My response

[Ruthie1974 34]

Recently a friend asked me why I was even conteplating lap band surgery, she thinks I can do this only if I try hard enough, she has lost 20lbs with weight watchers and is at her goal. Here is my response and my reasons for why I want to do this. I hope it helps someone.

February 27 at 3:45pm

Hey, great job girlie. You haven't heard from me cuz I am still mustering up a response that adequately sums up why I am doing this, I suppose you have given me the opportunity to write down what has been brewing in my mind/soul for many months, no years.

I hope that you understand that I have not, nor would I ever come to this decision half-heartedly. I have been going through the process of contemplating, then decididing surgery was the best direction for over two years now. I have discussed this with my primary physician and he gave me the name of a very caring doctor that does these types of procedures. I am not having bipass surgery as I truly believe this is a horrible procedure and subjects patients to a life long process of malnutrition. I am having a lap-band procedure that if used properly will help me make healthy, albeit smaller food choices. Could this fail as well? Yep, it could if I don't really make an effort to kick this fat off my ass for good.

I am scared for my life. I am right now 110 lbs over weight. I have a wonderful husband and two beautiful sons that I want to be with for a long, long time. But if I continue in this way I will die a premature death, and make my family suffer in the process. Both of my parents (my Dad is 76 this year I think, and my Mom who is 63) have both have had strokes. My Dad has lost his mind, and his leg. Cannot remember to ask to go to the bathroom and pees and poops on himself. His once strong mind and body are gone, and have been replaced by a man who cries without cause, or warning. Both of my parents health are greatly effected by diabetes which they have had for years. My parents have always been overweight, sedentary people and are reaping the benifits of poor health now. My Mom has ulcerations on her ankles (that are thankfully finally healing) which at some point will probably open up, yet again, and will endanger her health and possibly head down the road of amputation, like my Dad. Dad has had several heart attacks and quadruple bipass surgery, and is at the end of the life span of those grafts. Which sadly may be a blessing.

I have been overweight since probably middle school. I have been over 200lbs consistantly for the last 3 years, and I have lost weight over and over and over again only to have that same weight creep back up. The problem is that I don't know when to stop, and usually wont untill every last morsel of food is consumed. I am seeing a therapist to help me with any emotional ties to food, and to help me through the process. I need to once and for all rise to the occasion to fight my personal demon and win. I believe that before I go to war I want all the support and tools that I can take to the battle. The band is only one of these tools. I still plan to use weight watchers as a support and a guide to a healthy lifestyle. I need to exercise 45 min to one hour at least every day, I need to eat in a healthy way, and I believe that when I am tempted the band will help me stay on the straight and narrow so to speak.

The band is only a tool, nothing more. It will not loose the weight for me. I still have to do all the work, blood sweat and tears will come, but I believe that if I work with the tool I will succeed, permanently. I need to do this for my health, my life, and my family.

This is so much more than being sad over being unable to wear what I want, or look how I want. I simply want to be able to carry my 2 yr old up the stairs without gasping for breath. I want to go to sleep at night without my heart racing, or thinking if I will die in 15 to 20 years of a heart attack. I want to know that when I am 70, I am able to hike through the Arizona dessert with my friend, and not be sitting in a urn somewhere. I want my life back. And I deserve nothing less. I am in here somewhere, and I cannot wait for my body to catch up with the person I know I am.

I hope this helps you understand this process. I know I will still need you for support. Thanks so much for all the love you give.

Ruthie...

[kll724 3,055]

Recently a friend asked me why I was even conteplating LAP-BAND® surgery, she thinks I can do this only if I try hard enough, she has lost 20lbs with weight watchers and is at her goal. Here is my response and my reasons for why I want to do this. I hope it helps someone.

February 27 at 3:45pm

Hey, great job girlie. You haven't heard from me cuz I am still mustering up a response that adequately sums up why I am doing this, I suppose you have given me the opportunity to write down what has been brewing in my mind/soul for many months, no years.

I hope that you understand that I have not, nor would I ever come to this decision half-heartedly. I have been going through the process of contemplating, then decididing surgery was the best direction for over two years now. I have discussed this with my primary physician and he gave me the name of a very caring doctor that does these types of procedures. I am not having bipass surgery as I truly believe this is a horrible procedure and subjects patients to a life long process of malnutrition. I am having a lap-band® procedure that if used properly will help me make healthy, albeit smaller food choices. Could this fail as well? Yep, it could if I don't really make an effort to kick this fat off my ass for good.

I am scared for my life. I am right now 110 lbs over weight. I have a wonderful husband and two beautiful sons that I want to be with for a long, long time. But if I continue in this way I will die a premature death, and make my family suffer in the process. Both of my parents (my Dad is 76 this year I think, and my Mom who is 63) have both have had strokes. My Dad has lost his mind, and his leg. Cannot remember to ask to go to the bathroom and pees and poops on himself. His once strong mind and body are gone, and have been replaced by a man who cries without cause, or warning. Both of my parents health are greatly effected by diabetes which they have had for years. My parents have always been overweight, sedentary people and are reaping the benifits of poor health now. My Mom has ulcerations on her ankles (that are thankfully finally healing) which at some point will probably open up, yet again, and will endanger her health and possibly head down the road of amputation, like my Dad. Dad has had several heart attacks and quadruple bipass surgery, and is at the end of the life span of those grafts. Which sadly may be a blessing.

I have been overweight since probably middle school. I have been over 200lbs consistantly for the last 3 years, and I have lost weight over and over and over again only to have that same weight creep back up. The problem is that I don't know when to stop, and usually wont untill every last morsel of food is consumed. I am seeing a therapist to help me with any emotional ties to food, and to help me through the process. I need to once and for all rise to the occasion to fight my personal demon and win. I believe that before I go to war I want all the support and tools that I can take to the battle. The band is only one of these tools. I still plan to use weight watchers as a support and a guide to a healthy lifestyle. I need to exercise 45 min to one hour at least every day, I need to eat in a healthy way, and I believe that when I am tempted the band will help me stay on the straight and narrow so to speak.

The band is only a tool, nothing more. It will not loose the weight for me. I still have to do all the work, blood sweat and tears will come, but I believe that if I work with the tool I will succeed, permanently. I need to do this for my health, my life, and my family.

This is so much more than being sad over being unable to wear what I want, or look how I want. I simply want to be able to carry my 2 yr old up the stairs without gasping for breath. I want to go to sleep at night without my heart racing, or thinking if I will die in 15 to 20 years of a heart attack. I want to know that when I am 70, I am able to hike through the Arizona dessert with my friend, and not be sitting in a urn somewhere. I want my life back. And I deserve nothing less. I am in here somewhere, and I cannot wait for my body to catch up with the person I know I am.

I hope this helps you understand this process. I know I will still need you for support. Thanks so much for all the love you give.

Ruthie...

Bless you Ruthie,

That is a letter from deep in your soul.. If she doesn't understand after that, her loss, my Dear. You have much to live for, and I agree that your life is in danger if you continue on the path that your parents are on. Once again, God bless you and your future weight loss. Karen

[elcee 3,340]

That's a pretty amazing letter.

Personally I don't see why you should have to justify your decision to anyone as it is just that a personal decision.

It is obvious from your letter that you are doing this for all the right reasons and that you have researched the band well. Excellent.

It is also ridiculous for your friend who had 20lb to lose to compare her situation to yours. i am glad that she managed to lose it - hopefully she will manage to maintain it as that is by far the harder part of weight loss.

All the best.

[BetsyB 9]

Ruthie, it's an AWESOME letter! I agree that you don't owe any explanations for your decision. But you are a good friend for offering it and I would bet that, if you're anything like me, it was sort of good to get it down in writing. Seeing the reasons in black and white really does help solidify our motivations.

[Megg40 0]

Ruthie,

That was a beautifully written letter. I also agree that you need not justify your decision.

The letter is honest and insightful. It was a pleasure to read and resonated with me as well.

Take Care,

Meg

[Humming Bird 275]

That was a great response and I really like the fact you asked for your friend's support. Taking off 20 pounds vs. 110 pounds and keeping it off are 2 very different things. I think you have made the right choice with the band. Good wishes to you on this journey.

[adagray 1]

Great great letter. I totally understand where you are coming from. I don't think any of my friends really understood the deep fear within me regarding my obesity and health conditions compounded by the helplessness of seeing how my mom was impacted through her life by the same health conditions. In my mom's case, it all turned out for the best because she got lapband 2 yrs before me and has enjoyed great success at improving her health w/it as well as the weightloss.

But, before she had success w/it and I finally put two and two together that I could maybe do the same, I was really really scared. Even though you don't owe her this explanation, I think its great that you are communicating all of this to her. I've told all of my friends about my surgery and it has been a real eye-opener for a lot of them to realize the fear I was living w/day-to-day before this. Everyone has been so compassionate and supportive and I think the reason is because I've been so open about my struggle and my feelings.

There is such a big difference between someone who has to lose 20 pounds and someone who is morbidly obese and fears for their health and life. It might help your friend to know that for people whose bodies are capable of becomming obese, lifestyle change alone (diet and exercise) will only work for 5%.

[Humming Bird 275]

It might help your friend to know that for people whose bodies are capable of becomming obese, lifestyle change alone (diet and exercise) will only work for 5%.

Good point. Every time I started a new diet I would be so sure I would be in that 5% who could keep it off, but I never was. The diets were always very hard for me. I could take off large amounts of weight, but always put it back on, plus some. I was the classic yo-yo. So far the band has worked so much better for me and the chances of keeping it off in the future so much greater.