posted on fb and was so surprised how many "likes" and wonderful and positive comments I got. So I had a positive experience coming out about my wls. Now I've decided that if anyone says anything negative or just asks if I had surgery..I will say "Yes, I chose to take the hard way out instead of just dieting because that's the easy way out."