male only The Male Ego

[Neoteric Verve 65]

It's gonna kill some of us. I was recently talking to my brother and told him I was getting WLS, The Sleeve in particular. The guy is 6'1" and weighs 500lb. Already a BMI in the 60's I believe (or very close) and is on dialysis and a Type II Diabetic. I for years have urged him to do something. He always replies "you're nearly my size, who are you to advise me?". And I've tried my share of diets, exercises, hypnosis (yes that too) and anything else to lose weight. When VSG came into my life I was again interested in WLS. Before, I had no favor with Gastric Bypass or the Lap-Band. When my doctor began her rundown of the various ones she bored me until she began talking about the Sleeve.

I got very interested. Started doing my "homework" and decided to inquire further with a surgeon. Well, long story short, I'm on my way. My brother says that if he wanted to lose weight he could and would. Also he points out that he's in good shape.

ARE YOU SERIOUSLY F'N KIDDIN' ME?????

He meant it. I wanted to choke him. Bro, you're 50 years old. You weigh 500lb. On dialysis. Diabetic. What part of those last three are cool?? Which one makes you think you're doing just fine? He feels that a real man doesn't need surgery. I should be able to just drop any amount I need to and keep the days rollin' on.

It's that kind of mentality that is going to kill some of us. Even beyond surgery, we won't go to the doctor to get routine check-ups. Are we too macho for our own good? Do we float around in our lives with a false sense of invincibility and chinks in the armor? I can't get my brothers to get checked for prostate cancer, breast cancer (you damn right I get checked for that too), and to have a general confab with a REGULAR physician every six months. To me, one year is too long in between Dr-Patient meetings. If something pops up in January I sure as hell ain't gonna wait until December for it to be detected...

I believe our (as men) thought processes sometimes get in the way of our potential longevity. What do you guys (and gals that roam here) think? What can I do to help not only my brothers but men in my community to get the necessary screenings and checks?

Now I could be completely wrong in this next statement (correct me if I am).

Aside from a "Y" chromosome and a reverse Testosterone:Estrogen ratio, men and women are virtually similar. So why do women on average live longer? It could be a biological phenomena but I think it's simpler than that. They don't have foolish male pride and they openly COMMUNICATE. Now these are stark generalizations but only serve to prove a point in that some men are afflicted by them. Some of us really believe that whatever problems we have will eventually work itself out of our systems. Yes, brother, it's called death. You gotta please stop the machismo and get real about longevity. I looked around. There aren't many 500lb, 85-90 year old men patrolling the retirement golf courses or anything else for that matter.

We have to do better. We have to do it now. Put aside pride. Be proud of living. Now is where some would say "do it for your kids if you can't do it for you". I say this is the PERFECT time to be selfish. If you can't do this for you then you have no hope of doing it for anyone else.

Sorry for the elongated rant, but my brother had me a bit cross this morning. I hope he changes his mind. I wouldn't mind having him around for another 30-40 years...

[M2G 1,836]

Well, I'm not a Man but I think you are right that there is something to that machismo...putting up a wall and if a block falls off that wall then there is a weak link. Women do share and communicate more easily. I can pretty much guarantee that my husband would not have had the sleeve if it wasn't for me. Not that I forced the issue. I brought it up once I had made up my mind to have surgery, I said "let's do this together"....no, was his response. I support you 100% and know that you will do great with this, but no thanks for me. Well, our insurance had a 6 month wait time and during that time as I started jumping through the hoops, he had a change of heart and he decided yes, he wanted this too. It just took him a while to sort it out in his own head I think.

So I guess maybe your only recourse is living by example? When I called my brother to tell him about surgery we had a very open and frank discussion about obesity in general (he is about 300lbs and only 5'9") and it was the first time we had discussed obesity in such an honest way. His health is being compromised by the obesity too, but he refused to do anything about it. He had high-blood pressure and also was pre-diabetic but refused to do anything about it. A lesson from the dentist (who refused to perform anything on him because his BP was so high) and some prodding from our dad and he finally went to the dr. and got some meds for both issues. I think he is doing better now but we don't talk/see each other very often. Unfortunately.

I am sorry that your brother is being so stubborn. I hope that he decides to do something soon but in the meantime keep talking to him and keep showing him the way.

[M2G 1,836]

<p>Double post...can't delete but I can edit it. <img class="bbc_emoticon" alt="" src="http://cdn.verticalsleevetalk.com/public/style_emoticons/default/wink.gif"> </p>

[thinoneday 445]

It's gonna kill some of us. I was recently talking to my brother and told him I was getting WLS, The Sleeve in particular. The guy is 6'1" and weighs 500lb. Already a BMI in the 60's I believe (or very close) and is on dialysis and a Type II Diabetic. I for years have urged him to do something. He always replies "you're nearly my size, who are you to advise me?". And I've tried my share of diets, exercises, hypnosis (yes that too) and anything else to lose weight. When VSG came into my life I was again interested in WLS. Before, I had no favor with Gastric Bypass or the Lap-Band. When my doctor began her rundown of the various ones she bored me until she began talking about the Sleeve.

I got very interested. Started doing my "homework" and decided to inquire further with a surgeon. Well, long story short, I'm on my way. My brother says that if he wanted to lose weight he could and would. Also he points out that he's in good shape.

ARE YOU SERIOUSLY F'N KIDDIN' ME?????

He meant it. I wanted to choke him. Bro, you're 50 years old. You weigh 500lb. On dialysis. Diabetic. What part of those last three are cool?? Which one makes you think you're doing just fine? He feels that a real man doesn't need surgery. I should be able to just drop any amount I need to and keep the days rollin' on.

It's that kind of mentality that is going to kill some of us. Even beyond surgery, we won't go to the doctor to get routine check-ups. Are we too macho for our own good? Do we float around in our lives with a false sense of invincibility and chinks in the armor? I can't get my brothers to get checked for prostate cancer, breast cancer (you damn right I get checked for that too), and to have a general confab with a REGULAR physician every six months. To me, one year is too long in between Dr-Patient meetings. If something pops up in January I sure as hell ain't gonna wait until December for it to be detected...

I believe our (as men) thought processes sometimes get in the way of our potential longevity. What do you guys (and gals that roam here) think? What can I do to help not only my brothers but men in my community to get the necessary screenings and checks?

Now I could be completely wrong in this next statement (correct me if I am).

Aside from a "Y" chromosome and a reverse Testosterone:Estrogen ratio, men and women are virtually similar. So why do women on average live longer? It could be a biological phenomena but I think it's simpler than that. They don't have foolish male pride and they openly COMMUNICATE. Now these are stark generalizations but only serve to prove a point in that some men are afflicted by them. Some of us really believe that whatever problems we have will eventually work itself out of our systems. Yes, brother, it's called death. You gotta please stop the machismo and get real about longevity. I looked around. There aren't many 500lb, 85-90 year old men patrolling the retirement golf courses or anything else for that matter.

We have to do better. We have to do it now. Put aside pride. Be proud of living. Now is where some would say "do it for your kids if you can't do it for you". I say this is the PERFECT time to be selfish. If you can't do this for you then you have no hope of doing it for anyone else.

Sorry for the elongated rant, but my brother had me a bit cross this morning. I hope he changes his mind. I wouldn't mind having him around for another 30-40 years...

First off, your brother is not acting like a "real" man, the reason is of his stubborness and belittling of you. A real man will recognize he has a problem and will help himself to fix that problem. . . a non-real man will just figure the problem will take care of itself. . your the real man here. . . and the best advice i can give you to give to your brother is get the surgery, show him how you exercise and loose the weight, smile and be there for your brother. . . god only know he is going to need the support when the dialysis can't help him anymore. . . i feel sorry for your brother. . .

I,as a woman, have selfish pride, probably more than any guy does, but i definately will listen to any good advice given. . I may not take the advice, but hell i'll listen to it, kick it around and probably give it a go. . . if it's not for me, then so be it. . . brother is just being a jacka$$ until he mulls it over and sees how great your doing. . . good luck and i wish your bro all the luck in the world.

[samnyc 5]

I think you are right. Pride has a lot to do it. Your brother probably knows he needs to make a radical change, but won't admit it if someone else if pointing it out to him and will only get defensive. I was that guy till a few months ago. I was at 500 lb and while I was fortunate enough to not have any serious medical issues, I knew it wouldn’t be long before I did. However if someone gave me any advice I would get pretty defensive. Ultimately I had to come to the decision of getting the surgery and making the changes I needed to, no one could force me. Give your brother advice, but also give him space and time to come to the decision on his own.

[Khy 16]

Idk.. I kinda think it is a man thing. My husband had sleep apnea for years. Several times he woke up with his airway collapsed. Still denied he had it.... Sigh.. What got him to change? I started gettting angry because I couldn't sleep. The sounds he could make were extremely varied and incredibly loud. I moved out of the bedroom and was pissy because I didn't really have anywhere to sleep. When I am pissy he doesn't get any. Eventually he gave in and admitted he needed to be seen for it.

Khy

[Jane_J 117]

I think men tend to me more squeamish generally. I have yet to find a guy who would get his eyes lasered for short sightedness, but I know loads of women who have. I know this is a sweeping statement and the guys on here are the exceptions.

[Rootman 1,101]

I think men tend to me more squeamish generally. I have yet to find a guy who would get his eyes lasered for short sightedness, but I know loads of women who have. I know this is a sweeping statement and the guys on here are the exceptions.

Hey now! I resemble that remark!

Being a guy I've had plenty of stuff done to me, INCLUDING Lasik surgery - the SECOND BEST think I've done for myself, the first is the sleeve. The sleeve, repeated esophageal procedures, bunion surgery, etc.

I've had a bunch of skin cancer frozen and cut off with nary a wince, gave blood till last year regularly and ENJOYED it (had to step back for 5 years because of cancer). I even froze then cut off a dangling skin tag on the back of my thigh all by myself at HOME no less with the wifey watching and she nearly passed out. I've cleaned up some pretty disgusting stuff after children and pets and never batted an eye. I have to give myself a shot every 10 days and I found that sticking myself with the needle reeaal slow hurts LESS to me than jabbing it in does.

And I went to my VSG surgery by MYSELF all the way to Mexico.

So there are SOME guys out there that CAN take it.

[chef neil 25]

What can I do to help not only my brothers but men in my community to get the necessary screenings and checks?

You can be a good listener and support them- People won't change until they recognize the problem.

Dr.s are also taught to treat symptoms, not the disease...

Here have some pills- take this- that...

What if you went to a Dr. and he handed you a bowl of GREENS to eat and said,"that is your prescription- 3 x day.

would you eat it, like you would take a pill that cost you $2-3 each tab?

I WISH SOMEBODY OVER THE LAST 30 YEARS WOULD'VE SLAPPED ME UP SIDE THE HEAD.

All those Dr.s, should be banned from practice! hello! Fat man here! I take tylonol 3 x day... is there a problem? now add some bp meds... oh and go ahead - red wine is good for you...

your a man- 1-2 drinks won't harm you...

a man of your size- should be tired... AND now your 50... start taking it easy on your self...

Sorry- My surgeon is awesome- the psyc dude was awesome... the care facility was awesome...

I love my sleeve- but in all honesty, I wish I never had to get to this point.

I am loving the new life I have... I cycled twice last week for 65 miles total. and my speeds are higher than ever. btw- I can't wait to eat a salad, a fresh apple and an orange...

[So Cal Kurt 32]

Nothing better for a man's ego than an extra 3 or 4 inches of penis. Even if you are in great shape. Just saying. Let your brother try to argue with that!

[JimmyGotSLEEVED 270]

I'm fat dude I don't weigh 500lbs though but it's def an ego problem. Like you I've tried EVERYTHING then some. Everyone will agree with me that losing the weight is easy, but keeping it of is the hardest thing in the world. I grew up playing HS football, I was in good shape back then. Then I stopped hitting the gym started drinking created bad eating habits next thing you know I'm categorized as obese lol. So I started hitting the gym. I lost so much weight that they hired me at the gym. Then I started making a lot money and went right back I to my old habits. I lost sight of my true goal. So I gained the weight back again. And trough out the whole process I had the mentally that I could do it all by myself. Well that's impossible, human nature branch through community we have to learn from each other in order to better ourselves and that's where the gender difference comes I to play. Women go to other women for assistance in bettering themselves. They do care what other people think. Men stick to our one man island theory of all we need is ME and that's where we actually FAIL ourselves. I use to think i could do it all on my own now I KNOW I CAN'T,. So this is my way of showing it, by going through the process and taking extra steps to prolong my future. I am a candidate for the sleeve and this time I'm going through it with it from step A to Z...

Your brother ia in denial, men are in denial the most when it comes to genders. Ego and denial go hand in hand. It's a defense mechanism in men that keeps us manly. Even though it's a positive in some ways it has more negatives in the long run

[ouroborous 519]

Society teaches us that "real men" don't ask for help, "real men" don't admit that they're sick or not doing well or are scared or struggling. Society teaches us that women only want "real men" who never get sick (or at least, admit it when they are), who never talk to their doctors, who never have surgery.

Society teaches us all those things about "real men." Statistics, on the other hand, teaches us that "real men" die about ten years younger than women.

I'd rather have an extra decade of healthy, happy, productive life, than the small vanity of thinking that I'm a macho man.

[Tiffykins 672]

Society teaches us that "real men" don't ask for help, "real men" don't admit that they're sick or not doing well or are scared or struggling. Society teaches us that women only want "real men" who never get sick (or at least, admit it when they are), who never talk to their doctors, who never have surgery.

Society teaches us all those things about "real men." Statistics, on the other hand, teaches us that "real men" die about ten years younger than women.

I'd rather have an extra decade of healthy, happy, productive life, than the small vanity of thinking that I'm a macho man.

Could you please send this note to my husband????

In all seriousness, this is an argument we have as a married couple every 2-3 months. My husband is extremely physically fit, has a body fat % of around 17%, is 29 years old, built like a brick shithouse, has a 30inch waist, so on and so on. He's in the military so he PTs 3 times a week on average, and he is tested annually on 3 components, situps, pushups, and 1.5 mile run.. He has scored 94 on this PT test for the last 2 years. He is a light smoker, rarely drinks, but he refuses to see a doctor. I had to trick him into seeing a doctor for our conception issues. YEP, I tricked him into agreeing to be seen because he had to have some tests ran, and I knew he would not agree to go, but he wanted a baby. We weren't sure what was contributing to our unsuccessful attempts at conception.

The Air Force now has a little computer "quiz" that the members answer general health questions. If the member doesn't "tag" any of the hot buttons, they are not required to be seen for a true physical. Now, with all of that being said, my father-in-law is in his early 50's, has high triglycerides (in the 500s), his cholesterol is in the 400s, high blood pressure, smokes 2-3 packs of cigarettes per day, was diagnosed with COPD last year, and had 3 stents placed before last August, and he now has a permanent defibrilator/pacemaker thing that shocks his heart up to 6 times per day to make sure his heart works properly. HELLO HEART DISEASE ! ! ! I made my husband mark those boxes on his family history in the health quiz that he was required to take. At the ripe age of 29, he had an abnormal eKg come back during his routine, annual physical, and that prompted a stress test, which came back with normal results. This was a huge wake up call for him. He's always told me he was going to die before me, and these statements provoke a huge brawl between us. I told him if he wasn't going to take care of himself, and have routine physicals, I was not going to get pregnant, and give him children. Awfully mean, huh? Well, I wasn't going to leave my children fatherless when a little preventative medicine could go a long way. He was a in a very high stress, long hours, job with his previous squadron, and his doctor believes this contributed to his abnormal eKg, and his stress test was scheduled about 6 weeks after he took a different position which has cut his hours by about 20hrs a week (he just works normal shifts now), and it's a much more laid back position. His labs have remained stellar, and of course, our diets/food intake as a family changed dramatically after my surgery. He's finally agreed to take a multi-Vitamin and even though all I can get him to take are the VitaCrave gummies, they are better than nothing for a man with a normal stomach. I also sneak ground flax seed into his baked goods, salad dressings, and other foods because of his family's history of heart disease. I'm not convinced that he will be able to avoid the hereditary factor of heart disease, all his family is suffering from one of the conditions, and most of them are average height/weight.

[Neoteric Verve 65]

Thanks everyone. I still try to talk with him but I think it's falling on deaf ears, So after I get the Sleeve and drop some serious weight maybe he'll take notice.

[CT Fats 82]

This is dead on. I find myself not wanting to tell people about my surgery not because im self concious but because it seems like I needed help. I definately do but as a man it is tantamount to sin to need help.

Society teaches us that "real men" don't ask for help, "real men" don't admit that they're sick or not doing well or are scared or struggling. Society teaches us that women only want "real men" who never get sick (or at least, admit it when they are), who never talk to their doctors, who never have surgery.

Society teaches us all those things about "real men." Statistics, on the other hand, teaches us that "real men" die about ten years younger than women.

I'd rather have an extra decade of healthy, happy, productive life, than the small vanity of thinking that I'm a macho man.