Are You Telling People?

[vickyd 24]

This is such a personal decision and what is right for someone else may not be right for you...

I am just starting my journey towards getting banded (I am in the middle of the necessary tests, phych evals, etc) with the hopes of getting banded by late October or early November. I have told my husband (obviously) but no one else.

I don't know yet if I will tell anyone else initially...but I don't think I will because even though I know that my family will be super-supportive, I don't want the main topic of conversation every time I see them to be focused on my weight or what I am (or are not) eating. This journey will be a life-changing experience for me and I don't want to do it under a microscope.

Once I feel like I have things under control (and the weight is coming off), if I am directly asked if I had surgery then I won't lie about it...I'm just not going to volunteer the information.

[stateofzen 46]

I've told the people I would tell any significant news to: my parents, my in-laws, and my best friends (who also happen to be my colleagues). Everyone has been super supportive. I don't plan to discuss it otherwise because it really isn't anyone's business. I mean, knowing the kind of comments I've gotten from "always-thin" people when I was losing weight during my pre-op doctor-recommended low carb diet, I'm just not interested. I go back and forth between wanting to roll my eyes and wanting to smack someone who has never ever had a weight issue telling me how unhealthy that is, or how if I just exercised I would love it! As if I've lived this life without every trying exercise and diet to lose weight

Whatever. I know people in this world are so afraid of being fat that they cling to the idea that it's easy to control for everyone if they just work out-- it's a security blanket for people who don't know any better and let them have it. But I'm pretty sure I (and we), and the medical community, are a little more expert on obesity and how you treat it.

[va_viv 3]

Hey Danielle! I went to my first appt this past Monday and had my sleep study done last night (not the greatest thing to do, but it's over with). I'm still waiting to hear if I'm approved by my insurance or not.

Anywhoo, I struggled with this issue since I started considering WLS and I decided that the best choice for me was to not tell to many people. I have a large family, 3 brothers (all with significant others) and a sister (and her hubby). The only people that know that I am having the surgery is my mom, sister, her hubby (he's having it also) and my boyfriend. My dad doesn't even know, and YES my parents are still together and I live with both of them. I decided not to tell my dad because frankly he has a big mouth. He doesn't filter what he says sometimes and a lot of people (including family) we know are extremely judgmental when it comes to weight. They see me and say "oh you've gained weight" even before I get a "Hi". I'm sure my brothers would be supportive but something about their wives knowing doesn't sit right with me. Some of them are very into fitness and think that they are the ultimate gurus when it comes to that subject. I feel like they would judge me.

I talked to my brother in law and he said that he's only telling his mom (who had gastric bypass about 25 yrs ago) and his 2 brothers won't know. So both of us are keeping the info in a very tight circle. So anyway, that's where I am at right now. I don't know if it's embarrassment that keeping me from telling people or what, I guess I have to figure that out but like a previous post said, I might change my mind when people start asking me what "my secret" is.

Hope that helps!

[LeighaMason 19]

I have gone from a size 16 to a size 4 in 10 months. People ask me what I am doing to lose weight every day. I think it would be very unfair to let them think I could be on a 800-1000 calorie diet long term without the help from the band. That would give them the impression that something was wrong with them if I could do it and they couldn't.

I always say "I had lap band surgery last year" if they are interested they will ask questions, if not, they will change the subject. But I would not feel comfortable withholding information that I have, if someone else could use it to improve their own life, if they want to. That being said I am very careful not to try and "convert" others. It is very easy for me to be like a reformed smoker!

I also find that thin or average people are much less threatened by my surgery and ask the most questions and larger people (in general) have the most off base comments.

I was getting my hair done this week and the lady who does it for me was asking me questions about what I eat (she has always been thin) I told her what I was going to eat that day which was a non workout day so it was about 800 calories. The lady who works in the booth next to her was listening and said "Well! I eat less than that everyday so the lap band wont help me!" Picked up her purse and stormed out taking her large McDonald's Frappé Mocha with her.

[MaryfromMI 5]

The only people that know that I had surgery are my parents. I haven't told anyone else about it because I really don't think it is anyone else's business to know and I also do want any negativity coming my way. Sometimes I want to tell everyone because I think it would be easier that way now. For example, I know it looks strange when I get up in the middle of a meal when family is over to go in the bathroom because I am stuck and I am sometimes in there for 10+ minutes. Because I am scared of getting stuck when I am around other people, I just don't eat much during those meals, and people have started to notice because they have made comments to me that I don't eat anything. I just don't want to be the "staple" or prototype for lap-band® failure or success for the people around me and I don't want to be judged for the choices I made. I also don't want my surgery to be seen as taking the "easy" way out, because it has been anything but easy and I have done all the work! So when people ask me what I have done to lose the weight, I just tell them I changed my diet and exercise BECAUSE IT'S TRUE!

[Jspgh 0]

Tell the world if you feel comfortable doing so. Internet/online dating was once considered pathetic and now it has become a very acceptable and encourage practice. WLS should be the same and in time as word spreads, it will.

[Lap2Fab 3]

I told no one but my DH. I also found out on Wednesday during my surgery that I had a hiatal hernia, so if anyone asks, that's what "procedure" I had fixed. My DH asked me how long I was going to keep it a secret, and I said that eventually, I will tell my friends and family, but not until the weight comes off. They know I'm trying to get healthy because of other medical conditions, so they won't question me too much on how I lost it. They have already seen me eating smaller portions and being more active.

I think it's a personal decision that you have to make for yourself. But once it's out there, you can not get it back and you can't trust family and friends to not gossip, most will.

[dar36 5]

I've told the people I would tell any significant news to: my parents, my in-laws, and my best friends (who also happen to be my colleagues). Everyone has been super supportive. I don't plan to discuss it otherwise because it really isn't anyone's business. I mean, knowing the kind of comments I've gotten from "always-thin" people when I was losing weight during my pre-op doctor-recommended low carb diet, I'm just not interested. I go back and forth between wanting to roll my eyes and wanting to smack someone who has never ever had a weight issue telling me how unhealthy that is, or how if I just exercised I would love it! As if I've lived this life without every trying exercise and diet to lose weight

Whatever. I know people in this world are so afraid of being fat that they cling to the idea that it's easy to control for everyone if they just work out-- it's a security blanket for people who don't know any better and let them have it. But I'm pretty sure I (and we), and the medical community, are a little more expert on obesity and how you treat it.

I feel exactly like you do! Oh gee, I didn't realize that I had to exercise and eat less. Thank you for the news flash. Oh yeah, and by the way, I have been on every "diet" known to mankind and exercised like a maniac only to lose about 10 pounds. They don't understand that I have a list of medical conditions a mile long and I want to to be healthy and live to see my children grow up. As it stands now, I am on an unhealthy road and most of it is out of my control. As a result, I am taking control by getting banded. People don't get it and I am tired of defending it. In fact, this evening, all of my siblings and in-laws went out to dinner. We had an awesome time, but of course, my upcoming surgery became the topic of conversation. I felt like you and wanted to smack everyone. Thank goodness my husband stepped in and supported me and said it was about relieving my serious health issues so I could live. Hello people...this isn't a vanity thing! Thanks for letting me rant.

[danide 0]

I don't get it, why are so many people so judgemental? :w00t: As if I don't judge myself every second of every day... as if I haven't tried every single diet.. as if I haven't exercised... as if I haven't lived in my shoes... as if I haven't weighed all the options... as if I am going into this blind... Please- if it wasn't for the fact of being fat, I could be a personal trainer- thats how well informed I am, I just can't seem to do it myself and keep it off.

Thanks for all of your input! This has confirmed that I won't be telling anyone about the surgery (again, other then my parents, boyfriend and sister (she told her hubby but im okay with that- he knows its a secret)... but I will have to tell my brother I guess, he just has to know that its between us! Again, I may tell more people once I have lost significant weight but not until then. And after I do see results and being successful, I will encourage my uncle to do it. Hes not super over weight but hes got a lot of health issues and his doctor actually recommended it. Fortunately I have no health issues- and I am trying to keep it that way. Lose weight now, and hope to prevent health problems later.

I think we are all making wonderful choices in this! This for US, for OUR lives, for OUR futures!

I just can't wait to get it done! woo hoo! (september 7th is my big day!)

YOU ALL ROCK! :w00t:

[kosy2 1]

Friends, really think long and hard about who and when you tell. Like most of us I have been on many diets and at first you are so excited that you tell everyone that you have found the answer to you weight problem. I do this because of course I am looking for support.

However, it has been my experience that 99% of the people I tell are not able to support me. In the beginning it might seem like they are on your side, but down the road they drop off one by one.

This time, I tell on need to know. That means for now husband and 5 children. Husband because I tell him everything, children because I need the older ones to help take the youngest to and from work. They know if the rest of my family finds out I will be coming after them.

I was happy when I found out that I had a gullstone and doc would be removing gullbladder. Now when people see me eating differently I will be telling them "Ever since I had my gullbladder removed I just can't eat the same".

Truth is the people around me really do not fully understand my struggles. Some try, but they have not walked in my shoes. For me, for now, this forum is the safe place.

Just remember - You can always tell but once they know - they know.

[machan 0]

I told no one but my DH. I also found out on Wednesday during my surgery that I had a hiatal hernia, so if anyone asks, that's what "procedure" I had fixed.

I have only told a few close friends and family- but I also wanted to comment on the hernia. Several people have commented on problems found during surgery. I had an EGD (scope) several weeks ago, and nothing was abnormal. I guess that is why doctors order that test done.

[903mambo 0]

Oh dear i got banded 8-2-10 and was in the same shoes asking this too,but i handed up just telling ma DH and ma bro, Everyone else i told them i had gall bladder issue's. Coz now that i have found a new tool and new family that doesn't judge/ question me or look me down am done with the old, you know the why dont you try this and that and all those so called friends. so i decided am done with haters and confusion and will work on me.

[KAS1971 0]

I have told some .. folks, sister, a few select co-workers and I have not told some .. my brother and most coworkers. I realize the day will come when it will be asked, someone will slip and maybe just obvious and I certainly won't lie about it. I specifically didn't tell my brother as he has been very judgemental about my weight in the past and don't need another "just eat less and exersize" lecture. If that was gonna be the solution for me don't you think it would have happened by now? I'm 39 and been fat since I was 15. Another part of not telling everyone is frankly when you have been on 100 diets and the 1st 25 have failed.. you sorta expect the next 75 to fail too .. why tell people. So just incase this dosn't work I wouldnt want people to know I went to this extreme and was still a failure

[stephokal 0]

well, at first I didn't tell anyone other than my immediate family. Then when I knew it was a definite go, I stopped keeping a secret. I decided that later it might work to motivate me. If people know what I went through to lose the weight, it should keep me from falling off the wagon -- I'll feel like an idiot if I gain a ton back and everyone knows.

[PrincessErin 64]

I'm very new and at the very beginning of this process. In fact, I'm really still not sure if there will get to be a process.

Up until about 2 hours ago, I was totally full of excitement and ready to tell anyone that I was considering Lap Band as my final attempt to lose weight.

I mistakingly posted a status on Facebook looking for info or input from friends who know of or had the surgery themselves.

Well, BIG mistake. I was told that I was taking the easy way out, that I didn't need it, that I should come to Weight Watchers meetings, that I should take phentermine and that I should hit the gym.

I have 9 years of recorded attempts using ALL those methods. If I thought any of those things were the answer, why would I be considering Lap Band?

I've tried phentermine 4 times, Meredia once, Weight Watchers 4 times, Alli twice, Metabolic Research Center twice, the Curves Diet, the Atkins Diet, I've gone vegetarian and I've worked out 10-12 hours a week. Yes, I've lost on ALL those programs.

In fact, I actively coach a swim team (season is over now) and a Pop Warner cheer squad (17 teenage girls!) I'm NOT sedentary! I also work full time at a YMCA! Before I worked there, it was much easier to work-out. Now, it's all work, all the time, regardless of what machine I'm trying to work out on.

Guess what? I gain it all back plus some.

I don't know why it has to be such a snap judgement and considered the EASY way when I mention surgery. It doesn't feel easy and it doesn't feel like I haven't tried very hard.