Husbands

[phillygirl8133 74]

Interesting Topic. I brought this up before in another forum not too long ago' date=' but I really do think it's all about pre-WLS relationship happiness and ... Options. Let's just face it.... in the world we live in... if you're obese and do not like how you feel or look, people often settle with the options that are in front of them. However, as you lose weight those insecurities began to decipate and you become confident, and begin to feel good about yourself inside and out...so you attract more.... thereby expanding the amount of Options you have. So if you're unhappy in your relationship, and you have more Options after you lost weight, you're probably going to take the opportunity to go with the other options, if their current situation is not ideal. However, I think that if you made a committment like marriage, you should work hard to maintain that committment, before simply giving into your "other" options.

Just my take on it.[/quote']

Great comment I truly believe in marriage it can be hard work but for better or worse I know my husband will be having some issues with my weight loss but he been with me threw it all and I'll be with him after it all

[MrBig 17]

I am about 10 1/2 weeks out from surgery and have lost 40 pounds. My husband seemed very supportive of me and says he's happy for me and he's proud of me, etc.

We have had sex twice since my surgery. He's been sleeping in another room - which he used to do when I snored which I don't do anymore (or so he tells me).

Just my take on it ....

sometimes we get so engrossed with what we're going through that our mind plays tricks on us.

True the situation each of us faces is unique and it's very taxing being a caregiver and breadwinner.

All said and done...

Could I trouble you just to read the 1st part of what you mentioned?

Sounds like a loving relationship to me

[Capt Derel 287]

My wife hates me for having this surgery. EDIT: SHE SAYS I make her look like a pig when we go eat out, I make her look big cause I am 30lbs less then her, i get bystanders attention more than ever, shes always saying Imma cheat on her. The fact of the matter is I love her. Shes perfect on the inside and thats what counts. She knows even if I did cheat she would never find out but thats not me. Sure I flirt but its unintentional. Even when a girl flirts back I dont even see it cause I am not looking.

The fact of it all is it goes both ways. It doesnt matter if your the man or the woman that had the surgery the other one get jealous because their insecuraties come out and play.

Now like I told my wife. You might be upset now but money can change your exterior but wont change your interior. Just cause shes big now I can drop 5k and fix that. And shes talking about a boob job and tuck to match. I dont care. Its fine. If it gets your confidence back thats great. My wifes pretty now but I have never seen her skinny as she was always big as a child. But I could imagine how sexy she would be judging from her sister. My wifes just a much taller and heavier version of her 5' counterpart.

Rant. Yeah I know but I am bored at 5am. Nothing to do and stuck on a boat offshore. Hahaha

Ps I love my wife lol

[Capt Derel 287]

Had to edit the above statement cause I forgot to put she says. Talk about made me look like the bad guy lol

[SML1997 308]

Had to edit the above statement cause I forgot to put she says. Talk about made me look like the bad guy lol

Glad you made the edit. I was thinking it, but I was going to say anything. LOL......I agree with your initial post though that the other person's insecurities definitely will reveal themselves.

[Heatherr 149]

Cooking for the family was tougher int he earlier days post op. I would be sure to buy foods that were easy for hubby to prepare. Though I tried to do most of the cooking, there were nights I would just say, "Honey, I am havng a difficult day with food today. I got this out for dinner. Could you please make dinner tonight?" And I would make sure it was something really easy. I would maybe pre make a salad and toss some potatoes in the oven, so all he had to do was toss some meat on the grill. That way the family had a decent meal, but hubby didn't have to do much to prepare it, and the fact that I had it all set out and ready to go showed him I cared. Then I'd go hide in the bedroom until dinner was over. He was much more apprciative and accomodating when I put it out like that than if I just said, "I can't do this. Dinner is on you."

Having said that, I will say it's a non issue now. I enjoy cooking for the family and sit with them and eat with them at every meal.

[TJ1 9]

Okay, I'm going to say something that probably won't be very popular. But , why shower him with attention and make HIM feel special???? She works , she busts her butt. Why can't HE cook and clean? How about him make HER feel special, like I'm sure he use to do, or she wouldn't have married him. I know that I see my Hubby in some of this. We have a two year old. He works ; I stay home with our child. He thinks I do nothing all day.... We don't have sex anymore. And, I mean , we have had sex 3 times, maybe 4, since our child was born, and only once while I was pregnant. A huge part of me gaining so much weight is due to being ignored and neglected. I gained the majority of my weight with being pregnant. So, it's only been a few years that I gained 50 pounds. I'm short though, so 50 pounds is a lot on me.... When we had a more steady sex life, It's never been extraordinary, but I was in better shape, felt much better about myself. I am not appreciated. I am sure this sleever feels unappreciated as well. My procedure is next week, 27th. Can't wait! I tell you what, I won't be kissing his butt afterwards, or trying to make him feel special. LOL Sorry to those who disagree. I am just speaking from my own, personal perspective. : )

[Capt Derel 287]

I totally agree. I would step up and do everything BECAUSE I have been there and know the feelings. Theres no way in hell would I want to have been washing dishes, folding clothes, housework and so on after I was sleeved. All I wanted to do is relax and let myself heal.

On a side note people with kids should train them to help out before hand. Kids are like puppies. They can be potty trained and taught to fetch. Mine was trained to wash n fold clothes and do dishes, even cooks in the microwave at 11. I push the envelope and at age 8 he learned how to operate a sander in order to refinish the hardwood floors in his room that he scarred up and stained. Also age 9 learned how to operate a shovel and dig buckets of dirt. I am just saying young kids ARE VERY CAPABLE OF DOING THINGS TO HELP AID YOU IN RECOVERY. Just a thought

[Heatherr 149]

I tell you what, I won't be kissing his butt afterwards, or trying to make him feel special.

^^^This is telling.

[KeepingMySoul 5]

I tell you what' date=' I won't be kissing his butt afterwards, or trying to make him feel special.

^^^This is telling.[/quote']

I agree.

Shouldn't you want to make your significant other feel special all the time? Before and after surgery. You get what you put into a relationship. When things have deteriorated, you often have to put in more work before you see a change. Too many marriages fall apart because one person wasn't willing to put in more of an effort than the other to get things back on track.

As far as the dinner issue, I cook dinner whether I eat any or not. My husband cleans the kitchen each night whether he eats with us or not. He takes the trash out regardless of who made it. We sometimes switch or delegate roles depending on the circumstances, but things end up even.

[mommymar 34]

Maybe that's why it seems like I have a roomate now instead of a husband.

I am wondering if you have an update? I hope things are going better for you.

I am thinking if you really love him, and you aren't happy with the way your marriage is just like everything else in life, you can only change yourself. I have gone through dry spells in my 12 year marriage. The hardest one was when my husband had gastric bypass. I spent a lot of time thinking, he thinks I am gross, he now realizes he can do better, now he is looking good, he doesn't want to be with me. (it's possible these are going through your hubbys head) but I decided I was the problem. I made a nice dinner (that he could eat) got dressed up, had a romantic dinner and made moves myself. It turned everything around. I have learned my husband needs to feel wanted and desired too.

Just a few thoughts. I hope things are already better for you though!

[Randi 21]

Hello all and thanks for the great feedback. We are working on things and I am recognizing that it's me who has to change and not expect him to do it all. Everyday before I go to work he tells me how great I look and that he loves me. That in itself is a wonderful thing. I have started exercising in our pool and he even joins me some times which is fun. Down 8 more pounds since my original post so that helps. Whenever I'm stuck in a stall I get depressed and feel like I can't do it!!

We are both cooking now and I just eat a tiny bit and he is getting used to it. He even packed up the leftovers from last night for me to bring to work today. It's hard but we're trying and thanks so much again to everybody!!

[KristiP 51]

I feel very fortunate to have a husband who is very supportive of me doing this (band to sleeve revision). In fact.....actuoally suggested I look into getting a gastric bypass not so long ago!

We have been married going on 10 years now, and I know that even when things are sucky, when the chips are down he's got my back. There have been times when I ahve not thought so, but I must be honest and say that I do have some childhood/daddy issues that I am still trying to resolve.

I personally cannot wait to get my sleeve, because I look forward to the day that I CAN do things to make him feel special. Probably TMI, but there is no way I can bring myself to innitiate intimate moments. There are a lot of activities he enjoys that I 'm not able to do so well these days - hiking, bushwalking, camping.....things tha being so big make rather difficult. Plus, I think he will enjoy having a wife who just has more self confidence and improved self esteem (I have zilch self confidence and self esteem is beyond poorly).

That said, my husband will have some days where he's just going to have to be a little self suffiient and cook his own meals. if I need to get out for a walk, or I'm having a rough day with food and head hunger, he might have to eat the way I do. In my mind, I might be the one having the surgical procedure, but its still a team effort but we're a team and my surgery affects both of us.

Just my 2 cents worth.

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

You have to realize that even though you can't eat the meal that your husband and family eat now, you will be able to later.

Tonight I had a pretty nice chunk of steak, a 1/4 of a baked potato, and about 1/4 C of broccoli. I don't cook every night, but I do make a nice meal for him about 4 days a week. I like sitting with him, and even if my portions are about 1/4 the size of his, we eat the same thing and enjoy our time together.

[gustavo52974 369]

I'll say this: sometimes there's a very fine line between love and a waste of time.