Needing a hug and a kick in the pants...long posts

banded_for_life · November 11, 2005

Ok, I feel I can finally talk about this and get the support that I need to get through this issue. Last Sunday night my beloved grandmother and best friend passed away. I had only told one person on the board (thank you Kira)and she gave some awesome advice, but felt like I needed to come clean with all my friends here on LBT. I have fel like a fraud this week giving anybody any advice on the band because I haven't been doing very well at all with mine this week. You might as well say I have ate like I didn't even have one.

Since I have a VG band, I don't have any real restriction with just 3.4 ccs and I wasn't even going to go have another fill done until after Thanksgiving(wrong, wrong, wrong) that is not working with my band...that is working against it. My head has not been on the same wavelength as my band. I have been baking and cooking my butt off and eating practically whatever I wanted, trying to connect just once more with my grandmother I guess. So I had a long talk with myself, called and scheduled my fill, now the first available is 12/01, but I have to call Monday and hopefully they can squeeze me in sooner than that.

I have to figure out how to get back on track, I haven't even went near the scales since last Monday to afraid of what I will see. I have come too far though to let go and I will do this. Last words my grandmother ever said to me was that she was proud of how much weight I had lost...damn I miss her so much. :-( I appreciate how much support and guidance I have received from this site and the wonderful people on it.

PS. I wanted to send a little shout out to my daughter, because on the same Sunday that I lost my grandmother, she and her drill team took first place for the South zone at Zone drillteam competition. Go E team Gatorgirlz!!!

shrinazaldivar · November 11, 2005

sounds like you really are getting a handle on it--I really hope that they get you in sooner---I am really sorry to hear about your loss--seems like I usually to the baking, cooking thing this time of year too (my gran passed 2 years ago--so my loss isn't as fresh) between family connections on holidays etc, this tends to be a really rough time of year for many --I went in yesterday to make sure I was tight enough going into this first real battle (so far its easier than usual--but I am filled pretty well already and I didn't just get kicked like you did. the important thing here is that its only a week out--and you have already recognized your issue--your behaviour (reaction)--and are taking action to stop--kudos to you girl---you are gonna be ok!

prayers and bear hugs,

shrina

7/12/05 Dr. Kuri

274/230/125-150

3 fills dr. Mckeen 2.4cc current in 4cc capacity 9.75ml inamed band

Parvathi · November 11, 2005

So very sorry to hear about your Grandmother. Mine passed away 3 years ago and had always been my favorite person .. its tough.

Don't stress about getting back on track. It will happen, because you know it needs to. And even when we fall off the wagon, we know the principals of losing and the bandster rules, so dont fret about giving advice

Take some time for yourself, to heal. You'll be in my thoughts *hugs*

chichigirl · November 11, 2005

I'm so very sorry to hear of your loss. You don't need to apologize to anyone here, this is where we come to talk about what we need to and what we want to share. What we all share here are very personal and intimate feelings and no one should ever feel like, just because they aren't ready to talk about something, that we are deceiving the others.

I am glad to hear that you are feeling better about it and remember it does get better with time.

BRAVO for you making the appointment for the fill and talking to yourself about what you were doing. Band or no band, we are people first with real feelings, both happy and sad and we are going to react as we always have no matter what. The trick is to be able to stop it before it does any real damage. Remember the band is patient(boy do I know that one) and will always be there for you, never pushing, never intruding on your feelings.

I will have you, your family and your grandmother in my prayers. Losing a loved one is the most devasting thing we can ever go through. Lean on us if you feel the need or not, that's something only you can or should decide.

((((((HUGS)))))) (Witholding the kick, it isn't warranted at this time)

Cindy

NJChick · November 11, 2005

Oh Keri, I'm so sorry to hear about your G'ma. I do know how hard that must be.

First you must grieve, this is very very important so please let yourself do so without feeling guilty. You had one bad week, thats okay hon, you'll pick up and do better. I'm glad your going for another fill. Good for you !!!

Getting this off your chest sounds like you'll be back and at it real soon.

Don't be so hard on yourself.... HUGS !!

Oh... no kick in the pants for being human

HarleyNana · November 11, 2005

Truly sorry to hear of your loss, but you have another friend .... your band, just waiting to help you out in a different area, your new life. We all have bumps in the road, but you hurdle over them when the time is right and move along.

There have been a few banders who have lost like a g-bypass patient, but most of us crawl at a small pace, but we knew that head on, before we made this decision.

Right now you need to heal with the loss of a very dear loved one, first things first, then back on track, or we'll track you down and gittcha. Hugs!!!!

mousecrazy · November 12, 2005

I am so sorry for your loss. (((hugs))) and a prayer ^ coming your way. The women in our lives are so important, and it hurts to lose them. She was a great lady, and she taught you to be a great lady. God bless her and you.

Cindy

banded_for_life · November 12, 2005

Thanks everybody for your support and wonderful advice. I knew I could count on ya'll. :-)

CCBSTX · November 12, 2005

So sorry to hear about your Grandma. Mine was a special lady and I know how it feels to lose someone you're close to. Grandma was proud of your weight loss and wanted you healthy. You will continue to do her proud, with a few "bumps" along the way. Now, you can get back to the basics and work the band.

Take care, Shawn

Anwyn · November 12, 2005

Keri, I'm so sorry to hear about your Grandma. Put that week behind you and don't worry about it. Just the fact that you're posting about it means that you're ready to get going again. Hang in there! (((((HUGS)))))

dylansmom · November 12, 2005

I'm very sorry that you lost your gma. Please be gentle with yourself. It sounds like you are doing wonderfully at getting back on track, so no worries.

Take Care

banded_for_life · November 12, 2005

Thanks for the support! :-)

DevilMayKare · November 13, 2005

So sorry for your loss Keri. It is so hard to say goodbye to people we love and I know you'll miss her. I was very close to my grandmother as well. She was someone I could ALWAYS count on to be on my side. She instilled my love of gardening when I used to spend part of the summer with her (just to get away from my mom who drove me crazy in my teen years). My grandmother LOVED "Tabu" perfume. She used to douse herself with it. That was the only thing of hers I took from her house after she died. I've had that bottle over 10 years now and every now and then I open it just to smell Grandma and it brings back a rush of memories.

I know you'll have many sweet memories of her to look back on. Be good to yourself... baby yourself with long baths and good music. Don't beat yourself up for eating but do try to get that fill. You are so close to the 200 mark and I think that's a huge mental milestone. You'll be so proud of yourself when you get there.

I think you're wise to avoid the scales. I've stayed away from them this week too while I've been going thru this trauma w/ my dad. I did just get a fill tho, so serious pigging out is not an option. It's a good idea to get the fill asap--but give yourself a couple weeks (as long as it takes, really) to get on the scale. And do NOT beat yourself up, no matter what they say.

tztmama · November 13, 2005

SO sorry to hear about your loss. I can't help but think how lucky your dear grandma was to have you. I know................you were very lucky to have her but so many grandmas are very lonely people who are seen as a burden. To be a grandma and to have a grandaughter call ya a best friend is truly special in deed. Cry, sweetie, and then cry some more. It is good for you both. Soon you will think about her and find yourself smiling more than crying.