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Struggles

WLS is hard. I knew this going into my band back in 2011. I knew this going to my revision to bypass this past March. I expected it to be hard. I'm getting very frustrated with the struggle. Granted this is coming from a place where I'm working 10+ hour days, we just had to put a dog down, and I'm stalling hard every few days. My body fat has been slowly reducing but not the weight. And again, I get that it's a process. Just venting I guess. I'm in the gym almost every day, only missed 2 days total in over a month. One was because a friend needed help with his car, so I spent several hours in the junk yard getting a door off for him, so I might have missed the gym, but I certainly didn't miss the workout that day! And the other day was this past Tuesday, because my pup got put down while I was at work. She was old, and I knew it was coming, but that doesn't change the waves of depression and emotional break downs the loss is causing. Just need a win this week and everything is coming up crap. Our dryer stopped working and 4 parts later, too much money and too much effort and it's still not working. Just feels like this whole week has it out for me.

2nd Verse, Same As The First

June 14, 2018

Mindset

Hot for Hubby?

Yesterday I had an appointment for a fill. The last one I had 1/2 cc was 8 weeks ago after a 2 year hiatus. At this time, I have 3.6, I had been told that 2 ccs were already in band when I started . Twice, twice, I got it up to 3ccs and had to take everything out and start all over. Yesterday hubby came with me, and Dr. would ask me questions and talk to me but all the whole while looking at my hubby. He felt that my band was restricting and that I just had to change my diet habits to accommodate. Talking about diets, and showing him the diagrams of the stomach. I even said at one point,touched my husband's arm and said I like how you are looking at him, since he is the cook. he kind of chuckled but still kept looking at husband. I had gone alone before and it was fine, but it was soo weird. I'm hispanic hubby anglo, My cousin thought maybe I looked like the little submissive wife or something. So no more fills for me for awhile and hubby has a new admirer?

#MagicWithinme

June 13, 2018

Mindset

Digging Deep

Oh Universe, you were digging in the deep corners of my mind. A person that I had not talked to literally for over 25 years, out of blue contacted me. When we go through verbal trauma, inner child issues, all the wrongs done in the world all the crap, feels personal, feels like its directed at our heart. At the time , this person took my beloved spot at work while I was traded for hers in a clinic 20 miles away. She lived 3 houses away but was having marital issues. (roll of eyes here). I was told it would be temporary and 6 months later when I asked again, was told it was permanent and at that time I said, then I'm going to be looking for something closer. She told my nurses that she is running the clinic her way and that she was going to change everything. Whenever I would cover for her, she would leave a list of things she wanted me to do , but I would do other things like dictation that needed to be done, she called me to say you didn't do what I left for you and I told her I did the dictation. She wanted to talk to the supervisor. I never heard more. It took me two years (the clinic closed year after I left) to find a job in town which I loved, now I tolerate, I still see and visit and call the nurses, we still get together for lunch or dinner, remembering funny moments over and over . Once I was at my new job this person just disappeared from my view. Many years, later, so much later I found out that this person divorced her husband, then remarried him twice. Ended up being fired, but not before she tried to sue the nurses for treating her"badly" She brought a lot of stuff on herself. I was the sole clerical person for a staff of 3 health inspectors and 8 nurses and it ran like clockwork. She gets there and right away she couldn't do it all and got two assistants. I told one of the nurses about that particular incident and she said that the girl had been fuming because the supervisor had told her that if I felt there was something more urgent to do she was good with that. (She hated filing, she'd have piles of it) Now in all that time, I did finally see where had I not have been moved, I would have been "stuck" in that same place for years. I would not have met the people I did, learned the lessons I needed to, to get to the place I am now. To have been able to discover the magic within me, I'm still in awe of what powers a person can hold, what is possible. Make new friends, that believe in the same things you do, that makes your heart soar with happiness, with joy and laughter. To know that once this life is over, there are many more waiting to be lived. And that was it... I thought for a split second that maybe I should tell her the resentment I had carried against her. how she had changed my world, but in hindsight that would only make me look so petty. She would take enjoyment in that. I thought that maybe I should thank her for making me move, and again she would take pleasure in that. In the end our conversation was short and simple. her: Hey how are you doing? me: This is a surprise, I'm good how are you. her: Oh I'm doing great I live in "Podunk" me: That's a big town, are you working? her: yes and I have a job where I'm making 3xs the money I made before. me: Good for you, I've been with the city 20 years. And that was the end of that.

#MagicWithinme

June 8, 2018

Mindset

Back in The Ink Saddle

I have always loved to write, before I knew it was told my therapists that it was therapeutic that it would cleanse my soul. My journals held my pains my sorrows, my deep internal griefs and tears. I have reread journals and don't find many writing of happy good times. Perhaps I wanted to keep those my secrets. So now that I am paying much attention to my self, my journal has appeared again. I have actually gained some weight back but I don't think because of eating habits, I go to the gym 4-6 days a week and I might have built up a little muscle. The need to write again has been strong, and in searching for blogs I couldn't find anything that I felt comfortable with but here. so ...... My regular doctor retired and there is this really young cute dr. taking his place, you want me to lift my shirt? "Oh doctor", batting eyelashes, yeah right. I had not gone in for a year and a half and doctor was a bit surprised as to why I was there. I said I need to get back in check. I have never had more than 3ccs. and my body gets crazy, tight, gagging, you know the whole drill. So he gave me 1/2 a cc 2 months ago. I have an appointment next week maybe for another 1/2 cc. In looking back , I don't think it really was my body reacting. I truly feel it was my brain, fighting the restriction. When I got that 1/2 cc I took it slowly I went back to rookie status, the soft foods. I do find that I often let the day go without eating as frequently as I should so when I do eat, I'm scarfing food down and it tends to get stuck. which I end up throwing up. (sigh) I need to work on that. We shall see how that next 1/2 cc goes.

#MagicWithinme

June 7, 2018

Journey to less

First month

These are my first notes after bariatric sleeve surgery. I had my surgery just about a month ago. I generally feel very good. It takes some time to learn how to eat again. Small meals, more often. Eat slow. Eat little. Don't force yourself. If you eat too fast, or are not careful, or you don't think while you eat, you can get in trouble (you'll get reflux, feel like throwing up, but just walk around for a few minutes and it will go away as you digest.) The first few days after the surgery were tough. Hard to eat, hard to drink. Now it's a lot better. It took probably a week to get to a satisfactory level and feel normal. Just bear with it because it gets a lot better. If I can give a suggestion to those of you who are going to go through the surgery, is one: be very rested. I made the mistake of sleeping only 3-4 hours the night before the surgery, and after the surgery I felt awful. In addition, the hospital did not have a room for me, and I spent overnight in the recovery room. That did not help. I had to stay at the hospital a second night because of that. Make sure you are rested and you have a room. You need to rest after surgery. Since the surgery, I have lost an average of 1 lb per day. Fantastic! I have not exercised a lot yet, but I started doing something the past couple of weeks. I am sure as I shed more weight I will start working out more seriously, or at least move. Just walking every day for half hour would be enough for the first few months. Good luck to you all. Believe in it! Don't get discouraged. I can see why everyone told me that it would change my life. I can already see it as I am wearing 2-size smaller jeans today.

The Wizard

May 28, 2018

2nd Verse, Same As The First...

10 years ago I started my Journey......and it continues.... I had a lap band done July 2008, I was 255 lbs. I was a single mother with a 7 year old daughter. I was so excited that this option was available to me! Something that wasn't crazy as a gastric bypass (don't get me wrong I have been in the medical field for over 20 years, so I researched this immensely. I thought this was the best option). Something that would hold me accountable for the food I put in my mouth and the amount. At first, that's exactly what happened. I could hardly eat anything, let alone drink. I had found my tool that I had been needing my whole life! Just an FYI, I ramble, start to think about something else and then want to put it down! I apologize in advance if my thoughts roam! My lap band was more an emotional battle then anything, it's crazy to think that really this whole overeating and what we eat really comes from our brain (at least for me this is what it is!). I lost weight, it was great, I was getting healthier and getting to a smaller size! 2 years into my band journey I met my now husband and was under 200 pounds. I went in for my fills and could never get to that sweet spot. Just never felt the restriction like I thought I would have with it. About 4 years in I started to have severe issues with reflux, couldn't even lay down at night it would come up through my nose and BURN! Not good. I ended up going to another surgeon as I had moved and he immediately emptied my band and made sure there wasn't any damage done. We tried to go from ground zero refilling back up but never worked. It failed. I took it as I had failed yet again!!! I still have the band in and it still has a fill, but there is no restriction. Just certain foods don't go down well and I vomit still a lot. So done of having this in my body. I am now back to my pre lap band weight and so frustrated. My insurance has finally changed to Federal BCBS and am excited that I have the opportunity to get the lap band out and go forward with a revision to a Gastric Sleeve. I am super anxious about this, I am now 10 years older and just want to be healthy and be able to live the life that I want and deserve to! Right now just waiting on my approval. The office said 2-3 weeks, today is 3 weeks plus 1 day. I am ready. Planned my out of pocket, ready to get work off. Just ready to move on. Bring on the liquid diet!!! At least I know what's going to be coming with this. What protein shakes are ok (never great) and which ones are absolutely undrinkable! Stocking up on my broth and sugar free popsicles! Any encouragement or anyone who has been through what I have and had a revision to the sleeve I would love to hear your comments! Am I making the right choice this time??? This WILL be the last gastric surgery I have so it BETTER work! LOL (kinda laughing manically..... :o) I know what I am getting into emotionally and have faith in my Heavenly Father, so I am prepared! Go with God! 2nd Verse, Same as the First

Jeepinutah76

April 5, 2018

Day 4 Post Op

Today marks Day 4 post Band to Bypass revision. Isopure Zero Carb RTDs are going down so easy, I'm getting over 40 grams of protein a day already and upwards of 60 oz of water. I'm down just over 22 lbs since the 2nd of March already. Stomach bloating/swelling is still in full effect, but other areas are clearly thinning out. The 2x daily injections still weird me out. Overall doing quite well. Each day things get just a little bit better.

March 25, 2018

8 Days until Revision

So, I'm 8 days until my revision surgery. I'm on the pre-op liquid diet and it sucks. I've started using the PatchMD vitamins, still not 100% sure how they get more weight in vitamins and minerals than 1 patch actually weighs, but I bought them and I'm using them. I've almost gotten all of my leave situation sorted out, just need to wait for the final thumbs up. I'm still nervous, but I know I need to do this. I'm worried about the surgery, the changes that are going to be required and some changes that no one can plan for... but, this is my big year. 20th wedding anniversary and 40th birthday this November. I wanted to be the same weight at 40 that I was at when I was 20, because that would be awesome. But, I'll take what I can get at this point.

March 12, 2018

Another 1 month Pre-Op

So yesterday I got a tentative surgery date for the 21st of March. This one is hard. It seems that with my new job, I don't have TDI. So I need to file a ton of paperwork to see about getting donated leave to cover the 2 month recovery window for this revision. So needless to say, I'm very stressed out about all of this. I'm at a point where, if I can't get the leave, I can't get the surgery, because I can't go 2 months without pay. Very upsetting situation to be in, finding out that I don't have TDI really changed this entire process. I've been jumping through hoops for almost a year now trying to get both the insurance's and my surgeon's check boxes ticked off. And I've got my own goals. This year is my 40th Birthday and my 20th Wedding anniversary. So it's a huge year, I was hoping to be back to what I weighed when I was 20, for my 40th birthday. Not sure if that's going to happen now. Frustrated, upset and a touch angry.

February 22, 2018

Ginger Gypsy

VSG Post Surgery Day #4

Surgery was harder than I expected. My IV was a problem, and due to this, I was not getting my pain meds correctly for the afternoon following surgery. My evening nurse figured it out at the start of of her shift when she did the once-over. The pain before that was significant, so much so that I just didn't interact with any of my visitors. I literally just laid in bed with my eyes closed and listened to everyone talk. Once everyone left, and the new nurse took over, she put in a new IV and that first dose of morphine made my eyes roll back in my head. I was allowed to have it about every hour, but only required morphine doses about every 3 hours. Had surgery Wednesday morning, was home by Friday evening. Today is Sunday, and I feel pretty good today. I didn't have a BM from Tuesday until today. That really sucked for sure. I don't like dealing with constipation, but it is a common side effect. I am having a hard time getting all my food in. I just am not hungry. I am enjoying the soups, though, really enjoying them and also the yogurt. I am getting my water in just fine, though. Time for dinner. I need to upload my before pics.

gingergypsy

February 5, 2018

Ginger Gypsy

Preop Liquid Diet Sucks

Ok. The preop liquid diet bloody sucks. My surgeon requires to just do up to 6 Ensure a day and you may have some broth, SF Jello, or SF popsicles. I am SO TIRED of sweet crap and it hasn't even been a week yet! I still have 10 more days of this, UGHHHHHHHH! I will of course continue to follow it because I have to, but I am hating every step of the way. I haven't been on a scale in a couple of days, so I don't know if I have lost anything, but will try to remember to do that tomorrow. My bestie visited today - she had VSG almost 1 year ago, and has lost 110 pounds. I wonder where I will be a year from now??? :-)

gingergypsy

January 22, 2018

Marie88

My Journey begins today! My story.

Ok, here it goes. Please excuse my spelling or grammar as this is just coming from the heart. I have been battling my weight my whole life. I can even remember being called wilson when i was in elementary school. I later found out it was because I was round like a ball. Ugh, kids are mean, well adults can be also. In High School I yo yo'd back and forth. My self esteem was non existent and unfortunately I let some take advantage of that. I was or felt like I was always the fat friend, the fat sister, the fat daughter. The girl with the pretty face if only she could lose the weight. Which I would and then gain back even more. I would do this many times over. Unfortunately for my Husband I met him on a thin year. I feel so bad, like a duped him sometimes. But he is by my side and supportive. We have two little kids that I want to have a healthy Mom. So all that being said, Today I scheduled my Gastric Sleeve Surgery! I'm excited and nervous and wish it was sooner. I'm eager to start my new life style. February 27th is the big day! I have lots of my appointments in the coming weeks. Wish me luck and good luck to all of you on this journey with me.

marie88

January 18, 2018

Ginger Gypsy

I love it when a plan comes together!

I have just discovered BariatricPal, and today I discovered the blog section. I have been planning to do a blog to document my surgical journey, just for my own records, and maybe to have a place where I can refer close friends and family who ask about my journey. My journey began in January 2017. I had a partial nephrectomy on January 23rd - due to kidney cancer. My cancer was discovered completely by accident in December 2016. A diagnosis like cancer - even one as easily dealt with as mine - makes you think about your life, your future, your past, and what you want to accomplish. I have been fighting to lose weight and get healthy since about 2000. In my 20s, I got very healthy - working out 5 days a week doing cardio and strength training. In 1996, mid 20s, I gave birth to my lovely daughter, Amelia. I gained a LOT of weight. I think I topped out at about 265 on the day of delivery. I lost the weight rather quickly after birth, getting back down to about 165 over about 10 months with diet and exercise. I held that weight for about 3-4 years. Then, in my 30s, I started to gain. I gained about 15 lbs a year and before I knew it, by 2004, I was around 250. So from the age of 34 til now - age 47, I have yo-yo'd up and down from my highest weight of 287 down to 225 - but have hovered the last 6 or 7 years at around 265-275, going up and down the same frickin 10 pounds over and over again, no matter what eating plan and exercise plan I tried - and I tried EVERYTHING! Most things several times. Then I found out I had cancer, and I am immensely lucky to have had it found early and have it completely removed, not requiring any chemo or radiation. It certainly was a wakeup call. So over the next few months, I researched WLS, and my best friend had her WLS on 2/14/17. Her journey has been phenomenal - and she has been an incredible resource. So I went to my first informational meeting in May 2017, and my official journey started then. I have now completed all the flaming hoop jumps for the surgeon's office and also my insurance company, and my surgery has been approved and scheduled for 1/31/18. I start my two-week liquid diet this coming Wednesday. I am sooooooo ready.

gingergypsy

January 14, 2018

Apple203

T Minus 2 months

I am two months from surgery, and it occurs to me that I should start a blog to track my progress through what I hope will be an amazing, life-changing vertical sleeve surgery. I'm just going to list major milestones for the record. August Seminar with surgeon -- I'm sold! Dietitian #1 (Topic: Introduction) September Dietitian #2 (Topic: Meal Planning) Meeting with surgeon, got binder and "homework" assignments Scheduled all appointments with specialists Blood lab work Radiology exams October Dietitian #3 (Topic: Supplements) Cardio evaluation Sleep study at home Psych consult Endoscopy November Dietitian #4 (Topic: Restaurants) Stress test, echo cardiogram Sleep apnea study at Sleep Center for CPAP Appt with surgeon, surgery scheduled for 3/14 December Dietitian #5 (Topic: Post-op Diet) Osteoarthritis confirmation January Dietitian #6 (Topic: Exercise/Labels) For OA: 4 weeks of physical therapy, 2X per week Started a 21-day arm routine, 2# weights << seriously Stopped drinking wine (sad, LOL) Started dry brushing and exfoliating (hope springs eternal!) Started Biotin February (Planned) Dietitian (one-on-one) Physical therapy, pre-bariatic, 4 weeks, 1X per week Stop drinking coffee Pre-op with surgeon

Apple203

January 13, 2018

Today I feel in control

If you're like me, you play these little games with yourself - where when you're doing well on losing weight, you tell yourself that you can "afford" something that's not supposed to be on your plan. Maybe it's a piece of chocolate - something in-control that seems worth it. For me though, it's not those little tiny things. It's stuff like deciding to have my morning coffee - which is laden with real sugar and flavored (sugared) creamer. God I love that stuff. Yes, I have tried artificial sweetener, but it's not worth it to me - I'd rather just not have the coffee. So when it's a choice between coffee I'm not into or no coffee at all, I'll choose no coffee. But when it's a choice between "do I want to do the coffee thing today?" and no coffee, then of course I'll choose yes to the coffee. It's a really bad way for me start out my day - with all that failure right off the bat. I did that yesterday. And then I did a few french fries with dinner (maybe 6?) as I poked at the serving dish out there for everyone else. Otherwise I did well. I wanted to do an evening tea before bed, but as I'm sure you can guess, it too is laden with sugar. I was actually thirsty, so I opted for water instead. Not nearly as satisfying, but I was able to do it. Today I got up and wanted to do coffee again. MY way. Except that yesterday was the first time that I actually started to feel some of my weight loss - I kept needing to yank my pants up all day. What the heck, this is actually WORKING? So today I said no to the coffee. Instead, I started with water. And actually made breakfast instead of it being something that I did later when I was hungry hours after the coffee. A 1/2 cup of low fat cottage cheese, a 1/2 cup of mango pieces, and a hard-boiled egg. That was hours ago, and I'm just now starting to think about having lunch. It worked! So I'm off to a great start today. I also tackled my shower tile, which needed a bunch of scrubbing - specifically because why not burn the calories now - today? Later I plan to take the dog for a walk if I can tolerate the cold. 20 minutes of yoga is also on the docket. I'm going to be doing some vacuuming this afternoon, too. Today feels..... in control. I'm going to try to have a day like I'm supposed to, and see how that feels. Because I want to see how getting rid of all of this fat feels, too!

December 13, 2017

The in-between place

I'm in that in-between place that can be frustrating - my food intake is drastically different (in both size, frequency and food choices), and I feel like I'm getting nowhere fast. My last weigh in at 3 weeks post surgery was EXACTLY the same as the one 6 days post op. How frustrating! My doctor seemed to brush it off. I voiced that when you're giving up a lot, you want to see progress! He assured me that even though I was down only 5 lbs. from the morning of surgery, and 12 lbs. from the week prior to surgery (due to the low-carb liver diet), I was 17 lbs. down from when I weighed in in July when I came in to discuss surgery. Well, that's something. But still - three weeks out and only 5 lbs. down? And no further loss in the two weeks since the last weigh in? Not exactly exciting. But..... I'm keeping on. Because I'm doing a ton right (even if I'm not always perfect), and that's got to result in something - even if it's a slow something. I'm hoping that this next time I weigh in on 12/15, I'll be under 300. My last weigh-in was 306.6. I'd really like some loss to start showing by Christmas. My husband swears he notices, but he's crazy. Yesterday my pants seemed a bit roomier in the butt, but if I pulled them up they were the same. Today I was driving one of my kids to school and felt momentarily as though my belly wasn't protruding as much. But as I sit here and grab a handful of gut, that seems to be my imagination. Who knows! Soon. Soon I will see it. I should have measured myself, dang-it! Ah well. No time like the present, I guess. Next month I'll thank myself, I'm sure. Kel

December 7, 2017

Had my first fill today (and it doesn't sound anything like what others here have had done)

Today is 3 weeks post-op since my Lap-Band. It's four weeks since my pre-op visit when I started a no carb/no veggie diet in prep for surgery. I am the same weight today as I was 6 days after surgery - that's dissappointing! I do realize that a lot of that weight loss may have been from being on a liquid diet, for 6 days, too. So I'm still 12 lbs. down from my visit one week pre-surgery. I should just be happy. But I've been working VERY hard, and doing pretty well, and I want to see more results. I don't see anything yet except on the scale, which will have to suffice for now. He told me to stop obsessing - I'm down 17 lbs. from my heaviest - which I think was back in July when I visited him to kick this off again. So,... that's promising! I kept reading about fills here and on Bandedliving.com where people talked about how many cc's of saline their doctor added. Lots said that their doctor will only do 5 cc's at a time. My surgeon had previously stated that I will leave there after every fill at the perfect point, and I'll come back when I notice that I'm able to eat more than I used to be - for another fill. Huh. Today I asked him how many cc's he starts with. He was like, "WHERE did you hear that nonsense? STOP listening to anyone but me!" (Jeez - I wasn't "listening" so much as hearing! I'm following no one's recommendations but his. I tell him that - that I can't believe how he only had me on liquids for 6 days following the surgery, when I see elsewhere in print or online that people have up to 6 weeks on liquids and purees. He says, "There's no reason for that - it's just that some doctors don't treat any of their weight loss surgeries any differently. They do the same thing for band, sleeve or bypass. And their patients are suffering needlessly if they're band patients. Of COURSE they lose weight - they're on a liquid diet! He says that it's not the end of the world, and it usually doesn't hurt anything. But it's really unnecessary. He says that he'd love to do an experiment where people who want WL surgery are told, "You're having WL surgery", but not told afterward which one they had. Then treat them all the same as if they'd had the bypass, and you'd find out that they all have the same results. He's convinced of it. Lol. Says that of course bypass patients are on liquids and purees longer than band patients - because they NEED to be - their stomach can rip if they don't do things slowly enough. But doing that to a band patient is just scaring them when there's no need. Interesting. Anyway, he lays me down on the exam table, he asks me where my port is. I point. He wipes it off with alcohol wipes. He says, "Little pinch", and I feel the needle puncture my skin (such a little thing). He pushes in some saline. Then he sits me up so my legs are dangling over the table. The syringe is still in my stomach. He hands me a glass of water, and says, "chug". I do, and he makes me stop after about 4 gulps. Says, "Okay, where's the water now?" I point to my stomach. Says, "Okay, tell me when it goes down past the band". He withdraws a bit of the saline back out, and I think I feel a change. So I say, "There". And he says, "Okay, then we're good", and pulls the syringe out and puts a band-aid over the port. I tell him that I'm not sure of what it feels like for something to go down past the band - I've never had that sensation. He says, "That's okay - you go home and try this. If it's not enough, you just come back and we'll work on it more next time." Ummm, okay? I asked him a few questions today. I said, "Your information packet says that the point of the band is to keep the food above the band for a time, alleviating hunger. But elsewhere, I see that it says, "wait for the food to pass your band before you take another bite." He says, "Dang - NO ONE has asked me that in all the years we've had that packet. Now I'm gonna need to fire my nutritionist, who put that in there." (he's obviously joking). I say, "So which is it?" He goes into a long explanation with me about how the band is designed to make a pouch at the top that food holds in for a few hours. If food is passing the band as you're eating, then the band isn't tight enough - and it's virtually pointless. K, got it. Next I ask him about why the band needs to be tightened/filled over time - does the saline seep out? No - it's because of a few factors - one being that your stomach below the band is thinner than above it - just like once you get a ring past the plumpest part of your finger, it slides off from there on down. So you need it tightened occasionally. Also, it can slip down a bit and need to be tightened more for that spot. This is not the "bad" slippage - this is more incremental migration. I also asked the doctor what makes the food in the pouch above the band move down past the band eventually? Is it just a log-jam effect that takes time? Nope - it's that the stomach acid starts eating at the food in the bottom of the pouch, which makes it break down and fall through the band. Ah - got it. I'm going back in a few weeks for a pre-holiday check. I'm hoping to get down past 300 in HIS office (vs. my home) this time!

December 1, 2017

OMG, I just weighen in in the 200's for the first time in years!

So this past week has been tough, if you've seen any of my earlier blog posts. I've been hungry, food has consumed my thoughts, and some days I haven't done as well as I felt I should have. Still though - I did WAY better than a typical day prior to my pre-surgical consumption. So I SHOULD be seeing some loss, even if it's slow. I had lost 12 lbs. in the first 12 days since my no-carb diet started 7 days prior to surgery. That was my last visit to my surgeon's office. I have a scale in my bathroom too - one that I rarely used prior to beginning this. I've tried to weigh in just once or twice a week, but this week has been every day. Because I feel like I'm mentally a bit out of control, but I wanted validation that I was still doing well enough to be making forward momentum. A week ago on Thursday, I'd lost another 3 lbs., according to my home scale. That was a total of 15. I was really encouraged by that. But these past few days the scale has gone back up - frustrating. And it didn't seem to matter if I had a near perfect day, the scale was telling me otherwise. I communicated all this to my husband last night, saying that I was afraid that when I went to weigh in today at my doctor's appointment, the scale might show that I'd gained a few of the original 12 lbs. back. He told me that the scale is a whacky one - that it never gives an accurate reading unless it's perfectly flat. And that our tile floor certainly wasn't that. For a moment, I had hope. Then I realized that even if it's off by a few lbs., I should STILL see it going down. Today I have my first fill scheduled. So I figured I'd get on the scale just because I wanted to see how close my doctor's scale is to mine (I realize this is pointless since I'll have weighed myself at home buck naked, prior to any food or liquids being consumed. And by contrast, I'll weigh in the afternoon at my doctor's office, fully clothed after having had both breakfast and lunch. But still.) I made sure to put it on tiles vs. any of the in-between sections between the tiles. I was expecting it to say what it had in the past few days - which was around 308 (I'd started out at 318). To my great surprise, it said 299.6! WHAT?!?!? I got off and got back on. The same. I got back on after moving the scale slightly, and it said 300.00. F THAT noise! I'm 299! Lol. Then I moved it a lot, very haphazardly, and it was 303 or so. BUT THAT's STILL GOOD! I'm now very excited to keep going. This was just the boost I needed. If my scale is accurate, I'm BACK in the 200's after several years above 300, and it would mean that I've lost 19 lbs. since Nov. 3rd. - which is 2 days shy of one month. I lost 25 lbs. in about 4 months a good 10 years ago now (when I went from 250 to 225), and it was LIFE CHANGING. I never thought I'd do this so fast. I won't be surprised if my doctor's scale says I'm still above 300 later today. I'm expecting that. But still - I'm on the right track. I just wish I could start to see the difference in my clothing or body/face overall. I figure a few more lbs. and that'll be inevitable.

December 1, 2017

Getting my first fill tomorrow!

Yesterday I blogged about how I didn't feel that my band was offering me much in the way of hunger reduction, and how I am very eager to get my first fill on Dec. 19th, but that I was losing steam with eating right due to all the hunger. So I reached out to my doctor, and told him what I'm dealing with - and how well I'm doing otherwise. He said he saw no reason to continue waiting, and to come in tomorrow for a fill! Yesssss! So tomorrow afternoon I'll have my first fill, and hopefully I'll be eating less and feeling less hungry, too. It's why I had the surgery, after all. Very excited!

November 30, 2017

Hard food day yesterday

I was fully aware when I started down this path that bariactric surgery wasn't a magic bullet. That it would reduce the size of my stomach, but not my cravings, or how much of a change healthy eating would be for me. What I didn't anticipate was that I wouldn't feel like I had any difference in my stomach size (still haven't had my first band fill), and that I would feel like I was starving all the dang time. My stomach doesn't seem restricted whatsoever by the band yet, and I have been eating very small meals compared to what I used to - mostly as practice and to get the weight loss jump-started. I've been following my doctor's rules with about a 95% success rate. The most difficult thing has been to not drink at all during / after meals. When I do break that rule, it's only sips though - not large amounts. I have been completely carb-free. I have been eating much healthier cuts of meat overall - no more processed foods. I'm eating exclusively REAL food for the first time, and I'm enjoying the food. But I'm hungry just a bit later! I've been trying to stick to the rule of only eating 3 meals a day (vs. eating only when hungry). I may sometimes have a snack in the evening - if I'm hungry, it'll be something like nuts. If I'm just feeling snacky, it's something like sugar-free jello with sugar free Coolwhip. So I'm eating small, good for me meals, and I'm hungry. And I appear to be losing only very slowly - or hovering around the same 3-5 lbs. It' maddening! I want the band tightened already! That doesn't happen until my Dec. 19th appointment. That's several weeks from now. I'm losing my excitement here on being able to do this journey. I did this so I could lose weight without being constantly hungry! And that issue still exists. Yesterday I did wonderfully with food - but it was SUCH a hard day! I ate what I intended to and no more. But I feel like I thought about food all.day.long. Ugh. I hate that. It's very difficult.

November 28, 2017

Meal planning / list making

It's Tuesday, but I'm already working on my shopping list for this coming Saturday. We shop every two weeks (paydays for us) for 2 weeks of groceries. So it's a large undertaking with a larger family. The way it seemed to work best in the past took lots of time, but was worth it. I've just gotten lazy over the years. And I know that when I was successful losing weight in the past, it was partly because I planned out my meals ahead of time and made the subsequent shopping list. So,.... here goes nothin'! I'm going to start with looking at what we already have in the house. That means taking stock of the fridge, freezer and the deep freezer. The benefit of this is that we wind up using what we have without overspending, and it gives me ideas of how to use what's already there. I can also look at my family's schedule and figure out who will be home that night (I have a teenager that works a lot of evenings), and meal plan for that group (my son who works is also a very picky eater, so we try to have meals that we enjoy/he doesn't when he's not around. I also take into account any plans that my husband and I might have out with friends or such, and try to make easier meals on those nights. So as you can see, to do this RIGHT right means: Knowing my family's schedule ahead of time (as much as I can) Knowing the contents of my freezer, fridge, pantry and deep freeze Understanding the dietary limitations for everyone, including myself It.Takes.TIME. But again, it's every 2 weeks. And if I'd get smarter about the freezer list, I'd post it on the fridge and cross off things when I use them, eliminating the need to look in the freezers every time. I've never quite gotten very good at that, but maybe it'll be my new year's resolution. Lol. Then I lay out the list of raw foods we have and figure out what night I'd like to make what. I work from home a few days a week, so I can afford to make longer prep meals or crock pot meals on those days. I don't feel like cooking anything that takes too long when I'm getting home at 6 pm. I'm tired and we're all already hungry, so it's about speed on those nights. I try to lay it out enough that it'll say something like "Meatloaf, green beans and rolls". Then all those items can go on my list. It makes sure that I don't have to think so much about food later, and it also ensures that we use our fresh produce before it goes bad. A lot of times the first week after shopping will be loaded with fresh veggies, and the next week will have more canned and frozen ones. In addition to my family dinners, I plan my own breakfast and lunch. On the days that I'm home, that can involve cooking. And potentially cooking for food prep for the next day, when I'll be going into the office. Otherwise I need to do that in the later evenings, when I'd rather be doing just about anything else. Lol. It's easiest if I completely pack my breakfast (I tend to eat at work vs. at home) the night before. Because I am NOT a morning person. Lol. I'll do this in chunks this time. I'll start today with assessing what the pantry and freezers and fridge currently has in it. Then I can plan from tomorrow through the next shopping trip. I wouldn't need to do tomorrow (Wed.) through Friday if I'd planned correctly last time, but this time I'll need to do it. If you fail to plan, you may as well plan to fail, as the saying goes.