Hi All,

Perhaps you can help me with this question. I'm pre-banded and I'm hoping to keep my surgery confidential. Here's my situation, I have the good fortune of belonging to 2 social groups who dine together. I'm wondering how I'm going to be able to keep my little secret among these groups? Is it going to be even possible? I really don't want them to know - it will be like telling the whole town. Can I push my food around my plate to make it look like it's been eaten, hide some on my husband's plate, clear the table so noone sees how little I actually ate?

One group is called the "international dinner club". It consists of 6 couples where we dine on a home-made ethnic meal every other month. This is a a pot luck where we all contribute a part of the the meal according to the country chosen by the host. It's always a really delicious multi-course. Unfortunately, these dinners are often a variation of chicken - which is not easilly digestable for a banded person. Also - appetizers, soup, salad, bread, entree, veg, dessert - all home-made!

The 2nd group is called the "lunch bunch". It's a group of 8 women who get together for lunch to celebrate each other's birthdays. We had been meeting in restaurants but now we've decided to save money and instead take turns hosting these celebrations in our homes. The hostess will prepare the entire luncheon. Eating in a restaurant would have been easier because I could order what I want, but when you eat at someone's home, you get what they serve. What's a bandster to do and still be polite? A typical lunch will be chicken ceasar salad or cruisant sandwiches.

How am I going to be able to keep my little secret in these groups? Is it going to be impossible? Some of you will say, just be honest and tell them. But I really don't want them to know - it will be like broadcasting it to the whole town.

Lapband will be a stigma for me. Forgive me for being crude, but I actually know a guy who had his penis shortened because it was too long. Now everyone who knows his secret must associate this guy with the thought - "Damn, this guy's dick was soooooo long he had to have half of it cut off". I made the mistake of telling too many friends about my breast reduction. Call it paranoid but I often wonder if people imagine that I have Mrs Frankenstien's tits and cringe when they think of the scars. I know people just love to gossip, I'm no fool.

Thanks for your feedback!

Susan

You can do it!! It's been three weeks and I have been able to keep my secret from my parents, my mother-in-law and my children (17 year old twin boys and a 20 year old daughter). You just have to be creative in your answers. I only started eating solids yesterday and I did have to "fib" a little to the boys who noticed I was only eating broth. I just told them I was trying another rather strict diet and entering the Mrs. Arkansas pageant next year (for added effect). The optimistic one wondered why I was even bothering at all (aren't kids great?!). I had dinner with my mother-in-law on Friday and she asked why I was only eating soup for dinner. I just said I had a big lunch and not very hungry. Subject dropped.

I have a party at my sister's house on Saturday and I'm sure my parents will say something about the fact that I'm not eating much. I don't know how many diets you have been on in the past but my parents are well aware of my failed attempts. Me saying I'm on another one won't phase them a bit!

As said in previous replies, most people don't even notice what someone is or isn't eating. I would think they would be more curious if you skipped your regular events.

Good luck!

PatU

One group is called the "international dinner club". It consists of 6 couples where we dine on a home-made ethnic meal every other month. This is a a pot luck where we all contribute a part of the the meal according to the country chosen by the host. It's always a really delicious multi-course. Unfortunately, these dinners are often a variation of chicken - which is not easilly digestable for a banded person. Also - appetizers, soup, salad, bread, entree, veg, dessert - all home-made!

The 2nd group is called the "lunch bunch". It's a group of 8 women who get together for lunch to celebrate each other's birthdays. We had been meeting in restaurants but now we've decided to save money and instead take turns hosting these celebrations in our homes. The hostess will prepare the entire luncheon. Eating in a restaurant would have been easier because I could order what I want, but when you eat at someone's home, you get what they serve. What's a bandster to do and still be polite? A typical lunch will be chicken ceasar salad or cruisant sandwiches.

Susan

well, i am keeping mine secret by defining my "diet" using general bandster rules. i tell my friends that my recipe for a good diet is eating my proteins first, the veggies, then carbs if i am still hungry. i am staying away from breads and any foods that i can eat with a spoon, as well as sugar. i also tell them that i am significantly reducing my portions. i have used this diet explanation for each and every occasion where someone has noticed my eating habits, and noone has suspected a thing. i have a few valued friends who know, and they keep me posted on the 'office' gossip concerning my diet. there are two girls who have adopted my eating habits, and they have managed to lose more weight than me. i have found it very easy to explain my way out of it.

also, in my experience, people tend to think of everything in terms of themselves. so when someone notices that i am eating very little and i tell them that part of my new diet is portion control, it is easy to grab onto one of their remarks about how they could never JUST eat THAT much, and i run with it! i tell them sure they can. i tell them that i took the first week to eat tiny amounts every 1 1/2 hours throughout the day to shrink my stomach. i explain my uninformed biology of the stomach shrinking and how smaller portions make you feel fuller once your stomach is full.

i even have my friends convinced that if you do not drink with your meals that the food will stay in their stomach longer and make the fuller for longer periods of time.

despite their knowledge of WW practices, etc, they see me losing weight and adopt my practice--AND IT IS WORKING FOR THOSE WHO USE IT!!

so,do not fear...it will not be as hard as you think.

best of luck to you!! solicit a response from wheetsin, she always has REALLY good advice.

Just be honest and tell the social club people that you're watching your weight and are simply eating less... it's the truth. I have been banded for 5 1/2 months and only 2 people know.

Me again, thank you for all the feedback so far. You all make me feel much better. The reason I think that people may actually take notice is because I'm the kind of person who would notice. For example, if I searched for the perfect recipe and worked to make a wonderfully delicious appetizer for my friends, I serve a small plate of it in front of everyone there sitting at the dining room table ..... everyone is raving over how superbly delicious it is and then there's a person sitting there who's refusing to even give it a try, yeah I might be just a little bit put off. That's what I'm worried about - the cook's pride. Somehow I'll manage somehow I guess. Hopefully you guys are right and they won't notice.

It's not really a secret to me, but when people inquire about my weight loss, (I'll share with anyone who wants to listen), but some times it's just not the right place or time to explain, so I just say I'm trying to eat healthier and more Protein.

Seems to do the trick for me.

Why don't you start practicing now ... pretend that you're already banded and eat like a bandster at these gatherings and see if anyone notices. You could say you're on a diet and you're trying behavioral modification techniques like serving yourself smaller portions, eating slower, and taking smaller bites. By the time you actually get restriction, nobody should notice any difference. :eek: Worth a try...easier said than done, I'm sure!

I find that its not always all that easy to keep it from people who I am around on a regular basis. I am pretty restricted, (and yet still gaining weight right now) I've been banded over 2 1/2 years. I don't eat like most people eat. At restaurants, I order soup usually. At a buffet or pot luck style meal, I take small amounts of things I think I can eat.. I do sometimes put food on my kids plate if I get full too fast, and it looks noticable. I have all the excuses in the world when it gets noticed.. At work I say.. I just eat really slow, I use the big lunch excuse, stomach ache, trying to lose weight... etc... If I was actually served a full serving of food that the hostess dishes up... For me it would be very noticable. I wouldn't be able to eat enough to not be very noticed.. and I'd be so nervous that I'd get stuck for sure. I told the people really close to me.. My kids, my best friends, my guy. Everyone else knows nothing. When I was losing on a regular basis, I just said I was eating less and moving more. (the truth) Now I'm sure people look at me and wonder how I can possibly eat so little, and yet gain weight. They are most likely baffled, kinda like me wondering why that guy had that reduction surgery!

We eat out with clients a lot -- because of my job. Most folks think my husband & I are on a high Protein diet with portion control -- like Protein Power. I let it go at that. Funny story:

My 5 year old niece "out'd us" at her family birthday party -- first thing out of her mouth was "Mike & Nane had surgery." My sister almost fell through the floor. Had no choice but to admit it was lap band. What else do you & your husband have done at same time? Guesses included car wrecks, liposuction, bypass.

She called when they got home -- to apologize. I just laughed.

3 weeks post-op. I'm down 18 pounds. Mike's down 22.

Just say you are dieting and keep it to yourself. I kept my band to myself (only my husband, kids, and best friend know). Its worked out great. After the intial banding period and recovery, you'll get a guage on what "agrees" with your band. When I am tight, a soup and salad always agrees!

Shawn

chicken - which is not easilly digestable for a banded person.

It isn't?!? Please don't tell my band that!

I eat chicken virtually every day.

I think you might have been drawn into the "if it happens once, that makes it true for all" party. I know several bandsters, and only one who has any problem with chicken at all.

I can't offer much to address your initial question b/c I wasn't ashamed of my band and had nothing to hide, so I'm not really clever with how to hide it. Maybe just tell people you're eating less to lose weight.

Wheetsin, You put up a new pic on your avatar! We can see you now. LOL. I really liked the old one because it was a bit mysterious and comical. I don't know if you intended it that way. It was cute.

Susan,

I had bunco with the girls last night. This time they decided to have it at a local Mexican restaurant. Everyone was served a single portion of fajitas. I ate a few pieces of chicken, little guacamole, little sour cream, little cheese and a bite or two of the pica de gallo. While I slowly ate my food, I talked and laughed. Everyone but one other person scarfed down their whole meal. Not a single person noticed how little I ate. I asked for a togo box. They started passing down tortillas and offering their unused guacamole etc. to fill up my box. LOL.

I live in such a small town that if someone misses a week at Wal Mart someone working there will ask if you've been sick!HAHA. I elected to tell everyone about my surgery. I have never had so much support! The only person that I have not told is my MOTHER! Who lives in another state. When I went home at Easter, I just told her I was cutting back. She knows how I have struggled for years with my weight but surgery would be a cardinal sin.

I too go out with a group of ladies once a month (for the past 18 years) and they are so proud of me and they always ask "is there anyhting here you can eat?" I tell them sure but just smaller portions. The only thing I can't eat is breads and pasta. When I told my Dr. that he laughed and said "Do you really need to be eating that anyway!" I guess he has a point!

My point is this... it's your choice of who you tell. I am a very outgoing and outspoken person. I don't let anything anyone says hurt my feelings nor do I care. It sounds like you are just the opposite. But instead of being mortified and embarressed when the in laws ask how it's going just try to remember that they are trying to be supportive.

Hi everyone. I did'nt tell my family. My mom was my babysitter when I had my surg. and she still don't know that I had the lapband. I just don't want everyone going " so how much have you lost so far!" I lost a lot before the band so I just let everyone think that I was just loseing more.

I also have a regular large group that I go out to dinner with. I consider them all good friends and won't mind telling them about the band when asked. I've already confided to one about the pre-op testing and her reaction was exactly as I expected--supportive, interested, understanding.

I remember one time we were together and someone mentioned how much weight the mayor's wife had recently lost and how great she looked. One of the diners who works in the mayor's office said she'd had the bypass surgery and kept telling everyone she was "just dieting and exercising."

For me, I'd rather be upfront than try and concoct a story that would embarrass me later if the truth came out. Who cares, really?

People will talk regardless.

I have told just about everyone I know that I had LB surgery. People do ask how much have you lost, but that's okay. It's been kind of inspirational, really. At least no one thinks I'm dying of Cancer. I had a cousin-in-law a few years back who had bypass surgery and did not tell anyone for a long time. Somehow the rumor started that she had terminal Cancer. Geez...when people don't understand something, they always have to invent an explanation.

Last week we had one of those energy expert teams at our house - three young, fit guys. One of them said to me, "I saw your cruise pictures on the wall in the hallway. How did you two lose so much weight? You don't even look like the same person!". I told him about our surgery and he was VERY interested. His dad weighs 300+ pounds and had a heart attack last year at the age of 49. I like the idea of maybe making a difference in someone's life by telling him/her about the band.

By the way, before I told anyone about my surgery, other than my husband and children, I was "outed" by a woman I had never met. Seems she has a daughter who knows my daughter-in-law, and she also plays bridge with a friend of mine. So my advice is even if you don't tell, don't lie, either. And if everyone in your small town finds out anyway, it won't be the end of the world. You may be the topic of conversation for a few days but you will NEVER replace the guy who had his penis shortened. He will always reign as the gossip king.