If you don't want to be offended then DO NOT open this thread. You have been warned!

Tired_Old_Man · August 23, 2006

We all bring our baggage with us. I may have read into the opening post things that were not there.

To paraphrase Dickens, I find that PM's are the best at times and the worst at times.

PM's are great to apologize or to clear the air. They are fine for sharing a point that might cause the forum to erupt.

BUT

They are the bane of many a forum because of the plotting that goes on.

I am a relative newcomer at LapBandTalk.com, but I have been around. A relative of mine who is a staunch conservative and BuSh lover, introduced me a forum for PC problems. When non-PC related threads starting interferring with the PC questions and answers, an Off-Topic section or SandBox (similar to the LBT's lounge) was added and I became a vibrant poster there. After a while many members starting PM'ing me with suggestions and warnings about other members looking to do me harm.

At the same time, some of those same members were PM'ing my relative (No one knew we were related) with similar lines. They were stirring the pot between a leader of the conservative faction and a leader of the liberal faction. Things got so out of hand that it didn't matter what the topic was, within 3 replies on any thread, A was calling Z names, Y was calling B names...

I left the forum because exchanges of ideas where no longer taking place. I have posted three times there in the last 2 years. I start a thread with a long post on something that I consider important and then leave.

Getting back to the grist of my post here. I hope the members of this forum can learn to live and let live. I don't know much about the old wounds here, but I do know we live in a society with a lot of open wounds. I hope to be able to contribute to the main purpose of this forum and will help whenever and whoever I can.

trizzy · August 23, 2006

Okay--I'm pretty new here--but even from what I've gathered there was a big to-do involving several member of this lap-band site. I originally came here looking for support and to learn more about this band and how it will affect my life. I know women usually gossip and back-stab, even on the internet it seems, and that is unavoidable. However, I would hope we would all look at what brought us here in the first place---we are all battling with obesity; battling with too small airplane and movie seats, battling to keep that big, yummy piece of chocolate cake from falling into our mouths , and most importantly, we are battling FOR OUR LIVES!!!!! Why, oh why, do we need to battle each other? Just a relatively new-bie's 2 cents worth--you can keep the change.:scalesno:

Elisabethsew · August 23, 2006

I haven't read any post today but suspect there must be some negative threads out there for this one to be necessary. I worked a 12 shift last night and watched a young woman in the ICU die of terminal cancer while her husband begged her "not to go."

I think people should just be glad for what they've got and live life to the fullest. You really don't ever know what day might be your last.

3loves · August 23, 2006

Man, you said it Elizabethsew. There are many more important things in life than LBT. I do feel bad for those that get their validation from a website and not in real life. We all have so much to be thankful for and to so many things to be happy about. At least I can speak for myself. In my family we don't have a lot of money as I'm a stay-at-home-mom, but my heart is happier than it's ever been. The future is so bright and I'm so in love with my "3 Loves".

T.O.M ~ I think what your referring to is a troll. Really, they are among us.

DonnaB · August 23, 2006

I've always been 'an eye for an eye' kinda gal. I think there needs to be a public slap on the wrist for bad public behavior. The problem is - who does the slapping? Unless the mods do it, it will continue to be done by the members.

And the cycle begins again. *yawn*

dawg · August 23, 2006

I haven't read any post today but suspect there must be some negative threads out there for this one to be necessary. I worked a 12 shift last night and watched a young woman in the ICU die of terminal cancer while her husband begged her "not to go."
I think people should just be glad for what they've got and live life to the fullest. You really don't ever know what day might be your last.

I very much agree. The hurt suffered here though is much the same as if someone had walked up to that young woman and whispered "I'm glad you have cancer." and turned to the husband and said "I hope you think you've done enough to support her, because I think you haven't".

Perhaps that was a sort of re-hash, I apologize if it was. I just want to make it clear that being spiteful isn't good.

You can disagree, dislike and ignore anyone you wish. To be vicious and spiteful just isn't good for anyone.

DonnaB · August 23, 2006

At my house, you lose the right to argue your point if you attack the person instead of their opinion/perspective.

That's how it's always worked at my house too Carlene. Seems to work pretty well.

Too bad grown up doesn't equal maturity.

Tired_Old_Man · August 23, 2006

I've always been 'an eye for an eye' kinda gal. I think there needs to be a public slap on the wrist for bad public behavior. The problem is - who does the slapping? Unless the mods do it, it will continue to be done by the members.
And the cycle begins again. *yawn*

From what I know about the "Eye for an Eye" quotation, it is 180 degrees misunderstood.

The verse is not saying that the victim must get an eye in return for the eye taken from him, but instead, the victim should not seek more than an eye for the eye taken from him. It is not permission for vengence, but restraint on the level of vengence.

Sort of turning the other cheek.

When Jesus said to turn the other cheek, he was referring to the cheek on the face, though some people when feeling insulted tend to show another cheek.:faint:

3loves · August 23, 2006

The problem is - who does the slapping? Unless the mods do it, it will continue to be done by the members.
And the cycle begins again. *yawn*

I've always wondered why this doesn't happen. If it did happen publicly people would think twice before they speak and choose their words a little more carefully. I've never been a mod nor would I want to be one. This is the first and only board I am a member of and yet I wonder why the mods don't have more control and/or take more action on those members that can't seem to get a real life. Then again, maybe that is the very reason this board appeals to myself and others. I can live with it. Although, some abuse those poor mods by crying like children at every little thing. I'm sure the mods have better things to do with their time than deal with the same person all day long.

dawg · August 23, 2006

I think the moderators are supposed to be moderate.

That means allowing both sides to speak their part. They also have stamped on people acting unacceptably. The most recent situation of that was seen today.

The fact that moderators are needed to act like a UN peace keeping force is a shame. They are also quite able to decide who is crying wolf, and who is seriously crying for help.

Public slaps are only moderately effective. If a person is determined not to listen to reason, is the fact that a moderator speaks to them going to change anything?

You can either sit back and try and keep people calm, or you can wield a big stick. On boards with Moderators that believe in the latter - you will find very few users.

Penni60 · August 23, 2006

We, Moderators, are not your mother's or father's to spank you when YOU KNOW you have been bad. If you hurt someone's feelings or say things in spite or just pure meanness then why does someone need to point that out.

In fact, we do and have and will obviously continue to remind each and everyone of you the rules and guidelines EVERYONE agreed to when you joined this forum. It just amazes me that we as moderators have to repeat the same thing over and over and over again.

Looks like people would get the message after awhile that nastiness, hatefulness, spitefulness, name calling, underhanded digs and barbs, will not be tolerated on LBT. It is just plain petty and childish to exhibit that kind of behaviour.

I personally raised my children to be above that kind of attitude.

If we, moderators, took the time to admonish each and every person that spoke harshly then we would spend all day long on here. I personally have better things to do than to spank people that know better.

Sorry, but just a little frustrated about this whole subject.

Alexandra · August 23, 2006

Penni is of course right. We just can't be everywhere at once. Please, everyone, if you see a post that disturbs you, report it! The little white-in-red triangle with the exclamation point in it on every single post is there for just this reason. Press that, and a moderator will come check out the thread that's of concern.

A little help, folks, is all we ask.

LindaV · August 23, 2006

Wow, you learn something new everyday. I did not know what that little triangle was for until now. Thanks, Alexandra!

3loves · August 24, 2006

Penni ~ I'm sure you do get tired of repeating the same thing.....my point was why the mods don't address the SAME person doing the SAME thing over and over. I feel for you. I'm tired of it and I'm not even a mod.

DonnaB · August 24, 2006

Penni ~ I'm sure you do get tired of repeating the same thing.....my point was why the mods don't address the SAME person doing the SAME thing over and over. I feel for you. I'm tired of it and I'm not even a mod.

If you're so tired of it 3loves, then why did you just start a new thread bashing another member? If you're so tired of drama, why did you feel the need to share a negative PM when you knew it would spin out of control inciting a member into attacking?

I'm crying BS on this.