I Have Fallen Off The Wagon. I Need Help.

[IsB 209]

Unfortunately there is always going to be stress for all of us. It might be money or kids, relationships, work, even the news of the world for some people. What you need to focus on is your reaction to the stress in your life.

You've already identified yourself as an emotional eater. Get some help with that. Go to a support group or see a mental health expert. Focus on how to deal with stress as opposed to trying to eliminate stressful situations because some new ones are always going pop up.

[Julie76 251]

I am sure that is very scary for you as well. Would he be willing to go into counseling with you? Sometimes that helps defuse stressful situations.

I think he would. He is a great guy. Not a villian. Just insecure.

[Jammy 24]

I find that journaling helps me. I use www.myfitnesspal.com It seems to work really well for me. I use the iphone app as well as the website. I'm a little bit of a grazer myself. It helps if I journal everrrrrything. It forces me to see where I'm getting to as it is happening. Even if it doesn't stop me in my tracks, it'll be in the back of my head for the next day and I'll tend to do better then. Best of luck to you. Relationships are tough. Don't lose yourself trying to make up for someone else's insecurities. You'll never be able to fix that for them. No matter how much you cut out those around you, and seclude yourself from the outside world, if someone is fearful and insecure about a relationship, you cannot fix that for them. I've been through it. I know.

[Robyn Owens-Miille 132]

Part of the stress is some negitive stuff from my boyfriend... part is bills that have increased since my boyfriend... well, lets just face it... the stress is my boyfriend. He quit a job making good money just to come home and be with me because he thought I would cheat on him."

"

"Now the question is... How do I get around this? Get rid of him? IDK! He really is a great guy."

Great guys don't think you're going to cheat on them just because you've lost weight and have physically changed. I'm going to be pretty blunt... tell him to get a job and TRUST you or you will move on. If counseling works and helps mend your relationship, wonderful! If he still doesn't trust you and is so insecure, then he is not the guy for you.

You have WAY too much invested in you to be stressed out over a guy. You need to focus on you and preventing yourself from re-gaining that weight. It's "me time" in your world. Something I bet you've never done before!

[Julie76 251]

Part of the stress is some negitive stuff from my boyfriend... part is bills that have increased since my boyfriend... well, lets just face it... the stress is my boyfriend. He quit a job making good money just to come home and be with me because he thought I would cheat on him."

"

"Now the question is... How do I get around this? Get rid of him? IDK! He really is a great guy."

Great guys don't think you're going to cheat on them just because you've lost weight and have physically changed. I'm going to be pretty blunt... tell him to get a job and TRUST you or you will move on. If counseling works and helps mend your relationship, wonderful! If he still doesn't trust you and is so insecure, then he is not the guy for you.

You have WAY too much invested in you to be stressed out over a guy. You need to focus on you and preventing yourself from re-gaining that weight. It's "me time" in your world. Something I bet you've never done before!

Oh, I'm sorry.. He has a job ... just a lot less paying job. But your right.

[Lloydthumper 70]

Ok first off as I believe to be the only rooster to reply in the middle of a bunch of hens. I am also an emotional eater so I can relate. But in my opinion a man that would take a 30k pay cut to be with a woman he is not married to must really love you ALOT and you even though mad at him should feel flattered. Next stress an emotion are a part of life if it's not him it's going to be someone or something else. Next if you did leave him (you really couldn't love him) what do you think that's going to do to him emotionally etc. He is then also going to think you left him because he wasn't good enough for the new thin you. Trust me I'm one of those guys you see out with my wife and say why is she with him? She could do way better so I've been in his shoes. Since I've been married (14 great years) I have gained 150lbs up to 350lbs at 5'10" and my wife has stayed the same 106lbs so I have worried about her leaving or cheating and guess what It caused me to gained more weight. What I'm trying to do now is make a conscious effort as when I get stressed to work on something that needs fixing or something other than eating so I don't mess up the whole reason for getting the sleeve. As a matter a fact I just spent part of my luch hour typing this reply on an iPhone I guess what I'm trying to say is you have to find a way you can deal with stress other than eating and not take it out on him. I know that's easier to say than do but taking the easy road it what put most of us in this shape. What would we look like if everytime we got stressed we excersied for an hour instead of grabbing a burger and fries? Ok hen pack let me have it Lloyd

[Julie76 251]

Lloyd! No hen pecking necessary. I value everyone’s opinion. Thank you so much for taking the time to reply.

I don't want to leave him at all. I never tell him that he is the reason for my stress and yet another reason for my stress. I should be talking to him in a way of not letting him believe I'm stressed because of the money. However, the insecurities do bother me. I'm not sure how to deal with him thinking I'm going to leave or cheat all the time. We are together every second that we aren't at work so I'm not sure when I'd have a chance anyway.lol I do love him very much.

[Julie76 251]

By the way.... I have been very good with my eating today. I believe it's because I'm back here at VGS. Thank you all so much!

[Lloydthumper 70]

Well tell him how you feel but I can tell you it's not going to help. I was probally 3yrs in to my marriage before I just said one day I can't stop her I can't control her so I might as well just trust her and love her and see what happens. Now that doesn't mean in my own mind I don't still worry but I refuse to let it effect our marriage anymore. I use to pick with her about having a detective follow her (no I never did!) so I will about once a year tell her I got the report back from the detective and tell her he said she is beautiful but leads a boring life with only me. Then usually she tells me she loves being boring with me. But to be honest he will never not feel that way but he can learn to keep it to himself and not effect you. My wife will tell you she knows I still worry but I don't let it effect us. I knew if I kept it up I would push her into leaving!

[Lloydthumper 70]

Well tell him how you feel but I can tell you it's not going to help. I was probally 3yrs in to my marriage before I just said one day I can't stop her I can't control her so I might as well just trust her and love her and see what happens. Now that doesn't mean in my own mind I don't still worry but just not as much and I refuse to let it effect our marriage anymore. I use to pick with her about having a detective follow her (no I never did!) so I will about once a year tell her I got the report back from the detective and tell her he said she is beautiful but leads a boring life with only me. Then usually she tells me she loves being boring with me. But to be honest he will never not feel that way but he can learn to keep it to himself and not effect you. My wife will tell you she knows I still worry but I don't let it effect us. I knew if I kept it up I would push her into leaving!

[Paul Dettorre 3]

Do a liquid diet for two weeks, ironically cleaning yourself out will help your enery and mood as well as shave a few lbs and get u back on track

[MeMeMEEE 206]

Hi Julie!! Congratulations on your great loss!!

Stress sucks - don't let it get the best of you. Everyone has said what I would say, healthy alternatives for the grazing - fruits, veggies, etc. Exercise instead of graze when stressed. Don't take his problems on, take care of you. Etc. I totally agree to see if you can get him to counseling with you. Also, can you talk to him about how important it is for you to be healthy for him as well as for yourself - ie, for your future together, things you want to do with him that you couldn't being over weight, etc. You say he is fit, can you possibly begin exercising together? Walking or running is free and fall is just around the corner. Maybe getting him involved in your health and reassuring him you SEE him in your future? Also, let him know how things he has done has added stress to you and your relationship.

Just some thoughts! Hope it helps!