Ideas for passing the time????

[nightingale2u 42]

Don't worry New Hope... although I WANTED to give each of those girls a good "tweakin" I know that would only serve to make the situation worse. My daughter isn't heavy and somehow I had hoped that would spare her these experiences but unfortunately it hasn't. I don't even let her know how angry and upset these situations make me feel... just tell her all of the normal parent stuff that probably doesn't make her feel a bit better.:cool: I have taught her to be kind and befriend those that stand alone... and while some say it is just the way kids are I think it could be different.

Donali... Excellent idea! I can remember boys/men that loved being my friend because I actually had a personality... but they would take Barbie to the dance everytime! I think they would have had a much better time with me... silly boys. I think that is why I have always dated older men... most seem to figure this out in time if they have a brain at all. (o:

[nightingale2u 42]

Oh DeLarla!!! I love ya girl! Let's see... here's my list...

Mindi

Nancy

Shelley

Joe Wittle

Holly

Kristie

Ronny

Ron Ponte (Adult that nicknamed me Chubby)

Chuck Camacho

Scott Thompson

Linda

All the teachers that stood by and watched me turn from a friendly... sweet... smiling girl into a quiet... fearful... sad child and sent me to the developmentally disabled classes when I had previously been a straight A student. HELLO!!! :cool:

Whew!!!! You are right DeLarla... that does feel awesome!

[donali 57]

DeLarla wrote:

didn't I tell you I was a superior being that will never PB, will never need a fill, will never have any more problems with my band, and that after I use the bathroom it smells like roses?

Girl, yes you did tell me, but I thought we were keeping the fact you were a superior being a secret, and now you just let it out of the bag!!! lol

Now that everyone knows you're an alien, wave your magic wand and put me at goal!!

I really love your roses trick the best.... :cool:

My list...

Dang, I can't even remember their names - just how I felt. Does that mean I'm halfway to forgetting the hurt? Or just that much closer to Alzheimer's? lol

[DeLarla 22]

POOF, we are all at goal! Donali, I doubt it's Alzheimers so you must be healing. I'll never, ever forget how awful life was. People ask me if I'm going to my high school reunions and I look at them like they're crazy. What for? To shoot up the room? Gag at the thought of seeing faces from those horrible years.

I always thought God gave us fat suits as a gift. Just think, if we were thin young thangs, we'd have gone through hundreds more men (lying, cheating, hurting.) Not that all guys are bad, but I see the way guys look at my thin friends as if they are hunks of raw meat. Pretty thin girls can never really be sure if guys like them for what's on the inside. At least I know my husband fell in love with me and not because I look hot in a bikini.

Actually, I think I was issued the fat suit cuz I'd have been a slut and a pole dancer! HAHAHA Not that all pole dancers are sluts, but I really love being naked. I'd probably be an exhibitionist if I wasn't embarrassed of my bod. I'd definitely have danced at some strip club, because being a paralegal is too hard and too boring while the damn strippers are making 5 times my wages!

[DeLarla 22]

I really like this thread. I always felt so alone about my school days. Not only did the kids and teachers hurt me terribly, but my a$$hole (father) abandoned ship before I could walk because he needed to hide from my insane mother. That's right, Buddy, leave the whack-job with 3 babies. So my mom was/is Looney Toons, mean, ugly, abusive, no right having kids. Never heard the word "love" growing up - just got beat up a lot.

But that's the past. I refuse to blame my past on the way I am today. Sure, I'm fat because of my past, but not because of how awful it was - the only reason I'm fat today is because binge eating became such a bad habit. So I no longer eat for emotional reasons, I eat because of the severe food addiction... wait, I mean I USED TO eat that way. If my band goes wrong... gosh, if it ever goes wrong and they have to remove it I'll just not wake up from the anesthesia! Plain and simple. And no regrets or sadness, just peace.

I wish I could find a decent therapist who I could say all these things to. I've seen plenty over my life, but they're all clueless. One woman ate a bag of Gummy Bears during my therapy and watched me intensely, as if I were a Lifetime movie cuz she'd never heard anything so awful. Another one wrote notes and asked if she could use them because she learned so much from me. One guy treated me for seizure disorder - never figured that one out. Who's the patient here?

[DeLarla 22]

My port incision looks like an alien is trying to get out of my belly. Should I shave my head?

[donali 57]

My port incision looks like an alien is trying to get out of my belly. Should I shave my head?

No, just shave the head of the baby alien... lol

[donali 57]

DeLarla, I am so with you on the "fat protected me from being a shameless hussy/stripper/pole dancer" thing - I totally believe I could not have trusted myself with guys falling all over themselves to be with me like some of my friends. I so admired my pretty friends who could shut these guys down - how could they tell the good from the bad?!?!!? I was terrified I wouldn't be able to.

I do think I felt that my fat pre-sorted them for me. Of course, it was really my attitude that did that. I see lots of heavy women who've had no problems attracting men. I finally realize now that it really WASN'T my fat that kept me alone all those years, but my attitude towards men because I was fat.

Growing up overweight and being taunted by highschool boys and being told by my beloved father that I would have an easier time with boys if I were not so heavy just kicked in my rebellious side. It was almost like a subconscious mission to NOT be like everyone else, to insist on being liked for ME instead of what I looked like. Because of that I was distrustful and sarcastic to any guy who gave me the time of day. Now, how attractive is that? lol

I still talk to my sister about starting our own internet sex business - "Fat Chicks Get it On" or "Watch the Fat Sisters Doing It" or something like that. My dark half would love it! Or maybe starting a strip club for fat chicks. I know there's an audience out there!

[New Hope 37]

Gals, I was a skinny girl growing up. But I was so darn shy that I was miserable. So that didn't solve everything. I gained all my weight (more than doubled myself) after I hit 30. I am fortunate in that I have a wonderful, loving husband who married me when I was skinny, knew the real me, and still loves me, and has never, ever said anything negative about my weight. I let this weight thing keep me virtually a prisoner for the last several years.

I never judged individuals by their appearances. I have always been able to see and love people for what they are inside.

I can tell by your postings that you have enjoyed your lives and not let this drag you down.

This website has been so helpful to me. I have experienced first hand how "overweight" women are treated. I know how discriminating it is.

I would be honored to call any of you my friends and introduce you to anyone that I know.

[New Hope 37]

I think we all could compare notes on "crummy childhoods". But no matter how horrible they were, WE SURVIVED.

They say things happen for a reason. Sometimes that's not easy to see or understand. It may be years down the road.

My husband inherited PKD, a kidney disease. He went through kidney failure, dialysis, heart attack, open heart surgery, and kidney transplant. We got through it, one day at a time. God had a plan, I just thought I needed to "backseat drive."

Now I know why we weren't able to have natural children, but able to adopt 2. We don't have to worry about them inheriting this horrible disease.

My husband and I crossmatched! I was able to donate a kidney to him. I'm so thankful we didn't have to wait for someone else to lose a loved one, so we could have an organ.

In the workup for the transplant, we found out he'd had a "silent heart attack". This wouldn't have been discovered if they hadn't been running preop tests on him.

He had a rough time through open heart surgery, and recovery...because of the kidney disease.

But 7 months later, we did our transplant. He's done so remarkably well!

Things do happen for a reason. Sometimes it just takes a while to understand why.

We've been truly blessed! I wish that for each of you!

[DeniseG 3]

I agree with donali,

after having a fill especially a really good one, you will find that more than likely you will have problems with some foods. I felt the same way before my first. I said, wow, this isn't bad, I can eat anything!! said it after fill 1 and almost 2 and then whamo fill 3 and I have to be careful about everything I eat.

As far as passing the time, get all the things done that need to be done before surgery that involve physical labor because it will probably take you 6+weeks before you feel somewhat like your self again.

Also, stock up on liquid pain reliever, plenty of gatorade, popsicles, Water, and chicken broth.........you'll never have too much of it during the first month, and you may not feel like shopping for awhile.

Make lists for your husband/wife/kids of things that you expect them to do while you are recovering to help out.

[nightingale2u 42]

I guess it comes down to this... we can't control what other people say or do. The chubby kids and the skinny kids made me their target and I was just not prepared or strong enough to fight it. I left Miss mousey behind many years ago and perhaps have even gone to far in the other direction. Just let somebody try and walk all over me now! The past... can't change any of it... the future... I can do something about that! THings I will try not to do anymore...

I will try not to beat others to the punch and make fun of myself or put myself down...

I will try to look others in the eye and hold my head up high...

I will try and see myself as my hubby does as I really don't understand why he loves or wants me...

I will not be invisible anymore...

Finally... once this weight starts falling off... I will never... never... never let it find me again!!!!!

Self Lecture over...

[DeniseG 3]

Make sure before you get your lapband that you have a counselor on board too. With my band, I had to have psychological analysis done (of course, I answered the questions the way they wanted me to--so, I don't know if it helped.) Even with the band, without psychological help, you will still have the same issues.

One of my main "eating too much issues" is fear of not having enough money. Whenever I felt I was over my head when it came to bill time I would "eat away" my anxiety. I still have this issue. When it happens and I can't eat, I resort to eating food that I know will go down, which tends to be chocolate, ice cream etc. I have to make sure that my home is "bad food" free during that time.

[nightingale2u 42]

Thanks Denise...

I just need a site to express thoughts that I generally keep to myself. While not everyone here has the same thoughts... many have the same challenges. I think counseling is an great option for many... just is not a helpful one for me. I'm all for the self-help option and that's what I'm doing here... helping myself and facing feelings and issues that I would generally keep under the covers. No worries... I am clear on the fact that the band is a tool and I do not look upon it as the cure-all. I am fat because I eat too much... I eat too much because I LOVE food... and I love food because it tastes good! This is a separate issue from my childhood experiences...

I do appreciate your advice though! :cool:

[Guest lkp]

New hope- I too was a skinny child. I wore a bikini on my honeymoon. I had to exercise alot. I danced in college. I gained 50 lbs. with my first child and even more with second. My husband has watched me gain this weight over the years and he still loves me. He sings me the "One Hot mama" song to me DAILY and says "You wanna?" just like in the song. (A country song) My kids are teenagers now and the weight has been a gradual and creeping and now out of control. I am also a living kidney donor like you. My mother needed a kidney and I just happened to have two that matched! Dialysis is no way to live. At least not for my mother who did terrible and looked green for months while on it.

To all you ladies that have had bad childhoods- People (not just children) are cruel BUT Forgiveness is Soooooo Liberating!!!!

I know it's a heart thing, though, and I remember that I serve a God that forgives and forgets. Even if you don't believe in God, surely you have needed mercy and grace from a fellow human being? I know that I have much that has needed forgiven. Maybe it is the nurse in me-we tend to be mercy-givers. Hearts take time to heal. But for my life--there is no room for bitterness.

Do whatever it takes to heal. Soul-healing is even more important than weight-loss.

Linda