Hi, all -

I've been off the board for a few weeks, my mom died on April 10th, she was only 63. She went into a renal (kidney) failure as a result of a fatal post-surgical blood infection that she contracted from what was supposed to be a minor (lapro) gallbladder removal surgery on Friday April 7th. She was a diabetic, and the doctors said all her co-morbities - to include her morbid obesity - was the reason her body could not fight off the infection so she died.

Sooo... here I am, my own lap-band surgery scheduled for 2 weeks from now (May 9th), with myself, family and friends second guessing whether or not I should do this now. I now have the small fear of having surgery and not waking up, which I'm sure is ridculous since although I am 100 lbs overweight but otherwise healthy as a horse, and need to feel better I am doing the right thing in this tremendously stressful and sorrowful time.

On the other hand, my mom was as sick as she was due mostly to her life-long obesity. This being said, I am 33 years old and have the chance with this surgery to nip obesity in the bud now and be a heathier person down the road, never even getting diabetes in the first place.

Ah, what to do, what to do? Help - need your loving advice!

I'm so sorry to hear about your mom, you'll be in my thoughts.

On your question about the surgery I would say now is a better time then later. Your mom's health issues really made it harder to fight the infection and you have the opportunity to stop those health problems now before many of them start.

I'm very sorry to hear about your mom. I was there once and I empathize with you . There's nothing anyone can say about the loss of a loved one, that will make you feel better.

Only you know what you need to do for you.

I too had Dr. Rumbaut. I'm still here and I'm better than ever! I'm glad I made the choice I did. You will too. Chin up luv and be strong about yourself.

Dawn I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mother at 29 and I still miss her.

I have to tell you I am 45 but I have been diabetic for 15 years and anytime you have surgery there are risks involved. Yet I know that to really be as healthy as I can be I need to have lapband done. So I will be having it this month also. Having seen what your mother went through with her diabetes and morbid obesity I am sure you understand the risks involved in doing and not doing the surgery.

Just know that we support you in your decisions and continue to lean on us.

Myra

Hi,

Firstly, my sincere condolences to you about your mom. Nearly everyone on the board knows at least partially what you're going through as almost everyone has lost someone in their lives. Losing a mom is really hard, and losing her unexpectedly is even more difficult.

If you feel you need time to grieve and be with family, then I would see if I could postpone my surgery until I felt emotionally stable enough to handle such a big life change on top of another life-changing event.

However, if your concern is the safety of the surgery itself, do feel confident. There is a huge difference between being a healthy 30-something going into surgery and someone who is in their 60's with significant health issues. You are 100% right that doing this will spare you the health issues your mom faced. I'm sure she would want the healthiest life possible for you. You will come through the surgery absolutely fine.

Take care and all the best with your decision.

Hey,

I am so sorry to hear about your mother.

I am also to be banded on May 9th, 2006. I think it is best for you to continue to live and get the band as that is probably what your mother would want. Stick to your plans and dreams and get yourself healthy!!!

You are in my thoughts and lets get our band together on May 9th...

Oh my goodness, Dawn I am so sorry to hear this. Losing your mom at such an early age is a horrible tragedy and very tough thing to deal with.

I lost my mother years ago, when she was 52 from breast/ovarian and lung cancer due to choices she made. While it was tough that she made those choices, it was very difficult to watch her be in pain for so long.

I hope your mother was not in pain and that she was well taken care of.

Infections in hospitals are a shock sometimes because we think of them as being sterile and clean places to be.

I can only say from a personal standpoint what I would do - give your mother a great mother's day present - have your surgery and do something good for you. She is looking down on you and with you always.

Really sorry to hear about your loss. I can understand why you would be having second thoughts. But, as you said you are otherwise as "healthy as a horse" and that makes all the difference in the world. If you need to postpone it to cope; do so...but don't wait too long. As you mentioned, it is better to nip the obesity in the butt now rather than later when you might develop some co-morbidities.

Bottom line, only you will know what is best for you.

good luck

I am so sorry about the loss of your mother....lost my dad 1 year ago to heart problems....Cant tell you what to do but you have the opportunity to not be in the same situation as your mom was with the co-morb's....something to think about...Much much love

(( Dawn!! )) Big ol' squishy bandster hugs! I'm so sorry about your loss!! Hang in there! And know that we're here whenever you need us.

Dawn, I'm so sad for you. IMO, if you're up to it mentally, go ahead and have the surgery. Though I didn't know your Mom, I'm sure since she fought the weight battle she would want you to go forth and have the surgery.

Hugs Girl and please keep us informed as to your decision.

Dawn, I am so sorry for your loss.

I can relate. My mom (she was only 68) died March 27th of this year and I was scheduled to be rebanded April 12th (ended up being April 11th). I did go ahead with it. My sister asked me if I still wanted to...I told her yes, Mom would want me to take care of myself and do what I need to do to live.

So girl, I understand completely. You are emotional and thousands of things going thru your head. Go with your heart. For me, it was what I had to do to save my life.

Take care and God be with you.

Dawn, I am so sorry you lost your mom. Losing a parent or child is the worst and my heart goes out to you.

I think you should go ahead and have the surgery. Your mom would want you to avoid the very thing that eventaully killed her, diabetes and obesity, so you can be around longer for your family than she wanted to, but was unable to be.

I am sure she will be with you on the day you do it.

So sorry to hear about your Mother. The loss is tremendous and your family is in shock as well. They have real fears for you. Understanding that, you must do what you feel in your heart is right for you. Have courage and faith and know your band family is here in whatever decision you make.

Awww Dawn, I'm so sorry about your mom. *hugs*

Have you gone through any pre-op testing? That was a huge comfort to me, knowing they were checking me inside and out to be sure that I was a good candidate for the surgery. I also went through psychological testing. Surgery and recovery can be stressful. Facing such huge changes in your lifestyle can also be stressful, or at least the perception of what those changes will be like can be stressful. I've found that those changes are actually very free'ing. Listen to your instincts. Only you can know what your emotional strengths are.

Anyway, perhaps you should be in touch with your Dr and talk to him about your concerns and what's going on with you. Make the decision with his guidance. I wish you all the best in your decision making, and you and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Life does go on and as Seminole said, I'm sure your mom would have wanted you to continue on your journey to good health.

I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your Mom. People grieve in different ways and only you can determine how much time you need to move forward.

Did you discuss your planned surgery with your Mother before she died? Was she supportive of your decision to have lapband surgery? If the answers to these questions are yes, it would honor your mother to go ahead as planned.

As for surgery concerns, while there are always risks, you yourself stated how healthy you are with no co-morbities and 100 pounds to lose. Being an RN, I can tell you that you're actually considered a low risk for lap surgery. Take the time you need to make a decision.