This probably sounds really pathetic but..

[bonbon85 8]

I'll be 25 next month, and to be completely honest I've never been on a date or anything. If someone were to come on to me I don't even think I would realize it. I've been overweight my whole life and being ignored by the opposite sex is the norm for me. What is really bad is that one of the nurses at the hospital were my mom has been for a while was hitting on me I did not even know it, my mom called me after I left to go home to tell me that he kept asking where I went. I feel like maybe this is just the way that my life is gonna go and that I'll be alone my whole life. I've lost like 50 lbs since my surgery in august and really don't know how how to start acting or if I really need to change at all.

[Tiffykins 672]

This is just my advice or suggestions, and you can take it all with a grain of salt if you'd like. . .

#1 You really have to start believing in yourself, and believe that you DESERVE to be loved, and cared for regardless of your pant size

#2 Be open to the opposite sex, you might not have been as ignored as you think, I know when I was younger (high school), I didn't date because I never thought anyone "wanted" me. Boy was I wrong, and didn't find out until years later, I blew guys off because I didn't think they were interested, they were, but I didn't think enough of myself to even recognize their "flirting".

#3 You won't and don't have to be alone, but you do have to be willing to love yourself. I know it sounds totally stupid, but before you can give or receive love from anyone else, you have to fall in love with yourself, all of you, even your faults, and not so great parts.

#4 If you want change, make those steps towards your goal. If you have girlfriends that are kind of social butterfly types, go out with them, watch them in a crowd, see how they interact with people, and then just kind of start with your own comfort level.

#5 NEVER, EVER settle for less than everything you've ever wanted. . .

I don't think it sounds stupid, and I hope that through this journey, you are able to see that you are more than just a pant size, and you are worthy of love and happiness.

[MINI-Me 196]

My advice?

Read what Tiff said above.

Read it again.

Read it again.

Read it again.

Read it again until YOU believe it!!!!!!!!!!!

[thinoneday 445]

My advice?

Read what Tiff said above.

Read it again.

Read it again.

Read it again.

Read it again until YOU believe it!!!!!!!!!!!

Ya!!!!

[coops 1,790]

Bonbon,

this is not stupid at all... and it touched me to be honest. Firstly, congratulations on your excellent weight loss since Aug, that must make you feel better both phsycially and emotionally! Keep it up!

I completely understand where you are coming from with your weight and the opposite sex. My position is slightly different though. I was never obese when I was single, overweight but I 'carried it well' and I was still active and fit. My real weight problem has been since I have been married and I have often wondered why my husband stayed with me when I was so big and unhappy.

Truth is we can't stop other people having feelings for us or being attracted to us, regardless of what we think of ourselves and what our demons are doing to our self confidence.

I agree with Tiff, there has probably been fellas who have showed you 'romantic' interest, but you have probably rebuffed them not realising it! Use this weight loss journey to re-evaluate who you are... think about how you deserve to be fit and healthy, and yes that includes being attractive to others....AND YOURSELF!!!! Remember, you deserve to be happy too...

[bonbon85 8]

I really appreciate the words of encouragement, I really have problems with when I get a compliment of any kind. I've always felt that when someone was giving me a compliment they were just sucking up or wanting something. Like I work in a men's prison and that is the frame of mind that I am always in, no matter if it's an offender or staff. I've even had one of my offenders get upset with me because I could not deal with getting a compliment and that was just on my shoes. I've always been a loner and kept to myself because of my poor self image. I've always used my sarcasm to hide and honestly I think that my sarcasm may be a part of why I'm alone. I wish that there was just some way that someone could tell me exactly what to do to change everything around. And the fact that I can't seem to get below 330 pounds for the last couple of weeks is not helping either.

[Cleosan52 6]

I have you beat. I was 28! When my apt neighbor asked me for dinner 7 years ago, Something in me said Yes, I didn't even think, I just went with it. I've always been plus size so if he asked me out then he had to like what he saw!

I'm 35 years old now, 7 years, 3 kids, home, van, I am married to my BFF!!! Sometimes you have to be spontanious and just say yes!!!!

[bonbon85 8]

Well it looks like I may be finally getting somewhere. I've been talking to a guy I met on okcupid and he's seen a picture that I have taken with my phone. He did no blow me off like I expected, he thought it was cute. Well I guess it's a wait and see thing.

[Tiffykins 672]

Well it looks like I may be finally getting somewhere. I've been talking to a guy I met on okcupid and he's seen a picture that I have taken with my phone. He did no blow me off like I expected, he thought it was cute. Well I guess it's a wait and see thing.

That's awesome, don't expect the worse, sometimes we are our harshest critics, and we tend to tend ourselves differently. . . Men love a confident woman, believe in yourself, believe in your future, and don't settle for anything less than everything ! ! !

Take it one date at a time, take each compliment as a genuine compliment, enjoy your time together be it chatting, email or phone calls, Be open and positive, don't sell yourself short ! ! !

[bonbon85 8]

Well its 5 months later and still I am alone. This really stinks. Down 140 lbs since December 2009, 100 since surgery in august. Maybe I need an attitude adjustment or something, I don't know, wish I could just figure this whole thing out. What attention I actually do get is not good, came from one of the offenders at the prison where work the other day and the way he put it makes feels like he has been stalking me for the last year. Definately not the sort of attention that I want. I know that I have self esteem issues and issues due to the way my dad treated but damn, don't I deserve to be happy for once.

[BlackBerryJuice 349]

Have you thought about getting some counselling? Might be worthwhile, you say you have dad issues, and then the major weightloss/change in lifestyle on its own is enough to warrant counselling. As far as sarcasm, I wouldn't worry about it - I'm not a ray of sunshine, either, but I've met tons of men who like my sense of humor. And I personally get extremely annoyed by people who have to take everything literally and get offended at everything, who wants to hang out with those types, anyway? Right!? Also, it's ok to have to wait a while for a good relationship. I dated a lot in college, but couldn't seem to find anyone to get serious with....in the meantime, all my friends were in relationships - with idiots, deadbeats, and stoners. I, for one, would rather be alone!