Will it ever be enough?

[kellyw74 258]

I was wondering when will I ever be happy with my weight loss?? When will it ever be enough?

I mean, I have lost 96lbs and have less than 20 to go till my goal, but I still don't feel like I am the "skinny" person that I should be. Does it just take a while for my brian to catch up or will I ever be satisfied?

I know that I look different than I did 100lbs ago, but I still don't feel like I look as good as I should. Will it ever be enough? I still feel very self-conscious and try to cover myself up like I did when I weighed 280!That is scary!

Kelly

[Tiffykins 672]

It takes time, and I can tell you that it didn't hit me until I was about 6-9 months into maintenance before it clicked.

I really, honestly believe that at some point you just have to rejoice in the success, and stop beating yourself up for the past. Letting go, and moving forward is such a liberating experience.

With all that said, I'm far more critical of my body and my appearance than I was at 270lbs even though I wear a size 2 jean and an XS/Small top. I think it's important that we remember, every woman has issues. It is all in how you manage those issues.

Personally, I hate that I have an effin muffin top in a size 2 jean and it's NOT fat, it's skin. There is nothing I can do about it other than wear a Spanx like little tank thing. I hate that my boobs like a fried eggs hanging on a nail, but what can I do about it? Not a damn thing, I will say that all the little flaws I see in myself are definitely better than seeing my back fat through my shirts, or my bras cutting into me.

Even with plastics, I do not believe I will ever be completely satisfied. There will always be something I hate. My ankle joints are huge, they are boney, but they're huge, and it's not like I can have the bones removed. It's just how my body is made so I have to accept it.

I recommend finding clothes that you love, things that fit are much more flattering than baggy clothes.

[katmagmom 9]

I feel the same way Kelly! I have lost 94 lbs so far. I am more than 20 from my goal, but still, I LOST 94 LBS?!?!?! I can see in pictures that I am much thinner, but in everyday life, I forget that I have lost weight. I still see myself as the biggest person in the room, even when I KNOW I'm not.

[lovin life 4]

I had this same conversation with a friend of mine today, i told her my news...that today when i did my weekly weigh-in i am down 90lbs.... i mean 90 freaking lbs in 5 months!!! That is awesome...BUT I dont feel 90 lbs lighter...i still feel like i need to wear the big baggy clothes to "hide" myself, or that I have to be the biggest gal in the room...cause I always have been...or that when someone looks at me, my mind automatically thinks they are looking at me because of how big I am... all the while i try to reassure myself it IS happening and my body is changing & i just keep telling myself it takes a while for our brains to catch up to the changes our bodies go thru.

Hang in there, & for now Celebrate your loss...that is A-W-E-S-O-M-E!!!

[SuperMom 33]

Thank you for this post. Feel the same way. Not that I am not happy that I have lost so much weight so far. I know I am smaller but still feel like the "fat girl"....nice to see I am not the only one. Maybe when I don't gain it all back in 6 months like usual it will sink in?

[meggiep 57]

Wow! Red velvet sister I am so proud of you!

Interestingly when was in Hawaii this past two weeks I really did feel like I looked almost normal! I liked the person I saw n the mirror, I felt pretty and I wore a sarong and a flower in my hair and just really felt good. I don't now why I am able to grasp this- maybe because I did not weigh for 10 years and so my time of knowing I had gotten to such a high weight was relatively short lived? I am still 60 pounds away from my goal but I feel like I look good!

I so want that for you too! You need to tell yourself how great you look every single day.

[Janese58 11]

I am 53 yrs old. When I was 19 yrs old I weighed 102...I thought I was fat, really I did. I went into the Air Force they made me gain 8 pounds. I was devastated. At 21 I had my son and guess what...I didnt care that I weighed 200 pounds when I delivered him. I lost weight and gained weight over the years. I never really obsessed about it. I did the VSG to feel better...my parents and boyfriend were shocked that I even considered it because I never complained about being fat, they didnt think it even mattered to me. I just really started to feel sluggish and old being 230 at 53 yrs old. Now I tell women that I know....IF you wear a size 10 or smaller....YOU ARE NOT FAT! A size 10 is average, normal, healthly. Its a shame to not see ourselves for what we are.

[kellyw74 258]

Thanks everyone!

Just like this morning, I got dressed for work and put on size 10 pants and a M top and when I looked in the mirror, I felt like I looked 250lbs still. NOT GOOD!!

I figure that one day it has to "sink in", I just wish that it would happen soon!

Kelly

[ouroborous 519]

Tiffykins touched on an important point; if you really want to learn to be happy with your body, at some point you're going to have to stop focusing on your body, and start focusing on your thinking.

My mom was in AA, and although I'm not super fond of that organization (long story), some of their little slogans and sayings sort of sunk in for me, and as I've gotten older I've really started to understand them.

Now, I'm not a religious man, but one phrase that sticks is to cultivate an "attitude of gratitude." This means, changing your thinking to finding things to be grateful for, instead of looking for flaws. If you're atheist or agnostic, like me, you may not have any "being" or person that you're grateful TO, but the important thing is to change your thinking from "this sucks, why aren't I good enough, what's wrong with me?" to "I'm SO happy that I've lost so much weight! I'm so glad that I can fit into 'normal' sized clothes! I'm so much healthier; the odds are that I'll live a much longer, healthier life than I was likely to lead when I was obese."

I know that that probably will feel fake, and forced, and artificial at first, but thinking like this is a habit you have to build. Over time, it DOES get easier, and more automatic to "look on the sunny side."

If you're like me, you may have a fear that being like this will turn you into some chirpy, brainless person who's always cheerful and never sees the bad things that life DOES hold coming, but this just isn't true. Learning to see the glass as half full doesn't mean ignoring the bad stuff in life; it means making a conscious choice to focus your attention on the good things. Remember that the bad stuff and the good stuff are both going to exist whether or not you pay attention to them, so which would you rather do -- pay attention to all the flaws in your body, all the problems in your life, and make yourself and maybe those around you miserable? Or focus on the good things, how much better you feel, how much better you look, how much healthier you are?

I say all this from experience; by nature, I tend to be a very negative, cynical person. It's not something I'm happy about or proud of, but it is true. I have to focus on the positives in my life or I can very quickly spiral into Bad Places, and often take everyone else with me!

But I notice that when I make a conscious effort to focus on the positive, interesting things happen. First, it very quickly stops feeling "fake" and instead it's like... hard to say, like a cloud passing from in front of the sun, do you know how that is? All of a sudden everything just suddenly gets brighter -- the whole world. And people react to me better; people want to spend more time around me and talk to me more. And things that seemed impossible... doors that seemed shut... suddenly these things don't feel quite so out of reach. And the things that truly ARE out of reach -- I'll never be a 20-year old man again, no matter how positively I think -- don't seem so horrific when I can say "yes, well, what I've lost in youthful beauty and vigor, I've made up in the self-confidence and [hopefully] the wisdom of a grown man."

I know, if you're like me, I know that this sounds like foolish, wishful thinking, polyanna claptrap. But it is really true. It really works, but you have to do the work. You have to cultivate the habit of looking for things to be happy about; you have to cultivate the "attitude of gratitude." It is worth the effort!

Sorry for the long-winded reply, but this topic is near and dear to my heart!

[swizzly 901]

ouroborous -- I'm really starting to think we were twins separated at birth. All your posts verbalise my beliefs very well. Thanks for this one, I needed a refresher honestly. Cheers.

[kellyw74 258]

thank you so much for this!! this is great. i will definatley try to do this.

Kelly

Tiffykins touched on an important point; if you really want to learn to be happy with your body, at some point you're going to have to stop focusing on your body, and start focusing on your thinking.

My mom was in AA, and although I'm not super fond of that organization (long story), some of their little slogans and sayings sort of sunk in for me, and as I've gotten older I've really started to understand them.

Now, I'm not a religious man, but one phrase that sticks is to cultivate an "attitude of gratitude." This means, changing your thinking to finding things to be grateful for, instead of looking for flaws. If you're atheist or agnostic, like me, you may not have any "being" or person that you're grateful TO, but the important thing is to change your thinking from "this sucks, why aren't I good enough, what's wrong with me?" to "I'm SO happy that I've lost so much weight! I'm so glad that I can fit into 'normal' sized clothes! I'm so much healthier; the odds are that I'll live a much longer, healthier life than I was likely to lead when I was obese."

I know that that probably will feel fake, and forced, and artificial at first, but thinking like this is a habit you have to build. Over time, it DOES get easier, and more automatic to "look on the sunny side."

If you're like me, you may have a fear that being like this will turn you into some chirpy, brainless person who's always cheerful and never sees the bad things that life DOES hold coming, but this just isn't true. Learning to see the glass as half full doesn't mean ignoring the bad stuff in life; it means making a conscious choice to focus your attention on the good things. Remember that the bad stuff and the good stuff are both going to exist whether or not you pay attention to them, so which would you rather do -- pay attention to all the flaws in your body, all the problems in your life, and make yourself and maybe those around you miserable? Or focus on the good things, how much better you feel, how much better you look, how much healthier you are?

I say all this from experience; by nature, I tend to be a very negative, cynical person. It's not something I'm happy about or proud of, but it is true. I have to focus on the positives in my life or I can very quickly spiral into Bad Places, and often take everyone else with me!

But I notice that when I make a conscious effort to focus on the positive, interesting things happen. First, it very quickly stops feeling "fake" and instead it's like... hard to say, like a cloud passing from in front of the sun, do you know how that is? All of a sudden everything just suddenly gets brighter -- the whole world. And people react to me better; people want to spend more time around me and talk to me more. And things that seemed impossible... doors that seemed shut... suddenly these things don't feel quite so out of reach. And the things that truly ARE out of reach -- I'll never be a 20-year old man again, no matter how positively I think -- don't seem so horrific when I can say "yes, well, what I've lost in youthful beauty and vigor, I've made up in the self-confidence and [hopefully] the wisdom of a grown man."

I know, if you're like me, I know that this sounds like foolish, wishful thinking, polyanna claptrap. But it is really true. It really works, but you have to do the work. You have to cultivate the habit of looking for things to be happy about; you have to cultivate the "attitude of gratitude." It is worth the effort!

Sorry for the long-winded reply, but this topic is near and dear to my heart!