How much support is your spouse giving you?

[CharCo 0]

My husband has been supportive since the words Lap-band came out of my mouth. He said he knows how miserable I've been because of my weight and he hates the way it impacts my desire to live life. He likes to go out a lot and I have been staying home for fear that I will see someone who knew me years ago. I even stopped going to a gym by our house because I started seeing people I went to high school with there. Stupid I know. He doesn't care how much I weigh, but he knows how much I care. I'm lucky to have him.

[JoJo1 0]

I'm approaching my 10th wedding anniversary(we've been together 13 years) and I always knew my husband was self-centered but it's really been hitting home over the past year or so. Many days it feels like I'm caring for a disabled adult - No, my husband is mentally and physically fine but appears to have shed all responsibilities save for those he's interested in, on the day he said, "I Do".

I'm sure this will sound familiar but it feels so good to put it out there. In addition my job which many times exceeds 50+ hours a week, I handle ALL: housework(and my house is immaculate and organized), all grocery shopping, meal planning, pet/vet care, family events, laundry, errands and charitable efforts on behalf of the two of us.

My husband also works but wraps it up a 5pm so he can either ride his bike, swim or sit on the back porch reading SI. He does home improvement projects and he is good, but he also has the luxury of spending the entire day driving 20 minutes up and back to Lowe's to get the "right" (fill in the blank) for his project...whoops - not the right X and back he goes. Meanwhile I'm multi-tasking and will be lucky to get a shower before noon.

He also starts one project without finishing another - at this point instead of 2.5 bathrooms, we have 3 half-baths!

He's mother and sister think he's a saint and believe that he's not quiet and self-absorbed, but that he, "holds his feelings in..":lol: Yeh - right. He relys on me to remind and remind and remind him of everything and is largely disinterested in anything going on in the family. It's my mother's birthday? Our nephew graduated college? The dog has a tumor? You get the picture.

Classic - Yesterday we had some business to attend to near my surgeon's office and I was getting a fill, so he came with me. It's about an hour from home and despite having a set appointment, there's always an hour plus wait. I suggested I check in at the doctors, see what the backlog looked like and then we could grab a bite before my fill since afterward, as we all know - no solids for a couple of days. My rocket scientist tells me he doesn't think it's a good idea for me to eat before my fill but I explained that it's perfectly fine and probably will keep me from being ravenous later that night. Well, he drags his heels and we get down there late. Oh, the doctor's running an hour plus behind but when I go out to advise my husband(waiting in the car) he tells me I forgot to remind him that he has a teleconference in 15 minutes. So I go sit in the waiting room and finally get my fill and hour and a half later. I was STARVING. Meanwhile he's wrapped up his teleconference and is on his laptop when I come out. He announces that he's HUNGRY and next thing I know we're a some pizza place. I grab a SoBe Water from the cooler and excuse myself to use the ladies room. When I get back he's(so thoughtfully:sneaky:) ordered me a slice of plain cheese and his usual. As he chows down I sip my SoBe and I don't say anything, though I want to down that pizza. So he asks me why I'm not eating and I have to go through it once again - after all, this is only my FOURTH fill - what I can have post fill; ...24 hours Clear liquids, then full, then puree... and he tells me, " Well, I didn't know..." and shoves the pizza in his mouth.

Wow - he's just so supportive and full of "deep feelings" it's hard to believe I'm thinking about leaving!:rolleyes2:

Sometimes we have to sit back and think about the fact that we actually trained him to be the way he is. Men, for the most part are clueless. We do it all thinking they will appeciate it so much they will feel sorry for us and just help!! I had to throw a screaming fit one time to get my kids dad to mow the lawn when I was 9 months pregnant. I stayed mad at him for months instead of looking at my part in the situation. You might try having a heart to heart with him and tell him you are getting ready to go on strike if you don't get some help. Then be prepared to follow through!! One time I got mad at my husband because he was bitching about the food I cooked.... I bought a fridge full of TV dinners and stopped cooking. He looked at those TV dinners and said "Wow that looks spendy" I said "yep about three times more than the food you complained I was wasting. After a week, he got it, and appologized. He sweetly asked me to cook Breakfast and I never heard another complaint about food.. It is really up to us to fix it, but it won't happen over night. Good luck!!! Hugs...

[Klisa 0]

My hubs was initially kind of against the idea of the surgery because we know folks who have done some of the other bariatric surgeries and have regained weight. He didn't want me putting myself through a surgery if it wasn't going to be a true solution. He was worried that there was a problem behind the weight that needed to be fixed first. I explained to him that this was just a 'tool' to help and he was willing to learn about it and then felt better. I just had my surgery yesterday. He's been good about not eating food in front of me during the pre op diet...food is my very favorite thing, so he knows this will be really tough for me at first. I'm going to do my best not to be horrid to him this first month while I can't eat. I sent him away with friends today since I was doing so well, so he's gotta be grateful for that! I also made homemade spaghetti sauce for him a couple of days ago so he would have something easy to make himself for dinner while I was out of commision. Building up my brownie points for when I am a beeoooch, I guess. :rolleyes2:

He's a bit spoiled too, I guess, but he's a good guy. :w00t:

[missgypsy 1]

my hubby has supported me from the very beginning. when i mentioned lap-band he did his research and i did mine and we talked about it. he has went with me to all appts, testing and everything i have had to do. he even goes and works out with me. not saying it's all good but he does support me and will be the first person to take up for me with anyone that questions why i had the surgery. yes the first few wks after surgery we had a few arguments. and it was over food. it's funny now lol but it wasn't then. i just think it was very insensitive for me to fix dinner and he wated steak and here i was drinking broth. or the time they wanted bacon for dinner and i was on mushies. needless to say now if bacon needs to be cooked he offers to cook it. if we go out and eat everyone wants to know what i want since what i can have is so limited and they all want to make sure i'm not left eating nothing at all. i did this for MYSELF, my KIDS so i can see them grow up and for my HUBBY. i want to grow old with him. but mainly yes it was for myself. if mama's happy then everyone's happy. :rolleyes2:

[Eternalx 0]

I'm only 16 so i don't have a spouse.. haha.. but even with my parents I get zero support whatsoever. My father is the one that paid for my op, and although he supports me a lot and calls me everyday to make sure i'm eating right and asking about my weight loss, he is always away on business so I hardly get to see him.

I live with my mom and she doesn't understand my issues with weight. She thinks that now I have the lap band, the weight will just come off easily without any effort, so she buys me lots of bad food like takeaway, fast food, oily food and so on. Also when she cooks, she makes super huge portions. All of these things are very very tempting to me, and sometimes I give in :rolleyes2: When i do i feel absolutely terrible and I feel like i'm not going to ever lose weight, but it doesn't stop me from eating again and again. I feel like i'm in a never ending loop here, because I eat bad and feel guilty, then eat more because i feel sad and hopeless. I try to deal with all of this myself and look for healthier food in the fridge, or just having smaller portions, but it's hard. I've asked her a few times to help me out a bit by making our meals healthier, but she refuses to.

This all said, I am still losing weight (and quite quickly, too). I have no family support, but to be honest, I don't think I really need it.

[JoJo1 0]

I'm only 16 so i don't have a spouse.. haha.. but even with my parents I get zero support whatsoever. My father is the one that paid for my op, and although he supports me a lot and calls me everyday to make sure i'm eating right and asking about my weight loss, he is always away on business so I hardly get to see him.

I live with my mom and she doesn't understand my issues with weight. She thinks that now I have the LAP-BAND®, the weight will just come off easily without any effort, so she buys me lots of bad food like takeaway, fast food, oily food and so on. Also when she cooks, she makes super huge portions. All of these things are very very tempting to me, and sometimes I give in :rolleyes2: When i do i feel absolutely terrible and I feel like i'm not going to ever lose weight, but it doesn't stop me from eating again and again. I feel like i'm in a never ending loop here, because I eat bad and feel guilty, then eat more because i feel sad and hopeless. I try to deal with all of this myself and look for healthier food in the fridge, or just having smaller portions, but it's hard. I've asked her a few times to help me out a bit by making our meals healthier, but she refuses to.

This all said, I am still losing weight (and quite quickly, too). I have no family support, but to be honest, I don't think I really need it.

Focus on the things that are going well!! I promise more things will go well. You have to be the one who changes, other people won't ever change. They have their own issues to deal with. Just keep doing your best and it will work... Hugs!!!

[Murpel 0]

my hubby has supported me from the very beginning. when i mentioned lap-band® he did his research and i did mine and we talked about it. he has went with me to all appts, testing and everything i have had to do. he even goes and works out with me. not saying it's all good but he does support me and will be the first person to take up for me with anyone that questions why i had the surgery. yes the first few wks after surgery we had a few arguments. and it was over food. it's funny now lol but it wasn't then. i just think it was very insensitive for me to fix dinner and he wated steak and here i was drinking broth. or the time they wanted bacon for dinner and i was on mushies. needless to say now if bacon needs to be cooked he offers to cook it. if we go out and eat everyone wants to know what i want since what i can have is so limited and they all want to make sure i'm not left eating nothing at all. i did this for MYSELF, my KIDS so i can see them grow up and for my HUBBY. i want to grow old with him. but mainly yes it was for myself. if mama's happy then everyone's happy. :rolleyes2:

I truley appreciate you sharing your "love" life with us, your entire family seems to be a love story. I can totally relate to DH wanting me to cook something that he can eat, but isn't on my eating plan. LOL! He is totally suportive, but can be a bit dingy :w00t: occasionally.

[Klisa 0]

OK, I keep seeing the reference 'DH'...what does that stand for? Damn Husband?

ExternalX -Oh, Little Honey, I feel bad for you! It's hard enough being a teen in general, but then feeling powerless to control things because you have to do what Mom & Dad say, eat what they eat, etc. makes your situation hard. I know there's never enough time in the day, but maybe you should learn how to cook some healthy options and then 'treat' your Mom to a cooked meal a couple times per week...Maybe she'll see how good 'healthy' can be and start migrating over to your side of the kitchen.

That, or ask her to not make food for you and tell her that you will make your own food so that you can be more successful in your battle. She's gotta realize that fast food, greasy food, etc. is horribly unhealthy and MUST want her child to be as healthy and awesome as she can be, so remind her that you don't want to deal with health complications such as High BP, High Chol, Diabetes, etc. That YOU want to be healthy and live a good life so that your Momma can be proud of you!

It would be hard to feel powerless when it comes to food choices...The rest of us feel so limited, but at least we can select what we are purchasing at the store and what is being prepared for us. I'm sorry, Hon...You stay strong...You are going to need to ask to be more independent when it comes to meals so that you can succeed...