I'm on the verge of calling my co-ordinator to cancel, no matter if I lose my money or not.

I've been up and down so many times since scheduling, nearly cancelling off my own back because of nerves a while back. Now my brother thinks I'm being too extreme and that I'm not mentally stable enough to be able to make such a big decision. I agree with him that we should all undergo some sort of psychological testing before the op even if depression isn't disclosed.

I personally did a full disclosure of my depression, counseling and medication but nothing was brought up about me needing to be assessed... I feel slightly let down in that area.

He doesn't understand certain other aspects of why I need this though, like the physical and emotional struggle that I've endured for 16 years and the PCOS is acting against me. He wants me to just give the diet and exercise one more go under his supervision

I just don't know what is right for me anymore with getting dragged from one side to the other I feel so out of control with other stresses in my life as well and I'm just begging for some light right now

We all have to do what right for US not Mom or Brother or anyone else. Yes they love you and they care and yes you probably could do this on your own BUT! Is it what you want..Im gonna tell you right now it is not easy!!! It's been 2 years since I had mine and I have lost maybe 50 lbs BUT I also havnt done all I can to help loose it..I have relyed on the band alone, and that is not the way this thing works. As far as you haveing a Psych eval! Why havent you? That is a requirement I believe your insurance company has you have...Granted I had mine over the phone..along with my nutritional "training"..However I didn't have the sleep test that alot of Banders have had..If anything the rethinking should come because of the Surgeon..I hope you didn't call 1800 get thin! I think they push people in and out of Surgery so fast...I would look into maybe another consultation..and go from there..

It does take alot of preperation on your part..learing to eat healthy, slow, every 3 hours, 1 cup at a time...liquid diets! vitamins protein shakes! I mean I am in no way telling you not to do this..I feel soo much better with the 50 lbs that I have lost I wouldn't have changed anything..BUT I do wish that my nutritional training would have been more than the 15 minute phone call with an "expert"..

You know you! Can you do this! I personally feel like you can..maybe not right away..I mean like I said its been 2 years for me and I ask myself evertime my food gets stuck! evertime I hicup, evertime I vomit..Was it worth it? I AM WORTH IT! and you are too..I am hear if you want to vent ask questions or what ever..Good luck to you!

Nikki

Let me start by saying you need to make this decision yourself, Family members may think they know best, but only you know yourself and whether this is the right decision. If you are concerned about your depression then postpone and schedule another appointment to discuss your depression? Be as open an honest as you can about your concerns. Ask him/her how they will manage you after surgery If you were to have issues. You might want to prepare yourself that seeing a pychologist after surgery may be need to insure good mental health, but that doesn't always mean you aren't a match for the lapband. Find a local support group where you can meet others in your area having the same proceedure.Educate yourself about the lapband lifestyle. Is it something you are willing to do? If not, maybe you should wait. If the thought of not being able to have this surgery breaks your heart then maybe your ready.Just remember the Lapband is NOT a magic wand! It will be a lot of work.

As for the pcos I was so suprised when I joined this site to see how many of us have the pcos.....I didn't realize it was so prevalent. I think if you speak to a lot of us you will fine that....we can lose the weight (we have all done it several times) but we can't keep it off. PCOS just real makes it hard. something other people like moms and brother just don't understand if they don't have it. It just isn't a matter of eating healthy and exercising.

Good luck!

Hiya Niki and waitingpatiently

Psych evals aren't compulsory in the UK. I think a person has got to shout about wanting to do themselves harm before they become concerned, and that's probably just to cover the surgeon's back in case they get sued! I wish it was compulsory like in the US. Just some sort of independent advice and counsel is all that is needed instead of marketing type phone calls

There's just a lot going on in my head and my weight is only 1/4 of it! I so desperately want to start my weight loss journey off any way I can, but I again have doubts put in to my head again. I know my family love me and they're worried but at the same time, they should worry that I'm so overweight! This weight is lethal and in no way am I happy! It's no life to live. Sorry to be so depressing

PCOS is a terror isn't it? Destroys so many lives whether it cause obesity, infertility, excess hair, depression etc. If someone doesn't have it, then they don't understand it. I haven't met a single compassionate doctor yet about PCOS! It's comforting to see so many ladies on the forums going through the same thing, so that we can share experiences and help each other through the tough times.

I think I may reschedule initially for a few weeks to get a few more doctor's and my own counselor's opinions at least.

Sarah xx

If I may ask are your mother and brother having weight issues too? Unless they are paying for it, I would say they have no say so in you getting lapband or not. And as my doctor said. yes you can loose the weight, but does it stay off. Your brother will monitor a diet for the rest of your life? I know from my own family , that when they saw me after I had lost some weight, that I looked "too thin" and I should eat cake too slow it down. But she went on to explain for so long all the family has been large and that's the perception we all have of each other and to see one that now looks different, . I did back out once in my head I wasn't ready, but I rescheduled and worked on myself and my reasons, health and I went through with it, and at first it will be hard to make the adjustments, but pretty soon you will see the results.

good luck

Its a difficult decision for you especially with some of the complications in your life from the depression, what i would say is think about what life holds for you if you dont have the surgery, is that not depressing too ? another angle to consider is maybe concentrating on things like you have to pre- and post op for the band could give u a new focus in life, something other to concentrate on rather than every day issues . If your brother is willing to support u in weight loss, ask for his support post-op, ask him to help u become your own expert on living with a band, if he is supportive then he should be for any weight loss however it is achieved. Ultimately the decision is and always will be yours, inconjunction with the surgeon. This could be the best decision you have made for a long time or it may not be. If you choose not to go ahead with it then are your weight loss goals achievable without it .. I really wish you well and hope u can come to a decision based on what your needs and wants are and not on those of others

Hi DaybyDayBaby

All of my extended family have had or currently have weight issues, it seems to run through the family.

My mum is very obese, more so than I am and also has multiple illnesses with it which scares me to death! She's in denial about her weight though and won't do anything to help herself. My brother has struggled to lose and maintain his weight since his teens. He's kept an average weight for a few years now.

I've paid for the surgery after saving really hard for this. I know I'm determined enough.

I'm sure our families care about us, but maybe they've spent so much time watching us all become fat that they associate food and chubbiness with love and health?! I don't understand it because at my size I feel unloved and far from healthy!

Do you mind me asking how long you delayed for?

Saz you also have all of us for support !

Thanks Cazzy

I don't doubt that I can't lose weight without this band, and that I'll still be in this dark bubble in 30 years time saying the same old thing only with more regrets.

I want to look forward to being healthy, having no headaches, lessening my depression and becoming more socially confident. This can only happen if I lose weight.

The first thing he shouted at me was "you'll be on Soup all your life" so I guess it's just lack of education about the band. My co-ordinator isn't the best and hasn't gave me any info on post-op diets tbh so I've just had to do some self-research in a kind of blind panic! That is what I'm most scared about at the moment. I've heard about difficulties with rice which is scary because I live on it with being a vegetarian, but I'll have to deal with it!

Thank you so much for your calming words Cazzy xx

Its a difficult decision for you especially with some of the complications in your life from the depression, what i would say is think about what life holds for you if you dont have the surgery, is that not depressing too ? another angle to consider is maybe concentrating on things like you have to pre- and post op for the band could give u a new focus in life, something other to concentrate on rather than every day issues . If your brother is willing to support u in weight loss, ask for his support post-op, ask him to help u become your own expert on living with a band, if he is supportive then he should be for any weight loss however it is achieved. Ultimately the decision is and always will be yours, inconjunction with the surgeon. This could be the best decision you have made for a long time or it may not be. If you choose not to go ahead with it then are your weight loss goals achievable without it .. I really wish you well and hope u can come to a decision based on what your needs and wants are and not on those of others

Sazparella,

Can your brother go to an appointment with you? Maybe through education he will understand that this isn't like Gastric Bypass...etc.

My ex husband and my brother are both personal trainers. I have heard for years (as has my overweight younger brother) about how I should just exercise and eat less, and I'd lose weight.

The thing is, it's not that I was ever too lazy to lose weight. I would lose, then I'd gain it all back. It was so depressing feeling so out of control.

So I got the band. And I exercised and ate well, and I lost weight. And just as I lost most of my weight, I got 'restriction' with my band, and suddenly, without effort, I was maintaining the loss, and losing even more. I wanted to get to a BMI of 27, I got to a BMI (at one stage) of almost 20. That's a size 0 - 2.

And being from Australia, I did not do any psych evals. We're not required to a lot of the time here to be approved my insurance. I got approved over the phone on my first call, just by telling them my weight, height and my family history of obesity related disease.

Just because it isn't hard to get the surgery doesn't mean you can't do what needs to be done to make it work for you.

If you want this, do it. Stick by your decision and work it. Lose the weight and change things. There are so few things you can control in life. Choose to control this.

I would not put it off. Most family members and friends do not understand and it is their automatic response to try to put you off because WLS is TOO EXTREME. That was one of the reasons why the only person I told was my husband.

It is quite interesting that there is a lot of research now that says that WLS is probably the only way that most obese people will be successful in losing and keeping off their excess weight.

Do what you need to do for you. If your family support you great, if they don't then they will soon get over it. Once they see you eating normal food, losing weight and being happy then they may even decide to do it themselves.

I would also like to bring up the family issues involved here. My brothers and I love each other dearly, but if one of them was to monitor my diet and exercise to help me lose weight, our relationship would turn hellish.

Honestly, you have 124lb to lose. How are you going to lose and maintain that weight loss? Do you really think you can? Will this be something you always regret if you do not do it?

I know personally that I have been on diet after diet after diet, and this is my chance to finally be diet free and lose the weight in a healthy way. I want this demon off my back now, and this is the only way I know how. My family is supportive and understands the struggles I've faced with my weight. They put themselves aside and look honestly at my situation and know that this is what I need. It doesn't mean that they're not worried about what could happen, they just know the complications to not getting it (diabetes, high cholesterol, high blood pressure, etc) are worse than what could happen if I do.

Please look into your heart and be 100% honest with yourself. If you need to give traditional weight loss one more go, do it. If you don't think you can, then I think you know the answer and the path you need to take.

Hi DaybyDayBaby

All of my extended family have had or currently have weight issues, it seems to run through the family.

My mum is very obese, more so than I am and also has multiple illnesses with it which scares me to death! She's in denial about her weight though and won't do anything to help herself. My brother has struggled to lose and maintain his weight since his teens. He's kept an average weight for a few years now.

I've paid for the surgery after saving really hard for this. I know I'm determined enough.

I'm sure our families care about us, but maybe they've spent so much time watching us all become fat that they associate food and chubbiness with love and health?! I don't understand it because at my size I feel unloved and far from healthy!

Do you mind me asking how long you delayed for?

I delayed 2 months, my md, everytime I met with him, would tell me, the choice is yours when to have it. Even after I had lost 26 lbs on my own with Protein drinks. he saw that I was on the fence again. He says you have to ask yourself you can loose the weight but will you be able to keep it off. I said lets do it and now 40 lbs lost later I feel soo much better.

Hopefully you will get the lapband and from watching you, your family will follow in your footsteps and at least start eating the right things, the right porportions.

Good luck.

HI Sarah. There's lots of support and good suggestions here. I read your status but had a neighbour round for the evening so couldnt coment earlier.

She had me in tears. I only told her last night, she's told her boyfriend who apparently said ' Why's she ****ing having a band' etc etc. In the end I told her to stop talking about it as I didn't need to justify myself to anybody(after I'd expalined over and over). She said if I was doing it for me then go ahead. LIKE I NEED HER APPROVAL. I got upset, she came over and hugged me( I wanted to punch her. SHE'D made me upset).

As you know I've told people I'm having the surgery and it seems to be men who just don't 'get it'-my dad, both my brother in laws and now a neighbours boyfriend. My brother was fab tho( he's just married his love who has been at least 340lb since they met 10years ago)

Nothing is going to change my mind.I can't wait until I have the power of confidence when I can hold my head high, be brave enough to walk into a pub alone and wear those 'oh so high stilettos'.

Sarah it does sound like you need to talk to a few people. Start with the co-ordinator and ask for other people that may be more appropriate. The psych assessments are done if having surgery on the NHS and ours was just the tickboxes on the form. I agree they should have at least been more comprehensive and gone over at consultaton.

I wish you well whatever you decide . You could probably do with writing things done-- pros/cons and a big long list of questions you need answering xxxxxx

Thanks DaybyDayBaby - that's some determination and strength you have there It makes sense to keep assessing where you're up to before rushing into something life changing. I'm going to call my co-ordinator tomorrow and I think I'm going to delay by a month just to sort my head space out, as well as get rid of this 7 week long cold and throat infection The stress is making me get really run down. GP told me to go on holiday - not a bad idea!

I'll ask my brother to look through some lapband information once he's calmed down through the week. I agree with you all. I don't think men understand these issues as much as women because their bodies are built to make it a lot easier for them to lose weight naturally, whereas ladies are meant to bear children and layer fat!! It's so infuriating!!! Maybe the men (dads, brothers, friends etc) in our lives are just so closed minded to think that we're just doing this to attract other men? Never thinking that we can't bare to look at ourselves in the mirror without crying.

Chris - How dare your neighbour tell her boyfriend!!! Where does it end? Who does he go on to tell after that? Why does she think you're doing this? This is exactly why I've only told my mum and brother, and only because I need my brother to take me to surgery and mum is next of kin.

I'm trying to look for support networks in Liverpool but no luck so far