I'm so livid (venting)

[Tiffykins 672]

I've mentioned my evil step-sisters on here a couple of times, and I am so livid right now. My mom called today to check on me, and she told me that she had to tell my step-sisters about my surgery. She said they had to know because the step-sisters needed to know that my parents were leaving town when I fell into critical condition after the leak repair. My heart just sank, and I am so upset. She said Caysen(my son) accidentally mentioned my "tummy leak" so my mother felt it necessary to explain my complete medical history to one of my step-sisters. Grant it, she told the one who I've gotten a bit closer with, but I know she ran off and told the other one who is seriously evil.

My mother had LapBand in 2007, and she hasn't told them. She's lost close to 80lbs, and they think she's done with diet and exercise only. We've all been sworn to secrecy to never tell anyone, especially any of the "step" family. Now, at Christmas time, are there going to be expectations, are they going to watch me eat, are they going to gossip? I just feel like crying, and I've done so good not to cry for the last 3 days.

I don't want to answer their questions, I don't want to hear their whispers. I've dealt with them for years for being fat, and now I have to deal with them on WLS.

[Elisabethsew 50]

I've mentioned my evil step-sisters on here a couple of times, and I am so livid right now. My mom called today to check on me, and she told me that she had to tell my step-sisters about my surgery. She said they had to know because the step-sisters needed to know that my parents were leaving town when I fell into critical condition after the leak repair. My heart just sank, and I am so upset. She said Caysen(my son) accidentally mentioned my "tummy leak" so my mother felt it necessary to explain my complete medical history to one of my step-sisters. Grant it, she told the one who I've gotten a bit closer with, but I know she ran off and told the other one who is seriously evil.

My mother had LapBand in 2007, and she hasn't told them. She's lost close to 80lbs, and they think she's done with diet and exercise only. We've all been sworn to secrecy to never tell anyone, especially any of the "step" family. Now, at Christmas time, are there going to be expectations, are they going to watch me eat, are they going to gossip? I just feel like crying, and I've done so good not to cry for the last 3 days.

I don't want to answer their questions, I don't want to hear their whispers. I've dealt with them for years for being fat, and now I have to deal with them on WLS.

First of all, you're still recovering from surgery and complications and should not be stressing more than you already have been. When you're progressing to liquids and food, you'll see things much clearer and deal with solutions effectively.

My opinion is that you shouldn't even bother worrying about what your evil SS's think about you. Why do you care? You had surgery for YOU. They don't suffer from obesity and you do. There is NO way they can relate to what it is like to live in your body so they will never understand why diet and exercise alone can't work for you. Would you feel this way if you had kidney disease and needed dialysis?

Concentrate on you, your health, and the journey to good health. Why worry about about a holiday that is more than 6 months away? Are they going to gossip about you? Yes! They are going to gossip about how damn good you look and how jealous they are of you. Are they going to watch you eat? You'll be eating like a naturally thin person; like them. So, there's nothing for them to discuss.

Screw them and concentrate on you. Take it one day at a time and don't worry about anything or anyone but you!

[Tiffykins 672]

Elisabeth, thank you for being so wonderful. I know it's emotions getting the best of me. I don't know why I let them bother me so much. It may be more that I'm hurt my mom would blab about me, and not about herself. I appreciate you bringing me back to reality. . .

[Jaffa 5]

Tell them all you got the idea to have the surgery after your mothers lapband surgery......LOL....perfect revenge.

[WASaBubbleButt 41]

Tell them all you got the idea to have the surgery after your mothers lapband surgery......LOL....perfect revenge.

I was JUST thinking that! Fair is fair! I'd at least tell your mother you are going to do the same. Let her fret over it. It might make you feel better. HA!

I agree with Elisabeth, the heck with them. Your Mom had NO right to discuss this with them, if she felt the need she should have talked to you first. That was very wrong on her part. I would have a heart to heart with her about keeping private info private. I'd make it clear nothing private will be discussed with her again until she can show you that she is trustworthy enough to confide in her in the distant future.

[Malaika 50]

Tiffy -

I agree with Elisabeth, Steve and WASa 100%!

I'm in a step-family situation, so somewhat understand the evil step-sister situation ... but that relationship has always been between my biological sister (5 years older) and my step-sister (same age as me). They still to this day can't stand one another.

I would DEFINITELY let your mom know exactly how you feel.

As for the evil SS's don't waste your energy worrying about them -- put all that energy into recovery and moving on ...

LET IT GO!

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

I am so sorry your mom let you down like that. She really betrayed your trust and that must hurt.

I am just like you in that I worry about things that are months away. I come by it naturally. My mother was a horrible worrier. My dr. says I have general anxiety disorder.

When the time comes just say you decided it was time to have an aide in weight loss so you can be healthy. I know it's easier said than done to say " then don't give them a second thought."

Right now I am worrying about this cousin of mine who wasn't very nice during all the stress and death of my dad. I keep asking myself why I think I need her aproval.

[Malaika 50]

I am so sorry your mom let you down like that. She really betrayed your trust and that must hurt.

I am just like you in that I worry about things that are months away. I come by it naturally. My mother was a horrible worrier. My dr. says I have general anxiety disorder.

When the time comes just say you decided it was time to have an aide in weight loss so you can be healthy. I know it's easier said than done to say " then don't give them a second thought."

Right now I am worrying about this cousin of mine who wasn't very nice during all the stress and death of my dad. I keep asking myself why I think I need her aproval.

YOU DON'T ... he was YOUR dad, not her's - LET IT GO!

[Malaika 50]

This is how I tend to look at things.

Why waste your energy even giving them the time of day ... they don't even know you're upset with them and here you are wasting good energy on people who don't deserve it.

That's why I always LET IT GO ...

[Tiffykins 672]

This is how I tend to look at things.

Why waste your energy even giving them the time of day ... they don't even know you're upset with them and here you are wasting good energy on people who don't deserve it.

That's why I always LET IT GO ...

It's really easier said than done when for years these people have made life unpleasant. I try my very best not to let them get to me, and realize that deep down inside they are miserable themselves and need to make themselves feel better.

My mother and I have always had a strained relationship. She is extremely competitive with me. Even when I had LapBand, she would say things like " well by this time, I had already lost 29lbs" etc etc. It was beyond difficult when I started having problems and decided to do the revision.

It's a lot easier to say " let it go " when it hasn't been a huge part of your life for over a decade. They don't deserve it, but I can't change the way I feel, and I believe my feelings are valid. Hopefully, one day, I'll be able to just let things roll off my back, but for right now, the betrayal hurts, their judgement hurts, and I'm doing my very best to not let it bother me. At the end of the day, I do care about what they think, I do care because all of things they have said and done over the years have hurt. My hurt hasn't gone away. . .

[Malaika 50]

It's really easier said than done when for years these people have made life unpleasant. I try my very best not to let them get to me, and realize that deep down inside they are miserable themselves and need to make themselves feel better.

My mother and I have always had a strained relationship. She is extremely competitive with me. Even when I had LapBand, she would say things like " well by this time, I had already lost 29lbs" etc etc. It was beyond difficult when I started having problems and decided to do the revision.

It's a lot easier to say " let it go " when it hasn't been a huge part of your life for over a decade. They don't deserve it, but I can't change the way I feel, and I believe my feelings are valid. Hopefully, one day, I'll be able to just let things roll off my back, but for right now, the betrayal hurts, their judgement hurts, and I'm doing my very best to not let it bother me. At the end of the day, I do care about what they think, I do care because all of things they have said and done over the years have hurt. My hurt hasn't gone away. . .

Oh, I know it's a lot easier said than done -- I've had to work at doing it over the years.

And I was not trying to say your feelings weren't valid -- they most certainly are.

[Ruthi 60]

Your feelings are very valid and your are right, they belittle you to make themselves feel better, they find you an easy target and I would definitely tell your mother how you feel about what she did. I have to admit my mother would have done the same thing. Not everyone in your life will be supportive and things will seem better when you have recovered. Your emotions are on edge right now and that makes it all seem worse. This will pass. You will probably always have them giving you grief over something, if not this, it will be something else. You can vent your anger to them or kill them with kindness, which ever makes you feel better. Not having your husband home makes it worse also, Give yourself a break. I hope he returns home soon and that time passes quickly.

[Oregondaisy 2,019]

I totally understand. I would love to be able to let more things roll off my back. There are times when I am obsessing about something that I have to repeat over and over in my head "Let go and Let God" If I say that over and over when a thought is in my head that I don' t want there, pretty soon, I start thinking about something else and they aren't taking up my head space.

[Jachut 487]

Tell them all you got the idea to have the surgery after your mothers lapband surgery......LOL....perfect revenge.

Lol, that is exactly what I'd do. In my experience, people who do the whole "I'm sorry but I had to tell them in this situation" thing are only making an excuse for the fact that they enjoyed spreading the gossip immensely.

If she were so worried, she could have told you so and encouraged YOU to tell them. She wanted to tell them and she did, mother or not.

Two wrongs dont make a right but I would be exceedingly tempted to do the same thing back.

[Malaika 50]

Lol, that is exactly what I'd do. In my experience, people who do the whole "I'm sorry but I had to tell them in this situation" thing are only making an excuse for the fact that they enjoyed spreading the gossip immensely.

If she were so worried, she could have told you so and encouraged YOU to tell them. She wanted to tell them and she did, mother or not.

Two wrongs dont make a right but I would be exceedingly tempted to do the same thing back.

Or at least threaten her that you're going to do so and let her squirm for awhile.