Ok so the other day I was watching Oprah, and there was a woman on there who had had RNY. She looked great, very much health improved. Anyways she said something that sparked my interest. She said that she is not attracted to overweight men or men who are attracted to overweight women. She was like 600 pounds to begin with, and is now about 200.

So I thought, hmmm Im gonna do a poll! I want to know how you ladies and gents feel about this issue. Just for the fun of it, just out of curiosity, and just because I really like polls.

I understand that, therefore Im not too offended when men are not attracted to me. I understand that I am not necessarily attractive to most of the guys that Im attracted to. I mean 2 have worked at Abercrombie and Fitch and one was a model for a year. I dunno why? Its the way Im programmed to be. I want a hot guy, but they want a hot chick so Ill be hot one day hopefully SOON, but one day...Damn why cant we all be thin already? I wanna wake-up skinny! Crazy huh? Since it cant happen guess Ill just have to go to sleep and count tomorrow as a another day contributing to the weight loss

I don't think we can be blamed for our biological drives.

As I mentioned earlier in this thread, I met my wife when she was ALMOST fashion model slender, and she has been as high as 50% over her perfect body weight (as per the health charts), but my love for her never changed because of her weight.

Then there was a girl who I had a crush on when I was 16. She moved out of Brooklyn, so when I bumped into her sister 3 years later, the sister told me that they were back in Brooklyn and set up a surprise meeting between us. She had been beautiful with a perfect shape when she moved away, so when I walked into the room, my heart dropped for a minute when I saw the 5'5" 200# girl in front of me, until she turned around, said my named and hugged me, then I became blind to her size.

Size (fat or skinny), baldness, facial hair, hair color, skin color, eye color, etc. can all influence whether you approach a person with sexual intent upon first meeting them, but very often if you knew the person, or get a chance to know them, that first impression will become less important.

I am not a handsome man. But many of my pre-marriage girlfriends and my wife allowed my inner beauty to overwhelm my exterior as they got to know me better. Some of the girls, in a moment of honesty, actually admitted that I became better looking as they started to like me. My test for love was to sing a love-song to them. If they said I sang well, I knew they loved me because, my singing even makes me and my dog sick.

Here's the results of the survey I posted on our website last week:-

I am physically attracted to people who are:-

Skinny - the skinnier the better 5.86%

Fit and trim 31.17%

Curvy and cuddly - something to hold onto 36.44%

Large - the bigger the better 2.90%

I don't care about appearance - it's what's on the inside 21.44%

Other - please specify 2.22%

Total Votes :3927

Total Comments :48

Thanks Parvathi, thats interesting indeed.

Those results give us "cuddly" ladies something to smile about :confused:.....I suppose it's also a matter of exactly how cuddly?

I voted like most of us - within reason it isnt an issue. I think I could fall in love with anyone who had the right personality regardless of weight, but if you're talking people I find "attractive" I tend to like my men (man) just a bit cuddly, probably overweight(ish) but I doubt I'd do a double take at someone hugely obese. Like the rest of the general public and despite having been obese myself I make the mental associations and judgements that most people do about obese people, without consciously thinking about it.

I cant bear skinny men, I find that very unattractive. I can safely say I'd never find a really skinny man attractive. Nor a short man, being tall myself, something in my psyche says attractive men are tall men. I really really loathe the model of physical perfection - muscles and bronzed skin. B-o-r-i-n-g, pretty men are not my thing at ALL.

Nice comfy looking middle aged men, in a business suit, looking successful (and wealthy, lol), probably because it fits my image of the "perfect" lifestyle - nice house, nice car, nice kids etc etc.

Interestingly enough I find skinny to be unatractive, I find people who are seen as the correct weight on the BMI scale to be to skinny. I also would say that if someone is deemed overweight using BMI as the measuring tool I would generally place them in the healthy weight category based on my personal scale.

I think if you can run a mile or two, remain active and try and maintain a healthy lifestyle I would find you attractive no matter your weight. I just don't think you can be skinny, skinny and be healthy. I guess to me if your healthy you need some meat on your bones.

I like my hubby to have a little meat on his bones/tummy so I have a pillow to lay on when I am watching TV.

I am a big girl and generally don't mind of a man is large too. The only problem I have had dating a large man was that his tummy was large. When we hugged, his belly pushed me away. Sex wasn't even an option, and because of that I decided that I will not date a man that has a very large tummy.

What I find most attractive is a tall man that is not thin. I like a manly man, 6'+ and anywhere between 200 and 300lbs is fine. I don't find myself very attracted to men who are skinny, but often I do find myself attracted to men with a gorgeous face.

At a cafe I go to there is this man that always comes in. He is probably 5'10, 150lbs, blonde and has a face of a 17 year old. He is so adorable that every time he looks at me I blush and turn away. If he ever said anything to me I would probably pass out on the spot.

I guess that it all comes down to the person havign that certain something.

Another good example is, I met this man. He is exactly the kind of man I described earlier, tall, meaty, handsome... but when I met him for coffee, I couldn't even force myself to feel the attraction. He was such a loser that I was bothered when he tried to hold my hand. I couldn't wait to get away from him. Funny thing about him is that when I first saw him I said to myself 'YUM!' lol

Sigh, I need a b/f.

So am I misunderstanding or did she basically say, "I'm not attracted to any man that would be attracted to me?" (assuming 200 lbs would still put her in the overweight category)

Oh, THIS is my number one problem. I think "If he's attracted to me (a big girl), there must be something wrong with him and I don't want him." I kept on WAITING and WAITING to date, because I wanted someone good looking and I felt like I needed to be skinny to be good looking. I'm slowly getting over this, but it's still a problem for me. I seriously need counseling over the whole dating issue.

Oh, THIS is my number one problem. I think "If he's attracted to me (a big girl), there must be something wrong with him and I don't want him." I kept on WAITING and WAITING to date, because I wanted someone good looking and I felt like I needed to be skinny to be good looking. I'm slowly getting over this, but it's still a problem for me. I seriously need counseling over the whole dating issue.

That is an example of the self-hate that is sometimes harder to lose that our weight inself. It is also many times, one of the reasons why we became fat.

That is an example of the self-hate that is sometimes harder to lose that our weight inself. It is also many times, one of the reasons why we became fat.

I have to agree. While I don't believe I have overall self-hate, or ever have, I have always hated how I looked. People tell me I'm pretty, but I always think they're trying to be nice. Even now, I'm a size 16 miss or a 14W, I still feel like the biggest person in the room and no guy would be attracted to that. There has to be a phase shift somewhere.

I fell in love with the absolute OPPOSITE of what I was looking for physically in a man:

I wanted TALL: my DH is 5"0"

I am 5"6"

I wanted Muscular: my DH was 130lbs soaking wet (when we married)

I weighed 275 lbs when we married

I wanted a man with lots of thick dark hair: my DH is bald

I had short blond hair when we married

I wanted a white collar man: my DH has been disabled since birth.

I work in a white collar world

I wanted an older mature man: my DH was 29 when we married

I was 35 yrs old when we married

I expected a divorced man: my DH had never been married

I was divorced

I expected a man with kids: my DH had never had kids

I had 2 children

What I got was a match made in heaven (which I resisted at first).

My DH is the most wonderful, kind, caring, honest, God-fearing, gentle, thoughtful, humorous, sweet, considerate, smart, SEXY man I know.

If I would have allowed my list of requirements to narrow my views on choosing my mate, I would still be looking. A fellow I was dating at the time (not who I married) told me I was searching for the PERFECT man and that he doesn't exist. I proved him wrong. Okay, maybe I didn't prove him wrong, but GOD proved that the perfect man for me DID exist.

Ok guys, this is a real issue with me at the moment....

I've been talking to a guy on a website, and he is the kindest, most thoughtful, lovely guy I could ever want... I knew he was a big guy cos I saw his pic showing a chubby face, thats ok I had no problem with that.

We met on saturday night and he is huge!!! his pic was obviously off a long time ago. I'm no good at guessing weights but he was super obese, he made me feel petite and im a big girl!! anyway, we got on really well, although he's a bit too quiet for me and he kissed me at the end of the evening, it was nice(it's been a while) but there was no feeling(if you know what I mean!!)

Now I have a problem, I have a guy who wants to see me again, me who feels so unattractive due to my size!! and he fits most of my criteria but i dont find him remotely attractive due to his huge tummy and swollen legs... how can I a fat person judge someone like that?? he's really attractive on the inside but not outwardly!! I feel like a really bad person for thinking this, I would hate for someone to think this about me...it's making me all confused!

Theres also the issue of food, he wanted to go for a meal I wouldnt cos ive just been filled and have huge restriction (I told him about my band before we met, I though it could be an issue) now I feel bad, going on about how i was soo fat and decided to have a band when he is soo much bigger than me..

I can see in him some of the things I didnt like in me pre band. What do I do guys?? do I see him again or do I just tell him 'can we just be friends' I don't want to hurt him but am sooo confused!!

I neve thought I had a problem with big guys, I've been out with a few in the past but he was just too big...

I have to agree. While I don't believe I have overall self-hate, or ever have, I have always hated how I looked. People tell me I'm pretty, but I always think they're trying to be nice. Even now, I'm a size 16 miss or a 14W, I still feel like the biggest person in the room and no guy would be attracted to that. There has to be a phase shift somewhere.

It is not just people of weight who have these problems.

Because of my job at the time, I was surrounded by women who were knock down gorgeous, unbelievably good looking women. That song by Lionel Richie and the Commodores: “Brick House” (which really means a brick $hit house) described many of them.

Invariably when I would take one of the young ladies to a function or party, they would say how badly they looked. Compared to what? Lets say on the 1 to 10 scale of looks, the woman I was with was a 9. Let's also say that there were 100 couples at the function. There might be five girls there who were over 8.5 and my date would compare herself only with those 5 girls. The fact that she was better looking than the other 95 did not stop her from putting herself down compared to the chosen 5. Many times she was prettier than the chosen 5 or at least 3 of the 5. Beauty is very personally subjective, so it is hard to know who was the best looking, but she always knew that she looked terrible.

Before you think that it was only in my eyes that the women I took out were so attractive, please be sure that one of my unusual traits is that I can judge looks from a non-emotional point. I can look at a person that I love and one that I hate and say that the one that I hate is prettier (if she is). Also, I had to fight all the other men away from my dates. When we walked into the room, all eyes turned our way, and I had my clothes on, so it wasn't me that caused the buzz.

Most Women see something much uglier in the mirror than the person who is actually looking into the mirror. Women have set themselves up for failure by comparing themselves to the "air-brushed" women they see in magazines. A friend of mine was a model and I hung out with him and few of his co-workers for a while. They did not look in everyday life, like they looked either in magazines or TV ads. Makeup, lighting and camera angle can work magic.

Looks have become so important in our society that women and now some men have developed a self-hate syndrome while trying to keep up with the Joneses of the fashion, TV and Movies world.