Me- I'm having wls surgery in septmeber.

Them- (funny twisted face) your too small for that your not meant to be skinny, you won't look right!

Me- Well my doctors and insurance company think it's medically needed and I have high BP and pre-diabetic. The scale doesn't lie I'm OBESE!

Them- Doctors go off those skinny people guidelines(BMI). and high blood pressure you just need to watch what you eat... Plus you lost weight before you just need to focus

Me- I can lose weight but keeping it off is whats hard this is just going be a tool to help me.

Them- You really dont need WLS

WHAT SHOULD I SAY TO THIS-hate telling ppl but I'm a open person... :-(

Smile and state, "I appreciate your concern, but I am comfortable with my decision." Then change the subject. Some people are convinced they know what's best for EVERYONE. It's pointless to argue.

Yeah, I would say the same thing - make sure you thank them and say that you appreciate their concern/input, but that you're pretty resolved and even looking forward to it! It's nobody else's business, and five minutes later, they'll have something else to think about so it won't even matter. People like that are frustrating, but also usually pretty easily preoccupied. They'll find something else to obsess over quickly.

That is exactly why I chose not to say a word to anyone!! People piss me off!!

Kelly

You can always follow "I appreciate your concern" with "My doctor and I made this decision about my health together." That's pretty much what I had to tell my mom

Thanks everyone for your responses!!! Ppl who never dealt with weight issues are the ones with the most to say! SMH I'm just going smile and say exactly what you all suggested! Thanks again :-)

That's why I didn't tell anyone before my surgery. I didn't want to deal with people trying to change my mind or hearing about all the WLS horror stories they'd heard about.

My vote is you say ( in your best exasperated voice ).

"thank you! That's what I have been telling my Dr! But, he wont listen. So nice that someone understands, sheesh really if I could gain about 5-7 more lbs I feel I'd be perfect!"

My vote is you say ( in your best exasperated voice ).

"thank you! That's what I have been telling my Dr! But, he wont listen. So nice that someone understands, sheesh really if I could gain about 5-7 more lbs I feel I'd be perfect!"

:lol:The sad part is some people wouldn't see that as sarcasm

I told my good friends from work and they gave me the "you're not THAT heavy, you don't need surgery, blah blah blah." Of course they are 3 women who have never had a weight problem in their lives and have no idea what it's like to be caught in the weight loss spiral of losing, gaining, etc. They still think I'm doing something too rash but whatever, I just told them that it's the right thing for me and that I hope they will be supportive.

Hey, thanks for posting this, I have been getting a lot of that too, "Oh you are not heavy enough for WLS, you can do it on your own, you've done it before, etc..." That is exactly why I need the surgery, I have done it before, and always managed to gain it back plus some. When the suggestion for the surgery came from my primary care physician as an off the cuff comment, I went with it, I talked to the various and sundry doctors that I see for all of my issues and every one thought it would be a good idea. I can't imagine that any one of my skinny friends can understand how much pain I am in. Getting up from a chair, climbing the steps, getting in and out of the car, etc...No I don't look as heavy as I am, but everyday is painful for me and I am tired of living this way, and so when people make that screwed up face and their comments, I just try and remember that they come from ignorance, they have no idea how much I hurt. I like the suggestion someone posted to say that you and your doctor have come to this decision together, that is my line for anyone who asks. I feel lucky and proud to be able to make this decision and to have the support of my immediate family, because, really, they are the only ones who matter to me. Good luck to you and thanks again!

My mother cries on the phone," Will your children know what to do if you die? People have died from this you know!" She makes me feel so guilty and selfish. I have just decided to take control of the conversations from now on. I have been allowing her to talk to me this way. Im a grown woman, able to make educated choices. Im the one who has to live in this body.I will be firm and loving and let her know this is not up for debate, and I would be happy to educate her on the process, but I will have my own choices. Thank you for bringing this topic up, I feel stronger already!

I would suggest saying not much of anything. When I'm in a conversation about something, as soon as it's clear that the other person isn't interested in my perspective/opinion, and is only trying to persuade me or somehow manipulate my opinion, my response becomes, "Ok" and that's about all I will respond. Maybe a, "We need to agree to disagree."

If the other pesron is listening to what I say, then there's a point in saying it. When the other's person goal is to prove they're right, the conversation is over because it's pointless.

If you really care, you could ask them why they have that opinion, or measures wouldn't be too extreme in their opinion. But why keep going back and forth? Does their opinion matter to you? Are you trying to make them ok with your decision? Probably not, so just end it.

My mother cries on the phone," Will your children know what to do if you die? People have died from this you know!"

I really hate manipulation tactics. Her argument is a logical fallacy. Hopefully it's just a panic reaction. You could always apply to the logical side (If there is one, and you know how to get it to it -- and I don't mean that as an insult. My mother has only a teeny tiny logical side. I can force it out of her, but it definitely isn't her normal state, and even if I force it out of her it is not in control enough to override her emotional reactions). I mean -- people have died having teeth pulled, and doing laundry, and taking showers, and going to the bathroom, and cooking dinner, and having babies, and driving to work, and... but is she in hysterics yelling at you every time you do one of those things? Probably not. Help her put it in perspective. I ran some numbers a few years ago, and the odds of dying during surgery were about the same as the odds of dying from smoke inhalation.

I really hate manipulation tactics. Her argument is a logical fallacy. Hopefully it's just a panic reaction. You could always apply to the logical side (If there is one, and you know how to get it to it -- and I don't mean that as an insult. My mother has only a teeny tiny logical side. I can force it out of her, but it definitely isn't her normal state, and even if I force it out of her it is not in control enough to override her emotional reactions). I mean -- people have died having teeth pulled, and doing laundry, and taking showers, and going to the bathroom, and cooking dinner, and having babies, and driving to work, and... but is she in hysterics yelling at you every time you do one of those things? Probably not. Help her put it in perspective. I ran some numbers a few years ago, and the odds of dying during surgery were about the same as the odds of dying from smoke inhalation.

I think my mom comes from fear, my sister died from lukimia when I was little and she has been over protective of me. I don't doubt she would use manipulation if she thought it would work, but in this case she was sobbing. I think you're right about she and I agreeing to disagree. She will be fine after it's all over and perhaps, even be happy I stuck to my guns. Thanks