Suddenly Single

[porclndoll 0]

Hey hey hey guys....when did we start talking about leather, whips and gags??? I missed out~~ What the hell!!! I do a character at the Haunted House...her name is Temptress...Got her name off a XXX movie....shes a WITCH with a captl B!! She carries a BIG WHIP...and yes, she wears the happy boots. I tell the customers the rules of the place, no touching the actors, no touching the props, no smoking inside...blah blah blah and if they dont follow the rules, they get sent back to ME! I say IS THAT CLEAR...and they all whisper back, yeaaa.. I scream at them I CAN'T HEAR YOU! YOU NEED TO ANSWER ME YESS TEMPTRESS...and they all scream it back~ I also have a friend splatter fake blood on me, so they see the beating that the last customer got that fell out of line ehehehehehehehehehehe, sick woman I am...but I have fun!

This being out on my own is actually getting easier. I could sit here all day and list the things that aren't right, that aren't fair....but why? I just know what I have to do and where its all going. My son is acting out a bit, but I just gotta be persistant and patient with him....and I know this is the right thing in my heart. I dont deserve to be unhappy. I dont deserve to hear Im a bad mother, when I know I have dedicated my LIFE to my son. And yes I have changed since we got married even since we met, but we met when I was 17....no 33 year old adult woman should feel or act or have the same attitude as a 17 year old! So yea, I did change...but all for the better. He didn't realize that because I was not under his rule any more...I know when the time is right I will be with someone who appreciates me for who I am now!!

Okay guys, the next time we talk bondage, would you please lemme know sooner?

TTYL

["Just" Paul 1]

You GO GIRLFRIEND!

I don't think I'd wanna piss you off, you'd kick my a$$...

Then again...

heh heh heh

[porclndoll 0]

Well, If I didn't really kick your A$$ I could really really really make you think I could, so that would be enough. I carry myself well~ And I raise one heck of a wicked eyebrow!!! And whats with the "Then again..." comment??? Hummmm??? U brave enough? muahahahahahah

[terriann50 0]

Amen to that you are correct. We do dedicate our lives to our children but there are times when we need time away to just be ourselves and there is nothing at all wrong with that! I can so relate to what you are saying.

["Just" Paul 1]

Maybe I'd like a good A$$ kicking...

You don't know exactly what kind of a guy I am.

heh heh heh

[porclndoll 0]

Eeeewe Big Paul....Are you a closette freek? I can't be the only creepy one out here~

muhahahahahahah

["Just" Paul 1]

If I say either way, I'll destroy the mystery and mystique that defines "Big Paul".

[porclndoll 0]

Hey guys....Thought I would just update this post a bit. I have been outta the house now for ummm almost four months~ I haven't gainned a pound through this whole ordeal, which is a mirical. I didn't loose, BUT I DIDNT GAIN and thats what I am focused on. Now that I have my head out of the clouds a little bit...I am trying very hard to refocus on why I got this surgery, where I had hoped to be in a year, and what my next step is. The winter sucks. I dont come to life until Spring. Me and the ground hogs. ehehehehe. I got that last fill and it took me a while but I think I am regrouped now. I have been exercising every day and I have been real careful what I eat. I just can't give up the coffee...no way Jose' My scale shows a little loss...but I wont get back on it till I goto my doctors on the 31st

I have set a personal goal for myself...Gonna be one of them NSV's....I am going for my motorcycle permit and license. There is a course here that you can take for riding saftey and they help you get your license if you pass their course. I am really looking forward to it~ I am aiming to have this done by July of this year~ Then next year I will work on the motorcycle...unless I come across a cheap starter bike~ mauahahah

My son is actually setteling in finally. He knows this is home now. Thank god it was real ruff there for a while. He is sleeping good now. He doesn't cry when we park the car to come here.....He knows...which is a load off my mind. He is going to be okay.

We have a custody trial coming up if we can't get anything done thru mediation....thats at the end of this month. I am sure things will be okay, so Im not sweating it too much.

I am going to see KORN at the end of this month~~~ I CAN'T WAIT. I bought a corsette top to wear and I am going totally goth! I can't wait and I will post pictures! (If I take pictures that can be posted muahahah)

Okay guys....I will talk to you all soon

Good night

[shellyj. 0]

Was it a bad relationship and you just got the courage to get out?

yes. i was with an alcoholic for 7 years and my father is an alcoholic so it seemed likely i would end up on the co-dependent end of the relationship. well NOT NO MORE!!!!

i knew it was a bust from the beginning and i dont know why i stayed for so long? i did love him but in a different way than the love of your life.

anyhow- healthy relationship is full steam ahead! things are the way they should be with Calvin. growing up in a alcoholic family i never knew things could/would be this way! i am truly happy!

[porclndoll 0]

michelle,

yea it was a bad relationship. Not healthy for anyone. and one day I had a moment of clarity and started to pack~ On top of being an alcoholic he has manic depression too...so it was lovely. Never knew who he was going to be and I was always on egg shells. Since I left I have never been soooo LIGHT...I dont have the stress of that relationship anymore and I am free to be me! Its a wonderful thing~ I wainted years to do this...and in those years kept saying OOO it will be better, tomorrows a new day...blah blah blah..DIDN'T HAPPEN untill I left. My head is where it needs to be to lose these last fiddy pounds and reach my goal. My head is straight...Its back to where it should be....

Talk to you later

[live2canoe 1]

Doll - you crack me up! I always love reading your posts.

I am so glad that everything is going well for you. I am most happy that your son seems to be adjusting well. That has to be a load off your mind.

You seem to be truly happy! I can tell from the way you are really looking forward to things in your life. I love KORN (yes, even old people like me enjoy their music) and I'll bet you look HOT for that concert.

Good luck with the motorcycle thing. I can totally see you on a Harley, all gothed out riding down the street in a leather bustier!

Keep fighting the good fight!

[shellyj. 0]

hey doll!

when i posted this morning i just read the original reply's, i was in a hurry. i went through just now and read all of the post and let me just say i am so happy for you! i hope things continue to go so good! and :clap2: NOT GAINING ROCKS!!!! you'll be one hot biker babe soon! my mom and dad are bikers and my mom owns more leather than i ever will!

i know what you mean by 'light' i no longer live a life of drama. i still have

excitement mind you....but its healthy!!!! there are so many things i dont EVER have to worry about anymore and it is very freeing!

the only real baggage i have from my break-up (1.5 yr ago) is some guilt feelings but i think its displaced anger. i think we are taught to feel guilty so its the easiest emotion to feel. i dont feel too guilty though because i 'know' what it is. i realisticly have no reason to feel guilt-yet i do. i think it will pass as i forgive myself for wasting 7 yrs of my life with him. its like my life took a wrong turn and i was on a backroad from hell. i finally have found my way though!

in my first reply i was trying to quote your original post:

Im also curious as to why.... Was it a bad relationship and you just got the courage to get out? Was it that your self asteem was higher than normal and you were able to say see ya? Was it you wanted to broaden your horizons...see the "greener" grass on the other side of the fence? If anyone would like to share their experience with me, I would appreciate it. If you dont want to post on a public board thats understandable too, so feel free to PM me....

Thank you in advance....

but it came out just the text 'Was it a bad relationship and you just got the courage to get out?'

it looks like i was asking you but i was answering you. so now that time has passed you were able to answer your own question which is pretty cool too.

michelle

[vinesqueen 2]

Hey Doll! Very cool about your son, I know how hard it is to get them settled especially after something tramatic, and my son didn't even have the issues yours does.

Sending you good energy so the mediation works out. That was one good thing about my break-up with my ex-husband. He didn't just leave me, he left our son. Which was a heart break, but it was a mixed blessing. I never had to fight over custody, just support (yeah, I haven't seen seen a dime in support since '97. )

Anyway, excellent news on the bike stuff. For my DH as a reward for getting the band installed I enrolled him in the motorcycle saftey course as a surprise. Excellent NSV

[Liamaroo 0]

Hello, all. I just finished reading all the previous posts, and have to say I came on board to ask the very question Doll did and was happy to see that this thread was already started. My husband and I struggle, have struggled since the beginning. Basically, he is a wonderful man with some serious problems. The simple scenario is that he just won't grow up.

We both struggle with our weight, and while I am preop for the band, he is resistant to the idea. I don't push because it's a personal choice, but I so hoped he'd have it done. I get frustrated because I will have to pay out of pocket for mine, but his would most likely be covered because the surgeon can repair a hernia at the same time. He's diabetic, and always too tired to participate in life and marriage. Since we speak freely of intimacy here, I can say that we have dropped down to NO sex whatsoever. Despite my weight, I am confident with my sexuality, but my husband just isn't interested. I know it isn't me, that it's a host of other psychological and physical causes; but, it doesn't change the fact that I'm alone in what's supposed to be a 2-person gig.

I heard somewhere (but haven't researched it for myself yet) that the divorce rate after successful bariatric surgery is high. He knows and I know that what I want most is a child. If all goes well with the band, I will be able to conceive in 1-2 years. And he knows that at age 33, I don't have time to wait for him to get it together.

Besides my physical weight, I have carried all the financial and emotional weights of my marriage. Have to say it's made me stronger, though I'm less and less willing to go through life alone and be responsible for a 38-yr-old child.

To all of you out there who are struggling, I highly recommend counseling. Even if the end result is still divorce, or if you are already divorced, I can't stress enough how important having a counselor has been for me. Luckily, my husband has agreed to go, and we do a combination of couple and individual sessions with our counselor.

Well, that's my story.