I know there are lots of topics out there about To Tell or Not, but I have already made my decision. I have decided the only person outside of the medical people that will know about my band - at least in the beginning - will be my husband. I have come across a few bumps in the road in regards to my plan though, so I need some ideas.

Firstly, I found out that my mom, who is staying with us temporarily - and was supposed to be moved out around April 1st - will have to stay with us a while longer. I don't have my surgery date yet, but it is hopefully going to be in April. My mom is much older (almost 80), doesn't keep secrets well at ALL, and I don't want to tell her and have her tell everyone else. Unless I get lucky and bounce back the next day, she will know there is something wrong. I have 2 small kids (4 and 2), and I can't hide the fact that I had surgery or that I can't pick up my kids.

Second, I have started dieting and exercising regularly with a friend for the last few months. I am not telling any of my friends yet, including her, so I would have to have a reason that my normal activities are being halted for a little while.

Thirdly, having the two little kids, I may need to get some help from family or friends to either watch them or take them to the babysitter. I'll be on pain meds (maybe) and my husband can only take a day or two off of work to stay with me. If I have to ask anyone for that kind of help they would know something was wrong.

I thought about a hernia, or some sort of stomach issue, but I don't want my family and friends to be concerned or worried...more like something routine, like a lets-check-this-out surgery/procedure vs. a complication that needs fixing.

Does anyone have any ideas? Or something you've used yourself? I'm fairly healthy, and my family knows that so it's hard to come up with something. Maybe some sort of "woman" problem?? I hate being deceitful or lying :ph34r: , but I can't really say to my family "it's none of your business why I had surgery", but what else do I say?

Any advice would be great! :wub:

~Kelly

hernia is all i got. Tell them that the day before or after surgery so they wont have tme to worry.

wendy

I think i would go with a Hernia as well. It's not a MAJOR health issue has all of the same recovery symptoms.

My vote is for hernia. You can say it's just a small one and you want to get it taken care of now before it becomes a problem. That way they know it's more of a preventative surgery.

If your Mum is living with you she might wonder why a hernia op would require you to be on such a strange post op diet. That will probably be the hardest part to explain.

Hernia a probably the most popular of the 'stories' that people use, and removal of gallbladder, gall stones.. some of the other proceedures involving a laprascope are for things like removal of a fibroid on the outside of the womb, endometriosis, ovarian cyst, removal of adhesions from previous surgeries.. if u are stuck for one that sounds right for you just google laprascopic surgery or keyhole surgery

good luck with the surgery anyways, my mum is the same age as yours she coped fine with knowing

I would keep it short and be creative. Keeping it short means less to explain, less to remember what you said. Being creative means you "spin" your story in such a way it leaves no room for questions. So ... being creative ... 'xcuse me while I brainstorm ... "It was a female issue I had taken care of." If pressed, say "sorry, don't want to talk about it ... it's really personal." If still pressed, say "on the order of a hernia. I'm all better now." The main thing is to say little, discourage discourse and change the topic. If any continue to press simply repeat what you just said until you sound like a broken record. People will give up because they have no other choice. Change the topic and move on.

For mom: "It was a quick outpatient procedure on the order of a hernia. I'm all better now."

Another vote for Hernia! It's nothing major and if your like me (didn't know until after surgery that I had one) it was the cause of my acid reflux. I was eating tums like candy and I haven't touched a tums since it was fixed. Please take care of yourself and be careful, if you need a little help, ask don't over do it because your hiding it and cause yourself any extra pain. I needed help getting out of bed and off the toilet the first couple of days.

As for your friend, you need to heal and don't need to pull stitches by exercising

IF you have acid reflux this can be another part of the excuse for you needing the repair, to help prevent a lifetime of taking meds for it.

I was given liquid vicodin and a sleep aid. I was not allowed to drive! You better believe I was taking it every 4 hours like I was allowed. I don't think it really helped with the sleep or pain much but I didn't want to find out. I also had liquid Tylenol on hand but didn't take it.

Have a heating pad handy as I think it really helped with the gas they fill you with. Taking gas meds don't help since it's not in that track of your body but I walked a lot around the house and when I sat, I had the heating pad handy on my shoulders. You will look SUPER bloated.

Best of luck and congrats on taking this step! Welcome to the Band Family :-)

Thank you all for the ideas! I'll have to look into the hernia a little more, but will also be sure to Google laproscopic surgeries. Good idea. :-)

And I'm not a very good liar, at least I don't think I am and don't WANT to be...so I do have to try and keep it pretty simple.

If your Mum is living with you she might wonder why a hernia op would require you to be on such a strange post op diet. That will probably be the hardest part to explain.

It's been pretty hard the last few months trying to start eating the lap-band way without letting on, since she eats dinner with us every night. So I just started prattling on about trying to reduce my portions and all the ways I've heard of how to minimize my hunger, ie tiny bites, chewing my food longer, taking longer to eat. I'm hoping she'll just not pay much attention, and I'll chalk it up to not feeling well after the surgery.

Or course having a house guest for months sure threw a wrench into my plans, but I'm determined, so I just have to work around the problems. :-)

gallbladder maybe?

I would go with gall stones over gall bladder just cause what if u have to have it removed later? Then u r back trying to think something up hehe

I chose not to tell anybody, other than those very close to me, about my surgery.

However, I am one of those that cannot, and will not lie to people. It just bothers the heck out of me and I cannot do it. And I would not want people lieing to me either.

I took a week off work, vacation time to "take care of some personal things"

People ask me everyday how did I loose so much weight. I still don't lie, I just don't tell them everything.

I tell them things like "Dr.'s Orders" or "I just don't eat as much as I used to" and "Lots of protein, including protein shakes everyday"

Being a nurse, I would suggest against the hernia. It's just not the same. A laparoscopic removal of the gall bladder would be a far superior choice. It has similar post-op orders that will make a lot more passable to suspicious types. Plus... a lot of people that have issues with their gall bladder can lose weight due to "healthier choices." Just an idea. Good luck with your cover-up.

Jason "The Night Shift Nurse"

St. Louis, MO

Thank you all for the ideas! I'll have to look into the hernia a little more, but will also be sure to Google laproscopic surgeries. Good idea. :-)

And I'm not a very good liar, at least I don't think I am and don't WANT to be...so I do have to try and keep it pretty simple.

Though I am not a nurse...I have told the "nosey" people who have noticed my weight loss that I needed to have a hiatal hernia repaired. They seem to accept that without any additional questions.

If others notice that I am eating a bit strange (like ordering a kid's meal without a drink), I only say that I am on a special diet for several weeks.

The reality is that others and you need to respect your boundaries...you should only disclose what you feel comfortable with. I have on occasion told people who ask questions I did not feel like answering that "I don't feel comfortable with discussing that with you".

This approach has always worked for me...and in the past, I have advised my clients to use it as well. I am a retired mental health counselor.

Good luck!

I would say gall bladder also.... if you ever really need to have it out maybe your mom won't be living with you so it won't an issue that it is now. Good luck!!