Not A Rude Waiter, But A Rude Patron.

[minaleigh 95]

Not really a question or an answer, but just needed to vent!

Passive-aggresive people make me mad. You know the types. They casually or nonchalantly throw mean words about you by saying it to someone else knowing you can hear them. Anyways, here's the story.

My dad decided he wanted to take me to dinner before I had to go to work. I order an appetizer while my dad orders an entree. Waiter is pretty nice, if maybe a bit pushy about how little I'm eating. Even though I have lost about 45 pounds since surgery, I'm still obese and considered "big" so seeing someone like me eat only a few bites is probably weird.

Anyways, some of the tables are set up against a low wall to where you're basically right next to the table on the other side and are able to see and hear them through the big opening. Well, this couple is sitting right next to us with the woman diagonal from me, sitting right next to my dad. They order an appetizer and begin eating it. After a few minutes, mine and my dad's food come out. The woman looks right at my food and pushes the appetizer towards her husband saying she's getting full or something. A few minutes pass and she's still looking at me and then her food comes out. Before I'm even two bites into my meal, she loudly proclaims that her own meal is "sooo much food" and she "doesn't know how she'll be able to eat it all." I pretty much ignore her the rest of the time until we're almost done. I ate probably 1/4 of what was given to me, gave some to my dad and there's still about half of the appetizer left. All this time, the woman is watching me eat! I felt the full feeling and probably ate too fast because I was trying to hurry for work. I tell my dad that I think I ate too much, all the while this lady is watching me and making little comments about my eating. Waiter comes out and asks if I'm eating slow to save room for dessert. I just tell him that I'm full and would like a box. Cue eye-roll from the woman. She looks at her meal, notices that she ate more than me, and then pushes her plate to the side. Apparently, it bothered her that someone my size could possibly eat less than her. I guess I offended her.

I know I'm probably looking too deep into it, or overreacting, but frankly I don't care. Even as heavy as I was, I've never had (or maybe never noticed) someone having such a negative reaction to my eating. I guess because I was so heavy, they just expected me to eat as much I used to. Still being pretty fat and eating so little must just confuse them so.

Sorry for the long post. I've never been good at summarizing. Just needed to vent!

[iegal 460]

Oh hun; Even when you hit goal you will still run into people who will judge you.

Why aren't you drinking with your meal? Why are you sharing a meal? Is the food bad since you are not eating everything. Or my favorite - when I went to a "family size meal place" where they served by person at $40 bucks a head and I could only eat Soup. I asked for a bowl of Soup alone and the lady charge me...$40 bucks since they don't do a la carte at dinner.

Your best attitude is to remember there are bullies everywhere. Don't let them hate you because you are beautiful...oversized or on your way to a healthier version.

Smile. You are a lady and ignore those who are ignorant to our battle to overcome.

[Malyss 31]

It can be good to vent, well...unless one is venting from an adjacent table about something that is none of their business! Man, there apparently are all sorts of eating competitions in this world. Screw'em. You're doing what you need to do in an appropriate way. Head up, forge on.

[andi0120 41]

People like that act like bullies but are truly cowards. It took me, awhile to stick up for myself. In a situation like that I would first acknowledge her by smiling and saying how are you. If the starting continued I would nicely say can I help you with something. She probably would avoid looking at you the remainder of the meal. Ugh people

[Neese 75]

She is just trying to reflect her insecurities onto you. Just keep on keepin on, you're doing wonderful and you will continue to do wonderful; regardless of her snide remarks! She is the same type of person that would give any of us awful looks if we ate too much. You just can't seem to please some people

[thebionicbroad 127]

That twit will probably need the sleeve, herself, in the future. If she has that many eating issues, she's doomed. Don't let those types affect you. They are sick and twisted puppies.

[Lissa 2,631]

I must be oblivious to that kind of thing because I wouldn't have even noticed the woman unless she actually said something to me about it. I definitely would have given her an eye roll if she was making it obvious that she was competing with you. How silly that some people must do things like that!!

[Pookeyism 1,143]

I appreciate your vent, but I want to say something - how do you know you just didn't make a fellow dieter, someone with or without surgery pay attention to what they were eating? Perhaps you were being looked at with healthy appreciation and envy?

Judgeing and assuming about people who are smaller than you is as fair as them doing it to you, and it does happen often.

I was with a friend one time downtown, we had parked the car and took our bicycles to the farmers markets, and she goes "I hate it when those skinny 'B------' show up with their eco bags and yoga pants and hair pulled back" and finally I looked up and went "um, those two work at a non profit yoga place just down the road - the one I go to on the weekends"...she just assumed they were doing to show off, but they were gathering stuff for their dinner, lol.

[MoonSiren 48]

Pay people like that no mind. I've had questions too from the waiter and those who I was eating with about how little I eat. I can't even eat a whole appetizer or kid's meal and always request a to go box so I can use it for another meal.

[BlackBerryJuice 349]

It reminded me of how I met up with another poster from this board before she got her sleeve specifically so we could discuss sleeve issues and this teenage couple stared at us and eavesdropped on the entire conversation. Oh har har, fat people talking about weightloss surgeries!

[circa 333]

I'm one of those people that would totally have showed her a mouth full of chewed up food. If she's that interested in what I'm eating, I wanna give her the full show! Yes - I truly am that person haha.

It does suck - but other people's issues are theirs and theirs alone. Don't accept her trying to convey her problems to you.

[kittenkate 186]

I haven't had any issues with people dining around me but I've found that it's easier to tell the waiter "I just had surgery and won't be able to finish this, can I go ahead and request a togo box now?" They don't want to be rude and ask any other questions and that usually kills the dessert question as well.

As for that rude lady next to you, sometimes you just have to ignore people like that. They exist everywhere, not just at restaurants.

I am someone that talks about my surgery to anyone willing to listen, which maybe isn't good because I'm sure some people don't want to hear it. I was with a coworker in our break room. I took out my lunch of wheat toast and tuna fish, she took out her leftover pizza. It didn't bother me but I guess when she saw my lunch and then looked at hers she got insecure about it. She looked at me and said, "I can't enjoy my lunch while you just sit there and judge me!" I hadn't said a word to her and I certainly am not the kind of person to judge anyone! It's just one of those things that we have to learn to deal with and understand that not everyone "gets it".

[KellyL 173]

I don't know why, but my mind has changed a lot since being sleeved. I barely pay attention to people around me at restaurants, because I am there to enjoy a meal out and the company of whoever is with me. But if I notice someone being blatantly rude, I will ask to be moved to a different seat. Remember you are the patron there, and it's their job to make YOU happy and give you a good experience. Also, I have learned to handle the Servers differently when questioned about my small amounts. I ask for a go box then immediately go back to talking or whatever i was doing. I don't continue looking at them for more conversation or make them feel they have the right to question me. If I am questioned, I say "I'm full" then I smile and look away. That is the only thing they need to know, I don't have to make excuses to them. They don't have to know WHY I am full. I am sure naturally thin people don't have to explain why they don't want more food. But what it sounds like happened to me, is this lady was obviously jealous of your self-control with your portions and wanted to act like she had it. So basically she was jealous and insecure. There are a lot of people in this world who we will never make happy. As someone else said, this is the same person that would make snide remarks if we ate a lot of food too. That's because they are unhappy with themselves, and I have learned and accepted that I don't have to make everyone happy, nor do I need others approval. That has been a struggle for me, because I've been a "people pleaser" all of my life due to childhood issues of abandonment and neglect. It's an adjustment, but it gets easier as we get used to our new eating lifestyle.

[fell4falls 18]

I went out to eat with my husband, my mother, and our kids on Friday night. I ordered shrimp cocktail and broiled tilapia. I knew I wasn't going to be able to eat it all and was going to bring moat of it hone with me for later or the next day. When I asked for a to go box, the waitress asked me if I was on a diet or something. I happily told her about my surgery, to which she responded, "well, good luck with THAT." It struck me as rude at that moment, but I just let it go. Some people aren't familiar with how it feels to struggle with their weight, I guess.

[Foxbins 625]

In the long run, I think you will receive many more compliments than jabs about your eating/not eating and appearance. I ignored those sorts of comments, and the curious questions of what I was eating or how much. It's nobody's business but yours.