I'm so grateful to have found this site and have read a number of stories that made me feel less alone in my own struggle. Here is my story:

March of 2008 I saw a weight loss surgeon who said all the right things to convince me I was too fat to lose weight on my own and the only way to have lifelong success was to sign up for WLS which required a thousand dollar deposit. I weighed 265 lbs at the time and in my late 30s was far too tired to try another diet and exercise program that would inevitably result in another 10lb weight gain. January of 2008 my employer switched to a new insurance carrier, I submitted paperwork in March for coverage for WLS and eventually got the definitive "no" in November 2008. Fast forward to October 2009, same doctor, same spiel, weight now 295lbs and co-morbidities presented to insurance carrier requesting coverage- denied. Februaury 2011, made a "lets just see" call to insurance carrier to find out if requirements were met........found out that one more year of a documented weight and BMI over 40 and the coverage would be extended! I put my ducks in a row and within 2 weeks of my initial doctors visit in February 2012 I was able to schedule my surgery for mid March.

I was shocked to find my weight ballooned to 347lbs but thrilled when I lost 16 lbs pre-surgery in a short 12 days. I took 5 days off work, gave away all the food in my pantry and bought the cutest pajamas I could find for my 3 day hospital stay. I packed my bag on Sunday and even though I was nervous and exited I slept until 5am when I took a luxurious bubble bath and set out for the hospital @ 7am. In pre-op my precious daughter sat and prayed with me, my anesthesiologist joked about just turning the big 40 too, my surgeon came in and smiled, answered my questions, quelled my fears and prayed with my daughter and I.

Nothing but blackness.

I barely woke to find myself in PACU alone and asked for my daughter to be allowed in.."sure honey, which one is she?"..."hmm, oh, she's the one with pink hair!". My sweet daughter came in and praised God with me that I was breathing and everything seemed fine. Fade to black again. I'm in a private room now and my daughter is sleeping on the sofa. The nurse comes in, the IV is checked, "here's your button for the morphine pump. Any time you feel pain coming on you press it." I'm not in pain, I feel my stomach and it feels flat already, stupid, it must be the drugs. My surgeon comes in with his PA and he looks flushed, sweaty and triumphant, "eveything went wonderful! no problems, a textbook case if there ever was one." we smile and I joke about calling What Not To Wear to get a new wardrobe.

I get up to the bathjroom as soon as I can. I'm anxious to see how I look and change out of the hospital gown. It's been 3hrs since surgery and i'm in my pajamas, robe and snuggly slippers and my daughter takes my arm and we begin our walk around the unit. I walk and walk, smiling and thinking what a good patient I am, no DVTs for me. My stay is uneventful, day 3 my surgeon smiles and says "time to go home!" I fill my prescriptions but I haven't touched the pain medicine and feel so powerful that I drive myself home.

Then the horror begins. The first noght i'm home I wind up in the bathroom with forceful diarhea that comes in waves of gut wrenching spasms. Over and over again, just foul smelling liquid, I sit there too long and now i'm sick, I pull the trash can over and vomit clear liquid until I think i'm going to pass out. My daughter gets me to bed, time to take the meds and not try to do it on my own, I slump back and its daytime now. My head is spinning and the spasms come again, diarhea, vomit.... I step on the scale, smile in a drug haze and think wow i've lost 2 more lbs! Nothing is clear anymore, what day is it? what time is it? did I take my pills? was it a dream or did I really eat a piece of chicken from the refrigerator? why won't the nausea stop? why do the Protein shakes suddenly taste like dog butt? I can't get anything in, i'm trying to force 2oz popsicles down but when I finish one its back to the bathroom with waves of diarhea and vomiting. Day 6 post-op, I manage to take a shower with my daughter holding me up, pack 2 Protein Shakes and my giant Water bottle and trot off to work. I make it 2hrs into a ten hour shift and spend most of it in the bathroom vomiting blood...time to call the doctor.

I talk to the nurse who tellls me to drink as much water as I can. I can't. I call and talk to another nurse who says to try a different Protein shake. I'm weak and sick and starting to lose it...I scream at my daughter "why won't you help me?". I call the nurse again, the PA calls me back "have you been able to take your meds and get some water in?" no, NO! It's been 11 days since surgery and now we're worried for some reason and my daughter has my bag packed and we're back at the hospital where they have my room ready and they put me back in a hospital gown. I don't see my doctor until Monday but Fri, Sat and Sun a variety of PAs mand other surgeons from the office come in and tell me things and they'll support me and some people have a harder time and just give it time, time time.

Monday the first of many PICC lines come and the tests start. In 3 days I blew 11 IV lines. The PICC line sounds wonderful but they hit my ulnar nerve and the vein occluded and I went back to my room with an open hole in my arm, a second PICC and a gown covered in blood..how did that happen with a sterile drape? So I can't eat but they think I won't and they tell me all the reasons I need to and they threaten if I don't its time for TPN. I try, I puke. I try everything, Unjury- ick, water-gross, eggs-vomit, pudding, ice cream, sherbet, yogurt, Jello... the nausea wells up from my toes and never ends. The TPN starts on Tuesday, I leave the hospital 13 days later, Maundy Thursday, I beg because tomorrow its Good Friday and I can't bear to be away from daughter on Easter.

Monday after Easter I have lost 8 lbs in the 4 days i've been home, somethings wrong. The doctor says to get a liter of Fluid and some Vitamins, it'll be ok, it's not. Friday the nurses come and set up the home TPN and show me how to do IV push meds, the saline, phenergen, saline, heparin, again, the zofran, again, 8 times a day. My house becomes and infirmary, boxes and boxes of supplies, dressings, medicine, saline, alcohol swabs, heparin. The dog can't be out when the dressing is changed, the TPN bag is changed once a day, add the vitamins, push the medicine.

It takes a few weeks and the meds are doubled, the nausea just won't fricking stop. The TPN is my savior. another month, double the meds again, brief periods of relief, my weight stabilizes @ 317....I had WLS for this? I can't work, i'm constantly sick and besides I have a doctors appointment every week and another test, EGD, swallowing, emptying studies, another EGD, but nothing is wrong "everything is fine, it may just take time for you. You might be on liquids for 6 months" my doctor says... liquids? it's been 3 months and I can drink about 12 oz a day... liquids? i'm still on TPN?!

It's been 4 months, I can't stand the TPN, we decrease the time and I try to eat what I can when I can. My weight is 318, d?@$ WLS! We double the meds, the phenergen is 4 times the dose it was when I had surgery, does anyone know this causes heart problems? We decrease the TPN, I can only eat right after I push the meds and I do it again right afterwards, then I pass out... weight loss is tough work, I manage to get down to 314.

Somethings wrong, I feel sick, sicker than usual haha...my daughter is talking to the nurse at the ER, "no she feels really sick, her heart is skipping beats maybe? her blood pressure is up. look at her arm, do you think it's swollen? what's that black mark?" They tell me I have a UTI and send me home, its Monday. I can't breathe, i'm having a heart attack, I know it, its Wednesday and we're back at the ER, the doctor smiles and says its anxiety, take some Ativan and keep taking your antibiotic...are you kidding? I throw up the antibiotic, it stinks, I crush the Ativan and sleep for days. Its Friday and the nurse calls, "how are you" my arm hurts and its swollen, "GO BACK TO THE ER" I can't, I fall back asleep. Its Saturday and I can't find my wrist, my arm is a thick puffy balloon like they use to make balloon animals. My fingers won't bend, doesn't matter cause I can't feel them anyway, i'm sick, I vomit and try to push my meds, I get in 2ccs of saline and it feels like my arm is a water balloon...I push a cc and I think I see it literally filling up, theres a black gnarled line around my upper arm, looks like a barbed wire tattoo, thank God for WLS.

I'm at the ER again, its Saturday night and i'm sure they'll admit me, they HAVE to pull the PICC and give me a new one, surely they'll see that, I can't breathe, please give me some Ativan and phenergan, i'm gonna puke again. A nurse comes in and says he's from Interventional radiology, doesn't even touch my arm but smiles and leaves, we hear him outside the door "you've gotta pull that PICC, it's really bad!" a tech comes in with an ultrasound machine and pushes on the outer part of my arm, over and over, slimy gel, pushing harder, my arm isn't quite so numb now, its killing me on the underside, my armpit aches and the inner portion of my upper arm feels like someone is firing a gun into it every time they touch me. "Good news!" the ER doc smiles and tells me its just a little superficlal blood clot...yay! all we need to do is apply warm compresses and it will go away, have some noroc for the pain...great, more crap I can't swallow. "What should I do if it gets worse? what if it swells up more?" don't worry "It's fine, no need to come back even if it gets bigger, warm compresses and you'll feel alot better"

It's Monday and the weekend went by in a drug induced haze. I can't use my PICC, I crush the norco and ativan and try to stay asleep, no not asleep, blacked out, like anesthesia until the doctors office opens Monday. I tell the nurse, she sets up an appointment at Interventional Radiology for them to pull and replace the PICC on Tuesday, good, hopefully i'll die by then. Its 6pm Monday and I can't take it, I might be hallucinating, I know i'm dying, I moan and rock, i'm in the car, off to the ER again. I wait for hours while people scream and cry, everybody is taken before me, I pull my sweatshirt and cover my head, I moan and lick the blood from cracked lips, I can't even stand up to go to the bathroom and vomit, 4 hours later and they wheel me back. Nurse after nurse comes in to try to start an IV, "she's dehydrated and a tough poke" "I KNOW! she's so ill tho, what are we supposed to do???" check her feet, no veins, we're gonna have to go in thru the femoral.....God no, I can't remember if I have underwear on and they're gonna cut into my groan to find a vein.

"Great news!" we found a cluster of blood clots under your arm, no not one, there are several vericose veins bulging out of your arm, the PICC went bad and they strangulated and now they have clots in them. You're gonna die if you throw one to your heart or lungs, we're starting the lovanox, you're gonna be fine. 3 days of terror, I'm admitted to the hospital and the doc upstairs decides she knows what I need, they pull the PICC from my grossly swollen arm and I beg for some dilauded "this isn't a painful procedure, you don't need anything for pain." and she teaches the student nurse how to yak=nk 4 feet of tubing and wire from my arm while I sob, my daughter cries and starts to yell. The doctor leaves, she won't come back or write orders, i'm sick, no pain meds or nausea meds, try some tylenol, f**** you. I cry and demand to see another doctor, I call my doctor and the oncall doctor screams at the charge nurse...they give me ativan and phenergan, my daughter yells and threatens, the nurses hate to come in my room.

Wednesday morning is the first and last time I see my surgeon, he pops his head in and smiles "so your PICC is gone now, thats what happens" when you screw up and get a blood clot is what he doesn't say. I'll see you in my office next week and we'll talk about a feeding tube. What? I had WLS 4 and a half months ago... I cry and turn and face the window, I keep the shades down.

I'm sick of this, I finally get to leave @ noon on Wednesday. I have a script for Warfarin and an order to have my blood drawn every day, I have no PICC line, no IV push meds, no TPN and my arm looks like I was going for a Popeye look. I sob on the ride home. When I go to the lab the next morning they stick me 6 times and still don't get enough to run the PT/INR to check my clotting times. I fall out of the car as I try to go inside, I just sit on the grass and contemplate throwing up on the lawn, I see the neighbor and when she waves I think I should strip off my clothes and just run shrieking down the street... I need a laugh, otherwise I just cry. I'm so depressed, I see my primary doc, he orders me oral nausea meds, a compression sleeve for my arm and listens to me cry. I tell him my heart is skipping a beat, he says "phenergan can cause permanent heart damage" f*** phenergan.

It's 12 days since I left the hospital without a PICC. The last thing my surgeon said was that they couldn't find a reason for my symptoms, he even asked the doctors at a seminar in California and they were all puzzled, oh well, too bad for me. My weight is down to 300 lbs now, it was 312 when I left the hospital. I made the mistake of going back to the ER last week Tuesday because my chest hurt and I was coughing and that same shortness of breath and heart thing came back. they said I was fine and were sending me home when I looked the ER doc right in the eye and said "with all due respect, the last time you said I was fine I had a blood clot that almosgt killed me, please, can you just check everything to make sure i'm ok?" tears in my eyes, he smiles, lets run another test. Theres a shadow in my lung, likely pneumonia but we can't be sure the clots haven't moved. We'll keep you for observation but we won't admit you, you're probably fine buit we'll do some IV fluids and antibiotics to be sure. They take me upstairs, I know whats coming next, nurse after nurse tries to start the IV, IM pain meds, I ask for nausea meds at 6:30 am and by 2pm I still haven't gotten any. I can't stand it so I leave, they chase me and try to make me sign something saying if I die its my own fault. I get home and chew a phenergan, drink some lortab and pass out.

My primary doc said he would figure out how to get me seen by a specialist, I won't return the calls from my surgeons office, if I could put a stop payment on his check I would but insurance has already paid his fee. Maybe he's right, there's nothing to explain my symptoms, I doubt that, my skin is grey and I look like a chemo patient because my long thick brown hair has fallen out in Patches and I have a kind of crazy eyed look to me. I'm hungry and thirsty, I think I look like I could be a victim of starvation but then I laugh because i'm still so fat.

I knew the risks of the surgery, pulmonary embolism, DVT, sleeve leak, infection. I was a nurse for 10 years and took care of hospice patients who looked better than me. I signed on for a magic pill, a fantastic surgery that would finally help me get to a healthy weight so I could see my daughter graduate from medical school, get married and hold my grandchildren. I wanted to avoid diabetes and stop heart disease, funny how it all worked out.

If you have experienced any of the pain, nausea, depression, sadness, fear, frustration, anger or disgust like I have, tell me your story and let me know i'm not alone, i'm not crazy and it does get better. :-)

You misread, she was turned down in 2008. She had her surgery this past March.

oh thank you for clarifying, I was really hoping she was relating a memory and had recovered. I am so sorry your going through this and hope and pray the

doctors will find the answer for you.

*UPDATE*

For all who asked:

I talked to a local malpractice attorney, he said no one legitimate would take my case. It seems if a doctor has been reckless, negligent and unprofessional, it would be best if they killed you. The problem it seems, I haven't died yet and it isn't "profitible" for them to file suit. He was really very nice and explained some of what I suspected- it would require hiring specialists to say what the doctors did was wrong which would be thousands of dollars on their end. Since I didn't lose my life, or at least a limb, the case is likely worth less than 50k and they would eat up most of it in expert testimony. How can that be? seriously? oh well, there has to be a dollar amount placed on everything and apparently this isn't worth a whole lot! His suggestion was to call the hospital and talk to their patient liason or the risk management department and complain about my stay. I replied it wasn't a hotel and I didn't need to complain, what they did was grossly negligent and almost cost me my life and my daughter her mother. I'm on the fence about trying another attorney, I don't want to hear the same thing but I also don't want a sleaze ball giving my high expectations and hopes that can't be realized.

I AM pissed, I've been hurting, I DID suffer for way too long, NO ONE listened to me, I DESERVE compensation for the misery they put me through, I want them to pay for what they did, I want everyone to know what they did. I'm petty and childish and want retribution for the wrongdoing, to feel vindicated in a courtroom, in front of a judge and jury, to be able to look at them and tell them what they did came close to ruining my life and ask who would have mothered my child had I died? To remind them the hippocratic oath says to do no harm and they failed, they harmed me, left me in pain, didn't ease my suffering, blew me off as just another fatty who didn't care enough to take care of themselves and what were they supposed to do? fix all the damage I did to my body over 40 years?

My biggest concern is for other patients seen both at the hospitals and by the doctors involved. I really don't want to ruin anyones career but I also don't want these doctors thinking that the bare minimum is good enough. We are patients, living, breathing human beings who are at the mercy of people who take one look at you or review your file and decide you're a complainer, you can't tolerate a small amount of pain, you're a drug seeker, you like the attention, you're a hypochondriac, you should just shut up and be quiet or better yet, just stay home.

I'm still not able to eat and drink enough to sustain myself but found milk and bread settle my stomach so I don't feel like i'm constantly spinning from the nausea. The problem with that has been a temporary 5 lb weight gain- sooo scary, i've lost all but a pound, back up to 301, great! Having some temporary relief has made it worth it though, I honestly hoped I would die some days because the nausea and vomiting were so bad, feeling that vomit well up from your toes and the waiting, trying to stop it from happening, worrying about the pills you took earlier and whether they were in your intestines or stuck in your pouch and would come up with the vomit, being so tired you aren't sure you'll actually live through another stomach spasm because when they start they don't stop, even if you've vomited up everything and you just lie there, with your eyes bulging out and your mouth open with your tongue pushed out and you can't slow it enough to even catch your breath. So the good news is that my PCP referred me to not 1 but 2 departments at the University where I will see a gastroenterologist and another bariatric surgeon to get some insight into the complications and hopefully a long term fix. If anyone can help, it's the University hospita,l and I am so thankful that my PCP was able to get me in there!

The blood clots in my arm have not subsided which is slightly unusual and makes me worry, alot. For anyone with hand or arm problems, it's similar to nerve issues like carpal tunnel or guyon canal compression etc.... i'm having pain, numbness and tingling just like I did before I had surgery on my hands. My arm is still swollen and i've woken up with my hand huge and cold several times this week. It feels like theres a rubber band at my anticubital that is tightening and irritating the nerves. The scary thing is that neuropathy and nerve issues can be the result of med toxicity and could be permanent. I don't believe that is the case, I think it's just from the vericose veins and the blood clots. I hope that's the scenario, but to find out either way and see if it requires surgery, I have been referred to a vascular surgeon. yay!

I've gotten a reprieve from the terrible trips to the lab for blood draws! My insurance carrier has covered a home PT monitor to check my clotting times. It only takes a drop of blood and gives the score which I call in to the doctors office every day. It has been running high so they decreased my coumadin which means only3 pills instead of 6 every morning- I can't tell you what a relief it has been! I took some flowers to the lab tech who had been drawing my blood these last few weeks. She was my hero, she gave me tiny infant foot warmers that I would put on before I went every day so they could increase the blood flow and make it easier for them to get. She listened to everything I said about where to try a stick and avoided the veins I told her to, even though she could see them and really wanted to poke them, she believed me when I said they would blow if she got one or worse yet, roll and hide when she went to stick which causes them to poke you and then dig, dig, dig for the vein they know is there- they won't get it and you'll be miserable, eventually scar tissue forms and there won't be any more blood draws in that spot.

The greatest things through all of this have been the support, compassion and sincerety i've been met with while sharing my story. My primary doc was so open, honest and apologetic for what I went through, not even my surgeon has admitted anything went wrong but my PCP knew something wasn't right, he listened to me and fought for me. When I said I couldn't go back to my surgeon's office he personally contacted specialists and got me in to the best ones he could find. I'm much more optimistic and hopeful that someone, somewhere will figure out my issues and help me. It has to keep going up from here right? :-)

My heart goes out to you, for your pain, suffering, and the emotional turmoil all of this has brought on. I'm a nurse too, and I'm glad you had a patient advocate in anyone who would listen, and grateful that your PCP took your concerns seriously. I know I've been guilty sometimes, thinking that a patient is over reacting, and not in need. Thank you for reminding us healthcare givers to never discount someone's suffering and to simply listen first, before making judgement. God bless you in your recovery.

*UPDATE*

For all who asked:

I talked to a local malpractice attorney, he said no one legitimate would take my case. It seems if a doctor has been reckless, negligent and unprofessional, it would be best if they killed you. The problem it seems, I haven't died yet and it isn't "profitible" for them to file suit. He was really very nice and explained some of what I suspected- it would require hiring specialists to say what the doctors did was wrong which would be thousands of dollars on their end. Since I didn't lose my life, or at least a limb, the case is likely worth less than 50k and they would eat up most of it in expert testimony. How can that be? seriously? oh well, there has to be a dollar amount placed on everything and apparently this isn't worth a whole lot! His suggestion was to call the hospital and talk to their patient liason or the risk management department and complain about my stay. I replied it wasn't a hotel and I didn't need to complain, what they did was grossly negligent and almost cost me my life and my daughter her mother. I'm on the fence about trying another attorney, I don't want to hear the same thing but I also don't want a sleaze ball giving my high expectations and hopes that can't be realized.

I AM pissed, I've been hurting, I DID suffer for way too long, NO ONE listened to me, I DESERVE compensation for the misery they put me through, I want them to pay for what they did, I want everyone to know what they did. I'm petty and childish and want retribution for the wrongdoing, to feel vindicated in a courtroom, in front of a judge and jury, to be able to look at them and tell them what they did came close to ruining my life and ask who would have mothered my child had I died? To remind them the hippocratic oath says to do no harm and they failed, they harmed me, left me in pain, didn't ease my suffering, blew me off as just another fatty who didn't care enough to take care of themselves and what were they supposed to do? fix all the damage I did to my body over 40 years?

My biggest concern is for other patients seen both at the hospitals and by the doctors involved. I really don't want to ruin anyones career but I also don't want these doctors thinking that the bare minimum is good enough. We are patients, living, breathing human beings who are at the mercy of people who take one look at you or review your file and decide you're a complainer, you can't tolerate a small amount of pain, you're a drug seeker, you like the attention, you're a hypochondriac, you should just shut up and be quiet or better yet, just stay home.

I'm still not able to eat and drink enough to sustain myself but found milk and bread settle my stomach so I don't feel like i'm constantly spinning from the nausea. The problem with that has been a temporary 5 lb weight gain- sooo scary, i've lost all but a pound, back up to 301, great! Having some temporary relief has made it worth it though, I honestly hoped I would die some days because the nausea and vomiting were so bad, feeling that vomit well up from your toes and the waiting, trying to stop it from happening, worrying about the pills you took earlier and whether they were in your intestines or stuck in your pouch and would come up with the vomit, being so tired you aren't sure you'll actually live through another stomach spasm because when they start they don't stop, even if you've vomited up everything and you just lie there, with your eyes bulging out and your mouth open with your tongue pushed out and you can't slow it enough to even catch your breath. So the good news is that my PCP referred me to not 1 but 2 departments at the University where I will see a gastroenterologist and another bariatric surgeon to get some insight into the complications and hopefully a long term fix. If anyone can help, it's the University hospita,l and I am so thankful that my PCP was able to get me in there!

The blood clots in my arm have not subsided which is slightly unusual and makes me worry, alot. For anyone with hand or arm problems, it's similar to nerve issues like carpal tunnel or guyon canal compression etc.... i'm having pain, numbness and tingling just like I did before I had surgery on my hands. My arm is still swollen and i've woken up with my hand huge and cold several times this week. It feels like theres a rubber band at my anticubital that is tightening and irritating the nerves. The scary thing is that neuropathy and nerve issues can be the result of med toxicity and could be permanent. I don't believe that is the case, I think it's just from the vericose veins and the blood clots. I hope that's the scenario, but to find out either way and see if it requires surgery, I have been referred to a vascular surgeon. yay!

I've gotten a reprieve from the terrible trips to the lab for blood draws! My insurance carrier has covered a home PT monitor to check my clotting times. It only takes a drop of blood and gives the score which I call in to the doctors office every day. It has been running high so they decreased my coumadin which means only3 pills instead of 6 every morning- I can't tell you what a relief it has been! I took some flowers to the lab tech who had been drawing my blood these last few weeks. She was my hero, she gave me tiny infant foot warmers that I would put on before I went every day so they could increase the blood flow and make it easier for them to get. She listened to everything I said about where to try a stick and avoided the veins I told her to, even though she could see them and really wanted to poke them, she believed me when I said they would blow if she got one or worse yet, roll and hide when she went to stick which causes them to poke you and then dig, dig, dig for the vein they know is there- they won't get it and you'll be miserable, eventually scar tissue forms and there won't be any more blood draws in that spot.

The greatest things through all of this have been the support, compassion and sincerety i've been met with while sharing my story. My primary doc was so open, honest and apologetic for what I went through, not even my surgeon has admitted anything went wrong but my PCP knew something wasn't right, he listened to me and fought for me. When I said I couldn't go back to my surgeon's office he personally contacted specialists and got me in to the best ones he could find. I'm much more optimistic and hopeful that someone, somewherei will figure out my issues and help me. It has to keep going up from here right? :-)

I'm so thankful that you finally feel like someone is in this fight with you! It's amazing the difference a little compassion and understanding can make when a person. Is suffering. I pray that your suffering is coming to a quick end and that your health begins to improve even more.

I wanted to offer some input on the lawsuit, I hope you don't mind. :/ I was in a really bad car accident almost 3 years ago that required 2 multi-level fusions in 14 months because my spine was not stable and my spinal cord was compressed. It was 100% the other guys fault, I was rearended at a stop light with him going 30mph. I went through years of pain, 2 surgeries, $400,000 worth of doctor bills just so I could retain the ability to walk for the rest of my life...I too wanted him to pay for my suffering and the nightmare he caused me and my family. I fought for 2.5 years to prove that he was negligent and that I was a victim of his carelessness...it was like a disease that consumed my life. I went through all of that emotional upheaval and all I wanted to hear was that he was sorry and that he accepted fault for what he did to me. That never happened, and he never accepted responsibility for what happened. Thankfully my health improved greatly after my last surgery, so eventually I was able to slam the door shut on the justice I never recieved at the hands of a careless and unremorseful man. I did get a small settlement, but my 3 attorneys and my insurance companies made out like bandits. Everyone but me profited from my nightmare.

I tell you this so you know that medical legal battles are rough, and often times the outcome is nothing like what we think is justified. Like you said, sad part is, unless you wind up dead or in a wheel chair the lawyers often make out better than their clients do.

Hopefully you find the peace and closure you need, whether or not you decide to journey down the path to litigation. My heart really goes out to you because I've been there. Sending you hugs!

I wanted to offer some input on the lawsuit, I hope you don't mind. :/ I was in a really bad car accident almost 3 years ago that required 2 multi-level fusions in 14 months because my spine was not stable and my spinal cord was compressed. It was 100% the other guys fault, I was rearended at a stop light with him going 30mph. I went through years of pain, 2 surgeries, $400,000 worth of doctor bills just so I could retain the ability to walk for the rest of my life...I too wanted him to pay for my suffering and the nightmare he caused me and my family. I fought for 2.5 years to prove that he was negligent and that I was a victim of his carelessness...it was like a disease that consumed my life. I went through all of that emotional upheaval and all I wanted to hear was that he was sorry and that he accepted fault for what he did to me. That never happened, and he never accepted responsibility for what happened. Thankfully my health improved greatly after my last surgery, so eventually I was able to slam the door shut on the justice I never recieved at the hands of a careless and unremorseful man. I did get a small settlement, but my 3 attorneys and my insurance companies made out like bandits. Everyone but me profited from my nightmare.

Thank you so much for the input! I am really angry at myself along with the doctor's and you're right- nothing will fix that externally, it's something I will have to work through. I'm so glad you've been able to get beyond that and your health has improved, that's the most important thing! When you feel terrible or are in pain it's difficult to let the desire for retribution to go, I hope that with time and healing I will get to that point. I've been lucky- I am grateful for my life and the small improvements that come sooooo slowly!

I am sorry I pray for your health and for your well being I am in Delaware if u need my surgeons info please let me know

Ps u could be a writer hope that puts a smile on your face

What is this about??? Is this related to being sleeve?? Confused

A few things- I'm very very sorry you are going through this. You seem like a person of faith and I hope this has helped you in the tough times. Maybe god knew you were strong enough to go through this, equipped you with heartfelt writing ability, and sent you out to help others? I'm not sure I would be strong enough...

My mothers doctor was drunk when treating her early in her pregnancy with my younger sister. Gave her penicillin knowing she was allergic. She nearly died and speant rest of pregnancy worried my sister would be born with side effects. She was ok, perfectly healthy baby. But mum sued for the terror (started suit While still pregnant). Took nearly ten years and doctor died before ever saying sorry. Mum got about $10, 000 from his estate. It wasn't worth it though, no-one else really "got" her pain, maybe coz they were all men? Just saying this to add, if lawyer can't help with money then just speak out as much as you are comfortable with...

I was rushed to hospital earlier thus year unconscious with aspiration pneumonia. Went to slep Wednesday woke up Friday in hospital. I had very bad flu and throat infection which a GP hadnt wanted to give me anything for. Said if I lost weight I'd be healthier next winter- argh! Anyway in the night I must have coughed so hard I breathed in my own vomit. Admitted to critical care unit for five days.

Most nurses were good but the massive antibiotics I were on in hospital gave me mouth thrush. I couldn't swallow anything and was crying in pain. Noone could help me. It took the lady who bought tea and coffee to diagnose the thrush and have the nurses bring nilstat. It cleared up in a day...

When I was released they gave me a medication to take at home. That night I committed and thought I was having a heart attack. Went straight to same emergency room. Had to wait there with bleeding, coughing, vomitting others for two hours before throwing up again myself, right there on the floor. They sent someone to clean it up but still couldn't have a dr see me.

I went home, cried myself to sleep, went to local clinic next morning. Told me the medicine hospitak had prescribed causes those exact side effects. And the triage nurses at e.r. Couldn't look that up anywhere?!

Just some small things about the "monolith" that is western medicine... Drs don't know all. Some don't even know the little things like hirse-sized amounts of antibiotics cause thrush! Allergies kill people. Medications have side effects...

I hope your daughter does a medical anthropology class at college- shell get a kick out of realising doctors don't know everything

Oh and lastly, I've rocked the overweight anorexic look before... I feel for you- but hey, vampires are in this season- hi light your pallor for the hottest summer trend

Get well and god bless...

Oh and, I had a thought/ saw a doco on medical marijuana in Colorado. It seems to be a drug that helps a lot of people with your sort of symptoms... Is it worth a try anywhere near you? It's strange but it sounds like the surgeon hit a nerve in your abdominal cavity... Has any doctor suggested this possibility? Nerve damage does strange things...

I am so incredibly sorry you have been put through all of this with little relief in sight. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Please continue posting about your journey. (((hugs)))

get a second opinion from a different atty. Put 70 attorneys in a room and ask the same question, you get 70 different answers. If you will PM me your location, I have atty friends across the country and will try to put you in touch with competent local atty for you....

How are things now, jsd?

Is it safe to assume that if you could do it all over again, you would not have gotten the surgery? I am still in the planning phases, and your story just scared the crap out of

I am so sorry this happened to you. It does sound like every single awful thing that could did. Hope you heal.

She hasn't been online since September 4th. I hope things are ok.