Support System Failure - The garbage eaters in your life

[aliciab 8]

I have this concern that all of the people who say they'll be there for me after surgery really will stop trying after about 2 weeks. Specifically I think that where I live and the people who live with me will make this harder. They eat nothing but garbage and I feel like I'm going to have to hunker down and barricade myself in my bedroom. My boyfriend says he'll be there for me but as far as healthy "lifestyle" I doubt it. I know it's unrealistic to expect everyone to change the way they are just because I'm making a change but it still makes me angry. Am I the only one going through this? I feel like other than my doctor and myself I'll be out there on "LapBand Island".

[brbm6 6]

I have had to learn to just take care of myself. What others put in their mouths is their business. It has been hard. Just remember you are doing this for your health.

[Mscarter007 0]

I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way. I know my husband will not change but I have to be ok with that. I realize that I can't be 100% for my band if i'm worried about how people feel oradjust to it. Stay strong,

[cwm812 11]

I think you have to be realistic and remember that you will be most of your own support.

I live in a house with my husband and sons (ages 18 and 21). No one has given up junk food or overeating. I cook what I am going to cook for dinner. They eat it or they don't. Beyond that, we are responsible for what goes into our mouths. Some days it's harder than others, but it really is up to you. Since I do the grocery shopping, I have a few foods I just don't bring home, like ice cream. If they want it, they can go out and get it.

Ultimately, you can't count on anyone to help you do this Oh your family may believe they're supporting you, but generally its limited to being nice when you're not feeling well. They never thought that they were going to live on salad and lean Protein.. Really, it is much easier to control your eating when you aren't starving all the time. Also, when you do eat some junk (and you will), you will be satisfied with a small amount, like a few bites of pizza instead of 3 slices.

And one more thing...when it gets to you, come here and vent. We understand.

Cindy

[Dave_NW 92]

My family, friends, and coworkers have honestly tried to be supportive, but they're not exactly sure how to do that. Support can mean "I understand you have a band, and I support you in your weight loss." But it can stop with that. Foods they eat is a totally different matter.

The first time I got invited over to a close friend's for a holiday party shortly after I was banded, he was noticeably uncomfortable, and said, "What can I make for you to eat?" There was already a table full of food for other guests, but he wanted to make something special just for me. Nice guy. I told him not to worry, that I'd find something that worked for me. I browsed my way around the table and made a few choices that worked, but generaly I did without. He felt really bad for me, till I told him I wasn't really that hungry anyway, and to stop worrying. Over the next few invites it got easier, and now it's not even mentioned. (They entertain a lot.) I go, I eat what fits, or I don't. Not a big deal. For me, the best kind of support can be not making a big deal of it.

Coworkers are the worst. We eat lunch together in a cafeteria, and they pack it in every day, while I'm sitting there was my salad or cup of chili or whatever. After the first few weeks they stopped asking if I wanted a bite of their food, or "Is that all you're going to eat?" We just each have our own meals. I focus on the conversation, and make the food a non-event. I do tend to leave the table sooner than them, after I'm done eating, but they're still packing it away. They can finish their meals without me sitting there twiddling my thumbs. Note that these are the same overweight people who are raving over my weight loss now that I've lost a fair amount. One person is asking me about banding, and how she can get it. She's asked me to talk with her husband about it, since he's on board, now that he's watched me lose. So it's been a good example for them.

You may never be able to get your closest support people to change their attitudes, but you may notice they may tend to eat the worst junk out of your presence. Support comes in a lot of different modes. And basically, you just have to follow your own plan, and let them deal with their own lives. You have the band, not them, right?

Good luck!

Dave

[mark hill 3]

YOu have have to do it all on your own you will be stronger for it, if you have support that's great . My wife is negative about everything so i cant count on her for support so i know its all up to me. shes one of these people that's naturally 110lbs and she thinks anyone just has to want to lose weight and it will simply fly away.

[OKCurt 0]

For me, the hardest was just after surgery when I was on liquids and having cravings. My daughter started making Cookies and some tacos. I was mad at her. All I asked was to let me get to the soft food stage and then it was on me. It wasn't that she was eating cookies and tacos, it was me having not having advance notice so I had to smell it at my worst point. Once I got to eat food again, I was fine.

[aliciab 8]

I'm not really concerned with work. I'm more concerned with my home situation. Things are very complicated at home and there's way to many people here. I've started keeping a seperate "pantry" in my closet. Sounds weird I know but its easier to keep my healthy Snacks that I can have in there. Nobody monkeys with them there.

[Mscarter007 0]

YOu have have to do it all on your own you will be stronger for it, if you have support that's great . My wife is negative about everything so i cant count on her for support so i know its all up to me. shes one of these people that's naturally 110lbs and she thinks anyone just has to want to lose weight and it will simply fly away.

Sometimes we just have to face the heat! I told my mom about me having the surgery yesterday! She was shocked, said I didn't need it but she'll support me. Naturally, she's negative. So I wasn't suprised today when I saw her and she told me she did her research. She said "I read the side effects.......the #1 risk is death!" *I don't mean to scare anyone*. I reacted calmy and told her "yes, I know. As with any surgery, the #1 risk is death!"

You will learn who will support you and how to support yourself just in case......

[cwm812 11]

I'm not really concerned with work. I'm more concerned with my home situation. Things are very complicated at home and there's way to many people here. I've started keeping a seperate "pantry" in my closet. Sounds weird I know but its easier to keep my healthy Snacks that I can have in there. Nobody monkeys with them there.

This is a great idea! It drives me crazy when I buy lo cal stuff for me and then everyone eats it! Now I wonder if I can fit a tiny fridge in my closet. My current method of deception is to hide my stuff in the veggie drawer. No one ever goes there at my house!

Cindy

[aliciab 8]

I find that everyone boohoo's low carb or low fat/sugar anything until it's readily available in the house. Then they eat it like it was always there and the most delicious thing on earth. So that's what I did. Fridge in the bedroom and made my own tiny pantry in the closet. Oddly enough I don't sit there and eat all of it up fast either. It's almost like because I know it's there I don't think about it all the time.

[54Shirley 105]

It's your doing ! You have to learn to take care of yourself for ever. Other people will eat what they want.

I put no demands on anyone to have them eat like I do. They would starve to DEATH.

I have stipulations that I must do , and goals that I need to reach. I go for 6-8 LBS. a Month. That is not unrealistic.

But for the average person,,, it is truly unreal to do. So,,,, the way I see it is the way I said it.

It's all up to you, even the surgery is up to you... So what you do after,,, is up to you too.

[whitetiger011680 11]

I think I'm in a really lucky position with my situation. I'm divorced so no junk food eating husband to worry about and my kids are young, 2 & 5 years old so they have to eat what I give them and this will be great for getting them on the healthy bandwagon for a lifetime. I know I can't control what they eat when they're away from home, but hopefully they will learn to make healthy choices and never have to fight the battle of the bulge. They already impress me with with their love of fruit and most vegetables.

Good luck with everything and just try to remember :bananapartyhat: :welldoneclap: :bananapartyhat:

[Jachut 487]

I have had to learn to just take care of myself. What others put in their mouths is their business. It has been hard. Just remember you are doing this for your health.

This really is so true. You just cant expect others to change, and I know you realise that, but you need to be in a place where you're not affected by what others choose for themselves. As long as they dont try to coax or cajole you into it, making a big song and dance about eating chocolate for example, you really do have to get to a state where you can identify whether you truly want something or are just reacting to the sight of it. We will be bombarded with food everywhere we go for our entire lives, not just at home with our families, so its an essential skill to develop.

For me its about being able to have ANYTHING I want if I truly want it - knowing that, and having the years of experience behind me now to know that I can eat the occasional treat and not gain weight - means that I'm able to say no if I dont really want something just now, because I know I can have it anytime I truly want. Developing this skill has freed me from the diet merrygoround and is why I really dont believe in "dieting" as such.

But I still get frustrated with those weeks where you have a zillion obligations on and they all involve eating and drinking! That drives me nuts, I think dont we have ANY social situations or celebrations in our society which arent focussed on alcohol and bad food?

[gcmy 5]

Besides the health issues I had and wanting to look better, I also had the surgery as an example to my daughter. She is 22 years old and seriously overweight. She's an only child, and I am worried about her future and her health. Since I was banded, I cook healthier foods, (some even lap band recipes), that my family enjoys. I do not purchase sodas or any other "bad" foods. Everyone can eat what I prepare, or go out for anything else they wish to eat. One great thing about the surgery is I am rarely hungry. If I have a taste for something that is not "good", I can just taste it, and move on. I don't think my daughter will have the surgery, but now I don't think she'll need to. Both she and my husband are exercising and making such better food choices. Our entire family is healthier and looking better, and for that I am truly happy.