My wife has seriously been considering having the gastric sleeve. I am fully supportive of her in anything she wants to do, and want nothing but the best for her...except for this. She is a little overweight, and has a low metabolism so it is hard for her to keep weight off. On the same token, she isn't physically active and does not even try to restrain herself from the temptation to eat fattening foods, especially when other people are doing it. Let me just be very clear here, I am in no way deluded to the fact that those are easy things to do, and I am 100% aware that those things are much easier said than done. I just happen to be one of those people who can eat whatever I want and not gain weight. That doesn't mean I'm any healthier, though, as I am 32, 5'7 150lbs, and have very high cholesterol. Therefore I also need to make some changes in my lifestyle. My wife has 3 sisters. Two of them have already had a WLS, one a bypass, the other a lap band. Neither of them are physically active, nor limit what they eat either. Funny part is, sister #3 is probably I'd say 5'4, 120 lbs, VERY healthy...difference? She eats right and exercises. That's it, we are talking about the same genetics here. Therefore, I am extremely reluctant to give my wife the blessing to go have a life altering surgery that has a chance (no matter how low the risk stats are, this is my family) of taking away the things that I love the most about her. Those things are the fact that she is happy, healthy, full of life, and a very smart and sophisticated woman (software engineer). If she were morbidly obese, and her weight was truly becoming a hazard to her health and well being, then I may feel different, but even then I'd be somewhat skeptical about a surgery that removes 90% of your stomach, the vital organ given to us by our creator to ensure that our body gets the nutrients it needs to sustain health. The thing is, I know for a fact that she thinks it is much worse than it actually is, and by making a few life changes (changes that she would have to make REGARDLESS, even IF she had the surgery), she can stop gaining weight, and eventually (key word here.."eventually", it NOBODY SAID IT IS EASY and it DOES NOT happen overnight, or even "quickly", not naturally anyway), start to lose weight. Problem is she tries to tell me she's tried, but all I've seen is her "try to try" for roughly a month or so, get discouraged because she's not losing weight like she wants, and just give up. My ex gf had the same exact issue, but she COMMITTED herself, ate right EVERY SINGLE MEAL for MONTHS, exercised 3-5 times a week, and eventually lost 80 lbs. Back to the main issue here. The part that makes it even harder for me to convince her is the fact that her best friend is married to an bariatric surgeon, a very successful and extremely intelligent guy with tons of success stories, whom I have nothing but respect for. What gets me is the fact that this surgery is irreversible, and if it does not go as planned, and complications arise (especially some of the ones I've been reading about, it would literally tear my heart out to see that happen to my family), there is no way to just go back and "fix" that. For some, a life of sickness and regret is very long lasting. I may seem like I'm being unfair here, but that is how I feel. I have tried telling her everything I can, and even broke down crying last night over the thought of something bad happening to her, but she still sees it as I am not supportive of her and that I am being unfair. I finally told her that if she decides to go through with it, it will only be after she has turned her back on me and has chosen her desire to lose weight "easily" over me. The thing is, this affects me nearly as much as it would her. I have no way to predict the future, and I know the odds of something going wrong are extremely low, but that small percentage is enough for me to say that it is NOT WORTH THE RISK. Especially when there is no doubt in my mind that if she REALLY try, without expecting something in return, she will look back a year from now and be so happy she didn't go through with it. Anyway, I can go on and on about this forever, but if anyone has any advice for me, PLEASE tell me, this issue is dominating my household right now and it hurts, scares, and frustrates me to no end. I love her with every ounce of my being and would literally stand in front of a bullet for her. I would do ANYTHING for this woman, but I will not agree to this, not at this time in the perfectly healthy condition she is in. Bariatric surgery is an amazing MEDICAL breakthrough, and for people who have a MEDICAL need for it, it is a God Send. But that is simply not the case here. One more thing I just want to say that I am very understanding of this issue, although it is not something I have experienced first hand, and I want to be clear that I mean no disrespect or insult to anyone who may be reading this. I see the struggles and I know it is very hard. I'm just in the situation I'm in, that I really don't know what to do...

Lissa: you are so right on! Love ya!

Hi

to all my wonderful sleeve sisters/brothers

from the beginning loving husband said he is supporting his wife. I think thats the main sentence people are forgetting.

His main problem is that he made big errors in some of his statements. I saw this from the beginning, but i just didn't want to get "involved" - but i honestly think lovinghusband needs a break.

He was asking for advice, but he didn't make proper statements, got off track about sisters, other stuff that made him look like the big bad wolf.

i don't think he is. i just think as he was talking, things were spoken incorrectly and got off the track.

I'm probably not stating this correctly - see what can happen to anyone.

Please don't crusify either one of us - i think our intentions were good.

friends?

kathy

Dorrie, At you!!

It doesn't matter what her sister's health is like. EVERYONE is different! My best friend has a sister and they are on completely opposite ends of the weight scale. They are the EXACT same height however one has a slower metabolism. You can't compare people because they are from the same gene pool. I think maybe you should find out what her weight is, what her ideal weight should be, and now what her BMI is. As other posters stated, she has more than likely researched the hell out of her options because she KNOWS how overweight she is and she knows that even if she cut out all the bad stuff she would never get to where she should be or where she wants to be. Instead of looking at all the bad things try looking at all the postives and go to the PCP with her, then to the surgeon, go see the nut, go through all the steps WITH her instead of letting her think she has to do this alone. Then sit down after all the appointments and really TALK about all the options. Who knows, your insurance company may require a 6 month diet before hand and she may drop the weight that she wants and decide she doesn't need the surgery, but again, if she has already jumped to WLS then she is probably not going to change her mind.

If you can't support your wife in something that she feels she needs to do to be healthier and be AROUND for YOUR FAMILY longer then maybe you should evaluate that.

I need a LOVE button for BrandyMarie!!

Aww! Thanks!

Lovinghusband1979,

Hi, if your wife is only 40 lbs over weight I doubt she will find a Dr who would give her the surgery. I had a bmi of 32. That is about 200 lbs at 5'6" and I just qualified. My husband thought I was beautiful and didn't need the surgery. He loves me for the beautiful person he sees on the inside. I should tell you I love my husband of 20 years beyound reason and I am a mother of 6 children. I didn't ask permission or what he wants of my body because it's my body. I would have had the surgery with or with out his blessing because it was what I needed. Being married doesn't mean you give the rights of your body away. I understand your fear. You don't want to lose the woman you love, but she may be feeling she is loosing herself and doesn't have an out. This may be a chance for her ( if she does qualify ) to be the woman SHE needs to be. If you are open to her idea to this she would more than likely make you part of the process. Help find the doctor ( personaly I wouldn't go to a Dr who didn't do a least a thousand sleeves ). Help her with the foods for the pre diet. Tell her you don't understand, but you love and suport her choices. This is what my husband did and I respect him the more for it. He knew telling me what to do would put a fire into this Irsh womans' heart that would make me deaf to all he would say.

You just reminded me how amazing, wonderful, and supportive my husband really is. He'll most likely be getting laid tonight because of you. I'm sure he'll send you his thanks.

^^^

I was thinking the same thing, BedHead. My wife was so supportive of me and knows she can't possibly understand all of my reasons for wanting this, but she supported me. She is getting whatever she wants tonight.

Wow! You all just reminded ME of what an awesome husband I have TOO!

I had a failed band and when I approached him about getting the band removed and getting sleeved, his first words to me were, "what do we need to do to get you where you want to be in life?"... I love my hubby sooo much!!!

Thank you all for reminding me of that too!!!!!!!!!!

p.s. - Like the old saying goes.. When MAMA aint happy, aint NOBODY happy!!!

Lovinghusband, you asked for advice, if you are still around.

Here is my advice:

If she is planning on using insurance to pay for the surgery, let the insurance company deny her if she doesn't qualify. During the time she is working towards insurance approval, support her and encourage her. If she is approved by insurance, continue to support and encourage her.

If she is planning on being a self-pay, look up the average insurance requirements for this surgery and if your wife meets those requirements, support and encourage her.

Insurance requirements often include:

• A BMI of at least 40 with no comorbidities, or a BMI of 35 with two or more comorbidities (diabetes, sleep apnea, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, etc.)
  
• Psychological testing
  
• Sessions with a counselor if suggested by psychiatrist
  
• A minimum of three sessions with a dietician
  
• Documentation of prior weight loss attempts
  
• Letter of recommendation by primary care physician
  
• Weight loss of 5 - 10% in six months prior to surgery.
  

Personally, I think you come across as very controlling. You don't mention any facts about your wife (could have been lost in the long post which lacked paragraphs, making it hard to read). What is her BMI?

You sound like one of those people who thinks the answer to weight loss is to "put the fork down". That's true, but unrealistic as there is a HUGE psychological component to weight and food. Did you know that for some, the act of eating affects the brain just like heroin?

Anyway, you asked for advice, there's mine.

Oh, and my husband is getting some tonight too now. :smile1:

I think all the supportive spouses will be super happy later on tonight! Congrats to them for supporting you guys and letting you make your own informed decisions!

I couldn;t get beyond the same genetics nonsense comparison. Since when did having same parents = same genes? Siblings are not identical twins. My wife and I have five great kids, ages 30-11. Three of our kids are normal weight and two are obese.

What I am hearing here is that you are scared for her and also for yourself if something should happen to her. Have you told her this? I believe this is how my husband felt as he told me repeatedly how I was wanting this elective surgery and how extreme it was, etc.

To bring the elective part in to perspective, I have had many other surgeries in my life - I was born cross-eyed and had my first surgery for that at about 18 months. I had about 4-5 through the years. I had tubes in my ears. 2 c-sections. My tubes tied. Every one of those surgeries could be considered elective or cosmetic in the case of the eye surgeries. Surgery was nothing new to me and I just KNEW that everything would go smooth.

Everything did not go smooth for me. I was exhausted from about 2 weeks out and at 9 weeks an abscess was discovered and at 3 months a leak. I spent around a month in the hospital then as well as had a feeding tube. It was very scary. This is when it became evident to me that this was exactly why my husband didn't want me to have the surgery. This is what he was scared of. We got through this but I did question myself on why I had surgery a million times. I am healed now and basically back to as if I was 5 weeks out from surgery. Complications are rare but if that is what has you worried let her know.

But don't only look at the bad. Her health will be improved and her energy as well. Do her family members have diabetes, heart disease and those sorts of things? Will the surgery help her avoid these things for herself?

Also let me say I made goal and lost 75 lbs on weight watchers in 2004 but slowly gained that back plus another 35 lbs. I knew I could lose on my own but my issue is keeping it off. The restriction the sleeve provides is what I need to help me, it is a tool.

Would it be possible for you to talk to her Dr about your concerns again? That may help you both. Best to you both.

If your wife is not happy with herself she will never be happy with you!