Hi All,

Perhaps you can help me with this question. I'm pre-banded and I'm hoping to keep my surgery confidential. Here's my situation, I have the good fortune of belonging to 2 social groups who dine together. I'm wondering how I'm going to be able to keep my little secret among these groups? Is it going to be even possible? I really don't want them to know - it will be like telling the whole town. Can I push my food around my plate to make it look like it's been eaten, hide some on my husband's plate, clear the table so noone sees how little I actually ate?

One group is called the "international dinner club". It consists of 6 couples where we dine on a home-made ethnic meal every other month. This is a a pot luck where we all contribute a part of the the meal according to the country chosen by the host. It's always a really delicious multi-course. Unfortunately, these dinners are often a variation of chicken - which is not easilly digestable for a banded person. Also - appetizers, soup, salad, bread, entree, veg, dessert - all home-made!

The 2nd group is called the "lunch bunch". It's a group of 8 women who get together for lunch to celebrate each other's birthdays. We had been meeting in restaurants but now we've decided to save money and instead take turns hosting these celebrations in our homes. The hostess will prepare the entire luncheon. Eating in a restaurant would have been easier because I could order what I want, but when you eat at someone's home, you get what they serve. What's a bandster to do and still be polite? A typical lunch will be chicken ceasar salad or cruisant sandwiches.

How am I going to be able to keep my little secret in these groups? Is it going to be impossible? Some of you will say, just be honest and tell them. But I really don't want them to know - it will be like broadcasting it to the whole town.

Lapband will be a stigma for me. Forgive me for being crude, but I actually know a guy who had his penis shortened because it was too long. Now everyone who knows his secret must associate this guy with the thought - "Damn, this guy's dick was soooooo long he had to have half of it cut off". I made the mistake of telling too many friends about my breast reduction. Call it paranoid but I often wonder if people imagine that I have Mrs Frankenstien's tits and cringe when they think of the scars. I know people just love to gossip, I'm no fool.

Thanks for your feedback!

Susan

Forgive me for being crude, but I actually know a guy who had his penis shortened because it was too long.

Susan

I heard of a guy who had the same procedure. He took the extra skin from the surgery and made a wallet out of it. When you rub it, it turns into a briefcase....very handy.

I heard of a guy who had the same procedure. He took the extra skin from the surgery and made a wallet out of it. When you rub it, it turns into a briefcase....very handy.

OMG - that almost caused the ruination of a perfectly good monitor. I was mid-sip.:heh:

OMG - that almost caused the ruination of a perfectly good monitor. I was mid-sip.:heh:

That's why I only drink Windex while reading the LBT boards.

That's why I only drink Windex while reading the LBT boards.

See, that's why I love it here, I learn so many handy tips.:clap2:

you have just been "diagnosed " with food allergies....just bring something you can eat to these affairs....and eat a little of whatever you can eat from the hostess food..becaue you are self concious you think everyone is watching you--they are really concerned with themselves and will hardly notice what you are or are not eating!!! you also can make yourself busy helping the hostess--takes up time away from the table. i also did not want anyone to know--mostly because i have failed at every diet for 50 years...40lbs and 4 sizes are gone now--and noone has said a word -good bad or indifferent!! do what is best for you...and the best of luck!!

LOL - you ain't kidding....who would complain about that?!!!

Really - I am with Tired...you might consider another past-time...I wouldn't lie - if anything just tell the truth - you are taking care of yourself and eating more healthy....at some point, people are going to notice and then the rumors will fly - they will know you had surgery - and probably think that you had the bypass...like Oprah, right?! :girl_hug:

I disagree with you dashi, I don't think anyone will 'know' she had surgery. Unless of course they are psychic. The only way anyone will know is if she chooses to tell ppl.

I've said this on another thread and I'll say it here too. Having healthy boundaries, realizing that you aren't obligated to share every aspect of your life, is a good thing. You have a right to privacy. I especially feel strongly about this in any medical circumstance.

It does not make you a liar if you choose to keep your medical business to yourself. And you should not feel guilty for choosing to do so. IMHO.

Something else to keep in mind is life a little ways down the road. It's probably safe to say that at some point in time you will have to PB, and probably safe to say that at some point in time you will have to PB in a public place. I don't know many people who can sit through the lead-up to a PB and not express some sign of the extreme discomfort they're in. It just hurts too much for most people to grin & bear it. A lot of people might go pale, sweaty, etc. I personally get a little shaky, really hot, and sometimes the spasms are painful enough that I cry out involuntarily. If I can't get it up soon enough, and have to wait the full duration, my body hits a type of panic state where I really have to concentrate on just getting breath, and there's no way I could politely ask for a few more minutes alone in the bathroom at that point. And then excusing yourself to the bathroom - if you're very lucky it comes up right away, and if you aren't -- 20 minutes later a friend is in there asking if you're alright, and by that time there's not much chance you can say, "Yeah I'm fine" convincingly.

Another aspect a lot of people don't seem to think about is that of your personal safety. Most days I spend about 1/3 of my day at work, so if something is going to happen to me, there's a 33% chance that it happens to me at work. If it's a major something that requires some sort of medical intervention, I'd much rather my co-workers know what I have and be able to provide the information, than mislead them into thinking I was "just dieting", have them not mention it, and have some additional issue(s) arise because of it.

For me my band was no different than anything else I might have done. The privacy for me comes in that I don't tell people (away from here) what I weighed before surgery, or what I weigh currently, but I will tell them how much I've lost, or how much more I want to lose. That's the shred of privacy that I, for the most part, retain for myself. I will tell anyone and everyone about my band. I'm *proud* to be banded, really. Given a choice between doing what it took to gain control of a situation, or being worried about what judgements other people are going to make about me... well... I'm sure whether or not I've had bariatric surgery is the last thing anyone is going to be worried about. :girl_hug:

I agree that especially in a small town, (I live in one as well) it is going to be hard to keep it a secret. There are some people you need to tell, such as your primary care Dr. While I know and understand the privacy acts, that means squat to the former employee who has seen your file. Your future care depends on the Dr. caring for you to be fully informed. And like Wheetsin said, there are times, that you will NEED someone to know and understand what is going on in your life, for your own safety. Also for emotional support as time goes on, I believe. I could have hid mine easily for the first 2 months, my restriction was low, and while I ate much less than my previous "normal", I was eating "normal" for say a thin person. Now that I have some serious restriction, I eat even less, and take longer to do it sometimes, just depends on the day. While your dining partners may be busy eating their own meals, and likely will not notice, the one person, who almost always it seems, asks if there was something wrong with my meal, because I ate so little of it, is the waitress!!! You do not have to take out a newspaper ad and announce it, but I too would strongly suggest you do not lie, or make up a story about another surgery... somewhere... somehow it comes back and bites you in the butt!!!

Carlene, I think your thoughts about telling about your band so it may help another person is a great way of looking at it!! I had never thought of it in that way!

Good Luck, I hope you find a happy medium, where you can be comfortable in your groups, without feeling like you had something of importance chopped off!!!

Kat

Forgive me for being crude, but I actually know a guy who had his penis shortened because it was too long.

Sweetsue:

Please help us all in elaborating on why this gentleman had this procedure? :omg:

I think we are all sympathetic by your concern of wanting to hide your surgery - but you kinda threw us off with the penis statement.

I think we all spend too much time worrying about what someone is thinking about us. I know I don't do things with my friends as often as I did when skinny because I feel I'm too fat to be friends with them. I have never shared that with anyone before now...but I always think they are looking at me thinking "My God, she's gained a lot of weight". I'm even putting off going to visit a very good friend who lives out of town until after I had my surgery and can lose some weight. After reading your post...I guess I've realized that my friends love me for me and whats inside and not what the scale says about me.

I order a bowl of soup which you can sip slowly and 'play with the bread'. I've also ordered appetizers or a salad. I avoid the entrees because it's too much food to leave on the plate. The soup works really well...especially french onion soup, which is something lots of people order as an entree anyway.

Hope this helps.

I'm proud to be banded and definitely not "ashamed" of my band BUT it's no one"s business but my own how I choose to lose weight.

Having WLS is such a personal thing and what is good for one person may not suit another.

sweetsue.....At this moment (8 weeks post op) I have chosen not to tell anyone about my surgery, I have eaten out with friends and been to family and friend's homes for dinner and no-one has noticed my tiny portions except once when I ordered soup at a restauarant and my friend's husband said "you can't just have soup!".....I told him I wasn't very hungry and was going to share my husband's meal.....that was the end of that conversation.

Don't sweat over it.......your friends may not even notice.

I'm proud to be banded and definitely not "ashamed" of my band BUT it's no one"s business but my own how I choose to lose weight.

Having WLS is such a personal thing and what is good for one person may not suit another.

sweetsue.....At this moment (8 weeks post op) I have chosen not to tell anyone about my surgery, I have eaten out with friends and been to family and friend's homes for dinner and no-one has noticed my tiny portions except once when I ordered soup at a restauarant and my friend's husband said "you can't just have soup!".....I told him I wasn't very hungry and was going to share my husband's meal.....that was the end of that conversation.

Don't sweat over it.......your friends may not even notice.

I second that! I too am proud and unashamed of my band. I just choose to keep some things private. Another thing that I keep private is our finances. Not because Im ashamed of what we make, I just think its a private thing that is noones business unless I choose to share it. I've had ppl ask me how much money we make a year.... Did I tell that person? Heck no, I said I'd have to check my financials to know. Was I lying?? I don't think so. Sometimes when ppl try to get into your personal business wether it be medical or finanicial or somthing else you do not have to endulge them. And I don't think you should ever have to feel llike a liar or guilty or anything.

And its not my oppinion that you shouldn't share these things if you want to. If you want to tell ppl about any aspect of your life that is your right to do so! Im just saying there is no 'right' or 'wrong', just personal preferance.

I think it's a mistake for people to say that a person who choses to keep the surgery private is ashamed of the band. I am one of those people who does not tolerate chicken but I can eat out with friends without a problem. I tested what solid foods I tolerate and what ones I don't and I stay away from those foods.

Having been obese my entire life, I chose not to share my surgery. My real friends give me unconditional emotional support and I am able to gracefully leave the table if I need to get to the bathroom because a food is stuck. The bottom line is you have to do what's right for YOU. Listen to your gut feelings and go with them. Don't let anyone elses experiences influence you.