Husbands

[esheldon76 50]

You have to realize that even though you can't eat the meal that your husband and family eat now, you will be able to later.

Tonight I had a pretty nice chunk of steak, a 1/4 of a baked potato, and about 1/4 C of broccoli. I don't cook every night, but I do make a nice meal for him about 4 days a week. I like sitting with him, and even if my portions are about 1/4 the size of his, we eat the same thing and enjoy our time together.

Well said. Marriage isn't taken seriously any more. It's very tough. That's why the vows say "for better, or worse". I'm glad things are going better for you Randi. It's a journey for sure. My wife got the lap band about five years ago and it was very stressful for me, because she'd lose the weight by doing nothing, while I worked my tail off to lose 60 lbs. I was very angry towards her, and I felt probably like your husband in some ways. My wife wasn't very supportive of me and my efforts of changing my life, and our eating habits went in two different ways because the band wouldn't allow her to eat like I was trying with the healthier foods. Since then, we both gained all our weight back and I was at rock bottom. We heard about the sleeve, and I finally was convinced to do it. I've lost about 80 lbs so far and the shoe was on the other foot. I was feeling great while she was mad at me. Our relationship was never in danger, but we didn't realize that we weren't working on making sure we were okay with each other through it all, so it was more rough than it should have been. My wife just had her band converted to a sleeve last Thursday because she's seen my success, and I've worked at trying to be there for her, and we have been talking tons, since now we're both in the same boat. I can see how divorce rates are higher when one partner gets sleeved. I just hope and pray more people realize what we have learned sooner than later.

[Cookeeeeez 269]

My mum and dad both = passive-aggressive immature.

They are "roommates" and fight/bicker constantly. Mum put on too much weight and their libidos don't match. Dad moved out of their bedroom when I was young and into his own.

I think they should get divorced but despite these smallish problems they seem to work during the toughest times! As my mum is dying of obesity dad (who has always taken her lovingly prepared meals for granted) has started shopping and cooking for her, he takes of work to drive her to appointments, he works like a dog to pay the mortgage off as a single breadwinner. Meanwhile mum organises the bills (she says he hasn't paid a bill in his life) forces herself to clean the house and Iron his shirts...

Anyway, I suppose I'm saying that no matter how dysfunctional a relationship seems on the outside, sometimes as a team a marriage is better than two individuals. Really I don't know if either parent would survive without the other

[skane10 64]

A few months into my marriage my spouse stopped having sex with me. We were together maybe 4-5 times a year this was when I was thinner. I became depressed and ate. Fast forward 8 years. We have had sex Ina year! I'm at our wedding wright and still nothi g. I should have left years ago and now will regardless of being sleeved. We've tried counseling, he's used testosterone, nothing. I'm done.

Sent from my iPhone using VST

[JRoybal 14]

Hello skane10, I remember you walking in the hall at the hospital. I was sleeved on the 27th.

This is a very important topic for married couples. A previous person stated that a large percent of WLS patients get divorced. I beleve this is true, but I think that is because a lot of people with already troubled relationships get WLS. I know in my case if I wasnt married to my ex I wouldn't have done it. That being said said I am very happy i had it and wouldn't change a thing about it. I'll explain my marriage. We were together for 20 years and married for 18. We like many others had a "accident" aka child. I loved her alot and was ready to spend the rest of my life with her, but I did tell her that we shouldn't get married just for the kid and she agreed. At the time we met she weighed 110lbs and was attractive but I didn't consider her sexy because she was a stick. I weighed 213. I knew I was a little stocky but I was completly confident in myself. I truly loved her and beleved she did me. After 14 years and 2 kids she weighed 135 and was as sexy as a porn star, I weighed 245. I noticed for a few years that she became very uneasy with her weight.. I didn't understand it she was 5'7" and weighed 135, I always told her she was beautifull, she did always have self confidence issues with her appearence normally it was her hair or her size 4 jeans were too tight. I was also noticing changes in our relationship she became very disconected physically and emotionaly. I confronted her about it and I was shocked, angerd, and crushed by her response. In the worse possible ways she attacted me. She said she only married me because of our first child, I was too fat and not what she imagined for her self, beleve me the words were a lot harsher. 2 months later I caught her cheating. We reconciled and I lost 50lbs by exercising and hiking. Over the last 6 years from when i lost the weight, and over time regained it. I noticed her self confidence never changed and our physical or emotional never fully came back. I wondered why because I lost all that weight and that was her main issue with me. I caught her cheating again and again she blamed me and my weight. I tried to reconclie with no luck. We seperated in March and I decided on WLS. I had my surgery on 6/27 and the divorce papers were filed. She left me everything even the kids.

I've have a girlfriend now and for the last few months and we have been camping horseback riding ect. Last night we went to a livestock fair. While we were there she told me that she was married 2 twice before, I knew this but didn't care about it. She continued and complimenting me by saying over her last marriages and boyfriends I was the first to completly help her with either setting up or saddling up and open doors for her. One of her close girlfriends was with us at the same time. I was shocked because she has been doing this stuff for 20 years. Then I started really thinking about it and looking at my failed marriage. When I had little projects It would be like pulling teeth to get my ex to help but I always help with her stuff. I would always be the one to set up date nights, I had to initiate sex and every morning before work I would kiss her on the cheek and say i loved her, I would randomly bring her flowers, stuffed animals, open doors for her, compliment her etc.. I realized how one sided my marriage was I never really got back what I put into our relationship from even before we had our problems. I hardly ever got a random compliment or even a thank you for helping with something. I beleve I loved her so much that it blinded me to noticing how insecure she was with herself, this is why I think she cheated, as the guys were always way younger, and from how onesided the relationship was.

[SML1997 308]

Hello skane10' date=' I remember you walking in the hall at the hospital. I was sleeved on the 27th.

This is a very important topic for married couples. A previous person stated that a large percent of WLS patients get divorced. I beleve this is true, but I think that is because a lot of people with already troubled relationships get WLS. I know in my case if I wasnt married to my ex I wouldn't have done it. That being said said I am very happy i had it and wouldn't change a thing about it. I'll explain my marriage. We were together for 20 years and married for 18. We like many others had a "accident" aka child. I loved her alot and was ready to spend the rest of my life with her, but I did tell her that we shouldn't get married just for the kid and she agreed. At the time we met she weighed 110lbs and was attractive but I didn't consider her sexy because she was a stick. I weighed 213. I knew I was a little stocky but I was completly confident in myself. I truly loved her and beleved she did me. After 14 years and 2 kids she weighed 135 and was as sexy as a porn star, I weighed 245. I noticed for a few years that she became very uneasy with her weight.. I didn't understand it she was 5'7" and weighed 135, I always told her she was beautifull, she did always have self confidence issues with her appearence normally it was her hair or her size 4 jeans were too tight. I was also noticing changes in our relationship she became very disconected physically and emotionaly. I confronted her about it and I was shocked, angerd, and crushed by her response. In the worse possible ways she attacted me. She said she only married me because of our first child, I was too fat and not what she imagined for her self, beleve me the words were a lot harsher. 2 months later I caught her cheating. We reconciled and I lost 50lbs by exercising and hiking. Over the last 6 years from when i lost the weight, and over time regained it. I noticed her self confidence never changed and our physical or emotional never fully came back. I wondered why because I lost all that weight and that was her main issue with me. I caught her cheating again and again she blamed me and my weight. I tried to reconclie with no luck. We seperated in March and I decided on WLS. I had my surgery on 6/27 and the divorce papers were filed. She left me everything even the kids.

I've have a girlfriend now and for the last few months and we have been camping horseback riding ect. Last night we went to a livestock fair. While we were there she told me that she was married 2 twice before, I knew this but didn't care about it. She continued and complimenting me by saying over her last marriages and boyfriends I was the first to completly help her with either setting up or saddling up and open doors for her. One of her close girlfriends was with us at the same time. I was shocked because she has been doing this stuff for 20 years. Then I started really thinking about it and looking at my failed marriage. When I had little projects It would be like pulling teeth to get my ex to help but I always help with her stuff. I would always be the one to set up date nights, I had to initiate sex and every morning before work I would kiss her on the cheek and say i loved her, I would randomly bring her flowers, stuffed animals, open doors for her, compliment her etc.. I realized how one sided my marriage was I never really got back what I put into our relationship from even before we had our problems. I hardly ever got a random compliment or even a thank you for helping with something. I beleve I loved her so much that it blinded me to noticing how insecure she was with herself, this is why I think she cheated, as the guys were always way younger, and from how onesided the relationship was.[/quote']

Thanks for sharing your story. Great to hear from a husband's perspective.

[sexyme 24]

I'm glad things are getting better

[Cookeeeeez 269]

@jroybal thanks for sharing! I too am glad you are figuring yourself out and seem happier!