Vacationing With People Who Don't Know

[honk 780]

Yes, people on vacation do "diet". Or you can tell them, IF they ask that you aren't dieting but living a new healthy lifestyle. Fast food. There usually are healthier options. Most have salad's, or grilled chicken sandwhiches (just don't eat the bun); KFC has great grilled chicken (remove the skin). Wendy's has great chili.

If you are having pizza order a side salad. Eat that first to fill the void and have 1 slice of pizza. Most restaurants will sub veggies for fries.

[MemphisFan 18]

B-52 - when you are at a condo and one of the women with me is a sous chef who has detailed plans to cook a few times it might hurt her feelings to look her in the eye and tell her I can't eat her food because I am trying to eat right and take care of myself. But as a man, I understand how you wouldn't get it, because my husband doesn't either.

at my husband's birthday party two weeks ago (4 weeks post op) I told my my family and friends I couldn't eat the cake his mom spent hours baking, nor could I eat the food everybody brought, and instead I ate some baked Beans they had. You would have thought I spit in their faces the way they acted! In the south, or maybe just Memphis, its a huge insult not to eat what people make, and you better have a good excuse or they will take it personal.

I was more concerned with the traveling down there and back, stopping at fast food places along the way, but honk was very helpful with that. And I will probably tell then that I am just not hungry, or I might stay out in the sun a lot the first day and get a little burnt. I'm a redhead so I get red easily.... and I generally am not hungry when I get sunburned. I do like the irritable bowl syndrome or the gluten deficiency.... sometimes i wish i was allergic to glutten so I wouldn't be tempted to eat some things!

[Skyvic 226]

I used to be fairly quiet and I'm a director of a child care center. Patents questioned my weight loss along with great compliments. I haven't held back in letting them know I had lapband. I haven't had any sideway looks. They congratulate me. But it would be tough to travel. Whatever you feel comfy with:)

[honk 780]

I understand four weeks post op that finding food you could eat at a party would be difficult. Excluding your upcoming trip in the future at dinner parties plan that they will be special events. If you have the option of bringing a dish make it a low fat low cal Protein item that you can eat. Choose your favorites of the other items on offer and eat them. Thin people go to dinner parties and they enjoy the food.< /p>

As to your chef friend. I don't tell her that you're working so hard on living a healthy lifestyle; that when you overeat the meal doesn't become a happy memory. By choosing to only eat certain items or smaller portions allows you to enjoy your meal right now and not feel guilty about it later.

[123crod 170]

I just don't understand the reason to lie. People lie too easy. Why? These are suppose to be your friends. I do not lie to my friends. Tell them something that is the truth . . . your trying to be more healthy and that you are gonna stick to it.

Cheri

[Mom2many 33]

Literally no one has questioned me about how much I've eaten or what I've eaten. People have noticed my weight loss and then I've been honest. I can't lie. Why would I?

[sman342 13]

B-52 - when you are at a condo and one of the women with me is a sous chef who has detailed plans to cook a few times it might hurt her feelings to look her in the eye and tell her I can't eat her food because I am trying to eat right and take care of myself. But as a man, I understand how you wouldn't get it, because my husband doesn't either.

at my husband's birthday party two weeks ago (4 weeks post op) I told my my family and friends I couldn't eat the cake his mom spent hours baking, nor could I eat the food everybody brought, and instead I ate some baked Beans they had. You would have thought I spit in their faces the way they acted! In the south, or maybe just Memphis, its a huge insult not to eat what people make, and you better have a good excuse or they will take it personal.

I was more concerned with the traveling down there and back, stopping at fast food places along the way, but honk was very helpful with that. And I will probably tell then that I am just not hungry, or I might stay out in the sun a lot the first day and get a little burnt. I'm a redhead so I get red easily.... and I generally am not hungry when I get sunburned. I do like the irritable bowl syndrome or the gluten deficiency.... sometimes i wish i was allergic to glutten so I wouldn't be tempted to eat some things!

Memphis - you poor thing - you must be so stressed.

I went through same thing on Father's Day bc I have ONLY told my spouse. Everyone thinks I went to a spa for the day.

Don't sunburn yourself for an excuse. Just say you are dieting. The LapBand is just a tool that doesn't need to be mentioned. Don't get too detailed like lying about the gluten - it invites more questions.

[SashaWLS 412]

I can't lie. Why would I?

People tell white lies when telling the truth would cause more harm than good.

Only Memphis is in a position to judge the situation... Some friends should not be told. I once told a friend that I was on a diet, and now every time I see her she asks me how I'm doing with food. It drives me insane, and I wish that I had never told her.

[MemphisFan 18]

Thanks for understanding most of you guys. I am now on day 3 of vacation, and a few things have happened of interest. There are six of us and we went grocery shopping night one. The consensus was we'd throw all the food we'd eat in the cart and split the cost six ways. They start throwing the worst food in the basket, white bread, mayo, brownies, soda, BBQ wings, and soooo many chips, etc. Stuff I can't eat. I grab tuna, (yuck, we hate that smell) yogurt, egg whites (somebody switched it for real eggs when I wasn't looking) and food like that. We go to check out and the total is over $450... Mostly food I can't have, but I still paid my share to avoid argument.

Second night we had Mexican food, a huge spread, and I have a tiny plate because it had sour cream and chips and peppers(I do not do those). Of course this was the topi of discussion or hours... You don't like the food? It's not good enough? Want me to make you something else? Nothing I said pacified them.

Third day, make myself bacon and eggs for Breakfast (first one up) the smell wakes two of the other girls up and they ate my bacon! Argh! I was told, don't worry about the bacon, I'm about to make eveyone cinnamon rolls. Like that makes me feel better.

dinner was lasagna ith garlic bread at 6 p.m. And it smelled so good. I had a little and it was amazing, it was hard to stop eating, and of course that slightly offended the woman who made the Mexican food since I didn't eat much of hers.

A few hours later three girls went out to shop and they came back with mcdonalds!! I told them I wad feeling sick and now I'm hiding out in my room. This is going o be a long week.

[Jachut 487]

I know that getting a lap-band can be a truly private matter, but at the same time it is a part of your life now, a part of YOU, and you should be proud to tell people that you made a life-changing decision to live a healthy life. You may find that these women that you are vacationing with will be an incredible support to you when you need it most!

HUGS!

Well, this is the way I think too, so I've never hidden it from anyone. Also, someone at some stage may very well have thought I eat weird, or very little, or whatever, but nobody's been rude enough to say anything.

I would also have no intention of going on a vacation and not relaxing and having a drink and one or two sometimes foods! I sit on one drink for ages, nobody counts you know! I'm only a wine drinker and thought I often get cajoled, I wont do shots or anything like that, not because of my band but because I hate getting drunk and feeling like crap. I also loathe pizza and McDonalds (other than fries) and will sit and not eat when others are purely because I really dislike those foods. If I'm pressed to eat fast food in that sort of situation, I just make the best of whatever's on offer without fuss.

However, I'm sorry you appear to have gone away with a bunch of b*tches. Seriously, where does anyone get off questionin people like that about what they eat? That is not normal behavious. I went away for a weekend recently, but it was with FRIENDS. People that support me. OK, they all eat crap, and the whole weekend was about sculling margaritas and stuffing down junk food. I dont do that. I hate the way i feel when I do. I dont abuse my body in that way - and it has little to do with my actual WEIGHT these days. But everyone knows I have a lapband and nobody is threatened by the fact that I'm not chowing down to the same degree. Did I have a drink - YES. Did I eat chips - YES. But not to excess. Sseriously, this is LIFE, not a diet and you're in for a seriously miserable time if you stress this much over a week away. We dont all eat perfect all of the time, its not all or nothing. You can go away, eat at people's houses and such and just eat what's on offer without going hog wild and stuffing your face you know! Just stick to small portions. All or nothing thinking leads to big downfalls. Its a vital skill to learn, how to negotiate real life and real eating situations without the security of "safe" foods or a menu plan. Just go and enjoy yourself and dont overeat - including some of the tactics you have already employed.

And I would suggest, although it is difficult when people are pushy like that regarding food, you just need to develop a thick skin.

[feb27bandwoman 112]

I am just back from vacation with people who didn't know about my surgery. I had one stuck episode at a BBQ restaurant , retreated to the bathroom, and no one said a word.Several servers questioned whether the food was ok, I just said " yes, it was great, just too much".

I can now understand why I might want to order the child's mnu... But the child's menu can be gross sometimes. So, I stuck to appetizers.< /p>

Worked fine!!!!

[mauraclegg 29]

You may not want to tell everyone, but why is it a secret. If these are your friends then they will support your WLS and efforts to do better for yourself. I just got back from vaca - if my family or friends were eating something I couldn't I found an alternative or just didn't go out to eat. My husband and friends drink, but I don't. I'm still social- but no alcohol.

I think your friends could be a great support.

Low carb dieting could be a valid excuse but in this case when they see u losing fast u could be caught in a lie.

[ICUnurserachel 17]

I am actually pretty open with people about having the band as I have found it saves a lot of time. I don't feel I need to hide or am ashamed I had this done. People are more understanding than you think and being upfront about your diet and why you eat the way you do is easier in the end.

[SashaWLS 412]

Thanks for understanding most of you guys. I am now on day 3 of vacation' date=' and a few things have happened of interest. There are six of us and we went grocery shopping night one. The consensus was we'd throw all the food we'd eat in the cart and split the cost six ways. They start throwing the worst food in the basket, white bread, mayo, brownies, soda, BBQ wings, and soooo many chips, etc. Stuff I can't eat. I grab tuna, (yuck, we hate that smell) yogurt, egg whites (somebody switched it for real eggs when I wasn't looking) and food like that. We go to check out and the total is over 450... Mostly food I can't have, but I still paid my share to avoid argument.

Second night we had Mexican food, a huge spread, and I have a tiny plate because it had sour cream and chips and peppers(I do not do those). Of course this was the topi of discussion or hours... You don't like the food? It's not good enough? Want me to make you something else? Nothing I said pacified them.

Third day, make myself bacon and eggs for Breakfast (first one up) the smell wakes two of the other girls up and they ate my bacon! Argh! I was told, don't worry about the bacon, I'm about to make eveyone cinnamon rolls. Like that makes me feel better.

dinner was lasagna ith garlic bread at 6 p.m. And it smelled so good. I had a little and it was amazing, it was hard to stop eating, and of course that slightly offended the woman who made the Mexican food since I didn't eat much of hers.

A few hours later three girls went out to shop and they came back with mcdonalds!! I told them I wad feeling sick and now I'm hiding out in my room. This is going o be a long week.[/quote']

OMG this sounds like torture....

Look, you dont have to tell them, but you do have to stand up for yourself. You're getting walked on!!! I totally understand your anxiety now, because you're in a high-school, mean girl relationship with these women... But at the end of the day, they're really not the problem... This is life lesson time, and you have an amazing opportunity to practice a skill you need to learn. The fact that they don't know gives you this gift of a learning opportunity. Great!!

Here's the goal -- to find a way to get clear, focused and DECIDED in your head, and then just do what you need to do. If you're confident, no one can walk on you, pressure you into doing something you don't want, steal your favorite food, or base their own ego on what you eat...

It's too late to redo it now, but next time don't go in on a group order. Tell them "I'm going to be weird about food this week" and buy your own stuff. If they try to pressure you say "what do you care?? You worry about yourself and I'll worry about myself and we'll have a great time" if they keep pressuring you you can say "look, I don't like peer pressure. I told you I'm going to be weird, and I damn well stand by my right to be weird!" and flash a huge grin and turn it into a joke, but don't back down... You may think that you can't do that, but actually you can, and from your description, I bet some of the other women on your trip would have done exactly that in your situation...

It's not too late to start taking care of yourself NOW though. You're only 3 days into the trip and you have a long week ahead of yourself... This morning, go to the store, and buy the stuff you want and need. If you want to bring one of them, fine, but otherwise go by yourself and try not to bring the whole group. If you have to take a taxi to do this, do it. It'll be worth it. If you feel like "well, I already spent all this money" just remember that you didn't have a problem paying for stuff you didn't want, so don't have a problem paying for the stuff you DO want... Any food that doesn't have to be in the fridge, keep in your room. And any food that has to be in the fridge, you put in there in a bag.

And if at some point you find that you have to say something to them, tell them you're not happy with the food situation. That you're trying to eat healthy, even if it is vacation, and that they're really stressing you out. You shouldn't have to be stressed on vacation, so you'd appreciate if they'd lay off the pressure and just let you do what you want, otherwise you're not going to have fun. And if they argue with you, no matter what they say you can say "But this isn't fun for me". Repeat it over and over and over again.

Because THAT is the truth. And it's ok to say that.

And one thing about the Mexican food night... Why did you say no when your friend offered to make you something else? I mean, if you don't do sour cream or peppers, that has nothing to do with the lap band (I eat sour cream and peppers) that has to do with being on a diet. And if you didn't want her to make you something else, why didn't you stand up like an adult and go make yourself something else? And why did you let them talk about you for hours? Next time say "Guys, ENOUGH. Shut up about what I'm eating. Seriously. I love you, but mind your own business." Laugh while you're saying it, but say it. And if you mean it, they'll stop.

All of this, to me, sounds like you don't think you're allowed to do something different than the group. It sounds like you feel you should be going along with everything and that you don't feel like you're allowed to have a different meal. Is that true? There seems to be a lot of judgement about what's ok or what's not ok to do within a group situation. IMHO, this is the root of your issues. Once you realize that you can decide what's ok or not, and that simply by saying so (and meaning it) that the group will naturally adapt and accept your decisions, you'll be ok...

Anyway, enough of this book I just wrote. But you're touching on issues that I had to learn the hard way, so I feel passionate about helping... Or trying to help.

Good luck. Keep posting with issues as they come up. We'll brainstorm with you!!!

[puppyphat 397]

I know it's a lie. I know you shouldn't lie to your friends, but dammit, this is what I would do and you can do whatever you like with it.

Before the next big cook up, like, right before, spend 15 minutes in the bathroom and go and lie down after. Tell them that you must have had a reaction to the rich food + the sun and the travel and you're just feeling run down. You just fix yourself something to eat and eat with them but don't eat what they're eating. You want to relax and enjoy your holiday and you're just not feeling very hungry at the moment. This is what I would do. I hope you find some tactics that work for you.