Who is coming for dinner?

[BZButterfly79 19]

How do you guys who have been sleeved sit for Breakfast lunch or dinner or even soon to arrive holiday extravaganza meals with relatives whom you have not disclosed your sleeve to? My mother has decided to visit me at what I suspect will be close to the date after the surgery and she is a cook and she is the type of cook who asks you with a crabby face why you are not eating more...I vowed to not tell, at the same time I realize there are Vitamins and such I will be taking...don't want to have to hide those how do you manage? My basic thing is I don't feel I owe an explanation, justification and I know if I tell her she will give me an ear full. Any wisdom is appreciated.

[MINI-Me 196]

Maybe just say that you are watching what you eat in an attempt to be healthier. Say that everything is so good that you want to take a small sample of each, but you are watching your calories and you've hit your limit with what is on your plate.

[Alish 2]

Honestly, I've told people I had a Hiatial hernia removed. The recovery is the same as far as the liquids and the mushies. A few people do know the truth, but not more than a handful. Most haven't even noticed how little I eat; if they have they haven't said anything about it.

When someone does notice or ask I tell them that I have scar tissue at the top of my stomach and throat and after a few bites I get a really bad tightness in my throat and I have a to wait a while before I can eat more. It's worked like a charm and no one had even questioned it or the weight loss! I do kind of feel wrong for lying but really it's not anyone's business and if people want to pry and be nosy then why not just fib , ya know?

[kgremmy 36]

I too, also wondered how I was going to handle the holidays, mainly Christmas and New Years. For Christmas what I have planned is to be the one who is going to make sure that all the kids are fed. Being that I will be just moving to the second phase of liquids, I am going to just busy myself with them. I don't think that anyone will notice. And then for Christmas Eve, we always have gumbo, so I could always just have the juice from the gumbo. Now for New Years day, again, I am going to busy myself with the kids. By then I will be well into "mushies" and I would hope that i would be able to at least have some black eye peas (please correct me if I am wrong) and possible some sweet potatoes that are from a casserole? Breakfast will no be a problem, as I hardly eat with my IL's for breakfast anyway and I can always use my shakes as my breakfast. For supper, I will still be full from my "big" lunch and possible just get by with another shake.< /p>

[BlackBerryJuice 349]

Get a ziplock baggie, hide it underneath the table, and scoop things in there when she looks away....lol.

[juliarh 35]

Blackberry you're hysterical -- that's like getting the dog to sit under the table while you feed him

Seriously, I think the hiatal hernia is a good excuse. I don't know that you're going to be able to hide something like that from a close relative for long -- the small bites and restriction last forever -- that said, if you just don't want to disclose now, then tell her it's the hernia. I find with my friends, that because I'm eating and talking, that they don't notice my food intake because I eat so much slower than they do. By the time their finished with their much bigger portions, I'm finishing mine.

You can also space stuff out on your plate, so it looks like you're taking a lot but you're taking just a couple of bites of everything.

[lisabug 10]

I felt the same way about my dad. I had no intention of telling him because I felt that he would never support this decision. I decided that I am 34 years old and do not need his approval. I decided this is my choice and that I was not ashamed of my decision. I felt like I was doing something wrong because I felt the need to hide from my choice.

I decided to tell him over the phone before he comes to visit for the holidays. He was a little shocked at first. I explained why I was doing this and all the research I have done. By the end of the conversation he offered to pay my deductible and 20% that the insurance does not cover. I had planned on waiting until the beginning of next year so I could put it in health care spending account.

Sometimes parents can surprise you.

[Lisalu 89]

I told people because I didn't want to have a secret to hide. Yes, some people judged me but I found that I actually don't care. I am usually a real people-pleaser, so this surprised me. I was sure about this surgery and my reasons for having it. That helped. Now that I am at goal, it's really easy not to care. :-)

I also find that if I take a normal amount of food, most people won't notice if I just shove it around on my plate. Occaisionally there will be someone that actually watches (your mother?) and then I just say I'm full.

If you are Ok with lying, then the hiatal hernia surgery seems like a good excuse. You could also say that you are not feeling well. If it is close to the time of the surgery, it won't even be a lie.

[emilygrace 5]

Partly, I agree that your parents can surprise you. It's amazing how important their approval can still be when you're an adult (35 in my case!). I was totally a wimp with telling my dad and got my mom to tell him for me. I just had no idea how I would broach the subject as we don't discuss things like my weight.. ever. In the end, my mom died a couple weeks before my surgery and he came in with me, drove me to/from, visited, etc. He really surprised me - if anything it probably made us somewhat closer. He always asks how it's going when I speak to him on the phone now (I live a long way away from him).

Equally, you'll be surprised how little people really take notice of what you're eating. I just take a scoop of each thing, spread it around the plate, and people don't care/notice what you eat. If you take too much (which I did a LOT early on, until I wrapped my brain around the serving size thing - it's almost a reflex to take enough food in case it disappears!) then it's easier for people to tell that you didn't eat much.

Postop I went to a restaurant a couple times for family birthdays etc and got Soup but really only ate a few spoonfulls and then gave it to my sister.

[sleeve 4 me 910]

I'm with Blackberry LOL

[SParkle 4]

I told people that I kickstarted my diet with just liquids to shrink my stomach, and then did the small portions several times a day so that I didn't stretch it again. We eat out about once a week, and have eaten with several people, had guests here to stay etc.... and I just say I'm counting calories, so my portions are smaller but i have about 6 'snacks' a day.

If its some one you don't see too often and its just one meal with them you could say you had a big lunch, or if you're trying to get away with Soup only then you could say you're either on a new fad diet, or that you've been feeling a bit dodgy and want to stick to liquids.

If its a big family get together the odds are you'll run out of big plates and have some smaller ones for the kids to use - just use one of them instead.

I think we are all obsessed with what we eat, and other people really don't take much notice of whats on your plate, we are just so aware that we're not eating what we used to.

[lamsunshine 2]

I told everyone I work with , and of course my parents knew because my mother drove me to have my surgery. I have been lucky and everyone at work is very supportive of me. I do have a slight problem, they decided to have this big Thanksgiving lunch, with country ham (which is way to salty for me), and of course alot of other items loaded with carbs. At first I thought they were going to be having a turkey, and I was fine with that because I could try and eat that. Of course I'm still have the food looks good but once I start eating, I get nauseated. So I don't even want to go, it is going to be aweful watching everyone eat, and not being able to. I am going to do the push the food around on my plate, and maybe they will have a dog I can feed under the table.. lol Funny one Blackberry. We will see how it goes. I wish you the best in what ever decision you choose.

[SParkle 4]

Of course I'm still have the food looks good but once I start eating, I get nauseated. So I don't even want to go, it is going to be aweful watching everyone eat, and not being able to.

I find it amazing now to watch people eat 'normal' sized portions, finding it such an unreal amount for someone to eat - someone puts a starter in front of me and I feel totally daunted at the prospect of even eating some of it, let alone the fact I used to eat it all then another 2 courses to follow!!

So now I eat what I want to, then get rid of the plate so I don't end up staring at it and feeling sick at the thought of eating any more.